A dating butterfly
This blog has often featured posts about the phenomenon of dating sites to make contact with a Thai lady in an alternative way. Here's the story of Tommy, a man with a lot of experience in this field.
Tommy
Tommy is in his fifties, always well-dressed and well-groomed, and I think quite an attractive man to ladies. At first glance he comes across as a bit surly, but I know that he can also be very charming towards ladies. A number of times he came to the pool hall on Sunday evening, where we play a tournament, with a Thai lady by his side and that was always a different beauty.
Thai ladies
He once showed me a picture of a beautiful Thai woman on a computer screen and asked my opinion of her. All I could say was that she was a beautiful lady, for I knew no further details. He said that he had chosen the woman on a dating site - in other posts also irreverently referred to as a marketplace - to make an appointment with. I made the connection with the ladies I had seen in his company before and he confirmed that he had also met them through the same dating site and spent a happy weekend with them.
Butterfly
“Gosh, interesting, Tommy, do you do that often?” In this way he has met about 80 (eighty) Thai ladies in the past two years and invited them to come to Pattaya for one or two days for further contact. Initially he started on that dating site with the idea of entering into a serious relationship, he did not find the “offer” in beer bars, discos, etc. attractive. Gradually he came to the conclusion that a permanent and serious relationship is not for him, but he continued to date on that website. Eighty ladies have therefore “fallen” for him in two years, which means that he is occupied practically every weekend. I then decided to play a journalist and interviewed him about his experiences.
Profile on dating site
Tommy is on the site with a profile and photo and is then regularly approached by ladies, who are also on the site with a photo and profile. Conversely, of course, he also looks for ladies who look attractive in the first place, but who also meet his requirements, and then sends them a first approach message. As far as those requirements are concerned, she shouldn't be too young, preferably between 25 and 40 years old, a job is a big plus, speaking English, children no problem. She must also be prepared to come to Pattaya, because Tommy only plays “home games”.
Contact with ladies
Having something to do every weekend requires a lot of work, planning and organization for Tommy. He is in constant contact with about six ladies, after the first contact a few more messages follow and then telephone numbers are exchanged, because, says Tommy, it is easier to talk by phone than via a chat box. He knows some Thai expressions and can say very charmingly that she has such a sweet voice and that he wants to meet her in person. One in six contacts then results in an appointment, which usually takes about 3 weeks from the first contact. Whether Tommy took the initiative in such a case or whether the lady sent him a first message is neatly divided into fifty/fifty.
Office job
Of the ladies Tommy meets, he says that most have an office job or are teachers. Often had a derailed relationship with a Thai and often also mother of a child. They sometimes know Pattaya (not as a bar girl) and sometimes they have no idea what awaits them. Through the dating site they try to get into a relationship with a Farang for a better financial life and security for the education of the child. Of course, the care for the family also plays a role in the background. For the women with whom he meets, it is in most cases the first contact with a Farang.
Weekend
When the lady (on duty, let's say) travels to Pattaya, she is neatly collected from the bus station by Tommy. He has (supposedly) arranged a room for her in a hotel and the party can begin. He takes her out to a good restaurant, he gives her a few small gifts and maybe a disco visit. In the meantime they talk a lot about themselves and a possible relationship. The evening is then invariably spent in the reserved room, where Tommy also spends the night with her. For Tommy, sex is the main motivation for the meeting and although some ladies are very reluctant at first, he manages to get his pleasure in 99% of those appointments.
Second meeting?
A second meeting is never possible, because the next morning after breakfast Tommy tells in a very charming way and with undeniable arguments that he had a great weekend, but that a lasting relationship is not in it: “Of course, you understand, my dear!” He convinces them that she will surely succeed in finding a good man and then says goodbye to her at the bus. Tommy pays all the costs of the weekend and the bus trip, but does not pay anything else to the lady.
ladyboy
Eighty appointments in two years, that is not small. Only one weekend went completely wrong when he had an appointment with a beautiful lady in the photo, who turned out to be a ladyboy upon arrival in Pattaya. Sorry, but that was not the intention, Tommy paid her/him the bus fare and she/he went back to where she came from the same day.
