Sinsod in Isan (Part 2, Closing)
Brother-in-law is still single and will be for a while. Despite the mediation of several villagers, the asking price remains too high for the family. The Inquisitor also remained steadfast, the sweet could eventually understand that he saw little in the way of lending money for something that he himself does not even want to comply with. Tradition, culture or whatever, you can't always be completely accommodating, especially over such amounts.
The Inquisitor had received further "sinsod" objections after some conversations with the wife. For example, he asked what would happen if the marriage broke up in the short term? He had already experienced that, albeit in religious marriages, without sinsod. Couples, who cannot organize a large party because of their financial resources, hold a more intimate tambun without monks. Family and some close neighbors then come and give the couple a small symbolic amount, with which they pay for food and drink, they hardly have anything left. But De Inquisitor was already twice present at such a tambun only to see after a few months that the couple broke up again … .
This is of course also possible with an official marriage. But the sinsod never returns, it remains with the bride's family. The Inquisitor had another argument. He even started to think that it could be a lucrative source of income, but that is of course a typical Western attitude, Isaaners don't think that way.
Yet this is not the reason for brother-in-law's bachelor fate. Nobody had seen it coming. The girl herself called it all off. She doesn't feel ready for marriage yet. And so went against her parents' wishes, but it does not cause any problems, neither for her nor for anyone else. Her opinion is accepted. The Inquisitor now likes that. He had already thought about this, but didn't dare say anything. How did the twenty-year-old girl feel about that? Should every daughter just accept being married off? So no.
The whole sinsod thing is actually easily processed. A late afternoon and the terrace of the shop is full of acquaintances. It is joked about, happy conversations with the maxim – it's over. The Inquisitor is also there, people involve him in the conversations. As always, they speak Thai nicely in the beginning, but keep switching to Isan, forgetting that The Inquisitor does not speak that language. But liefje-lief is an excellent interpreter. Everything back to normal now you would think.
Still, De Inquisitor still has some questions. How do the sweetheart, her mother, the family and others now view the opinion of The Inquisitor? Is there a dark cloud? Is he now seen as a stingy rich Westerner who has to come across the bridge in other ways?
Of course, the Inquisitor also reads the comments on his blogs. Where it is often stated that you “in the end always have to pay”. Or that “you will be presented with the bill later”. Even reads amounts from some who have invested, and still do. And is surprised about that.
Yes, he built a house. Because he also wanted a roof over his head. And preferably a roof in the color he liked if you know what I mean. The investment corresponded to about fifteen years of renting because a lot was done by myself, even with pleasure. At fifty-four a good thing, right? Not his property, but lifelong enjoyment. Everything neatly recorded in registered contracts. For the rest, he just wanted an honest, open and respectful relationship. Take care of each other, enjoy each other. So it was logical that De Inquisitor also invested in a small shop. Self-built with the help of a few day laborers.
That shop fulfills her wish – her own income. With that income, the wife does what she wants. And the shop also fulfills De Inquisitor's wish: no salary to the lady, no contributions to anyone. And so it ends here. For the rest, we live like any family, even Western families: The Inquisitor, as a self-employed person, pays himself a monthly salary and we live on that. Some months we go over it, but that is compensated by often very cheap months. Oh yes, there is an extra for trips and the like. Some kind of holiday money.
In three years time a nice, loving relationship has grown, partly thanks to such events as this sinsod event of brother-in-law. Does The Inquisitor become more understanding of.
And he received an unusually long reply when he asked sweetheart about his status in the family, the village, in an Isan community:
If a farang doesn't want to enter into a real, caring relationship, what should an Isan woman do? There's no social security here, just the kids. And you don't want any more kids. That house is beautiful, but it doesn't bring rice to the table. Suppose your farang goes away, as so often happens, what do you do? Go to work, yes. Where? Back away from family, leaving daughter behind? Looking for a new partner?
Farang? Most of them just want sex and party most of the time. Yes, they pay, but do you really think we like to do that every day?
