A thai woman on dating websites

For about 1,5 years I have been helping a friend of my wife find a suitable man through dating sites. And I thought it would be nice to tell her (my) experiences on this blog. Many times the experiences of Dutch and Belgian men are explained here. But how does a Thai woman experience all this?

Neth (because that's her name) is in her early forties but you wouldn't give her that. Most men estimate her ten years younger. She is not a model but looks – in my humble opinion – above average attractive. She looks a bit like the Thai volleyball star Nootsara, for those in the know.

She was married to a Thai man and has a son with him. She is now 15 years old and lives with her sister and husband in Isaan. Neth is also from there, but she has been living and working in Bangkok for years. She has a decent salary, the Japanese company she works for also has a pension plan and health insurance, and Neth doesn't need a husband for the money. But she sometimes gets tired of being alone and her best friend, my wife, is married to a foreigner. She would like to taste that happiness too. A new Thai man has been excluded after the debacle with her ex, who - after losing his job - started drinking more and more, became violent and in the end also cheated and spent the family money on other women. When Neth discovered that, the measure was full. Never again such a man, Neth thinks, then I'd rather stay alone. 'No Thai husband, no problems' is her motto. She is – I think – not the only Thai who thinks this way. As a result, foreign men are not as popular with Thai men.

Together with her and my wife (she speaks a little English but understands more than she can speak, because of her work) I filled in a profile on the dating sites. Who is she, what does she want, what kind of man is she looking for, what kind of music and movies does she like, etc. And of course there are pictures on the sites. No fake or very sensual photos, or cartoons or landscapes, but real photos of her. I made it clear to her that if she does (and why wouldn't she if she looks quite attractive) she can demand the same from the men who contact her. And if those men don't want that: just as good friends but not in reality.

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What strikes me is that most men do not read Neth's information at all. Apparently the photo is the 'trigger' to send a message or a request to become 'friends'. Most men also hardly write anything in their own profile. The number of Thai men is not large but amazing when you consider that Neth has clearly stated in her profile that she does not want a Thai husband.

The result is that Neth constantly has to refer to information that is already available and asks the man in question to fill in his profile in more detail. If only to avoid raising false expectations or wasting your time with a man who is definitely not your type. I leave the primary reaction to a photo of a man to Neth. After 1,5 years I found out that she prefers a man who pays attention to himself (no tokkie types with tattoos) and does not coquettish with alcohol in the photo (no man with a beer in hand or a bottle of whiskey on the table). I know why.

If you point this out to the men and send a nice message, most of them get angry or start grumbling or cursing. Apparently Neth should take the man as he is, and not whine because he is the rich foreigner and savior in need. The stigma of the poor, destitute, single and sex-hungry Thai woman is playing tricks on the men. The vast minority appreciates it and asks about the reasons behind Neth's reaction. If she tells them, there will also be more understanding for her point of view.

The majority of men are not looking for friendship or a serious relationship, but for the short-term satisfaction of their sexual need. That is probably also the reason why they don't fill that in their profile because you can't always write down what you want. These men want to get away from the website as soon as possible and ask Neth for her ID or number for Skype, Whatsapp, LINE, IMO and some other apps that make it possible to 'cam'. Since she gets 25-30 of these requests a day, she can't even begin. Can you imagine that you have about 200 'friends' per month (2400 per year) extra in the LINE who live all over the world. Then you can forget about your work during the day and you won't sleep a wink at night. Men don't care about this. It has to be the way they want it and they also think they are the only one. Neth explains that she only skypes with close friends and that it takes a while (as in normal life) before you can say that about someone. Most men, however, can't wait that long. The hormones are almost (but not visibly) boiling over.

A small number of men don't waste time and immediately ask about the price of a night with Neth. Or ask what it costs if Neth offers them 24-hour service in Thailand for a week or two (sometimes longer). It is said that these men do not like bargirls, are afraid of being disappointed, are afraid of illnesses or do not want to make an effort for a woman. Neth always makes it clear that she doesn't like these questions and that she has a full-time job and no bar life or bar history. Most men then 'drift off'. One person raises the price.

A notable category (at least to me) are men from the Middle Eastern countries: Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Qatar and a few from Algeria or Tunisia. The youngsters among them are mainly looking for sensual stimuli. Although websites with sensual content are often blocked in their own country (Dubai, however, is remarkably liberal), everyone actually knows how to get around this with appropriate software. Apparently seeing the videos makes you hungry.

A number of them have had sexual experiences, but the number of Muslims up to the age of 30 who are still virgins is considerable. It is therefore not surprising that they have all kinds of questions about sex that they do not get the answers to at home. Neth didn't want to know about this at first, but I answer some of these questions or refer to English-language websites. Sometimes I look like the NVSH (if it still exists), I think. The older Muslims are usually not looking for a relationship but for fun. A single strictly religious Muslim proposed to Neth because it was the only way for him to lose his virginity in a socially acceptable way. Before that, Neth had to convert to Islam. That 'friendship' has come to nothing. That needs no further explanation.

Finally

My regard for men has not increased. And then I express myself weakly. Dating sites are used more as a conduit for ephemeral, fleeting and superficial but all-revealing sexcam contacts, while the primary goal was once to get to know people from other countries. Internet friendship (not to mention love) has degenerated into peeping behavior. And if you don't feel like it, you will usually be treated negatively. If you categorically reject that, you even get ridiculed. Men who are subsequently rejected can hardly bear to lose, given the coarseness of their manners. Or better yet: can't handle the truth. Apparently different rules apply on the dating sites than in reality. What man gets it into his head to ask the lady's bra size on a first date or when she last had sex. Very usual questions on the internet after half an hour of contact.

Men apparently find it very difficult to put themselves in the position of a Thai woman in addition to the well-known stereotypes that Neth does not fit at all. Neth wants to be appreciated and see that a man does not forget her. But rarely does she receive a token of appreciation between two moments when they communicate with each other, while there are plenty of options on every dating site: wishes, photos, presents, shopping, etc. Neth has not yet found a suitable partner. Better no man than a bad man, she told my wife the other day.

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