Our social image of farangs
– Reposted article from May 26, 2011 –
On this blog everything necessary has been written about the many prejudices that farangs are subject to and that most of us really don't want to be associated with. The social image of farangs in farangland therefore does not lie.
However, what has not or hardly been highlighted is the impact of all those prejudices on a relationship between a farang and a Thai.
Prejudice about farangs and their Thai partners
They are those dirty (old) oversexed males, with almost pedophile tendencies who cannot get a normal woman in their own country. Figures who have already had one or more failed marriages. Being in a midlife crisis and needing to reinvent themselves if necessary, but basically just following their cock. Guests with a somewhat colonial streak, who see an emancipated Western woman as a bleating kenau and now seek refuge with such a slavish native woman from sewing country, I mean Thailand. Such a stupid baboe type on which they can fully indulge their frustrations, that they can command and give a shit and I could go on and on.
You would almost be ashamed to start something with a Thai and believe me, there are those types. I know someone who has secretly married a Thai because he is ashamed to reveal it to his family and colleagues. He, from a good family and academically trained, can get something different than such a Thai slut, because that is often the general idea about Thai women here in Farangland.
Yes, even us Thailanders are doing just as hard, especially when a Thai looks sexy and a lot younger than the farang. Real love with such an age difference (?), what an idiot, he should know better. When one farang tells the other that his girlfriend or wife had a normal job, there is usually little or no response. You can hear them thinking all the louder “hello, who are you talking to… I know better”. A girl with such a face and body, she must have worked in a gogo bar and when that is the case, then of course they wisely lie about it. After all, you are not going to tell Jan Rap and his mate that your girlfriend or wife has earned her money on the back. This is often the case, but as with everything there are exceptions.
Relationship between farang and Thai, where do you start
Besides the big difference in age, wealth, culture, education and the language barrier, there are also differences in ethics and morality. All aspects that don't make a relationship with a Thai any easier. It is therefore because of these enormous differences that more than half of the relationships between a farang and a Thai come to an end within a few years. The novice farang is therefore well advised not to look at this too lightly. After all, such starting points are asking for problems. Something that is of course also known in Farangland.
Our western view of a relationship that has a chance of success
There must be a certain match, in origin, interest, education and job? Apart from having common interests, I think the rest as I look at it at least now is really bullshit in space. Perhaps this has to do with age. I can imagine that when you are about 30 or 40 years old, such matters play a greater role from a social point of view. However, at my age (59) I no longer feel the need to have in-depth conversations with my wife after work until late at night, or to have endless discussions about petty matters. No, thank you, that time is really behind me. In my case I'm regularly working on my work until late at night and then you can't have something like that at all.
Spoke to a friend of mine a while ago who has been living alone for a while now. I said George boy, it's time to have someone by your side again, after all, alone is only alone. I know another nice intelligent, financially independent female for you. George replied: Ferdinant, fun and financially independent, are aspects that appeal to me, but that intelligent emancipated bullshit, I'm sick and tired of that. I like them as dumb as possible. Perhaps a bit of a bold statement, but I can partly agree with that.
The question that many farang have asked themselves
But do I then belong to the prototype farang, as it is viewed in farangland? A question that many Thailand visitors have asked themselves. What must they in farangland (family, friends, acquaintances and colleagues) think of me? I'm sure some of you have had sleepless nights because you can't just ignore your immediate family and friends. Do I see my Thai wife, who is 24 years younger and to whom I have been married for 8 years, as such a baboe type? No absolutely not. She is a true soulmate of mine, whom I can rely on. Someone I'm not ashamed of at all. On the contrary, I admire and respect my wife who has been naturalized as a Dutch citizen and will soon have her own business. Admiration and respect, because she has managed to integrate herself into Dutch society in this way and has the ambition to achieve something herself. Such Thai ladies ….. and that from Isaan, so there are also and I personally know a few who are very successful here.
The question of what type of farangs are and what prompted them to start something with a Thai seems to me to be justified. Given the many prejudices in Farangland, these are again questions that many Thailand visitors and expats living there have thought about and in that respect, the expats and pensioners living there have it a lot easier, in my opinion.
Difference between the resident farangs here and there
When staying in Farangland, the farang is more often confronted with these prejudices, including those of direct colleagues, family and friends, and you cannot just ignore them. The Thai girlfriend or wife ends up in a completely foreign country, where they have to learn to read and write again, as it were, in a language of which they often do not even know the alphabet. As long as she is not reasonably proficient in the Dutch language, it will therefore be difficult for her to find a job immediately, which means that the farang will only have to provide the money for the first year.
In addition to following the integration course, she will also have to learn Dutch customs and habits, but also simple things such as getting groceries in the supermarket, cooking farang, going to the pharmacy or doctor and I could go on and on. All things that do not bother the expats and pensioners living there. However, just like the Thai people living here, they must be able to put themselves in a world that is completely different from what they are used to, with often opposite customs / ideas.
However, whether you stay here or there, in both cases you will have to be patient to teach your girlfriend or wife everything and especially to unlearn certain things, and the latter often takes more effort. Think of the bar habits, including language use – behaviour/aggression – drinking – shopping – not knowing regularity – not being used to family life – and not being able to handle money at all. Such a relationship can only succeed if both are willing to be open to the enormous differences and that requires a lot of sacrifice, patience, understanding and love.
I am very curious if others on this blog have also experienced these prejudices and how they have dealt with them.
In the following section I will give my “personal view” on the different types of farang, what prompted them to enter into a relationship with a Thai and what they have in common.
dear fred schoolderman, you should have become a pastor.it had been a success.CLASS
Dear Andrew, then they would only have allowed me in a nunnery. It was therefore not the intention to convert farangs, which seems like an impossible task (lol).
I am also married to a Thai, I am a lot younger than the writer and our age difference is also much smaller. I really don't care what anyone else thinks. Of course people talk about you – preferably behind your back, of course – but I don't give a f*ck what they think. And often it is indeed “the intelligent emancipated kenaus” or their frustrated husbands who talk the dirtiest about you. As long as you're happy it's fine. And I have much more respect for your wife, who has managed to develop in the Netherlands in this way than for conniving, short-sighted and hypocritical compatriots.