A Thai man? I can only find an Isan man here. Back to poverty, don't think about tomorrow. We have a culture of status, a good Thai man does not want an Isan woman. Because of our skin color, we are too dark. Because of our lack of education, as if we would not have liked to go to school any longer.
What do you think most women do when they notice that their farang doesn't care much about them, who think that if they give some pocket money they will fulfill our wishes? Do they really think that we don't feel love, affection? That we think it's okay if they want to go out alone at set times?
The family, the neighbors, ... see and notice that too. A farang who thinks only of himself. Only cheap company wants, a housewife. We're people too. Such a farang gets back what he asks for.
Do I object that you are a lot older? What do you think? Do you really think I'll just give the best years of my life to you with no feelings? Do you really think I'm crazy? I can get younger men. And then? Celebrate every day, party, drink, sex? Do you really think this is what we want?
We want a normal life. Just like you in those rich countries. We are much more satisfied. Food on the table, a little fun, good feeling, no worries.
Gold? That is a piggy bank for bad times, just like I planted that teakwood because it is sustainable and always salable. Have you ever been through bad times? Don't have any money left, not even for food? A child gets sick and can't pay for medicine? I have experienced all that and more.
Work yes, I want. Did I do. In construction in Bangkok. Living in metal boxes, no potable water, no electricity. Then in a factory, twelve hours a day. Six months of work, every day, then I had six days off to visit my daughter, twice a year. Then in the hospitality industry. Air conditioning, no dirt, not dangerous, out of the sun. I thought. Where the customers harassed me, touched me, wanted to get me drunk so that I would do what they want. I walked from it.
My Thai husband, father of my daughter? He lived day after day, did not think, the money ran through his fingers like water, moreover, he cheated.
The earnings? Less than the so-called minimum wage, an employer pretty much does what he wants. Besides, how far will you get with three hundred baht a day? You try that, alone, without a child.
Oh yes, your question about sinsod. That's important to the families here. But if someone you love doesn't want that, what do you do? Should I give you up then? Don't lose sleep over that. My mother is also just happy that I ended up well.
Tie rak, you brought me security. I have a small income of my own through our shop. I now have a stable life, I can take care of my daughter. I can do my part in mother's care. I can look to the future without fear.
But I didn't know that beforehand, I liked you and started to love you. Now I don't want to lose you.
I am very impressed with your wife's argument.
A story to re-read regularly, because she hits the nail on the head.
So well written again.
Finally! Not that I waited for it. But still very interesting to know: the thoughts of the Thai regarding farang.
Well The Inquisitor, I am very glad you wrote this. You live in a shop, where real Isaan villagers come to chat. This seems like a very good asset to find out how Isaaners think about farang. It made me realize several things. I think it is a must for every farang to know how Thai think. The Thai themselves will never say that directly to the farang. If you don't know this, you won't really understand Thai. You will therefore not fully understand why your Isan partner is sad.
If you are in Bangkok or Pattaya, you quickly get the wrong impression that the Thai woman is for sale and that you can always use her as a slave for a fee. Both as a domestic helper and for 'fulfilling the natural needs of the farang'. Sorry if I put it so harshly, but it's meant as a metaphor. Yet there are (richer) farang - I am convinced - who actually do that. Unfortunately, for many Isan underprivileged women, this seems to be the only way to earn money and support their families financially. They sacrifice themselves, as it were.
I think this can be done much better if education is improved and the Isan (underprivileged) women gain more self-confidence and realize that there are better methods to make ends meet financially.
There are also stories about Thai men who are allowed to abuse their wives if they do something wrong. These men themselves should be allowed to cheat with impunity. I think this is a very important argument for the preservation of the Sinsod. Of course I do not mean that every man can abuse his wife and cheat just like that. I see it more as a kind of insurance against abuse of Thai women. This Sinsod could then be used as possible compensation for psychological and physical damage to the woman and her family.
We – the normal farang – hold the word 'respect for ourselves and for each other' in high esteem. In Thailand that is 'keeping face' and 'respect for the elderly'. I believe that in a Farang-Thai relationship both can be perfectly combined, provided that a small adjustment is made on both sides.