Finally
What do I think of this story? My motto is that everyone should do what they want, as long as it doesn't involve drugs or pedophilia. Still, I can't give much credit to Tommy's actions, who for his own pleasure take advantage of women who sincerely seek a relationship with a Farang.
– Reposted message –
Disgusting. If you give the false impression that you're looking for a relationship, you're just cheating.
If someone on a dating site indicates that they are looking for a serious relationship, then you should not respond if that is not your intention.
I'm not looking for a relationship myself and I'm always crystal clear about that.
“Tuk-Tuk (my nickname in Thailand) never lie, but Tuk-Tuk butterfly” is pretty much my motto.
And then it can sometimes be quite difficult to convince them…
Totally agree with you Fran. I qualify this as "abuse."
Hopefully there are not too many of those "Tommys" walking around in Thailand, because then in the long run no farang will be taken seriously and they will think that we are all freeloaders!
If you're a bit of a guy then you say it like it is. Cheating the lot is very low and oh so easy. The best man is not bothered, but this gives a bad image of the foreigner. I imagine that he is not the only one who acts this way and that it is more commonplace than woof.
The end justifies the means and morality is hard to find. By the way, you don't have to be pretty to hook up with an attractive young lady. Other criteria underlie this. Today I saw a lot of couples again in the big c in Pattaya, hand in hand and madly in love. You know my opinion by now, because I always tell it like it is.
just one word DISGUSTING
Disgusting! Tommy is just looking for sex for the weekend, literally on the cheap. He does not have to pay the rate for a prostitute. That's what it comes down to. One of the nice ladies goes home disappointed, wondering why they didn't like it...
Bah!
Maryse
Just disgusting….
As Frans Amsterdam clearly says: Disgusting.
Taking full advantage of Thai ladies who are REALLY looking for a serious long term relationship with a farang. For that reason even be prepared to travel to Pattaya by bus. They are allowed to enjoy what they consider a luxurious weekend, but where ordinary sex is expected in return. The lady in question eventually agrees, whether or not reluctantly, so as not to immediately lose the chance of a serious, long-term relationship. Only to then hear after breakfast (and after the morning seesaw) that she does not have the desired qualities to continue with her.
Deception, scam and disgusting mentality.
Mister is still too miserable to pay the current rates for a prostitute.
No, sir prefers to destroy illusions, thinking exclusively and only of his own convenience.
I hope this way goes wrong for once, so well that it is expelled from Thailand with a 10-year ban.
well,
I don't think it's appropriate either, imagine how much effort his girl has to take, just overcoming her (mostly) withdrawn life to take the big step. For a Thai really a very big step.
It's a pity that there are such freeloaders around.
Gerrit
Wouldn't it be the other way around?
What do you mean the other way around? The man in question knows very well that it is a woman who is looking for a better life. He is the man with the evil plan, and takes advantage of her ambition. You can say she was there herself, but you take a gamble with your honesty, hoping to win, but it has already been decided in advance that you can never win. Typically a “METOO” case, and I actually think this guy (I can't say under penalty of non placement).
Bah, and again bah.
He simply means that there are also Thai women who have several boyfriends / sponsors. They are also just out for money and really not for a permanent relationship with one of the (un)happy.
Then you should read the story again. This wolf seeks its prey among civilized, preferably English-speaking, honorable women with a job. So explicitly NOT a seasoned barmaid who is sponsored by various farangs (incidentally, an increasingly rare phenomenon).
I think the abuse is just as bad as using someone for your own pleasure.
many of these women are serious, looking, there will be some who are too
being a little exploited by the Farang, that's what you get with poor people who have to take care of their families.
I don't have a problem with that. there are also women who are forced by the family, but feel real love, they are the hardest to fathom. I met one who has never asked me for money, but continues her massage work, I have a hard time with that, but also respect that she wants to take care of her family. I have to say that I care a lot about her, despite the work she does.
