Isan women, the raw reality (final)

We continue with more examples of Isan women. The sixth example is the eldest daughter of my eldest brother-in-law. She is 53 years old, married, has two lovely daughters and lives in the city of Ubon.

Those daughters went to the best schools in Ubon and they also received extra lessons. This has resulted, among other things, in the fact that they speak excellent English and are also able to put a spoken text - if not too difficult - on paper without errors. Both daughters are studying medicine in Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai. I asked the youngest why she chose that study, because such a study usually does not yield much financially. She said her grandmother's death was the deciding factor. An idealistic slant. Fortunately, there are more doctors in Thailand. How did my cousin manage to pay for all that?

The answer is clear: with very hard work. She is currently head of administration for a fairly large company. But she also has her own administration office. She also undertakes some other activities, such as selling sandwiches and packaged sandwiches under her own name to students and she also has a food stall at the Makro. Her husband is less successful in business, but fortunately helps her with her affairs. Of course, all that work takes its toll because when she visits here – once or twice a year – she promptly falls asleep after dinner. Chronic sleep deprivation. But all to give her daughters a good start in life.

A completely different story is my seventh example. It concerns a farmer's wife in her early 40s, married and with a married daughter. In addition to her rice fields, she also has a vegetable business with which she visits the local markets on her loaded moped. The special thing about this woman is that she openly contacts various other (often married) men and therefore sometimes comes home late. When her husband says something about that, she replies that it is her business (I have heard that, of course, so it belongs in the category of gossip). The strange thing to me is that the men she hooks up with often have more attractive women. Because she's not that attractive at all. Is it seen as normal by the village community? No, of course, but for now she'll get away with it. In that context I can give another example. Namely from two couples who had been meeting weekly for 20 years. When it came out that one of the men had an extramarital relationship, the friendship was over. It was not accepted.

There are of course other relationships, as in my eighth example. It concerns two nice ladies in their early 30s who may be in a lesbian relationship (I only recognize such a thing when it is obvious). At least everything points to it: they studied at the same university and now both work at the Ubon Ratchathani Rice Research Center and rent a house together on the grounds of the research center. They also have a car together and have bought a piece of land together on which they want to build a house. Wherever you meet them, they are always together. They also come to us sometimes and of course together. But maybe they are not lesbian, they just haven't been able to find a suitable male partner. Because in Thailand there is still a lot of marriage within the same social class. This sometimes results in marriages that are not based on love and where the man in particular still looks for a second relationship that is based on love. Female academics therefore have a hard time finding a suitable partner, because I actually assume that there are more female academics than male (confirmed by http://www.pkfthailand.asia/news/news/the-gender-gap- in-thailand-still-much-work-to-be-done/: Thailand's higher education institutions have more female than male students, which is an impressive achievement in itself for a society.). Getting married late or not at all is becoming more and more common, also according to the Bangkok Post.

My ninth example concerns my very nice hairdresser who is in her late 50s. A few times a year the village community organizes a hairdressing day where everyone - but especially people who cannot financially afford a haircut - can get a free haircut. Of course she participates in that too. She herself has an above-average income as a qualified hairdresser, although she works about 20 km outside the city and her husband is also head of the financial department of the Ubon Ratchathani Rice Research Center. They have been able to give their son and daughter – both in their early 30s – a good education at excellent universities, which has resulted in two well-paid jobs. The son has been in a relationship for years with a woman who also has a good job at city hall, there seems to be no real love (although that is of course difficult to assess for an outsider) and the son keeps postponing a possible marriage. The daughter – not a beauty but a smooth girl and therefore an attractive partner in my eyes – is not yet in a relationship and possibly out of guilt she gives part of her salary to her parents. As a result, these parents have already been able to purchase various pieces of land as retirement provision.

The daughter worked in Bangkok for a number of years in a government position and was also allowed to go on business trips abroad several times. I once asked her whether, as an Isan, she felt discriminated against in Bangkok, she was extremely surprised by the question. According to her, everyone in Bangkok is judged by his or her worth and origin does not play an important role (only in Thai soaps apparently). By the way, two years ago she accepted a higher position somewhere in Isaan, but 200-300 km from her parental home. So she only comes to visit her parents during the holidays. Is she possibly a lesbian? No, at least I would be very surprised.

Example 10: An attractive 22-year-old farmer's daughter who became pregnant with a girl more than 4 years ago and therefore had to get married. The discussions between the girl's and the boy's parents did not go well, so only a minimal wedding party was held. And because of those difficult discussions, the daughter did not move in with her parents, with her parents-in-law. So she went ahead and married the man she loved, more or less against the wishes of her parents. The daughter is now 4 years old and fortunately the marriage has lasted. The man has a steady job and the young mother has now set up a food stall along a main road. She will probably be able to find a permanent job in Ubon, which will not yield much more than the minimum wage, plus travel costs. Now she probably earns less than the minimum wage, so if her daughter comes home from school at 4 o'clock she can at least take care of her. However, competition is fierce and therefore turnover is low and margins are small. That's just how it goes. For example, she only charges 10 baht for an ice coffee. She also sometimes has some help from her mother-in-law and from her husband at the weekend. She'll be fine.

My eleventh example is a nice woman in her late 40s. She is a director of the Bangkok Bank and speaks good English. Married, of course, to someone who also has a good job. No children, however, because she says she is far too busy for that. In addition, every few years she has to move to another branch and sometimes that means traveling for hours. That is also a trend: having few or no children. And then I also base myself on what I have read in the Bangkok Post.