My daughter once said to me, when I told her about my Thai lady, Oops, I said to you, have fun with her, forgot to tell her that she can't be younger than me.
It will indeed be all the worst to me too, all that gossip, as long as I still hear her sing happily every day, she kisses me awake in the morning and keeps me awake in bed at night on her initiative and takes care of the necessary exercise, I see the problem not.
I have raised the age difference several times, but she says she doesn't mind at all.. Rather an older man who takes good care of her than a Thai man who doesn't.
I would also like to note that in my opinion, my Thai lady may be physically younger, but her mind is much more mature than the farang lady of her age.
Nice story Fred and with many indeed heard prejudices and yet most judgments I can understand because I myself thought the same about these "dirty old sex-hungry men" years ago. I am talking about about 30 years ago.
In those 30 years I have seen a lot of the world and have worked and lived with many different cultures and religions and have learned a lot and become a lot more tolerant.
I myself have been from the Netherlands for about 20 years now and I always live and work abroad, which suits me perfectly !!
Now since 3 years in Thailand and of course I'm having a great time here and also seen and done everything here 😉
I too now have a wife from Thailand who is 24 years younger and it suits me just fine and indeed with a normal job lol
Of course starters also had problems in the relationship, but with a lot of patience and understanding we are having a great time together.
The language was also an obstacle, but she has learned English so I had to improve my Thai a lot and with hands and feet we understand each other very well.
I myself adapt very easily and my attitude is that I am the foreigner here and that I therefore have to adapt to this country in terms of behavior and culture and this is easy for me.
I do not intend to ever live in the Netherlands again, so what they think and say in “faranland” will be a sausage to me.
No problems at all with my and her family, so perfect.
And here in Thailand it is quite normal for a man of around 55 to live with a woman of 30.
So indeed patience, understanding and love are a must in a successful relationship. Personally, I add mutual respect and trust to that.
Regards, Antony
The social image of farang is often determined by a small group. The excesses and excesses of the Neanderthals in Thailand provide the stigma attached to Thailand visitors. The same stigma that football supporters, caravan dwellers, Moroccans, gays and other minorities face.
We simply live in a society where everything is put under a magnifying glass and people love (negative) imagery and sensationalism. This is called flattening.
I don't care either, but it's tiring. You get the idea that you always have to defend yourself. The Dutch people who have prejudices about Thailand visitors are usually not smart or very jealous themselves. That puts it in proper perspective.
However, this does not alter the fact that we socially have to do with others. including with those who are negative about it and indeed that can be tiresome and extremely annoying at times.
The trick, however, is to put that into perspective for yourself. When I look at female peers I think, Fred… you didn't do that wrong and let them talk.
Totally agree with you!
Why should as a divorced man or widower of around 60 years, behind the geraniums
sitting down, going out in the Netherlands, I wouldn't know where, is not an option to find the one.
The prejudices of friends and / or acquaintances are those of people who have never been to Thailand, don't worry about it, real friends say, if you are happy there, I wish you the best.
I have now been married for about 5 years (before Buddha) to a woman who is about 30 years younger.
To keep it good, I have done things for it, such as moving from Jomtien to the quiet Hua-Hin, because in Jomtien I often went out with friends to Pattaya, and there the temptation is very great. and I had seen it there after several years of butterflying.
At the end of this year I will go to Hua-Hin for good, enjoy life, after more than 45 years of work.
Please continue to continue my internet business, as a travel agency.
It would be in line with my intentions not to go to the big cities, where there is a good chance of drowning in the nightlife, the question is that I will go to a village like you mentioned can find the right one there. In my opinion, the chances are small if you don't know anyone from here who has already settled there, so that people are obliged to move to the big cities .... with the chance of finding a girl-woman of run into light morals.
Fortunately, I am full of understanding and understand that this is the only chance for these women to survive, and that if you enter into a relationship with such a person, you have to leave the past behind. A woman is all too quickly accused of being a to be a whore, good thing the (young gentleman) can't speak, which would tell much more about who we ourselves are.
You are right, on the other hand it is of course true that Thailand attracts a lot of wrong people. The concentration of this is somewhat greater in one place than in another (I will not mention any locations to prevent the lobby of a certain coastal town from becoming defensive again ;-), and also go to the Western embassies to see what standing in line there.
You say 'this is a small group', is that really true? I have no idea how big that group is and what the relationship is with 'normal' Thailand visitors, but certain locations where many farangs congregate still give the impression that we are talking about a group that cannot be neglected. Perhaps biased, I think that is difficult to estimate.
I know some ladies from the bar circuit who have long-term relationships with farang, often also with younger farang, I am sometimes introduced to them with enthusiasm (hey farang, you farang, same same, they think) and I am not exactly fond of she. In farangland I would never have encountered them, let's stop there.
However, most farang/Thai relationships I know just look like other relationships. There is always a financial element present, but that is normal in Asia. The average Dutch person (and unfortunately even many Thailand visitors) do not understand that relationships in Asia are a bit different than in the Netherlands. Everything is of course lumped together, nuances weaken the story of course.
I live in Thailand with a Thai girlfriend, so luckily I don't suffer from gossip and narrow-mindedness. On the other hand, I can imagine how this arises. But it's no fun if you always have to defend yourself, and the Dutch are known for expressing their opinion about something inappropriately and especially inappropriately. I think these relationships are better served in Thailand than in the Netherlands, and I admire those who have a successful Farang-Thai relationship in the Western world.
@ Robert, how big that group (Neanderthals) actually is, I don't know. But because they are very conspicuous, they seem overrepresented. Still, I think they are not in the majority. As said, the 'normal' men are less noticeable.
Dear Peter, I tend to share Robert's opinion. If you indeed take a look at the Western Embassies, then the mob that is queuing there is certainly not the minority.