I wish everyone wisdom, some will think I'm a wimp. but I am sincere with my feelings, and we must remember that the Americans have created these situations in Thailand and the Philippines to facilitate distraction for their soldiers. Kind regards, Keith
Dear Kees,
Prostitution in Thailand and neighboring countries was established in society long before the arrival of the Americans.
Such men prey on ladies. Spoiling for a few hours to be able to have sex is reprehensible. Tommy counts on the fact that if he uses his charms, the sex will follow. He knows that "no" is not common in Thai culture.
Those ladies are victims, and go home with a hangover. Most will feel “used”. Only a small minority will have enjoyed it and can process the incident in the short term.
I do wonder why the Thai ladies tack so quickly.
Most ladies know what Pattaya stands for for men: sex.
Why do those ladies go to Pattaya anyway?
Why do they let a man in their bed when they meet for the first time?
When they meet for the first time, do they let a man into bed, for fear of being rejected? Or to be able to collect money later?
Why aren't these ladies more resilient?
Let me be clear: Tommy's are reprehensible. I absolutely do NOT want to blame the Thai ladies. Thai ladies (on dating sites) should be more resilient.
Tommy, of course, seeks out the ladies he feels have money problems, and are therefore more lenient.
In my circle of friends there are also some who do the same. An Irish teacher used mine
internet was my neighbor who had a different girl almost every day, but not from the school where he taught.
Handsome guy according to his dating site engineer owed a small $ 1500000 from an internet firm ? The girls came from everywhere also fucked 9 out of ten for free and then back home because they were
not the right one ? According to his diary, which I accidentally saw 418 girls in 6 years, not bad?
Has now suddenly disappeared without a trace received a few emails then the teacher was somewhere else but did not tell where it was?
How dare such a person create false illusions in advance and let himself be proven… It's a SHUN!!!
Sorry read “and let them prove themselves…”
Tommy isn't honest, which isn't much better than outright lying. Of course the ladies are there themselves when they take off their clothes, but just be honest and say that you are not looking for a relationship. Talking over a reluctant lady in particular is more wrong than wrong, you can give someone a lifelong bad memory or maybe even suspicion for life ('men, not to be trusted and only out for sex').
If you frequently have another bed partner fine, but be honest about it and do it safely. Does Tommy even use a condom? If it's purely personal pleasure then I wouldn't be surprised if he does it without a rubber 'because that doesn't feel nice'. With that he runs the risk that he will help someone else and himself go to the grave prematurely. Of course I hope he does it safely, that's the least a butterfly (or is he a bee/wasp?) Can do.
But not only men can be wrong, last year there was also a piece in the newspaper about a lady in New York who had a different date every day. Of course the man paid for the dinner etc. and then this lady went home. This way she got through the months very cheaply with free food and gifts. Dirty scammers and liars are these types of people who apparently don't want or can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. Total lack of empathy. Such a pity. Fortunately, most people are a lot more honest and warm-hearted.
Tommy holds out a hot sausage to the ladies.
Unfortunately, there is no laughing matter.
Do you believe him?
Do you believe that every Thai comes to Pattaya for him?
Tommy is a blazer, a liar, nothing more.
If he will have two in 1 month it will be a lot, especially from a dating site.
They are smarter than those of Pattaya…….
Although I see this story as fictional and metaphorical, I find these types of people disgusting.
But it's a tough world out there, do it to them, before they do it to you.
Extremely hurtful and damaging to the Thai women who respond to this, hoping for a relationship… All “Tommys” are hopefully not determining how the Thai views the Farang. Disgusting!
There are adult dating sites where middle-class Thai ladies are specifically looking for one-time hookups. They emphasize very strongly that they never want to get in touch again. None of these ladies come from the nightlife, 90% are very consciously single and have an executive position in the private sector or their official.
They only occasionally want a physical need to be met.
I would like to emphasize that these ladies do not ask for or expect any financial or other compensation at all. No pre dinner either. Just pure sex without the fuss that usually goes with it. And they're just financially independent career ladies, or ladies in a relationship who stay on their sexual hunger, but don't want to start an extra-marital relationship, because sooner or later it will cause problems anyway. That is why they keep it strictly to a one-off event. They don't even give their phone number.
