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Home » Reader Submission » A lonely Christmas in Thailand
A lonely Christmas in Thailand
Today I sit outside and look at my Christmas tree. Beautiful lights and golden balls. Of course with a beer. Christmas and New Year are very close again. Already a bit upset because I only had one response from the 20 Christmas cards.
The contacts fade. Even your own children and family and close friends are increasingly failing. I have lived here for over 6 years now Thailand together with my Thai wife, after I decided in October 2005 to go to Thailand to go. Never shortchanged anyone. Always tried to keep in touch with everyone.
My kids a few times with holiday let it pass. Always sent a card on birthdays and always sent money for the children and grandchildren. Always been good to my family. Still, tonight I sat outside crying. Maybe because of too much beer. But anyway.
I wish all those Thailand visitors who also have a little trouble with it happy holidays. I think there will be many. Our happiness and beautiful life can no longer be taken away from us.
Cor van Kampen
comfort you.
I once received a Christmas card (from the Netherlands) in April.!
@ Cor, good that you also highlight the other side of the coin. There will be many expats and retirees who miss their family in the Netherlands very much during this period. Thank you for being honest about that too. In the end, the saying "out of sight, out of mind" applies and that is not easy.
Despite that, I wish you a Merry Christmas! And comfort yourself with the thought: at least you don't have to go to a furniture boulevard or garden center on Boxing Day 😉
hello cor
wish you a Merry Christmas
Head up Cor and chest out.
You can also feel lonely at Christmas in the Netherlands. Especially as a (married) family member, it is often counting down the hours.
Nevertheless, we make the best of it in Thailand, but also here.
Therefore, pleasant days and a healthy and happy 2012 from the northeast of the Netherlands.
Hi Kor,
I can imagine your situation and found it a moving testimony, but enjoy life and seize the day. By the way, in the situation where you have had one beer too many, very often a person's sincere feelings come to the fore.
Enjoy with your wife in beautiful Thailand, we are Thailand lovers and will spend our holiday there again in February.
Many greetings and happy holidays.
Marco
Well cor cheer up, and Best Wishes to all who read this
Respect!!! Despite that……….. A Very Merry Christmas, and you can experience New Year twice at least.
Hello Kor,
I know those kinds of feelings from the past, but… in the Netherlands, those same people may also be lonely, waiting for the last leaf to fall from the tree and there
a new green will take its place.
You are in a beautiful country with wonderful temperatures and what I hear from NL is flu, rain and wind. So ! Count your profit…
I hope you have a good partner here and make something beautiful together…
Don't look gloomily into your (beer) glass, no one has ever become wiser from that.
Maybe we should start a club:””of less fortunate people in Thailand””
establish. We can laugh again at what one person sees as a problem as an elephant and another puts it into perspective by focusing on positive things.
I hope it is of some use for you.
Less beer and… think about fun things!
Frank
Also in the Netherlands, with the children very close by, Christmas is quiet, everyone is busy, too busy with life and then they have their own plan for these days off. That should be possible, but the fact that they don't even have time to send Christmas wishes feels less fun. 🙁
Enjoy the sun Cor, together with your sweet Thai wife, be happy that you are rid of that unstable Dutch weather.
Happy holidays and a very nice, good and pleasant 2012.
There are also people who want to stay in Thailand for Christmas so as not to have to spend every day with the family, that side is also there. You send cards to the world and none ever comes to the Netherlands
Eva, I totally agree with you. Friends of mine are now in Thailand, while I'm experiencing a rather lonely Christmas here in the Netherlands. Of course, I have family around me, but there is nothing to do outside of dinner. It's not more than watching movies, gaming and looking up music videos on YouTube. And oh yes, now that the Top 2000 on Radio 2 has started again, I can get through the hours.
I will spend Christmas abroad next year anyway.
Dear Cor
You have your best friend with you that is your wife…
It often goes the same way if you move 200 km within the Netherlands, let alone another country far away.
You make a choice and that includes this….
Nice days…..
Richard
Hello Cor I wish you very happy days with your Thai wife and a healthy 2012. And it's about as long as you are happy in Thailand and then you can have a dip.
Greetings Riet
Hi Cor, I hope your family & friends see this post. The most important thing is that you followed your heart and still do. The cosmos, Bhuda or whatever you want to call it knows that you have done good in your life. But such moments remain difficult. Maybe an idea to organize an expat Christmas party next year?
Good luck and health! Cheers 🙂
Cor and all other Thai blog visitors, I wish you happy holidays in Thailand or your homeland and wish you all the best for 2012. I would like to thank the editors for all their efforts over the past year.