I have visited the Dutch Embassy several times, including recently, but the picture has remained unchanged and that also applies to the people who are queuing at the other Western Embassies.
Ferdinand, thanks for the support but I think I'm pretty much on the same page as Peter. You cannot conclude that embassy visitors are representative of the foreigners who visit Thailand. After all, a tourist normally has little to do there. It is mainly the foreigners who live in Thailand and the people who want to bring their girlfriend (temporarily) to the Netherlands who come there.
Even our best neighbors gossip, but if you don't understand Thai, it won't bother you. I have a broad back and it doesn't bother me, but it bothers my wife a lot, she can hardly ignore it. to do with old age, it is mainly jealousy, also in Belgium. Here in Thailand about the fact that you have a cuddly relationship and have enough money. They don't know cuddling and money is made before it is won. a green leaf.
There are enough prejudices about the Thai ladies in our “home country”, in my case the Netherlands, a country where I no longer feel at home for years, precisely because of all those prejudices. The question is, of course, where these prejudices come from.
I myself have a nephew who ran into a nice Thai peer on Koh Samui during a holiday. I myself have been in a relationship for 20 years (married before Thai law) with a woman of Thai origin, who has lived and worked in the Netherlands for more than 35 years (Unilever). So we are knowledgeable and our help was immediately called in by my brother and his wife, because they did not like a relationship with a Thai for their son; after all, they are all whores and cheaters. When we asked where they got that wisdom from, of course we immediately referred to all those stories of experience experts who mainly reside around the pleasure centers of Thailand. By definition, places where the risk of being “screwed” is high; something that applies to all these specific pleasure centers in the world; the Amsterdam ramparts are no exception. I don't think you need to have studied to understand that when you travel with the intention of going crazy, you don't have to count on mutual understanding if your feelings suddenly change.
Returning to those prejudices, it strikes me that many of those stories have a geographical origin. This could of course be very coincidental, but it remains striking. Also on this forum I can only conclude that many of these kinds of stories have their origin in the well-known entertainment centers. The source of the stories that we are then allowed to read, of course, comes from the foreigner; we don't do adversarial, because that could invalidate our story and that is annoying for our ego. So with all those stories where things go wrong, we only read or hear the story of the “farang” and that is sacred by definition. This means that the home front, wherever it may be in the world, is only presented with this monotonous image. This was also the case in my family. My brother is now a sister-in-law, grandpa and grandma and suddenly very proud of their daughter-in-law and their grandchild(ren). Another Thai hooker less, my wife and I think, because that's how shortsighted the average "farangs" are.
It remains sad how many stories I read about the short-sighted, lazy, wasteful, unfaithful, greedy, unreliable, etcetera, Thai I read and then we apparently also find it strange that there are all kinds of prejudices!
Moderator: your comment is off topic. Stay on topic.
It is indeed very often negatively judged in the Netherlands about the older men who go to Thailand to find their happiness.
The negative image people have about Thai women in general, I think is mainly due to the stories of the whore runners who spend their 3 weeks holiday in the beer bars and go-go bars in Thailand. That is also a way to make yourself happy feel, and I allow each his own pleasure. It's just a pity that Thailand gets such a bad name because of this.
But people in the Netherlands also usually have a lot of trouble with the large age difference and they are of the opinion that this is doomed to fail.
Although the reaction in the Netherlands was not too bad in my situation.
I have been married here for 7 years now (before the law and before Buddha). I met my wife when I was already 69 and she was 36). DIFFERENCE 33 YEARS!!!!!
And apart from the occasional clashes, we are still very happy with each other.
I have already been on holiday in the Netherlands with my wife 3 times, but the reaction of my family and acquaintances was not too bad.
Although, of course, I don't know what they are talking about behind my back.
But that will be more difficult for me.
But now I have to say that the age difference is an aspect in the relationship that you should definitely take into account, in my experience.
And it will be a bigger difficulty factor in one relationship than another.
First, the woman's background.
My wife had been divorced for a few years when I met her and had already had a (bad) marriage with a Thai man from whom she had 2 teenage daughters.
She has always had to work hard in her marriage to raise the children.
So she was a housewife and was used to a family life.
Second, common interests are also important.
We are now 44 and 77 years old, are now also grandmother and grandfather and apart from the fact that she has her own interests and I have mine, we have enough common interests so that we do not grow apart.
Partly because of this, we can handle our age difference well.
But I can imagine, if a 54-year-old farang meets a young single girl of 21 years old, the age difference (also 33 years) can raise completely different problems.
Their interests will probably be a bit further apart.
It can also go well, but I think they will have more adjustment difficulties than we have and in this case the chance of failure is a bit higher.
I have been living happily ever after with my Thai, we are only 18 years apart.
She is inquisitive, smart and very loyal and caring without being submissive. We live 50% in Thailand and 50% in NL. She has many friends here.
I'm proud of her ! Did I hear a civil servant say somewhere: Do we not have good women in the Netherlands? Answer Go give that to our Royal Family
to ask?????
Frank
Well I guess it's just all jealousy and hidden feelings in people. They pretend that age difference only occurs among farangs in Thailand. It even happens in the Netherlands. They close their eyes to that. it will be a little less, but it exists.
What I can say about my Thai lover is that we have known each other for 6 years and have been married for 4 years now. She is affectionate, understanding, cooperative and satisfied. we now have two children am 24 years older and we get along well. The relations in the Netherlands were to no avail despite their good education and selfishness. I live happily with my Thai.
My wife and I are 29 years apart, she is 22 years old and I am 51., but it's crazy., I don't see the age difference myself., and neither do they., I do see a difference of humor on Thai television., but also the experience I have in certain areas, but I see that she also learns from me about certain subjects, or also Thai modesty or Thai brutality, which she sometimes cannot understand, and to my satisfaction also goes against it, which she didn't do before. I just fear that it could take decades for the whole of Thailand to realize this. I do see that you have to live and let live in a relationship like this, and not worry too much about it, because neither do they!!!
Dear Theo, I know which report you are talking about. Very messy, no capitalization, no punctuation!, no logic.