Been there, done that.
Disgusting??
I don't know, I also know Thai ladies who are not averse to multiple relationships at the same time and that just for money, we call that disgusting??
Do these ladies also call it that or have they already factored it in.
Don't judge so quickly.
Gr
Joop
Yes, ladies (or gentlemen) who secretly string up multiple partners are also liars who take advantage of the sincere intentions and feelings of another human being. Purely for your own gain. I don't. Bah.
If someone honestly says that it is only about sex, money or other reward, then we should not judge. Lie and cheat someone, if someone feigns a (search for a) relationship, then there is nothing wrong with expressing your disgust.
It is clear that this is out of all proportion.
The problem is that nobody knows what he writes, promises etc. , to the ladies on his dating sites.
To me it seems like a pathological liar, ripe for only one thing. Namely, a psychiatric institution.
This kind of scum is not allowed to roam freely here in order to give ladies a feeling of inferiority for the rest of their lives.
Happy holidays. Just not for this dumbass.
I'm amazed at the reactions of so many moral knights. Two grown people make an appointment and both agree, I don't see the problem. Never pissed someone next to the pot or tricked someone????
Yes, but be honest from the start.
Good thing you're still awake Lute 🙂
No one asks to go to bed on the first date or after a weekend.
You decide that yourself !!!
Who do you think initiated the sex from? The reason that the lady in question agrees or tolerates this will have a lot to do with the smooth talk of this gentleman and his false attitude and promises. For her, other motives play a role and those motives are often inspired by doom and gloom. Taking advantage of this is sickening. We can miss these types as a toothache. We all know the fairy tale that goes around with many that every prostitute does her job out of love for the profession and not influenced by any factors whatsoever. Poverty and psychological coercion do something to people, but that is not spent on many. Self-convenience is what prevails in the sex industry. A world that humanity cannot live without, or wouldn't less less policy be better here.
Joe,
I suspect the ladies you refer to are certainly not ladies who have a good job as a teacher, servant or nurse. !!
It is true that the working bar girls have a few 'sponsors' at the same time, although this is only for the few who are really good looking.
And as far as the story of our 'Tommy' is concerned, indeed to puke.
I hope that when the day comes and he really gets feelings with a lady that clicks, that his heart will also be broken, preferably in many pieces.
Tommy screws up for the farang who is looking for a solid relationship.
Jozef
Well,
I don't have a good word for it either.
But I was 3 years ago at Suvarnabhumi Airport and there was a German saying goodbye to his beloved. When he went up the escalator they waved to each other and when the German was out of sight I thought, I'll follow her how she goes home now. She walked a bit past the check-in desks and out of nowhere a Thai came up to her and gave each other a hi five. She showed him money, I don't know how much, but they were very happy together. I have not been able to trace the German.
So it also happens mutually, but I, personally, disagree.
Right Laksi, but there are (or were) hundreds of thousands, perhaps a million on an annual basis.
She kept saying “Phom Rak Khun darling” and the German kept saying “Ich liebe Dich beauty” … freely translated, he kept saying “I like your body” and she kept saying “I like your money” … and so he took the body and said the money … it's simple as that.
He went home happy, said happy to ... nice story, everyone happy ...
What that "paljas" of a Tommy does is completely different ... turns out everyone is disgusted by it ... and rightly so.
The reactions do give me a good feeling, especially that there are still many normal people on this planet who still know how to place ethics.
Ps That German may have flown on to Cambodia and in Phom Penh..yeah,yeah...you know...
ne man is a strange beast... but not as bad as Corona.
Yes Laksi, now you are comparing apples and pears.
Your story is completely correct but has nothing to do with what our farang is doing in the above story. Here a fringe Farang cheats on a lot of gullible ladies looking for a serious relationship for the sole purpose of "free sex".
What you cite is why many tourists visit Pattaya and Phuket, namely cheap sex. That's what they pay for. So it has nothing to do with that marginal Farang mentioned.
