The number of people living alone has increased sharply since the Second World War. This growth will continue in the coming decades. Is more living alone a sign of increasing social isolation? And will that lead to more loneliness in the long run?
Between 1947 and 2017, the number of people living alone, the so-called singles, grew from 285 thousand to almost 3 million, or from 5 to 22 percent of all adult Dutch people. And this trend will continue over the next three decades: the CBS population forecast predicts that in 2047 there will be 3,6 million single people out of an adult population of almost 15 million. Nearly 1 in 4 adult residents will therefore be single.
The growth in the number of single people and single parents is due to the changes in norms and values that have occurred in all Western societies since the Second World War, but also in the extent to which people can shape their own course of life. Prosperity, increased economic independence of women and the expansion of the welfare state play a role in this. Sexual relations, marriage, cohabitation and having children have become increasingly disconnected, whereas until the XNUMXs they were closely linked. Thanks to the wide availability of contraceptives (sometimes funded by the health insurance fund), sex no longer has to lead to pregnancy.
Attitudes towards divorce have also changed. This is reflected, among other things, in the relaxation of legal rules regarding divorce and the current proposals for amendments to the law to limit the duration of alimony. Divorce is no longer the shame it used to be, and people are also getting divorced at an increasingly later age. In addition, unmarried cohabitants break up their relationship faster than married couples. Although the divorce rate peaked in the mid-XNUMXs, the number of unmarried couples separating each year has continued to grow.
Independent living in old age
A supplementary pension in addition to state pension and support from home help and personal budgets enable the elderly to continue living independently into old age. And a woman who wants a divorce is no longer forced to stay with her partner for economic reasons, thanks to her own income or social assistance.
All this does not mean that everyone who lives alone finds this the most desirable situation, but that in a large proportion of cases this is the result of considerations in which living together is no longer the most logical outcome, let alone getting married. The number of people living alone in 2017 is therefore no longer the same as in 1947. Just after the Second World War, widowhood was still the main reason for becoming single or becoming a single parent, after which postponement of marriage became increasingly important, and after 1971 divorce as well. In 2017, 21 percent of single people were divorced, 22 percent were widowed and more than half had never been married.
Is being single really alone?
It is not always the case that single people do not have partner relationships. More than 1 in 5 has a long-term relationship. Especially single people up to the age of 30 combine independent living with a relationship. More than 90 percent of these young latters want to live together or get married in the long term. It is precisely at a higher age that people prefer to continue to ski. Of the over-4s, 10 out of XNUMX want to get married or live together in the long term. The majority therefore wants to continue to live alone. The desire to continue living alone is even stronger among women than among men.
Ultimately, 4 percent of the population aged 15 and older have no weekly contact with family, friends or neighbours. Statistics Netherlands calls this group objectively socially isolated. Single people and single parents hardly differ from cohabiting couples in this regard. However, by marital status, the percentage of socially isolated people appears to be higher than average among divorced people, while it is lower among never-married people and especially among widows.
The number of people who are actually 'alone' is therefore less than the number of people living alone. Some have a long-distance relationship and the vast majority have regular contact with friends, family or neighbours. But there are differences in the social network of, for example, divorced and widowed people, with the former group more often objectively socially isolated than the latter.
Just not lonely?
Aren't the people living alone now lonelier than others? Loneliness is the subjective experience of an unpleasant or intolerable lack of (quality of) certain social relationships. In that case, it concerns a shortage of realized contacts, and the lack of a certain degree of intimacy. It is about a difference between the contacts realized with other people and the contacts that people would like to have for themselves.
Social isolation can be associated with loneliness, but not necessarily. There are also people with an extensive social network who feel lonely. In addition to having a partner and the social network, for example, health and the extent to which people have control over their lives also play a role in the feeling of loneliness (SCP 2018).
According to a CBS study, 4 percent of the population aged 15 and older feel very lonely. This is 2 percent among children living at home, and 6 percent among single people, with or without children living at home. Members of couples and singles with children do not feel significantly less lonely than singles without children.
Source: CBS
You know the story of grandma, who was asked on her 95th birthday if she still had any wishes.
Yes, was her answer. “I want to be cremated. And my ashes must be scattered in the parking lots of Aldi and Lidl”.
Grandma, cremate ... no problem, but why your ashes over those parking lots?
At least then I'm sure you'll come by once a month...
I am a 62 year old single woman. And still very active. But if I had to get it from my neighbors / street mates, it wasn't good. Even greeting each other is still difficult. Everyone is very private. It's time for people to start being more social and take a look around. I visited my old neighbor every week until she moved and spoiled her with soup, fish or something else. No one ever looked at her until I moved in. Not about anything at all. The young people are too busy making money and their careers. But they too are getting older. Neighborhood duty has become a dirty word these days. I have never kissed so much spiritual poverty as now. And that's a bad thing.
Being alone is wonderful. No emotions around your head and never having to compromise. Go and stand where you want. When I see all the misery around me with partners and children, I can only conclude that single people do not always realize how lucky they are.
Standing alone is easy, in the sense that you can indeed do what you want: leave the dishes for a day, leave the table full of mess, etc. But it is also extra work: there is not someone who will even clean the bathroom for you. cleans while you take care of the kitchen yourself. And you will have to cook for yourself every time instead of having someone cook for you at home. And some chores and tasks are actually more fun together. Washing dishes and drying on your own is not fun, together you can at least have some fun or distract yourself by chatting. So everything has its pros and cons when running the household.
Unless your partner is a control freak, you can go wherever you want with your partner. Or it should be your thing to regularly fill your house with people, yes the partner will not always like that. Well compromises: fine if your friends come along, but then you also have to accept (tolerate?) your partner's.
However, the annoying thing about being alone is the lack of love. I find it difficult to wake up alone, not a sweetheart who looks you in the eye with a radiant smile, gives you a (sniff) kiss or tells you how crazy she is about you. Without that love, passion, warmth and a nice free party, it is all a bit less pleasant. I miss that.
If you are old and alone then you have not done well. I have read this sentence many times and there is some truth in it anyway. It doesn't work for everyone and many of us haven't asked for it. It often happens to you through illness or an accident. Then your partner is gone. At an old age, there is no longer any possibility for many to go out due to physical complaints and old age, and then the loneliness, especially in the absence or lack of interest from family, is also added. I think there are many who feel lonely also here in Thailand.
The Dutch government is also not very cooperative through the AOW story to encourage people to enter into a partner relationship in their old age. This is going to cost us all money, so for many a reason to stay independent and slatted and continue alone.