Too good to be true…. no!

In a response to the Blog articles “Marriage Migration”, Paul Schiphol tells us with his story how he met his husband, and how a marriage came about in the Netherlands after many years. With this he wants to give a different and positive sound than the stories about less successful encounters that are regularly told via this Blog.

It is January 2001, as is often the case, flyers were distributed on Jomtien Beach, the A5 sheet of paper indicated in crooked English that a “white” party was being held that evening. It turned out to be a now no longer existing hotel / restaurant along the connecting road between Jomtien and Pattaya. Curious and also to eat somewhere else, I went to the restaurant in question that evening.

A band was playing at the edge of the pool and to my surprise there was no buffet, but a la card was served. It was a busy and fun place, soon my eye fell on one of the waiters on the other side of the pool, not so difficult because he stood out because he was an unusually tall guy for Thai standards. A mischievous fresh head with short hair, in short, the type I like. But yes, unreachable for my eyes with its "neighborhood" on the other side of the pool. The party was by no means what I imagine a party to be, so after eating the otherwise excellent food, I wanted to pay to continue my search in Pattaya Boys-town. However, then the unimaginable happened.

The waiter who brought me the bill also came with a question; “my friend likes to talk with you, can?As he asked me this he pointed in the direction of the tall waiter, who in turn looked interested in our direction. Oops, what's happening here? I said yes and paid my bill, my waiter made some arm gestures and as I walked towards the exit the tall waiter on the other side of the pool went in the same direction. We had a short chat and met well after his working hours at 02:00 am, in a bar that is also no longer in existence.

Without too many expectations on my part, he indeed entered the bar at exactly the agreed time, freshly showered and changed. It was early in the morning before we decided to go to my hotel together. Unfortunately, I only had a few days left of my vacation, which we always spent together after his working hours.

No, paying a "barfine" to spend more time together was, oddly enough, not on the menu at this restaurant.

We managed to keep in touch by mail and on my next vacation he was able to get a week off, which we spent in 2002 on the then much quieter Koh Samui. Anyway, for a long story, etc. etc. We saw each other every year and he came to the Netherlands four times for 3 months. Then started the integration process and since 2008 he lives with me in the Netherlands and we got married in 2010. He has now had a nice job in the Aalsmeer flower industry for years.

Why this story? I regularly hear stories of men who return from Thailand head over heels in love, often they return within a year and then make agreements with far-reaching consequences. Often with a disappointing and costly divorce as a result after a short time.
By no means claiming that we have a monopoly on the truth with our long journey, but through my acquaintance with, and several visits to, his family in Isaan and he with mine in the Netherlands, an image of possibilities and impossibilities is slowly growing.

Unrealistic expectations are largely prevented with this calm process. His financial expectations and my (now our) options to support the family have also been well discussed.

Thailand does not have social legislation as we know it in the Netherlands, where the family is still the safety net. Especially in the Isaan where rice farmers really don't get the chance to save up a retirement provision, the children are their pension there. We therefore give the family a fixed monthly allowance and are never confronted with sick buffaloes, broken tractors, loved ones who have been urgently admitted with the most terrible diseases. My friend calls this their "salary" just like real wages, this is a fixed amount that does not increase if calamities occur.

My mother-in-law turns out to be a good bookkeeper, she manages the pot and lays down reserves in case “of”. In addition, the house is also renovated every year. First, the wooden poles on which it stands were replaced by concrete poles, which also raised the house immediately. The following year a new roof was put on the house.

Another year later, the sand floor on the ground floor was also replaced by a neat, flat concrete floor and the building was expanded. A year later, the old half-decayed wooden walls of the 1^e floor replaced by a kind of weather-resistant artificial planks (Trespa?) with windowless frames. The electricity has also been tackled, the dangerous mess of loose looped extension cords has been replaced by solid and professionally installed home installation.

In short, every year I look with amazement and respect at what improvements have been made to the house.

There are enough stories on the blog with less pleasant experiences, so I wanted to give a different sound. In short, it is not always doom and gloom with a Thai partner or their family.