Friends or family?

Friends? No, a Thai, whether male or female, has no friends. That is, not in the sense of the word friend as I prefer to use it.

It is true that there is no uniform definition of the word friend, you can explain it in several ways. You have a special relationship with what I call a friend, you see each other on a regular basis, discuss each other's problems and if you are in need you can count on each other's help. Thai Wisdom”A good friend never gets in your way unless you go down.” comes pretty close.

At every stage of your life you have so-called friends. It starts with school friends, then football friends, college friends and sports friends. They are all not really friends as described above, but more like comrades, comrades or, if necessary, fellow sufferers. In the end you have a family with a circle of acquaintances, from which a number of friends emerge. You see them more often, go to the pub together to discuss the world's problems and after a few glasses of beer the most intimate problems surface. You also use a good friend for the latter, not so much to get a solution, but more to talk the problem off you.

It turns out that of the many friends you've had by now, only a handful remain. You don't have to see each other much, but there is regular contact and you are there for each other if necessary. Fortunately, I have not experienced any real emergencies. I once planned a business trip to Asia that would start in Bangkok. However, the flight was canceled at Schiphol and I still had to travel, including for a first important appointment (Patpong, ha ha!). A friend then drove me to Frankfurt by car, where I was still on time to catch a flight Thailand. During my absence, another friend once assisted my wife for a few nights, who acted rather panicked in a depressed mood.

Now that I live in Thailand, it's all different. Enough acquaintances, but you will never become real friends with Thais or with foreign-language Farangs.

A Thai calls someone a friend if it will benefit him. Just say in company with Thais that you want a good used car and there is bound to be a Thai who recommends his "friend". My Thai wife also has a lot of friends here in Pattaya, especially among the bar girls, but as I see it, they are only friends to take advantage of them in some way.

A few examples:

• Already 10 years ago I regularly visited the same beer bar in Pattaya, a nice place with live music and a wide range of Thai beauties. Three ladies caught my eye, always standing together and one of them caught my special attention. I got into a relationship with the latter and in the beginning we did a lot with the three of us. They were three friends, who lived together in 1 room, ate together and, in short, did everything together that you can do together. Our relationship took on more solid forms, we started living together and we saw the other two ladies sometimes, but it was already getting less. One is now married to an Australian and the other to an Englishman. It wasn't long after that before all contact went up in smoke. Girlfriends? No, fellow sufferers is an appropriate word here.
• A few years ago my wife came home with an “old friend”. Fine, no problem, we provided shelter, went out for dinner and then a disco visit. That was a nice evening! A few weeks later I asked my wife if she had spoken to or seen that friend again. No, was the answer, but you don't have to. She has done me good in the past and I have now made up for it with that night out. Not long afterwards, that friend called herself asking if my wife could give her 1500 Baht (don't borrow, but give!). No, my wife said, I'm not about the money and I don't just have money to give away. How is that possible, said the girlfriend, you have a rich Farang, you can give me some money. My wife's answer is easy to guess and since then we have never heard from this friend again.
• A good childhood friend of my wife would like to work in Pattaya because she needs money for her mother's necessary surgery. We take her in and my wife takes care of work as a bargirl. She earns well, but doesn't have to pay us anything. It took half a year until she meets a Swiss bank employee who falls madly in love with her. The result was that she is now married to the man and lives in Switzerland. Never heard from again.! Female friend? Oh no!

A Thai has no friends, I said earlier, but he/she does have family. That family bond can almost be called sacred, nothing beats family and no one comes between. Without a doubt, the mother is always number 1, but the rest of the family can also count on help if necessary. Taking care of your parents is a normal thing in Thailand, something we can't always imagine.

I myself am not a family man at all, here in Thailand that contact with a single family member in the Netherlands is very minimal. One of the Ten Commandments says:Honor your father and your mother”. We often do, especially when it suits us. The parents can look after the children if we want to go away for a weekend, we visit them neatly on Sunday, but when they get a little older we store them in a home for the elderly.

Here in Thailand it is different, the children are cared for and raised (mother often takes care of the child of the daughter who is working elsewhere) with the aim that those children will take care of the parents later .

No, a Thai does not have friends, but if a Thai behaves like a friend, which I described earlier, then he / she belongs to the family.

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