First tackle the drinking and gambling problems and improve education. Providing education for adults who have had little or no chance to go to school earlier. But yeah…
Moderator: comment on the article and not just each other, that's chatting.
Touchingly beautiful!
Very nice piece. And it is also clear where the different insights come from. I myself also have quite a bit of trouble with the whole idea and I certainly don't intend to give my parents-in-law a few thousand euros as a gift. I don't do that to anyone here, so certainly not there.
But where the perspective from the Thai comes from, I can also understand very well. Our future, if nothing crazy happens, is quite certain. We have the opportunity to save, our parents can take care of themselves and there are enough safety nets to deal with any setbacks. That the Thai also try to get this done asap is only logical. When the farang leaves them again, they immediately lose all their newly acquired security. While we continue on our own foot.
I have agreed with my girlfriend that we will see if we can get married in the Isaan in a few years, but I told her that a possible marriage also depends on her parents. If they don't start asking crazy things, I won't either. I can live with a small Sinsod. I see it's important to her, so it's important to me too. Since she wants to regain her honor for her parents (she has a child from a man who left with the northern sun). If that's so important to her and her parents and I can take care of that, then we'll probably work it out.
Great story. I was told the same arguments by my wife. We have been married for 5 years now. I did pay the sinsod, but the parents-in-law returned it after the wedding. My wife also has a shop through which she has her own income.
A very good story from the Inquisitor. The content of the piece became very strong due to the input of your wife (sweetheart), which are very logical explanations that we (farang) often do not think about. It's actually that simple. I have learned professionally to put myself in the position of others, but that was in the Netherlands. It also helps me abroad, but I am still amazed.
I often asked my Thai-ex, do you still love me? My Dutch ex loved nicknames and in movies you hear so many very sweet names from both sides, but my Thai ex didn't deal with that. At one point she says, 'why do you keep wanting to hear from me that I love you? do you feel it isn't? If you're not in doubt, why are you asking? an answer to your question would be just 'words' but it's still about the feeling! We finally divorced after 9 years because she did what her mom did, secretly started gambling and drinking.
there is a beautiful and apt proverb about relationships: 'It is give and take'.
After 25 years of marriage to a Thai woman, Phuket, an abrupt end due to a cerebral hemorrhage. I will spare you the sorrow and the emptiness. A month later, a message via Facebook, "how are you now?" We got to talking, every morning, afternoon and evening she was there, for me! In short, we fell in love with each other, that sounds easy but it was definitely not. Last May I traveled to Thailand, especially for her, sparks flew and we had a fantastic month. In August I went to her again and we got legally married. She was proud that my last name is now also hers and is on her ID card. Sinsod rejected them, big party for us to get married, now there's only drinking, puking and fighting. It's a fantastic woman from the Isan!
Once again beautifully written and we got a glimpse into your 'kitchen' again. Keep it up…….
Nice story Inquisitor. Think this is true for most mixed relationships. Unfortunately, my girl has no eye for the future, she only thinks about the present like so many Thai people. So I am the one who is thinking of all sorts of things so that she can also lead a good and meaningful life after my passing. But that is not easy if your partner has no ambitions beyond taking good care of the farang. But I still have some plans so I'm hopeful that I'll find something she likes too.
Thanks again for this story!!! We then have a different idea about paying Sinsod, but the appreciation for what the “wife” thinks and wants is very important to both of us !!! So I don't think it matters anymore if both partners feel safe and secure with each other. A look to the future is of course also important because of the often occurring (large) age difference.
A story taken from life, and what his partner tells him about Farang partners is indeed true, many people indeed have a very questionable mentality.
After almost 40 years of marriage to 2 Thai wives, I can only declare that there are no more loyal partners than Thai wives, for better or for worse. But you must acquire that loyalty through your behavior.
