The Inquisitor and “lungplujabaan” (hospital)

Severe fever, lower back pain, barely being able to eat anything for days. The hassle escalates into chills, very high fever, muscle aches and other discomfort. The Inquisitor is ill, very ill. But he postpones a hospital visit, he first wants to get his annual visa in order - the unreasonableness of a feverish man.

Then the time has come, five days before the expiry of the visa, The Inquisitor is brought to Sakhun Nakon, driving yourself is no longer possible. Completely unprepared – no passport photos, no application form filled out but fortunately the office here is rather flexible. While the Inquisitor is allowed to have passport photos taken, the officers are already filling in the necessary forms.

When the retreat can be started, The Inquisitor collapses completely weakened. And he has to go to the nearest hospital.

Can he get the only VIP room, 3.500 Baht per day. Is he immediately put on the baxters and the next few days he undergoes all kinds of tests, blood tests, urinalysis. The rest of the time he is delirious and sweating in this strange 'VIP' room. The ants are crawling on the floor in the bathroom. The only food offered is khratom, a thin rice soup, all meals are the same. A large clock hangs close to the end of the bed and makes time pass much too slowly. The Inquisitor has to take an ambulance to another institution where an MIR scan can be performed, the hospital does not have that equipment.

In the meantime, there has been a lot of discussion: with the insurance company. They try to muck it up. At first they report that there is a history. Yes, twenty-five years ago, your policy states that you will be covered again after two years. Subsequently: You must first pay everything yourself, after 3 months we will refund you if the file is accepted. The Inquisitor can't help but laugh. And then calls a very influential person. Four hours later it's all right, they cover and pay the hospital directly from bill one. In Thailand it is important to have good relationships. But fun is different, you want treatment instead of financial hassle.

After four days of searching and doing nothing, the verdict: “it's the kidneys, but we don't have the opportunity to treat you further. It is better to move.” The bill is Isaan-low: 78.000 Baht, nice for the insurance. The Inquisitor heads for Udon Thani by ambulance. That ambulance costs 13.000 Baht and has to pay De Inquisitor himself, a clause in the policy states that they only cover up to 2.000 Baht.

The ride is exciting. They lay you completely flat against the direction of travel so that De Inquisitor can only admire the bare ceiling. The narrow bed is much too short, the ride takes more than two hours so that the arrival is a relief. Bangkok Hospital Udon. Sister of that case in Pattaya.

Immediately referred to ICU upon arrival, a horror. The Inquisitor is connected to all kinds of equipment – ​​no one has to come by anymore, the machines do the job. With a lot of futuristic noise, the blood pressure monitor inflates itself every twenty minutes. Beeping noise notifies when one of the baxters is empty. The heart monitor beeps and blubbers continuously, to drive you crazy. You lie there feverish and again that clock on the wall at the foot of the bed – terrible. When asked by De Inquisitor why he is here, the answer is: “we stabilize you”.

Day three The Inquisitor demands to be put in a room, he considers himself 'stabilized' enough. And it's allowed. A relief. Beautiful double room. Seven thousand baht a day, The Inquisitor doesn't care, for the insurance. And a connecting kind of hotel room – for the family. Yes, he can stay for the same price, you only have to pay extra for food.

The Inquisitor's wife had already surprised him in the previous hospital by sleeping on the sofa with the daughter. It's even more fun here: kitchen with refrigerator and microwave, nice private bathroom, private television. Nicely decorated with nice, soft colors. Yes, this is good for morale.

The service, well, care, is fantastic in this hospital, never experienced before. The nurses are sweet, compassionate. They put the pain in the background because here the Inquisitor has to endure a lot. He even receives three blood transfusions, which leads to hilarity: Thai blood, would I tan now? And be able to speak and read Thai fluently?

Keyhole operations, scans, you name it and he's had it. Excessive pain in the left kidney, but the cause remains unknown, one has to keep looking. But the nurses continue to put up with The Inquisitor's antics. They joke along, change bandages, painlessly stick needles for the baxters and other liquids, come to wash The Inquisitor in pairs, the night sisters come to his room to catch up after their round. In short, they make suffering bearable. Because there is always pain. After a minor operation, the kidneys are very sensitive, a drain was placed in the left kidney and that feels painful for days as if being stabbed with a knife.