After all the messages of support, it has finally become Christmas Eve.
It's always nice when people try to cheer you up.
I'm not as pathetic as I seem. I just meant the article
to get some feedback.
The editors of the blog are now celebrating Christmas Eve.
So have fun. Also for Marco. Maybe next year we can have another one
have a beer in pattaya. At the moment I have only had two Leo “leak”.
So the mind is still 95%. Of course you remain a rebel.
Cor.
Cor, even if you've only had two beers. It's not Christmas Eve here yet, but 12 o'clock in the afternoon... 😉
Hi Kor,
We are doing the tour on Feb 23 and have an extension of 5 days in Hua Hin, I don't know the correct distance but I think it would be nice to have a beer with you.
Have fun and a happy end of the year.
Regards,
Marco
@Cor, of course you feel lonely, but of course remember that you left the Netherlands because you have more value for your money in Thailand and the weather is better, and you think Thailand is a fantastic country. However, remember that not everyone will share your enthusiasm for Thailand with you and it is of course not cheap to visit you in Thailand with the family because you miss family and friends and acquaintances. I myself have not lived in the Netherlands since 1998 and in the beginning I also had moments like yours. However, I am lucky enough to be able to return to the Netherlands soon (together with my Thai wife) to visit family and friends if I wish. However, I have lived in various countries and have made new acquaintances and friends everywhere, which mostly faded away after a few years, only a few remained. It is something you have to accept if you live abroad, and if not, you will have to return to the Netherlands. I can't require my friends to visit me and incur costs because I miss them. I would also like to live in Thailand but I still have to work (work on December 24th and 26th, so I will not be in the Netherlands for Christmas), but now give my Thai partner the opportunity to get to know Europe better. We have already been to Brussels, Paris, Prague, Rome, Amsterdam and also Cochem. Very nice, for me but also for my Thai partner, next year we want to go to Barcelona and London. Hopefully I also hope to be able to live in Thailand one day, but when I hear how the coverage ratio of pensions continues to fall, I think that in roughly 19 years there won't be much money left to live abroad. So enjoy the beautiful position you are in right now. Many will envy you, me too, but in my case remember that envying someone doesn't mean not granting 🙂 So I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Hello Cor and your wife too of course,
No, it is not pleasant to read that there are no reactions from your family, children or friends.
Especially these days it's nice to have your family around you.
But especially this time, almost everyone thinks of themselves and someone else comes second.
Last year we were in Thailand for both Christmas and New Year's Eve and we thought it was fantastic, but we did miss your family a bit, but the Thai people made up for it with their hospitality, kindness and kindness.
Enjoy what you have and not what you lack.
We wish you and your wife a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy and Blessed New Year.
A warm greeting from Jan and Els
Oh Cor,
You and your Thai wife have been in Thailand for 6 years and your family in the Netherlands. Then the relationship fades. That is inevitable, that would also happen if you were still living in the Netherlands, but never maintained personal contact again. Everyone has their own life and many of your family may want to live your life too, but can't. So thinking: "oh that Cor is fine there, we don't have to worry about him". Some may even be a little jealous of your way of life.
A well-known proverb, which comes to mind in this context: “Out of sight, out of mind”. And be honest, what is family anyway. They are 'friends' that we have not chosen ourselves. My experience is, whatever you do for someone. Usually you get a stench for thanks. So Cor, try to give this chapter a place in your life, where it doesn't bring up too many memories and focus on your own life.
Enjoy life with your wife in an earthly paradise, as Thailand is for us retirees after all.
And finally, regularly sending money to family in NL!!?? Cor love is not for sale.
Dear Cor,
I work here in the cold hard Netherlands in care and I am surprised how many lonely people live here (not just the elderly) especially at Christmas this is experienced even more deeply.
Sometimes the children live almost around the corner, but it is still too much trouble to stop by. So cheer up, enjoy all the beauty that Thailand has to offer and from me at least a merry Christmas and a loving, warm and healthy New Year for 2012.
Dear Cor,
I'm not yet in Thailand but hope to get there one day, albeit with a few years delay thanks to some new measures from our Belgian government.
I come from a large family, but our family itself consisted of my parents, my brother and myself. On January 31, however, it will be 17 years since my beloved brother committed suicide because of a bad relationship. My parents are 78 and 75 years old respectively and I am thankful that I still have them although I have already known quite a bit of grief with my mother because of her mental decline.