When I look at the “report” I posted, I do see capital letters and punctuation marks, as well as a certain logic. Perhaps a bit immodest, but I think that as a former teacher and tax specialist I have a fairly good command of the Dutch language.
By the way, I was taught that you write the word logic with a c. Also, a word starts after a colon (:), usually with a lowercase letter!
Dick: Logic is indeed spelled with a c. When in doubt, I consult http://www.vandale.nl. For the capital or small letter after a colon, see: http://www.onzetaal.nl/taaladvies/advies/hoofdletter-na-dubbele-punt
@ This is a comment. It has already been removed. Theo calls a reaction a report. But there is so much confusion that I deleted Theo's comment as well.
Sorry, you're right. I am disappointed that some people have so many comments, but write anything but error-free.
It's nobody's business that my wife is 44 years younger than me. Look at Playboy's Hugh Heffner who recently married a girl about 60 years his junior.
In this respect, I also do what I feel like. Someone once told me that when you die, you are dead for a very long time. So I enjoy life while it lasts and if it costs me some money, well, you can't take it anyway.
What I can't follow now are all the reactions in the form of plus and minus or the likes.
How do we get rid of the bad prejudice. after all, when you go to St. Petersburg, the Russian ladies are waiting. In Turkey as well. i think a relationship with a thai should definitely be based on trust and love. No one wants an unhappy future.
Prejudice over tired short term relationship is ridiculous. In the Netherlands, 1 in 3 marriages also fail. Numbers about relationships living together are not available. These can be even higher.
Age difference can be a problem but you are there yourself.
I want to give everyone what makes you happy. Show respect for your relationship and your environment. T
Top mark backbone if you get comments. Don't get defensive. your own happiness is worth more than someone else's judgment.
Stop giving a like + or -. It adds nothing. (I also regret that this possibility has been created) Everyone's opinion is read Someone as long as it is civilized does not have to give another reaction.
Gay, lesbian or Guarantee with a Thai enjoy life, it takes such a short time.
@ Hank. I think the possibility to respond with a like / dislike is a nice one. It prevents endless repetitions of points of view and gives the reader the opportunity to simply indicate whether or not he agrees with something.
For others it can be interesting to see that several people may or may not have the same point of view without having to read through 100 responses.
What I do think is a pity, the brat and the mainly personal attacks on style and language errors, such as from some other people above. The "I'm better than you" comments. I think we can leave that to the moderator. It can easily remove disturbing or unreadable comments. Maybe this one…
Hello Ferdinand and Henk,
Assigning ++ or — in many cases adds nothing at all. Also happens with occasional commenters who leave a nice message, unaware of the fact that there is a group of insiders who apparently enjoy the anonymous allocation of points. So I agree with Hank. Stop with this nonsense. I asked the editors for an explanation a few weeks ago, but have not yet received an answer. I'm still very curious about the motivation.
Fred, somehow you got into my head to steal my thoughts! Perfectly written piece that I agree with 100%. The opinion of many in the Netherlands had as a consequence for us that (for many years) my wife, after having been to the Netherlands several times, remarked that she would never be happy there. This was partly because she felt very well that people often reacted negatively to our appearance. Indeed, you can hear them think! Personally, that still makes me furious, and after a handful of bypasses I can't take it anymore. That is also one of the reasons why we have canceled the holidays in the Netherlands. Also with us the age difference is 24 years (what is it with those 24 years?) and that apparently falls wrong with some people. Everything is a lot easier here. We are quietly going our own way here, we are still having a great time together, and hope to keep this up for a while!
mrsgr. Martin.
ps Fred forgive my grammar mistakes (lol!)
Hello Martin,
Cheevt absolutely nothing.
As long as you're chulukkich.
All that comment about age difference, even though you keep saying how long you've been together, is just plain jealousy.
And I can imagine that comes miles out of your throat.
They don't understand that things can go well and are secretly (again) jealous of that.
And Hugh Hefner's quote about the 60-year difference.
On the other hand, there is also a difference in 60 million$$$$$$$$$
The bad name comes from the men who couldn't find/get anything in the Netherlands.
About 30 years ago we knew 2 of those men and when they returned everything was told generously to whoever wanted to hear it and the audience passed it on in their own way.
Only those kind of guys absolutely do not understand that they are making a total embarrassment to themselves.
Martin, many more happy years.
Greetings,
Louise
It makes me sick to have to read about the negative side of the farang over and over again
I myself have a relationship with a Thai woman who is 45 years old this year, I will turn 69 this year, age difference of 24 years, my wife has a university education
and graduated with a diploma by the Crown Prince of Thailand, bought her a villa in Chiangmai where we live, I travel a lot and sometimes not present for months, she handles money well, buys on the market, and pay attention to the prices, had dinner with her in the Netherlands in a staekhouse and tipped 10 euros on the high bill, she cried in the car because 10 euros was too much and a tip is included in the price, on this I am currently in Europe, I have been scammed by a Bank in Indonesia and lost all my money, now she has started working to pay for the costs of the house and for herself, unfortunately cannot transfer anything, so you see that not all Thai women
see you as an ATM, I hope to be able to be with her again soon and to be able to start working again, I can't sit still, I still have many plans, hope for me that this happiness may be permanent, the statement is if you go for a Thai woman chooses don't just look at the outside but at the inside, greetings
Pascal
Dear Pascal, you seem to have completely missed the point of that piece. It is not about negative reporting about Thai women, but how a couple farang/thai is seen by the environment or the outside world, and what the possible consequences may be. You apparently see this as an attack on you and/or your partner, but that is of course not the case at all! Please read the piece slowly. Hope you get back on it soon!
Gentlemen!!! you can't get rid of the prejudice. Where does that come from? Have a look at the comments. All men who are married to a (younger) Thai. Not a single Dutch woman with a Thai man. The image is that Thailand is a country that exports women. There used to be many Thai prostitutes in the Netherlands, nowadays less and see, that prejudice is disappearing. It adapts to reality. The word prejudice is therefore incorrect. It's about judgment. However, judgments are usually negative not only in the Netherlands, but almost everywhere. By being negative about others, people think they put themselves in a better light. Incidentally, many people are also enthusiastic about Thailand. The food and smile are famous.