It annoys me, and sometimes I'm ashamed to death, when I see a European in Southeast Asia who really misbehaves, let alone a Belgian (I'm from Antwerp) and I don't want to be associated with that kind of “people”.
But yes, in every society there are marginals ... What "Tommy" (alias ?) does is of course "reprehensible", "disgusting", "disgusting" etc. but in my opinion he doesn't know any better. Who can retire in Thailand at the age of 50? Maybe he's filthy rich but I think he's more mentally disturbed and lives on what we call 'disability'.
I read "he sends them back after every weekend" .. honestly I think it's the other way around, ie 99% of the ladies come to the conclusion pretty quickly that they better travel back to Bangkok (of course he tells it the other way around to no loss of face)
To conclude, of course there is a men's world of FFFF against girls who are only after the money, but then both parties (and they know it) are playing the same cards, so it has nothing to do with "who has never pissed next to the mail”
For the record, I'm not a pastor, when you travel you have to have fun / you have to party and feel free to play "the game" with those who challenge you or those who challenge you (you know what I mean) but don't cheat (h )honest people.
I couldn't put it better than what you wrote here. Respect and honesty, so that both parties clearly know where they stand. Agreeing is OK, not agreeing is treating each other with respect: having a pint together, etc., but then that's it. Never had a fight, but never felt like a "bastard". Years later sometimes still respectful contacts, even though life did not continue together. How nice is it to be able to look each other in the eyes with respect and nice later!!!!!
Really sad what I read. I only have one word about this pathetic Tommy… What an ASSHOLE! Two weeks ago I married my Thai girlfriend in Bangkok and today we arranged her visa to leave for Belgium next month to start a new life with me there. We have known each other for 4 years and yes ... met through a dating site! She never asked me for money, so there are other Thai ladies who really care about love. Why a Thai lady? It started as a holiday date and later grew into an honest and mutual love affair. Have been married for 37 years to a Belgian who left me on one day with a friend of mine, reason ? because I worked too much…! Conclusion, you just have to be lucky to find the right one and show mutual respect. I hope she is the right one, which I have no doubt at the moment..! Finally, I believe in karma and Tommy will get his comeuppance, paycheck always comes for his money…trust me…I hope he reads this post!
Dear Arthur,
Your story is eerily similar to mine. Peculiar anyway.
My wife has been in Belgium for 10 years, worked there.
Now I have been retired for a few years and have returned to her native country with her.
I am sure and firm believe that many Thai women can be trusted on those dating sites. To systematically deceive them, well, I think that is beneath contempt. Such a course of action is a reproach for many farangs who, again and again, have to deal with a lot of prejudices.
To what do we owe all this? Are we not entitled to some respect just like the ladies in question? Our name and fame are once again thrown into the dust by a few marginalized individuals who think that everything is possible and allowed.
I only have one word for that: hateful!
Before that I couldn't imagine that there were still so many moral knights, but ... I wonder if all those moral knights have never done anything that was not allowed?
Who are we to judge another if we ever made a mistake ourselves?
This is not a matter of making a mistake, but displaying structurally unacceptable behaviour. Every person makes mistakes and then has to put on the penitent and learn from it to prevent repetition. This is not a situation where the hear see and say principle should be used. I welcome all these disapproving comments and it is a moral obligation. Be involved and take care of each other. One should stand against this and say that this kind of behavior is totally wrong.
I also met my wife on a dating site and have been happily married for many years now.
What I remember from that site is that many Thai ladies were looking for a serious relationship. I call such dealings with other persons pure deceit for one's own pleasure.
Where you get it from that we are all moral knights, I think that's inappropriate. If you want to condone such behavior, that is your full right. I already distance myself from it.
That you can justify this under the name of moral knights, well, I'm scratching my hair for a while. No one but no one of the Thai ladies deserves to be treated like this.
If this behavior is approved by anyone, I have the right to protest against it. This has nothing to do with errors at all. It's all about respect here. And that is hard to find here.