It even goes so far that after almost two weeks the word cancer is mentioned. Well, that gives De Inquisitor a mental blow, of course. Especially when he is told that he is better off moving to the parent company: Bangkok Hospital in Bangkok. They have better and newer equipment there. What should that be, so go ahead with the goat. Arrange an ambulance. The Inquisitor is still remembering the last two hours of torture and makes his demands: he wants to sit, not lie down and face the direction of travel. He also wants to determine when a 'recup-stop' is needed. All no problem and that is also allowed: the bill for the ambulance is 48.000 Baht, to be paid yourself. Gadsammejee, The Inquisitor should have gone by plane. The hospital bill here is 300.000 Baht. For the insurance.

Bangkok Hospital in Bangkok is huge, there is even a shopping mall in the middle of the complex. But also a bit outdated infrastructure, the room is a bit like Fawlty Towers. The care here is also a lot less, more routine without empathy. De Inquisitor does not get much time to observe because his condition is deteriorating. Lost eleven kilos, a huge blood poisoning and heavily infected kidneys make his condition borderline. First they are going to investigate the suspicion of cancer, they have a machine for it. The PET-ST scan. Your whole body is checked for any mistake. Afterwards, De Inquisitor still has to wait four exciting hours for the result, but it is worth it: no cancer, nowhere. Also happy - the lungs are also being looked at (all organs, all body parts actually), The Inquisitor, as a notorious smoker for forty years, fears traces. But nothing, not even a speck.

They did discover a lot of 'wild meat' on the abdominal wall. And behind that is the obstruction that blocks the left kidney - probably for more than a year, which is also correct because I had regular pain and inflammation. So keyhole surgery and scrape that thing off. When The Inquisitor wakes up earlier than expected, he hears that they have now seen something else and he has to go under some machine again. He discovers a kidney stone of 5 mm, which was invisible until the obstruction was removed (a polyp). Go, under the kidney stone crusher, finally a painless piece of cake.

From then on things move forward with The Inquisitor. He becomes a difficult patient. It can't go fast enough now. And he forgets that he is practically nowhere physically, but he notices that when he goes for a walk - after 20 meters he is exhausted.

Eating in Thai hospitals is fun. Here you can choose from a menu (which was also the case in Udon Thani) and the food itself is usually very good. But the nice thing: the bedridden days you send your sweetheart to the McDonalds for a cheeseburger. Or to a Bon Pain for a nice sandwich. A daily pastry. Much better than that European diet 'safety thing'!

After a few days of recuperating, De Inquisitor goes all out. Up the street, to the market across the street that he looked so desperately when he was so bad. Only to give up quickly fifteen minutes later, to be pushed into a wheelchair by the sweetest and to the room where he immediately falls asleep.

Boy, that will take weeks before he is recuperated, The Inquisitor realizes.

It gives a good feeling when the two doctors come to report that he is 'completely cured'. No pain, no fever, pure blood. No more lethargic feeling. The kidneys are working normally again. The bill here in Bangkok: 600.000 Baht. The Inquisitor will be concerned. And being in the hospital for thirty-one days isn't everything either.

We travel home in hurdles: first enjoy 3 days in Bangkok, Ambassador hotel. Massages and food, lots of food, no matter what it costs. The Inquisitor must gain eleven kilos.

Then plane to Udon Thani, Centara hotel and same story as in Bangkok: enjoy. And thank the nurses there.

And finally home, to my village that I really started to miss. Those oh so friendly and helpful people. Because we left without knowing that we would be gone for more than a month, De Inquisitor feared the worst. Two cats dead in the house, two mad dogs from loneliness, the garden turned into a jungle. But no. The neighbors have taken care of the garden, just some small weeds. The dogs have received daily food and attention, just like the cats and the overflowing litter box they have cleaned and placed outside daily.

These people are so compassionate that it is a blessing: Seven of them came to visit me in Sakhun Nakon. Ten of them came to visit me in Udon Thani, which is about 300 km back and forth! An eleventh even managed to do that with the moped.

The second day after returning home, half the village came by. For a kind of blessing: the undersigned had to put an egg and some glutinous rice in front, keep the other hand upright, the people took a string, mumbled a prayer and tied the string around my wrist. And everyone gave another 100 Baht on top of that. Which De Inquisitor immediately invested in a few cartons of beer and some bottles of Lao Kao. Without being allowed to drink a drop of alcohol yourself, that is for after October 10.

I never want to leave here!