Of course, there is jealousy when older men run off with young women. Jealousy in other men and women. Most of these men in the Netherlands would not succeed in finding a woman about 20 years younger. In Thailand, yes. If you want to get rid of the prejudice, don't marry a younger Thai woman. Do not you want that? Then accept what people think of it. What someone else thinks is his business. Annoying, but you can't change it. Just enjoy what you have and count your blessings I would say.
As a new 49-year-old “thailand blogger”, from Belgium, I would like to point out that (some) Thai ladies are not stupid, respectless and unfeeling creatures at all!
After a marriage of 15 years - with a Belgian - and 3 children, I ended up in a tough divorce. During that period I was lucky – or unlucky – to meet a Filipino woman here in Belgium, with whom I had some wonderful times!
I visited the Philippines with her 5 times, including Palawan, Borracay, etc… .
True Earthly Paradises! I also felt completely at home at her family's home in Sindangan. I was always received and treated like a king, I really lacked nothing!
All these trips through the Philippines have made me addicted to South-East Asia. Together with my girlfriend, I had already made many plans to stay there in the future, to spend (experience) our old age there.
But at the end of 2011, during a heavy mourning process for the death of her father, she decided to end our relationship of 7,5 years. She wanted to live alone for a while and then permanently return to the Philippines. She just couldn't get used to it here.
Of course I didn't like it at all! Never going back to Asia again, I couldn't do that!
So I decided to contact an old friend who has been living on Koh Chang for several years. I went to visit him together with another friend in April 2012 and learned to discover a piece of Thailand. Simply beautiful! Especially when it comes to women, they are not at all as closed off as their European counterparts.
So a next trip could not be long delayed – I was already back in Thailand in October.
Coincidentally, on a stopover on the way from Bangkok to Koh Chang, more specifically in Rayong, I met a pretty lady of 32 springs who was “looking” for a farang.
It immediately struck me that she was not a stupid, stupid, silly, dirty b*tch at all – as is often thought here in the Western world – but a sensible, confident woman who knows very well what she wants. To be able to “trap” her, I really had to keep both feet on the ground, with a lot of self-confidence and, above all, be honest with the many questions she fired at me! A little white lie or bluff would have killed me instantly! Then I wouldn't have stood a chance with her at all.
I didn't realize it at all at that moment that she tested me like that, to see if I was the right one for her. She only told me afterwards, when we had been dating for several weeks.
I can only say that we had another wonderful holiday together on Koh Chang and in Bangkok, where she lives and has a shop!
Now that I'm back home, we Skype and text every day, before I go to work and when I come back home. Never before has a woman shown to me and to everyone that she is so in love with me!
She is really proud that she has me and shows that to everyone, including her children and friends. They all regularly pass on my computer screen while skyping.
Everything I have experienced and felt with this lady in the last 2 months, I have never been able to experience in my entire life! Maybe to a lesser extent with the ex-Filipino girlfriend, but certainly never with the ex-wife, with whom it was unfortunately only doom and gloom.
I can now only say that during Skype, she regularly asks test questions and that every day she has a new wonderful experience to tell me, where I can lick my thumbs and forefingers!
So, don't speak to me anymore about "those dirty stupid, stupid, senseless creatures of h**ry character"! I'm tired of all those prejudices here in the low farang countries! As soon as I get the chance, I'm out of here! And I won't have to tell you where to, surely?
PS In February I will go back to her and her family for a month. Looking forward to it already!
Luc, You are clearly in love and that's nice. But love is also blind. Keep your guard up. You can also test her by, for example, turning off the money tap temporarily or partially and see what her reaction is. There is a lot of truth in the stories one hears about the Thai ladies and their greed for money.
Every woman costs money and every woman wants a degree of security, especially financial, for herself and her child(ren). You don't see anyone writing it in the comments, but it is true that when a woman is very beautiful, she can more easily get various farangs than a much less beautiful woman. Draw your own conclusions from that.
Moderator: Your comment may be offensive to other readers.
Hello Luc, … I think your reaction is brilliant and honest as we can expect from a Belgian, heart on the tongue and clearly in love .. the feeling of being happy is also what I am looking for, and would therefore very much appreciate being able to speak with you in private. I mean by email.
Thanks… greetings Jeanluc
Dear Luc, I am happy for you that you have found new happiness, but you have just been to Thailand twice. You still have a lot to learn about this country and especially how it works. The way you reacted makes me think of an easy victim. I have followed the other way than you. Came to Thailand for 2 years and still for nice holidays. I am now married to a Phillipina, I am happy!!!
Dear Martin,
One would almost be afraid to leave a comment,? without even considering putting that same milk in front of you.
I understand that you have a lot of respect for woman and thailand after being married to a thai for so many years, you are really not alone in this world who pays this respect to thai society, there are also people who are divorced in the Netherlands - Belgium which meaning well, wanting to give their lives for a real love-relationship, aware of family which can partly be maintained… if you marry a Thai.
If you would let me I could go on for a while, defending my point of view there are people like me with good - honest - sincere intentions, but is there room to put a pin in between, maybe I'll get a answer.
Kind regards, Jeanluc
Where do most foreigners meet their wives or girlfriends in Thailand?
Very easy. In a bar, disco or massage shop When the foreigner is on vacation
that girl can easily spend two or three weeks with you. Together each
day of eating, going to the beach and making nice trips.
If the girl had been standing in the rice field, you probably never would have met her. Thai ladies who have a normal job are on average 1 day a week off and 7 days a year vacation. They usually go to celebrate Songkran with their family.
It is therefore very difficult to get to know Thai girls or to get into a relationship who do not come from a bar or massage shop, or walk around the disco on a freelance basis.