I have never paid Sinsod, I am legally married, without a party, not even a Buddha wedding. My then, future father-in-law literally told me. Please, Henry, don't make crazy and unnecessary costs, I see that my daughter (unmarried and childless) is happy, and that is enough for us. When I invited my future in-laws (parents, brothers and sisters) to an introductory dinner, I told her mother that she had raised such a beautiful daughter, and I stated that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, she said. I see my daughter is happy and loves you, I just ask that you never make my daughter cry.
Now about Sinsod, I have witnessed marriages between 2 Sino/Thai in Isaan where the total Sinsod amounted to about 10 million Baht house, car, jewelry and cash. The girl was half an orphan, father had died.
So even among middle-class Thais there is still the Sinsod tradition.
Grandson of an interestingly large factory owner “bought into the legacy of his in-laws”, and even larger factory owners, for… 200 MILLION Thai Baht sinsod.
Beautiful and touching story.
Happy to personally know The Inquisitor and his sweetheart.
Love is a verb and the same internationally (with some minor and certainly bridgeable differences).
If it turns out that both parties are reliable and respect each other, the door to a happy life is open!
Most of the farangs I know have been there for a long time. They had one or more relationships behind them, may or may not have children from those previous relationships and should have become wiser in the meantime. We get older… the sharp points become more rounded, life has fewer and fewer secrets, so one more reason to make something beautiful out of it together with your partner.
I wish De Inquisitor and liefje-lief a wonderful future.
I would wish that attitude on all relations! There would automatically be a lot less failures!
Your (beautiful) story shows that your wife has not had it easy in the past, partly due to her Thai partner at the time, who is described as an idiot. Now she has a better life, thanks to the marriage with a foreigner, so you, who invested in her (set up a shop) so that she is able to generate her own income. So you could say that your wife was lucky with her 'farang'. But a relationship/marriage with a farang is of course not always a guarantee for a better life; your wife even says that 'the farang' is mostly about sex and partying. And the Thai men are of course not all fluffers, there are always bad apples, but most Thai men are of course caring for their families. 'Sinsod', what it is really about here, is an ancient custom and not only reserved for Thailand. Sinsod is often described as a compensation for the costs of raising the Thai lady in question and foreigners also call it a 'ransom payment'. In my opinion, Sinsod also served/serves to protect a future couple from, in Dutch terms, going over one night. An ordinary Thai will also now, but certainly in the past, have to put aside quite a bit to get to the amount of the Sinsod. He must then be sure of himself to spend that high amount for his beloved. A foreigner will usually have more money at his disposal, will have to save for less time or not at all and, although in the past there was also a dowry in Europe, he will be less likely to understand the meaning of the Sinsod due to the cultural difference. and regard it only as a lump sum payment, which may offend him. In contrast to the Netherlands and Belgium, there is hardly any provision for old age in Thailand and the children are in fact the investment for their parents' old age. The Inquisitor has now also contributed to this by opening a shop for his wife and whether you call it Sinsod or provision for the future does not matter of course. I wish you a long and happy marriage and good business, Leo.
Dear Inquisitor,
As a frequent writer here on the blog, I personally think this is one of the most beautiful articles I have ever read here. I'm not going to waste a few words on that, but this expresses the reality that many farangs, who have been coming to Thailand for years, simply do not know. With my highest appreciation,
Lung addie
I think there are categories of farang who like the financial dependence on their partner. A kind of insurance, say. But this also indicates that the relationship is not based on equality, but on dependence. These are also the relationships that sooner or later fail. It is not a normal relationship if your Thai wife has to hold up her hand every time for some pocket money. Then she is more like a housekeeper who also shares a bed with you. Who wants a relationship like that? Guys who think like that should be ashamed of themselves. Sooner or later they will meet themselves.
I wouldn't know who should be ashamed? If they both benefit and feel good then where is the problem?
Well-worded, thank you!
Please tell her that she should actually be glad she didn't have to go through so many years of indoctrination uh, I mean "education".
Her story clearly shows that she can think, has her own opinion and is also motivated. A rare combination among the Thai.
