The fairy tale of a barmaid (part 2)
(Diego Fiore / Shutterstock.com)
Yesterday's follow-up: The fairy tale of a barmaid
The ride from the bus station to the village of Nit takes over an hour. The family is folded in the pickup truck. When the paved roads turn into dusty dirt tracks and the dogs and chickens run across the road, they're almost there.
The pickup stops. The farang gets out and walks to the house, he is quite shocked. He sees a hovel with some corrugated iron. The house of the family of Nit. His eyes search dazedly for furniture in the 'house'. He only sees a box with an old discolored TV on it. A little further a kind of sideboard. For the rest nothing. Nothing. A blue but broken sail covers the floor. What poverty! The farang barely hides his amazement.
New moped
The farang is asked for money for food and drink. A farang in the village, that should be celebrated. Still impressed by what he has seen, he quickly pulls some XNUMX baht notes out of his pocket. Nit laughs, that much is not necessary. Nit gives five hundred baht to her sister, who starts a brand new moped.
The farang doesn't understand that. “What do they want with a new moped?” thinks the farang. “The children barely have any clothes and walk barefoot.” Nit has saved the money in recent years and borrowed a large part at a high interest rate. She wanted to give her father and the family a moped as a gift. The moped cost a small amount of money, certainly by Isan standards, but dad can now take the moped to the rice fields and is no longer dependent on others.
The farang sees two pens behind the house. "What's that?" he asks Nit. “Go look,” says Nit. The farang discovers the squat toilet (a hole in the ground) and some sort of washing facility. Startled, he asks Nit if she's in a hotels can stay overnight? Nit looks disappointed, she would like to spend the night with her family. The nearest hotel is a XNUMX-minute drive from here. But the farang stands his ground, he doesn't like to go to the toilet here and sleep on the floor.
On the way to the hotel they drive through the Isan landscape. Occasionally there is a beautiful house between the slums. “Farang house,” says Nit. She looks at the farang hopefully. For Nit, that is her ultimate dream. A beautiful house where the whole family can live. With a bathroom and a western toilet like in a hotel. She wants her daughter to have more opportunities than her. She didn't leave school at the age of fourteen to work in the city. She also wants Pon to learn how to swim. Can't do it myself, never learned.
Attention and sex
The days in Isaan follow a fixed pattern. Wherever they go, the whole family goes with them. They don't have much privacy. The farang is happy when he can shower in the hotel at night and sleep in a normal bed. Nit ensures that the farang is not short of anything, she showers him with attention and sex. She hopes that the farang falls in love with her. The farang likes that attention and can't get enough of it. There is a lot of hugging. Nit would like to know if he will take care of her, but she thinks it is too early to ask the farang.
Nit talks about bar life in Pattaya. She informs the farang that she drinks every night. Often too much. Alcohol helps to overcome her shyness. The patrons of her bar know that. They try to get Nit drunk with some regularity. They know that Nit can't refuse a lady drink. Nit worries about her drinking. “Not good for my body”, says Nit softly. The farang nods.
He sees her as a vulnerable bird and feels increasingly responsible for her. He wants to protect her. Yet he is wary. He knows the stories of Thai ladies who are mainly after money. “But they won't all be like that,” he thinks. "I can't imagine it with her, she is so sweet and sincere." The farang realizes that bar life hasn't dulled Nit yet. But that will be a matter of time. He doesn't want that. He understands the consequence. He knows she needs the money. It presents him with a difficult dilemma.
Family first
Nit likes and likes the farang, nevertheless she knows her task and responsibility. Her parents raised her and she should be thankful for that. She is now an adult herself and has to take care of her parents. Her children will in turn take care of Nit later, when she can no longer work herself. That's how it is and that's how it has been for years in rural Thailand.
It means that as much as she likes the farang, it will never come first. Her father and mother and the care for the family come first. No one intervenes. She must be a good daughter. She knows the Buddhist rules. That is her destiny, her Karma. That's what she believes in and that's what she lives for. She devoted herself to her task with full dedication. To provide money. She had to overcome a lot for that. She has made the move to go with a farang in a bar in Pattaya. Something she didn't want and dared, but did anyway. Because it made her life a little easier.
If this farang won't take care of her, she will set her sights on another farang. Although it's less fun. Because she can figure herself out. She can work hard, day in and day out. She is used to rarely if ever seeing her daughter. Sleeping on the floor is no problem for Nit, a little noodle soup for dinner is enough. Nit settles into her role. She wants to be a good wife to the farang, provided he takes care of her and the family. Those are the unwritten laws in Isan.
Jai dee
The last day in Isaan is dedicated to a visit to Tesco Lotus, a large department store. The farang lets his “Jai dee” speak – his good heart – and buys clothes, shoes and toys for the children from Tesco. The farang is a few thousand baht poorer, but the children are overjoyed with the presents. After the period in Isaan they go back to Bangkok to fly from there to Koh Samui. The farang wants to spend a week at the beach.
The whole family goes to the bus station to see the farang and Nit goodbye. Nit has to say goodbye to her daughter again. And for how long? The farang is visibly having trouble with it. “Shit,” he thinks. “She should be with her child. And not in such a raunchy bar in Pattaya.”
The last week of the holiday it's fantastic. The farang and Nit have a great time together. Nit proves to have a great sense of humor and to be excellent company. The farang is having the holiday of his life. Nit now thinks the time is right to discuss her financial situation with the farang. She starts gently. She asks if the farang will pay for her room in Pattaya. A recurring source of concern for Nit. It is only about 2.500 baht, about 68 euros per month. The farang does not have to think long about this and agrees to send the money monthly.