In addition, Thai women who get into a relationship with a ferang are often viewed negatively. The Thais themselves then think negatively about the woman in question. Also
a reason that well-educated Thai women have a hard time being seen with a ferang. Girls from a bar often come from poor families and try to improve their lives or help their families and are often looking for a relationship with a ferang. Yet when you come to Thai - ferang parties in the Netherlands, most say that they have not met their wife in a bar or disco. If you then speak Thai with the Thai lady, she turns out to have worked in a bar in Pattaya, for example. The Dutch boyfriend or husband then has the standard answer “yes, but she only worked there for two weeks or she was a cashier”. In both cases, of course, she never went with foreigners. I have never heard anyone say my girlfriend was a prostitute in Pataya, BKK or Phuket. Everyone always says mine is different. Fluff of course. That is probably also the reason why many of these marriages and relationships end on the rocks. A well-known saying id "You can take the girl out of the bar but not the bar out of the girl" In 20 years of Thailand I have met many Thai girls or prostitutes. Friendships have been formed for life. Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, often motivated by financial necessity. However, the ladies in question are people who often have many good sides and deserve respect. So you don't have to worry much about the prejudices and you just have to follow your own path to happiness according to budhism.
Yes,
I couldn't have written it better. This is the reality and that's how I experienced it. But that does not detract from the fact that Thailand is a very nice country with many opportunities to enjoy life.
The beautiful Thai women are of course also included. I like to spoil them because they desperately need the money and I see it as a kind of social work.
Well, you are full of prejudice. My wife is not from the bar scene and had a job as a supervisor in the high tech industry around navvanakon. 4 days on and 2 days off. Still, we got into a relationship. I am the one who has 3 to 4 months (paid) vacation there. Incidentally, I know more people who are on holiday there for a longer period of time or who are working, have a good relationship with a Thai and have never seen a bar inside. And neither do their wives.
How glad I am that there are only happy farangs, what about all those divorces and blended families?
Come on men be honest; mostly it's about sex. Whether or not you can chat with it doesn't really matter, I also prefer to wake up with a nice face.
And now tell yourself, if you have the choice…….
.Prejudices do not arise on their own….judgments against them
Moderator: please don't generalize too much. Sentence removed.
The contributions on this theme almost always deal with the large age difference between the 'farangs' and the Thai women, and it is true that the men are much older than their Thai wives. In my legal practice I have been able to establish the opposite. The Swiss men were usually at least 10 to 15 years younger than their Thai wives. That was reason for the migration amt to suspect a marriage for appearances. Something that is absolutely not the case. There are associations of young men here, who have a preference for older women. It is often difficult to come out as a couple. But since Thai women, like most Asian women of advanced age, still look young, the Swiss have no problem with it.
I am working on an article about my legal experiences on this subject, 'Farang-Thai woman' and prejudices, but it will be some time before I can offer it here for publication.
Moderator: Your comment is off topic
I had planned not to respond but I can't resist. When we see an elderly man (and most of them are) walking with a woman who could not only be his daughter but even his granddaughter, we all know that that relationship came about because of that man's divine body and because of his wonderful character. We all know that. I have no problem with that at all, oh god, if both parties are happy, that shouldn't be more.
In one of the comments the author said: happy to be able to hook up with a younger woman…sorry but be honest with yourself: who hooked who here. So don't walk around like a proud rooster with that possessive look like: See what I can still get; but consider yourself happy in all humility .
Maybe the moderator will not let my comment go through, but I was able to vent anyway.
I met my wife through the girlfriend of a friend of mine, his girlfriend was a bartender, but oh well, there are plenty of them with a good reason to do that job. Of course there was often an explanation of how we got to know each other, not as a defense, but it often depended on the audience whether I experienced it that way or not. Together we have lived in NL for almost 10 years, and therefore gained experience in both countries as a mixed couple. I can report that my wife did not like to mingle with Thai women. Purely because there was a lot of jealousy among themselves. There was only a sellect group just hanging out with each other. But the Thai ladies in NL also asked my wife where she had worked. Referring to the bar beaches, she was not believed when she said she had only been to her hometown with family on a family trip. Talk about prejudice.
Now we live in Thailand with our children, and we never want to go back. We are a couple with little age difference, so I don't have that kind of problem. But I don't judge it either. Each set is separate, and you can't lump them all together. What sometimes irritates me is that the younger ladies often address each other with the question "where is your grandfather?" And then they mean their husband. That's not very respectful to their husbands in my opinion. But that's how I view it.
Now again in Thailand people ask where did you meet your husband. AND they look strange that it wasn't a bar beach. So that idea prevails everywhere in Thailand.
My wife was pregnant and I walked with the eldest on my arm, and my wife walked with her sister's husband in the Big C. The cashier asked if the 2nd was also mine or my brother-in-law's. Luckily my wife is sober enough but they think ok but this one just asked.
The trend of recent years in Thailand is that women are cheating more than before. They are copying the bad mentality of the Thai men. A woman dared to claim that she had different farangs and kept different schedules so that they would not meet. They all lived in their country of origin, so she could decide when someone could come on holiday. 4 foreigners and 1 Thai was her score, and the Thai got rid of all 4. I think it's great that she can do it, but it says something about how things have also changed for women. Cheating has come to the surface much more, whether it has become more I don't know.
I don't judge anyone, I have a limited group of friends, but I remain realistic, I live in paradise, but I close that off by closing my gate. There is also plenty of rubbish outside on the street, just like in NL. We are an ordinary couple, with quarrels and disagreements. But every morning I wake up with a holiday feeling when I get up and go to work. Delicious!
That is clear language.. and that is how it deserves to be, the honesty is sometimes a bit lacking in this topic… but everyone has their say… that takes the longest, although I do go for the real thing, which I mean, not through the way of bars and I do not know.
My comment is of course meant as a joke. Maud's reaction alone indicates such a thing. All stories of farangs with much younger Thai women. 20 years, 30 years,35 years. Of course all true love. No response from someone with a much older wife. Everyone should enjoy life. Just tell yourself about everything.
I don't lose any sleep over this and hope most of you don't either.