Wonderful and beautifully described.. But not everyone is lucky…
Wonderfully written, I have also experienced the wedding and sinsod paid for it, but I got it back the same day, but such a party is no longer necessary for me, evening and night, very loud music was on, it was customary in Isaan, she told me I was crazy the next morning. doesn't sleep a wink all night and at 11 o'clock in the morning the whole party was over, which was about 12 years ago now.
I don't quite understand that. The simplest people count on a dowry of 250.000 baht? Assuming that a simple soul in the Isaan would earn 10.000 Bht per month and that same simple worker in Europe 1500 euros per month, that is converted to our region, so a small 40.000 euro dowry ??
I think that even in Europe few simple working people would be willing or able to cough up such an amount. Many people in Belgium never have that much in their savings account.
I lived in Africa for years and there the dowry in the rural villages usually consisted of a few goats and a cow.
Is it megalomania or stupidity? Or is that story of that poor Thai not really credible?
Well worded, honest and sincere.
I'm impressed.
dontejo
Beautifully written! Part 1 was a bit disappointing to me, but now that I've been able to read part 2, compliments! In the end, of course, it's all about the whole.
I don't care if I get married or not. But of course my “sweetheart” would like that. And I told her that I think a symbolic sinsod is okay but the actual sinsod is in our daily maintenance. And of course this includes her parents! The idea is quite simple: share what you can spare, and receive what you need. In the Netherlands everyone likes to give money via bank transfer, but no one has time for each other… and I cherish that time with my “moppie” and her family!
Jonathan, Phuket.
Of course I do not close my eyes to poverty in general and that women can often get off badly after a failed relationship and it is therefore a godsend for them when they meet a farang to start a new life with them .
Don't blame them and therefore don't want to downplay it, but it's all too much for me to want to fall into the victim's role given the often 'pathetic' stories that pass by on this blog because almost always those stories relate to Isan circumstances.
hats off to your stories about the sinsod Inquisitor.
Written from your heart and always very recognizable to me.
Honest and better is just not possible and as you can see that is greatly appreciated by many readers.
I also have a friend who takes care of her own income. If you are independent from each other, there is a lot of room to want to be together voluntarily and that is the power of a healthy relationship.
Life in Isaan is beautiful. We have 20 cows and many other animals on a beautiful piece of land with dozens of fruit trees and evenings…. a beautiful starry sky without the nuisance of city lights.
good regards from Danny
Great story again.
A lot of people can think about this carefully because it makes life worth living. Lots of happiness and love together with your sweetheart.
Of course, someone who invests in a house or a shop also benefits from these expenses. Only I doubt whether the same investment would also have taken place with a Thai partner, who, as a minimum wager, may also have to scrape together money to pay back his debts, which he has made to be able to pay a sinsod at all.
The theme of security and a carefree financial future is usually regarded more highly as a one-off sinsod, which often cannot offer great certainty in the more distant future.
Are we, apart from an often large age difference, with our financial possibilities, not almost always the better party to enter into a marriage anyway?
I can still understand very well that a Thai woman prefers to go by number in case of further missing social insurance.
But what about a man who dutifully paid his sinsod, perhaps still paying off this debt, while now it turns out that his wife is suddenly cheating, or has disappeared over all the mountains.
Is this certainty of a sinsod only meant for the Thai woman, or is it not the most normal thing in a good marriage anyway that one is responsible for a mutually good future?
Although my choice of words in my above response regarding the certainty of giving a sinsod is not entirely correct, because this gift is primarily for her family, I still have questions about your wife's kind words.
The fact that she is now very grateful to you for everything you have offered her, and that she now also calls you Tierak (Honey) out of deep gratitude, and also really loves you, is no different in my marriage either.
Also that she didn't know this at the first meeting, may sound sweet and beautiful, but at least she certainly hoped so.
It certainly didn't escape her notice before she knew you, that other Isan women who also married a farang suddenly started talking about things they couldn't even dream of before.
A hope for which she gladly bought an age difference, especially in the beginning.