My twelfth example is head of the local immigration police. She is a truly beautiful woman of less than thirty and she has earned her two stars on each epaulet because she is a smart woman who also speaks excellent English (which is of course useful for the immigration police). Who should she marry now? That's going to be a subordinate. Both she and he were born in the city and that is no surprise, because education in the countryside is often much worse than that in the city. Unfortunately, speaking good English is not possible for many rural people.

Example thirteen is a woman in her early 60s, a farmer who lives near us. Probably my wife's best friend. She is married and has a son who lives and works in Bangkok and an unmarried daughter who is a teacher and also lives far from the parental home - 100 to 200 km. From her son, she does have a thirteen-year-old grandson who is cared for by her. She supplements her meager income as a farmer by working as an on-call worker at the local hospital. She gets 300 baht for that. Not per day but per month. Of course, her husband also earns some extra money. She is a decisive woman – she even saved my wife's life once – and very full of life. She also has two very elderly parents who live with another daughter. Her mother - already well into her eighties - always looks at you with piercing eyes and at village festivals she is even willing to dance with you - for a fee. No, very different from those two old ladies – really skin and bones – who I once saw sitting in the house of a football friend, while we – the football players – had a barbecue in the courtyard after a football tournament. Although I thought those females were more dead than alive, one came out with a chair: a chair for the farang. The farang is often still held in high regard by that generation. This is already a lot less with the current generation.

The last two examples do not concern women from Isan, but from Bangkok. I took them anyway because they are special women and because they have virtually no contact with farangs. However, the latter no longer applies to my last example because she is now a flight attendant at Thai Airways. Still in first class.

In example fourteen, the woman is in her late 50s. She owns a jewelery production company and buys silver, gold and precious and semi-precious stones herself. A few years ago she also started the production of packaged toilet soap. She developed everything herself and also designed the beautiful boxes herself. One of those soaps contains coffee extract and the soap piece itself is in the shape of a coffee bean. She exports that soap to Laos and soon to Vietnam and China.

She works hard. Does the designs herself and she is also not afraid of simple handicrafts. She sometimes works late into the night. She had to undergo heart surgery a year ago (because of that?). Of course she also has a man in a good position: he is head of the administration of a Swiss company based in Bangkok.

She occasionally comes to Ubon because she has a shop there. When her only son moved, she borrowed two of my wife's employees for a day to leave the house clean. In gratitude, she gave those two Isan women 500 baht each and a necklace worth 2000 baht. A very generous reward (although she is not really rich herself). But her behavior also shows that she has respect for Isan women. I don't really believe those stories that people from Bangkok look down on Isaaners. At most on Isaaners who give reason to do so.

Example 15 is a picture of a woman who is now 37 years old. However, I have known her for 20 years. That was because my son was already corresponding with her via the internet. The conclusion can be drawn from this that she came from a reasonably well-off (but not really rich) family that already used computers at that time. She completed her education at one of the best universities and therefore speaks perfect English. She visited us several times in the Netherlands - after a flight with Thai Airways to Brussels - and when I emigrated also with my son and daughter. And we always have to stay with her – actually with her parents because she does not have her own home and is not yet married – when we are in Bangkok. When she was with us in the Netherlands, she would just help with the housework and occasionally prepare the food. And she also did the shopping herself. But when we are with her we are not allowed to pay anything and when I once left money in the car when she took me to the airport she later sent me two bottles of whisky. Truly a treasure of a woman.

The alert reader will have noticed that I have not mentioned prostitution and related matters. Now of course I will not deny that prostitution occurs in Ubon, but I don't know anyone here who works in it. I also don't know anyone who has moved to Pattaya, for example. Now they won't immediately hang on to my nose, there is another indication that it won't be too bad. There is a direct connection with minibuses between my village and Bangkok. This is intended for men who work in Bangkok. There is no such connection between my village and Pattaya. So in any case it is not a large-scale phenomenon here.

I can give an example that comes close. It concerns a woman in her thirties who has already had several relationships with farangs, including elderly farangs. And she clearly did it for the money (is there much against that, by the way?). However, she was not really from the vicinity of the city of Ubon, but from a village about 60-70 km outside it. So probably a village with few opportunities to build a reasonable life.

Come on, a second example: it concerns an extremely nice woman in her forties who went to Phuket during the winter months for a few years to take care of an old farang. That was at a time when her husband was in prison (allegedly framed) and there were children to be cared for. Her husband is back and the money earned in Phuket has been well invested. They are now doing well financially.

Then one more incident that I would not like to withhold from the readers. My wife and I once went to the city of Ubon for something to eat with our three holiday workers – three students in their twenties and all three of whom were above average beautiful. Afterwards we would stop by the ice cream parlor Swensen's. However, my wife went to the toilet for a while, so I walked to the ice cream parlor with those three girls. Suddenly I saw a farang looking at me strangely. I didn't really know why, but then I realized that it is indeed not an everyday thing for an elderly person to go out with three girls, and then to eat an ice cream. The Thais apparently did not find it strange and in any case did not reveal anything.

In case there are readers who think I have a thing for all those women, one more anecdote:

The anecdote takes place in the city of Ubon, but about 50 years ago. So it was at a time when in Thailand the man of the house still had many privileges, such as being the first to eat. But that does not mean that the woman - even then - accepted everything from her husband. My wife's mother was Isan, but her husband was born in Bangkok. But that did not stop her from going and looking for her husband armed with a stick when her husband came home later than expected. When her husband heard about this, he rushed home.

And I married her daughter…..