J. Jordan.
My Thai wife and I have a 14 year age difference. She lived in Belgium with me for 3 years and I never cared what friends, neighbors or even family said about it. It's our life what do others have to say about it? NOTHING
The farang talks about generalizing, but I see nothing else here on the blog than what the Dutchman is accused of (kenau, emancipated, ugly, etc.)
In my opinion, relationships with a farang are usually based on: he is proud of his young love, still feels like an adonis, she has a future with a good life without having to work hard to survive
Nothing wrong with both parties being satisfied, but don't fool yourself that this is about deep-rooted love.
Both parties benefit from this, so everyone is satisfied
Met my girlfriend in a bar in Pattaya, strange that I ran into her there. Although I have been partying in Pattaya for years. Costs mountains of money for a little itch…
So what should I blame her for? Nothing, I'm just as bad.
A woman is then called a prostitute and a man a sex tourist. So what? Do you know how busy it is on the ramparts!
Oh yes and to top it off she is still 22 years younger than me.
Now that I'm with her it costs me money too. But yes, that also cost my former wife not to mention the years of alimony because she gave a damn about going to work.
Just do what makes you happy and makes you feel happy. No more and no less.
And the environment …… so what! She lives with me and not with those who judge us.
Moderator: Your response is generalizing.
I should have heard that too: from friends that she would take my money, that I have to take care of her family, etc.. and from my ex-wife that she no longer respected me because I had taken THAI. So I was also one of those men (my ex is Brazilian!).
Prejudice up to and including… and if it wasn't a prejudice because she was Thai, then I had to hear: oh, such a young girl of 21 – you with your 55.
I've been with her for a year now. My girlfriend is 39 and already has a grandson. I'm a grandfather, so together grandpa and grandma, who got to know themselves.
We both have a bad marriage behind our backs. We can support each other in this and we can talk well with each other.
And I must also say that I do not belong to these cliché men in appearance. Not a big belly, not (yet) a bald head, I hardly drink alcohol (a glass makes me drunk) and I love Thai food.
We live a healthy life, I regularly swim laps in the 30 meter pool of the hotel 4 km away and go there by bike. My girlfriend and I also regularly go cycling together and always meet friendly people.
But you also see them here: the men who have their first beer at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and drink until late at night. Or those men who go to a bar-beer every day to drink or to take a girl home…
The cliché is true, but it's more than that… there's all sorts of things.
And in addition…. many times more interesting than in the country where the prejudices come from.
It is clear that there are prejudices, but what I miss in the story and the reactions is where those prejudices originate and more importantly, what can be done to change that image.
In the past, the media has of course paid enough attention to the sex paradise called Thailand. Good thing too, because there were many abuses involving minors, even children. Although these stories were intended to draw attention to and eradicate the abuses, this also led to Thailand being put on the map as a sex paradise. The images and stories about Pattaya in particular told enough: Thai beautiful and especially young girls / women in a row for you to choose, often numbered to make it easy for the farang, for the price for which one could not buy a case of beer in the Netherlands at the time . A Valhalla for western gentlemen who found it difficult to find comfort in their homeland with peers, let alone beautiful young ladies. This definitively formed the image of Thailand as the sex paradise for needy gentlemen.
After that, the talking machine got going. You only had to mention the word Thailand in the pub or at parties and a large part of the gentlemen present knew, whether or not from experience, how easy and especially cheap it was to score a young lady there.
In the 80s, Thailand also came into the picture as a holiday paradise for the “ordinary” tourist. Pattaya and Phuket in particular were praised in those years, places where sex tourism was already flourishing. It is not surprising, of course, that those people came home with stories about the many elderly gentlemen whom they saw daily strolling along the then modest Pattaya lanes with another beautiful young lady on their arm, only to then walk into their hotel and be lonely and lonely again the next day. only at breakfast. Pattaya and Phuket are still the end point of many tours and travelers are confronted with these images. It is therefore not surprising that many people have the impression that every farang has picked up his Thai wife or girlfriend in one of the many lady bars and one does not really need much imagination to know that only prostitutes work there. And let's be honest, a relationship with a prostitute is generally “not done” in the West. This means that people invent all kinds of stories about the origin of the relationship.
In addition, a relationship between a 50-plus woman and a 20+ year younger lady in the west is not directly part of the general street scene. In the west you must have special gifts, external characteristics or means to bind a much younger beauty to you. So if you do not meet the aforementioned requirements and then also walk around with a beautiful young lady from the Far East or South America, it is easy to guess what people think and think about it, in combination with the idea that people already have .
Now the most important: “how do we remove those prejudices from the world?” Above all, by showing respect and understanding for these young ladies and especially by propagating this among family, friends and colleagues. I get tired again when I have to read in a piece about social perception that gentlemen prefer their ladies to be as stupid as possible. That the gentlemen, because they have reached a certain age and have worked oh so hard, are not waiting for chitchat, let alone in-depth conversations with their much younger partner. This, while they can imagine that this can be important at a younger age, for example the age of their partner. Needs or feelings of the Thai partner play no role. In addition, the young ladies, regardless of whether they live in farangland or in their own country, have to learn a lot and, above all, unlearn things; in short, above all to adapt to the needs and habits of the master of the house. A "good" way to break the image of the farang with its Thai partner!
Nicely worded, Bacchus, and a useful addition to everything that has already been said about this.
Bacchus, your conclusion is only partly correct. I know a number of (older) gentlemen on this blog who meet the special gifts, external characteristics and means you mentioned and could therefore also opt for a farang woman 20 years younger. However, if the lady is of Asian (Thai) descent, then in the West it is assumed by definition that she comes from prostitution, regardless of the age difference.
The prejudices mainly have to do with the origin of the lady, or with the image people have of Asia (Thailand) in Farangland.