Even if she said now that she didn't give her best years to you with an age difference, if she didn't like you, I wouldn't forget what she expected and hoped for from you.
Tell me honestly, would you like it, if she would tell you honestly, that she thought you were a nice guy, but that her financial expectations of you played an at least as big role.
I do believe that you now have a good relationship, and that love is also involved in my marriage, just as I experience it.
Only whether this was really the reason that I came into contact with this 20 years younger woman as a farang I dare to doubt, and my feeling would be different at best, if I were perhaps an inveterate romantic instead of a realist.
Despite the fact that I am often accused of having 'pink glasses', I am fully aware that my 'being a farang', in this case being financially better equipped, played a role.
But in Belgium I could never have convinced a beautiful woman, 22 years younger than me, to try and make it together.
And nothing prevents me, nor my girlfriend, from building that into a good and loving relationship. Mentally and physically.
Or do you think young men, Thai and farang, have stopped trying to seduce her?
Often enough, here in the shop cum cafe, or when we are out and about in Pattaya, Bangkok and others!
Makes it fun we both like… .
I am convinced that the fact that we are farang and are therefore usually in a much better financial position, certainly played an enormous role during the first acquaintance.
The fact that we in Europe would not have had this chance so easily with a much younger woman is clearly due to the fact that most women in Europe are either financially better off, or at least in terms of the often better education, here in the near future a chance to.
The fact that many Thai women like to have an older farang as a partner at their side also has to do with the fact that at a certain age, in contrast to a younger person, people are often financially made men, with which there is also the chance that he his wild years of cheating and a quick partner swap are already behind him.
Also with my wife there are still young people who like to court her, and if you go to Bangkok and certainly Pattaya you will encounter enough idiotic Farang who tarnish all Thai women with the same brush, which is why the interest there is of course much greater will be.
My wife, and I think she will certainly not be the only one, will certainly be careful not to risk our good relationship and her financial security.
A relationship where love, trust and heartfelt gratitude now play a major role, but where I am realistic enough to know that without financial security for her, this would never have come about.
But anyone who sees this differently, be it only to caress his feeling and heart, may of course think differently here.
In the end, what matters is that all parties are happy, and that's the most important thing, and the only thing that matters in a relationship.
Songkran? Well, I am of course sad about the number of dead and injured, but we as foreigners are not going to change that. A beautiful, age-old tradition that we – as guests in this country – should not alter. Millions of liters of water wasted while this country has a growing water problem (nuisance and drought). Well….then we will shower with Leo for the next few years…,..
School uniforms? Well, the kids or even the students in high school and college all look the same. Little room for individual differences. Must have something to do with the age-old tradition of a strong army that stands above all parties. As guests, of course, we should not touch that. And certainly not try to force our form of democracy and the polder model on them. The Thais just go to the polls if the military approves. And a coup in 4 or 5 years: isn't that nice for the people? We do not know in the Netherlands, unfortunately.
The day of the army: well. Also as such a wonderful tradition where children get to crawl into tanks and fighter planes and hold guns. Good for the recruitment of the army because the number of children will decline sharply in the coming decades. But the army must of course have enough people to keep the population down. Not an item for foreigners, I think.
These are the opinions of foreigners who live here in Thailand, consider themselves guests and therefore do not interfere with or conform to the beautiful traditions of the Thais. The Inquisitor is one of them.
Sinsod: another beautiful tradition in this country where romantic love is scarce and marriages are mainly arranged between families. If the marriage is not desired, you ask an exorbitant amount and it does not happen. Whether the bride and groom-to-be love each other or not. That's not thunder. Payment must be made. Fortunately, this is not a problem for foreigners. They have plenty of money and are therefore especially sought after by the poorer Thai women who - rightly so - want to get rid of the financial worries of every day. It is not nice that they occasionally cheat, but Thai women who have been married to a Thai man realize that men are hunters. As long as no money goes to these women (kisses and sperm no problem) because then the fence is off the dam. So the strategy should be to take as much money as possible from the foreign spouse so that they continue to behave properly: house and land, car, sinsod, loans.