Fortunately, I found love again in Thailand absolutely by chance and since I actually attach little importance to all other family members, even at the moment, I only hope to meet some farangs with whom it clicks in the event of emigration and yes there will certainly be lonely moments just keep your heads up man, you see the sun shining more than what you see here in Europe, which is slowly disappearing !! From me and my wife a heart under the belt and try to find your pink glasses again because life is too short to grieve for long and they are not worth it.
Benny and Phon
Dear Cor, your story touches me right down to my toes. Ten years ago I divorced my wife, I have had various relationships with a few Thai women for over eight years now, when I left my wife my daughters were 27 years old and 32, they are now of course 37 and 42 and they want me I haven't seen them for 10 years out of anger because I left their mother... I usually flee to Thailand during the holidays to avoid those bad days here. Not this year though and I feel like shit. For the past 3 years I have not received Christmas cards or birthday cards from my 2 daughters, so when I read that your children and grandchildren are also ignoring you these days, I wish you strength and still very happy days... DO NOT LET YOUR LIFE BE DISRUPTED BY THE OUTSIDE GUARD “Enjoy and continue to enjoy that wonderful country with those nice people. MERRY AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS.
Leo casino
Dear Cor, I think many of us go through the same thing, but you live in a beautiful country, with many nice and nasty people, and you are looking for nice contacts in your immediate environment.
And as the saying goes, Better a good neighbor than a distant friend.
Have a nice day and a happy new year, and also to the Editors of Thailand blog, and all readers. and fellow peers.
you come into the world alone and you have to die alone again.
so assume being alone.
learn to live with yourself first and make yourself happy. make something of it.
that's hard enough.
life can be a party, but then you have to hang the garlands yourself.
do not rely on others. start making yourself happy.
that also radiates to others.
and if there are 1 or more people who care about you, cherish them.
for they are worth more than gold. and let them know too.
if you miss company: try the lost contact
to pick it up again (forgive, nobody is perfect, peace on earth, after all, that's also a Christmas spirit). but “it takes two to tango”;
if after your attempt the reconciliation on their part can no longer be achieved, then you have to respect that, but at least you have done your best; you have little to blame yourself and the bitter feeling may be a little less.
try to make new contacts. no doubt there are people who like you.
but they don't come at you. so try to get in touch with others who like to be near you. no doubt those people are there.
the contact can always be made;
distances no longer exist. age doesn't matter either. even if you can't leave your house, you have internet. and even from a great distance you can feel close to someone.
if you can build such a circle of loved ones around you, then you are a rich person.
I wish it to you.
good luck.
very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
5 days ago I turned 50 (!). Never thought I would reach that respectable age, but still, so. I have been officially “elderly” for 5 days now.
In about a month I will fly again (for the 4th time) to Thailand, then from BKK to Ko Tao and I will stay there for no less than 3,5 weeks. And then I work again for 48,5 weeks in the Netherlands, I will turn 2012 in December 51 and in February 2012 I will fly back to BKK and then etc...
Keeping that pattern for another 17 (!) years… damn it.
Of course, I always think about selling my home and hearth, converting my euros into Baht and just staying in Thailand. But: what are you going to do (as in: make money) in Thailand, that is always the big question. Bar? Hotel? Forget it.
Cor, thanks, I know from your post: I'm going to retrain as a (psycho-)therapist (currently working in IT), go live in Thailand and walk in completely by means of help to "homesick" Farang. 🙂
Do the math… a little therapist asks 100 euros/session in the Netherlands, so on Ko Tao I can offer that for uh… 1000 Baht/session. Well, 500 Baht/session as a Special Offer for Friends.
I can already see it: practice on the beach under recovery next to the palm trees (always watch out for falling coconuts!) with a nice uh… secretary.
And, unlike you, here in the Netherlands it is now not a matter of “sitting outside”. As we speak, it is mouse gray here, cold (although not too bad at 10 degrees) and there is a drizzle of rain.
So * I * don't sit outside, I'm already crooked inside from the rheumatism... 😉
Look, that doesn't bother me on Ko Tao.
Happy Holidays!
(I will send you the address of my practice in due course. You will receive *completely free* treatment and advice from me (since you also put a link to my practice on this site. Logical, right? There) do you have friends for that?)
Hello Kor,
I have been living here in Thailand for almost 1 year as a pensioner and experience the same as you.
I only have 1 brother in the Netherlands and I called him, but he had a cold and was not in the mood to talk for a long time, so that was a very short conversation.