Dear Fred, those gentlemen may meet all the requirements I described, but that does not mean that they can CHOOSE a partner, or rather from a lot of partners, because that is choosing. This is again the story of the ladies behind the glass with a number on their chest: the man chooses! Now explain to me why those gentlemen known to you take such a difficult road, so the road with all the prejudices, for a lady from Thailand, while according to your reasoning they have the women to choose in their home country. The simplistic response will of course not be long in coming: they just like Thai women more!
I also seriously doubt whether the age difference does not play a role in the perception. I myself have an older Thai/Dutch wife and in both Thailand and the Netherlands I have never been confronted with the questionable question whether my wife worked in a bar or was a prostitute. This has nothing to do with appearances, because according to many (and myself), I have a very beautiful and still youthful wife. However, a fact is that in many mixed (Dutch/Thai) relationships there is a large age difference in favor of the Thai ladies; you just need to read the comments and articles on this blog. If the ratio gave a picture similar to the street scene in the west, there would probably be nothing wrong, but it isn't, and those few gentlemen who meet all the requirements you know don't change that. With the experiences and/or information one has, it is therefore not surprising that one has doubtful thoughts.
I fully agree with you that the prejudices are origin and/or region specific, but in combination with my comments from this and previous comments.
Dear Bacchus, it is also that way of choosing that I mean. Choosing a lady with a number on her chest is not choosing, but buying. The gentlemen who meet the requirements you described do not need to buy a woman either. Men in that position have the women to choose and that also in farangland.
So why choose the hard way? Certain men (most of them on this blog) have a preference for Asian women. By the way, I don't see it as choosing the hard road. After all, real love cannot be bought and you can't choose it any more. You may or may not be attacked.
If I were to have a relationship with a Dutch woman 24 years younger (which I have had several times) then no one would think that she could have come from prostitution. Bacchus, prejudices are indeed reinforced by a combination of, but in essence it is really the (Asian) origin.
Have followed this topic with attention for a few days, and note that there are bad apples everywhere in the bowl, on the other hand I am convinced that there are men who have good intentions, but I had hoped for something more open about this one to be and not call an oe a cat? fairness compels us to say that younger women are more of an expectation than…and that includes myself.
What I mean to say is that just like most men, I will also choose a younger woman after a broken marriage in the Netherlands where the woman knows her rights and we have played slaves? we as men give up on continuing to fill in the whims of the western woman
.With usually a complicated divorce behind the back, a Western man thinks, this will not happen to me again. This is in proportion to the fact that love from a woman is indispensable, so one must look for ? what can now be found in Thailand in this case is peace and security.
This song I'm talking about and everything that comes with it, is for the man who's had a bad marriage, well the red light that turns on at what he's looking for, It won't happen to him and me again , see what happened to him… people build in security, but he also knows that every relationship costs money. be happy with this Thai woman now, and yes she is younger, love and pleasure are simply easier to find with a younger woman, who will receive more than a refund see the story of an older man who will therefore die faster and leaving something behind for his younger wife and her future.
Moderator: I can't make sense of your comment. I hope others understand.
Iki can't tie a rope to this either. Waste of reading time….
Frank F
Dear Bachus,
In your response you describe how Thailand was put on the map as a 'sex paradise' and how then, in the 80s, 'ordinary' tourists also came to Thailand for a holiday.
But no matter how you look at it, Thailand is still, and will most likely remain for a very long time, the 'sex paradise' par excellence. The resulting relationships, often older gentlemen with younger barmaids, will, understandably, be viewed critically by people in an 'ordinary' relationship. In my opinion, there is no prejudice here.
Moderator: Your comment is off topic.
Don't want to discuss age difference here, nor where the Dutch/Belgian farang met his love at first sight.
Really don't want to start a discussion at all, …………….
But only this,..there are women you can speak of with respect, or chickens of prey, and regarding both of those categories, time will tell whether you were lucky or unlucky in life.
And hopefully no one will blame me for writing the word ( had ), because no one, but no one in this world knows that in advance
At the END of the ride, also in Thailand….. the taxi is paid
Moderator: Please stay on topic. The posting is not about girls of easy virtue.
Hello…
I don't understand Gs jeanluc's explanation, but what I can hardly make out is what I've read here many times, that he sees the Thai young wench as the "obvious" solution to his marriage fiasco, because over there they are just waiting for us, a statement that only reinforces prejudices.
Your marriage is on the rocks? No problem, there are plenty of Thai women in Thailand. Shows little respect…
And if you don't show respect, you can hardly expect to get it back… not even in Thailand.
Rudy.
Dear gentlemen, I am 40 myself and my wife is 37, so I have little trouble with prejudice.
Have the idea that most people here are defending the age difference, read a lot of things like "try hooking up with a woman 20 years younger here"
If you are 50 yourself and you come back from Thailand with a woman of about the same age, you will not hear many people complain.
In my opinion, however, this does not happen much, don't get me wrong I wish everyone his own and do not condemn it at all.
But think we're bringing the biases on ourselves a little bit.
It's a pity that this topic keeps popping up on the blog. If we want to get rid of all those prejudices, wouldn't it be best for us to stop talking about this ourselves? What a jerk!. An exhausted subject.
Every relationship is one, whatever age combination or background. After a while, only “real” relationships last.
Enjoy life, enjoy each other. Marriage is like any relationship taking care of each other, also in Thailand.
Will I be concerned what "people" in Holland think or what Thai villagers think of it. My true friends and our families value and respect us for who we are.
Yes, and you have to adjust in every relationship; I am from Rotterdam and once had a girlfriend from Drenthe, was also smooth ….
All members on this blog who have a good relationship with a Thai have forgotten the nagging for years and live happily with their sometimes much too young Thai flower.
And... just to join in: I haven't met a submissive, stupid, docile, sexy Thai in 20 years. They watch the cat out of the tree for a year and then turn out to be very independent, smart, arrange everything themselves and are not easily outdone by a falang who knows everything better. Women in Thailand arrange things at home, at work and with the children.
Ferdinand, I find it rather trivializing to dismiss this subject as nonsense. For the old guard among us it will indeed be a sausage how others view this, but I know plenty who are quite weighed down by it and I am thinking especially of the newcomers among us!