What turns out now? The inquisitor and entire tribes of expats agree with all the wonderful traditions and do not want to hear anything about the negative sides. However, they strongly disagree with the sinsod, while that is also a wonderful tradition. Very inconsistent, perhaps driven by selfishness disguised behind arguments such as 'pay for a woman', 'slavery money', I already take care of my wife and her family, 'she should be happy with me' etc. etc. When it comes to paying we suddenly become terribly Calvinistic. Many of these expats said at parties in their home country that they would give a lot if they (again) found a good and reliable partner. And they have now found it in Thailand, but what are they willing to do for it? Less than 500.000 baht (= 12.500 Euro).
Wonder what all these detractors think alike about sinsod if they marry an Indian woman and get a sinsod for it? Yes, you read that right: GET. In India, the man gets the sinsod, not the woman. All expat guests: leave the Isan and book a flight to Delhi…….. (can be done daily)
Excuse me dear Chris but it seems to me that you don't agree with much in Thailand.
Whether they're Thai or 'entire tribes of expats' – you spit your gram. Of course, everyone has their own opinion.
But if I felt so uncomfortable where I live and live, I would still move to better places ...
And be honest: the so-called huge water wastage with Songkran - it can't match the water consumption of the golf courses, I thought.
Or you should be a golfer….
No hard feelings!
FYI I first came to Thailand and Pattaya in 1978.
I have witnessed hundreds of relationships. The older men who flaunt the nice bodice and the nice bodices who flaunt what they can afford now.
When I read this I remain even more convinced of what those Isaan relationships are based on. On the one hand the beautiful young woman and on the other hand the money that can be spent on it.
Nothing wrong with that until one of these two pillars sputters. The young(er) female also loses some of her feathers and or the wallet becomes a bit tighter. Those songs usually come to an end after a few years….or there is not much left of them. The body withers and or the jar becomes empty.
Everything is based on sex and money over there.
Nothing wrong with that, of course .... in the western world it is not much different. Except that after years the body can make way for a nice personality, which is often disappointing given the poor communication between Thai Farang couples.
Wait and see.
It seems to me that someone who talks about “over there” has little feeling for “here.” Even if this is from 1978…
It may surprise some people, but I know quite a few “Farangs” who can have a good conversation in Thai. And I don't mean ordering a beer or saying hello.
Many “Teachers” especially.
I will even tell you Russians too. They have a good knowledge of basic Thai and you would be surprised how well they speak Thai.
You are getting me wrong. I feel fine here. Appreciate many things happening in Thailand. But do not close my eyes – as you do – to the lesser sides of this society. And when I see those lesser sides I try to understand them (first) and then do something about it, eg by talking to Thais about how things can be done differently (in this world). The Thais have to decide for themselves whether they want it any other way…
From your stories I read that you have no eye for the lesser sides and you don't want to get involved. You are apparently not interested in the progress of the Thai people.
I have learned and I teach my students that they should be happy with people who are critical and that they should become critical themselves. People who are critical want to change something for the better.
Thais who are critical of government policy (and many live in Isan) are followed, interrogated or even imprisoned. Expats who are critical should leave the country as soon as possible. Well, then you only have yes-men like you. Do you see the similarity in thinking?
I am not so happy when students take my opinion without thinking. I am much happier when I notice that they start thinking, formulate their own opinion and can substantiate it and are prepared to enter into a discussion.
The largest water consumer in Thailand is not Songkran, nor are the golf courses, but the rice farmers. Should they stop growing rice? No. Should Songkran be abolished? No. Should all golf courses be closed? No.
But can we discuss the water problem before we are all under water or completely dry? Or would you rather wait until there is no more water coming out of the tap and then start complaining?
When we had a hooligan problem on the European football fields and beyond, we did not abolish football either. We have taken measures to curb the less pleasant side of football, with success.
Chris, you write 'then we'll shower with Leo for the next few years….'. Well, I really don't intend to!