Monthly contribution
The farang thinks about the future. He wants to keep in touch with Nit and also back to Thailand go for her. The thought of her going back to work in the bar soon disgusts him. He actually thinks she doesn't belong in a bar and should be with her kid. The farang thinks that when he comes back to visit her in Pattaya after a year, he will find another Nit. Totally jaded by the bar life with tattoos and maybe an alcohol addiction. Or she meets another farang who wants to take care of her. He knows that she will agree, because money remains the main motivation.
The farang realizes that he has to make difficult choices. He has a normal salary and can barely make ends meet. Nevertheless, he can spare an amount of seven to eight thousand baht per month. It is at the expense of his piggy bank for the next trip to Thailand. Not maintaining it also means it will take longer for him to come back for her.
The farang is also suspicious. The stories about bargirls with three farang sponsors and a Thai boyfriend haunt his mind. What if she secretly starts working in a bar? Thais simply have little problem with lying.
He decides to discuss it with her. That is not easy because Nit still speaks little English. He proposes to send her eight thousand baht (220 euros) every month, but wants her to leave the bar life. Nit bites right away. She chooses eggs for her money. The earnings in the bar are very disappointing to her. There are currently too few farang in Pattaya and costumers in her bar to earn a good living.
When she goes back home, she can possibly look for a job in Isaan. If she earns three thousand baht, she has eleven thousand baht in total. For Isan standards that is quite a lot of money. She wants to discuss it with her parents first. The farang impresses upon Nit that if she lies, it's over. Then the money stall closes. Nit's parents agree and are happy that Nit is coming back home.
Get out of Pattaya
Nit nevertheless has doubts. Not so much about the money, but about her freedom. From now on she depends on the farang. She doesn't like that thought. Working in the bar is not fun, especially lately Nit has been bored to death. But she could decide for herself. Nit knows the stories of the other barmaids that farang are unreliable and lying. They promise to transfer money every month but stop after a while. Then she's really in trouble.
She has given up her room in Pattaya. She leaves the bar where she now has friends. If the farang does not keep his promises, she has to say goodbye to her family and daughter again. Then back to Pattaya, find a room and find a bar where she can work. Then everything starts all over again. Back again means loss of face. The villagers and the other barmaids will laugh at her.
Nit sighs and opts for the farang anyway. She is betting that he is honest and that he understands that he must keep his promises.
Tomorrow part 3 (final)
– Reposted article –
Lived in Naglua and Pattaya for a while: experienced quite a few of these stories, with different endings. One has even linked her life to a “farang” in Thailand for 30 years and is now a graduate lawyer and lawyer.
Very nice story chapeau
Well, it's a good story and reflects reality in many ways. But not in everything. Quote:
'Nit likes and likes the farang, nevertheless she knows her task and responsibility. Her parents raised her and she should be thankful for that. She is now an adult herself and has to take care of her parents. Her children will in turn take care of Nit later, when she can no longer work herself. That's how it is and that's how it has been for years in the Thai countryside ....... Her father and mother and the care for the family come first. No one intervenes. She must be a good daughter. She knows the Buddhist rules. That is her destiny, her Karma.'
I've been through a lot of discussions, especially on social media, about this. Not everyone agrees with that. Comments 'My father gambles and my mother drinks, should I help them?' I have two well-earning brothers and they never help!' 'My mother calls every week for more money, it drives me crazy!' "I can barely support my own family and my parents too?"
During my time in Thailand I knew a lot of older people who were not helped by their children. And it has nothing to do with Buddhism and karma. Parents and monks tell them that. The burden usually falls on the daughter(s).
Yes Tino, that's what I heard too. Helping your parents is part of it, but there are limits to that. In addition, one person is not the other. Some will completely ignore themselves for the parents, others don't care about the parents and everything in between. I'm guessing that in practice it comes down to: yes I help my parents where necessary, they have little or no income in their old age, so I help them as my parents were there for me as a child. How much help is appropriate depends on everything (the child, the parents, other relatives, all sorts of situations, etc.).
I still remember my love talking to her mother and then hung up in frustration, then turned to me and said her mother asked her for extra money. "You help your mother, don't you?" I asked, and she added that mothers received X amount every month from her, and extra help when necessary, but that her mother was not the case now and she worked hard and we also need the money ourselves, and therefore that is why rejected her mother's request. And so everyone puts their priorities somewhere. The parents don't just get money like it grew on a tree.
It has little to nothing to do with Buddha, it's just something that makes sense socially. With a meager old-age provision, we, whether it be the Netherlands, Thailand or Timbuktu, would help out for family / relatives / loved ones we love. Then you are doing well and socially, no more than normal, right? If an act feels anti-social, a religious person can firmly commit to it that there may also be consequences in that area. But you can also see that as an easy excuse or as a stick to hit someone else with.
My mother-in-law has 7 children and only my wife transfers money monthly. 1 Brother occasionally if he can spare something and the rest can't spare anything.
This story was already published on this forum at the end of 2016 and must have been written much longer ago, since the couple is having phone conversations. Nowadays you have much more and much better and cheaper communication options through a smartphone and a data connection. Including Skype, WhatsApp, Snapchat, WeChat, imo and the popular apps LINE and Messenger in TH.
When this story was written you might still regularly come across Thai who put their parents first and thought it was their sacred duty to take care of them, but, as Tino wrote, you rarely encounter those Thai nowadays.
A relationship that doesn't put our family (my partner, me, and our minor children) first is a deal breaker for me. I refuse to act as a lender on 2nd, 3rd or even 10th rank.
I also think it's a realistic story that shows that the couple doesn't really know where it's going, because they come from two completely different worlds. I dare say that many of the readers of this forum, including myself, who entered into a steady relationship with a (bargirl/boy) Thai for the first time, did not really know what they were getting themselves into.