That's also why I had a bad moment on Christmas Eve, luckily no alcohol in the house otherwise it would only get worse. I wanted to go out and get a beer, a 1-minute walk away at a bar for foreigners here. But luckily I didn't do it. I watched a stupid TV program on BVN TV with Paul de Leeuw, well that stupid stuff doesn't make you happy. My wife was already sleeping, dear, luckily she didn't notice that I was a bit out of mood. used to be.
But I now have hope again after reading the many reactions addressed to you, I can learn from that too.
Because we should be thankful that we can still fully enjoy all those nice moments with those sweet Thais around us and nobody knows how long in this life we have to go.
So Cor enjoys it, I'm going to do that more now too.
I wish you and your wife and all readers of Thailandblogg a very happy holiday.
dear Cor, I would like to send you a card to encourage you, but unfortunately that is only possible by e-mail (moving card, beautiful to see and receive).
even though I'm late with my response, my boyfriend and I have also been living in Thailand for 5 years, and the family doesn't bother to come and see us anymore.
Christmas is a celebration of peace, and I sincerely hope that you and your wife have found some peace in your heart, thanks to the many reactions.
perhaps an idea for the next Christmas party: take a few days off, to a beautiful resort (eg Oriental Kwai in Kanchanaburi), enjoy together, and be there for each other.
I wish you a happy new year, and for the new year: peace in your heart, happiness with your wife, and good health.
Regards, Gus
In March this year (2012) I was on holiday with my Thai girlfriend. In the afternoon, around 4 o'clock, I had the unfortunate idea of ordering a large Leo. My girlfriend took a long afternoon nap and I sat outside on a beautiful terrace with a beautiful view of nature. My laptop contains all the music I had in the Netherlands and I have great headphones.
My ingredients for a sentimental afternoon were present: beer and beautiful music by Bram Vermeulen. I chose the CD 'friend and foe', the song 'the competition'. My father passed away in December 2008 and he never understood me. If you listen to the song you will understand that my frustrations discharged into 2 liters of tears. That was March. Not Christmas time.
How many of us came to live in Thailand after a divorce? I suspect a very large percentage of readers and writers here. In any case, I belong to this group. 'The grass is always greener on the other side' is another saying. My children always told me: 'Dad, when you are in the Netherlands, you always want to go to Thailand and vice versa!' that's how it is! I have been in Thailand for 5 years now and I too suffer from the things Cor describes. I've saddled myself with homesickness! But then homesickness for which there is no solution anymore! Because I know that human memory has a limited shelf life, I write down my feelings. A hard drive remembers things much better than I do and so I discover that I am at home in two countries and a stranger at the same time. A remarkable split.
Could it perhaps have something to do with people like me wanting to go back to the time before the divorce? That we don't so much regret Thailand, but regret another difficult decision in our lives?
Forget the Christmas cards, forget the phone calls, forget facebook, forget skype. It will never work. I never send Christmas cards because I don't want to hurt myself. I never send them because I don't want to fool myself. You live in a completely different world in which a different social structure is formed. Even if it comes in very hard, we will have to accept the fact that things are getting watered down, and that there is nothing we can do about it. That's just how the human psyche works.
As my daughter (14) says so beautifully on her profile: 'Everywhere we go, we feel like we're strangers'
I grab another beer Cor and sit down and cry for a while. Cheers!
When I arrived in Asia for the first time after saving for it for three years (I was 20 when I landed in Singapore), one thing struck me after a while. I used to think that everything would be different when I was in Asia, but I noticed that I was still dragging myself along and that I was no different than in the Netherlands. In my youth I heard about the mysticism of the East… but I didn't notice much of it.
Now I am 34 years older. I still love Asia. I often came there because of my work and I've already made my decision: in a few months I can retire early and I'm going to live in Thailand.
I never felt lonely there. Well, in the Netherlands, where my parents live 2 km from me and I have another brother and three sisters, with whom I have no contact.
The last time I was “cosy” with my family was this Christmas: my future ex, and my two daughters and grandson. My eldest daughter now lives in Brazil, my youngest lives with her son a few km away and as I indicated, the marriage will also end soon.
And I think I would be loneliest if I stayed in the Netherlands after my divorce. Thailand is quite a good alternative. Only you have to shift your values and that includes Christmas… That's over for good. Would it also be in the Netherlands, but I think I have no problem with swimming a few laps in the large swimming pool of the hotel near me and should not be in rainy winter Netherlands, where all shops are closed and the days are even shorter than in Thaland…
Just sayin…. if you have already chosen Thailand, you choose that for yourself and your partner, but you can't expect the rest of the world to follow you…
Enjoy the things you do have there… and make good memories of them..