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Home » Reader question » Reader question: What should I ask for a financial contribution from guests?
Dear readers,
My wife and her and sister both live in Chiang Mai, in their own house. I am married to her and my wife's sister is also married to a Dutchman. My wife's house is bigger than her sister's, which is why my brother-in-law's sister and her husband are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks next year.
We will arrange the food and drinks, my wife will cook herself. That man is a big eater and also drinks 2 large bottles of Singha beer with dinner.
My question is, what should you ask per day per person. Of course we are not going to pay for it all ourselves. Assume good (chicken, pork or fish) food, fruit, soft drinks, water, beer, water consumption and electricity twice a day.
I know people are skeptical about staying with family, but I still want to give it a try.
Thank you very much for the indication.
Regards,
Rudolf
Make a household pot, share the costs together, you won't get any crooked faces, we've been doing that for years and never had any complaints, just suggest it first before they come, Greetings Henry
Well, what are you supposed to do with a question like that? Want to compare yourself to Bed and Breakfast like in UK. Now I think you can also make a calculation yourself. Personally, I think it goes a long way if you let this kind of settlement take place for family, but it's your happiness, not mine.
2 weeks is your starting point. So take a cheap hotel or apartment and see what it costs per night.
Food seems very simple to me, it is not a restaurant because I understand that people eat along, so take the costs of a market meal. You probably know the price of singha so you can easily calculate this yourself and I don't understand why you ask this question.
Unless your real question is what others think of your premise of making family pay for sleeping in your own home. So be clear and ask that question
Good luck with your family relationships.
Go to a good restaurant. Copy the menu card and present it to them. Also often has a page with drink prices.
We, as Belgians, would not even dare to think of asking family coming on holiday for even the smallest contribution for such a short stay. That's what family is for. Even with good friends we would not do this. We are Burgundians.
The same for most Dutch people. Over the years (both in the Netherlands, US, Australia and now 12 years in Thailand) I have regularly had family over. Never asked for and received 1 cent. Sometimes she paid when we went out to eat, but we never experienced anything like what I'm reading now.
Well Danny, I as a Dutchman and with me many I assume don't dare to think about that either.
If you have a good relationship with your wife's sister and her husband and see each other often or regularly, I wouldn't ask anything at all in order to maintain a good relationship. Unless they started it themselves. Then 200 Bath per person per day seems sufficient if they do not go and get the groceries themselves.
My counter question is: do you want to be real family or pretend to be a hotel? In the first case, eyebrows will be raised high in Thailand if you start charging money for your 'hospitality'. They will not protest openly against your request, but will think their own and share those thoughts with the rest of the Thai family. If you don't ask, your guests will probably think of something to show their gratitude to you (for example, bring something as a gift, do some shopping or pay for a dinner)
If you don't care about all that, or if you are so tight that you have to ask for money, then that calculation is quickly made. Don't ask for more than you pay yourself.
Dear Rudolph
My brother also lives in Thailand. I visit him 2-3 times a year. He and his Thai wife are always happy to see me and regard me as a guest. They wouldn't be able to live with the thought of only asking me for 1 eurocent. At that moment I am a guest for them and you do not apply for accommodation money. I do have the courtesy to invite the whole family to a restaurant of my own accord, of course at my expense. I don't think that is more than normal as a guest. My brother picks me up at the airport in his car. It's a 3 hour drive to his house. I spontaneously also take care of the refueling. So I would say, how do your guests feel about this? In Belgium this is the most normal thing in the world.
Hi Peter,
my brother came too and didn't ask for a penny. Of course I don't ask for immediate family.
Dear Rudolph,
It seems to me that it is arranged worldwide that family visits are always free…unless one is very poor.
Greetings …… Joop
The Asian approach. Be hospitable. I assume the guests want to give something back themselves. What does your brother-in-law do? Do not worry. Don't look at the money, work on the relationship.
Asian? Just seems like the normal global approach to me. You don't charge good family and friends when they come for a short stay. Of course you can assume that the guest behaves normally and, for example, does not behave like the Maharaja of Singapore and also gives something back. As a guest I quickly feel burdened or that I am not too much of a burden to the host (financially, time, privacy, etc.). As a guest, you can, for example, pay the bill for a dinner or other outing. The main thing is sincere friendliness and fun together.
If the relationship is one-way, I can imagine that you let her know that she should not eat the cheese of your bread and abuse your hospitality. But then I would discuss with my partner how we explain that your guest is not welcome because of a bad history or otherwise a happy medium that gives you shelter but no food and drink. But the Rudolf house really has to assess for itself what a proportionately reasonable approach is.
If you don't know the people well, I would watch the cat out of the tree. Does it seem after a few days that they are abusing your hospitality then address this. If they cost you thousands of Baht per day, you can still say 'sorry, but we've run out of money' and offer them something simple, such as some rice with an egg and a bottle of coke. Then they will probably get the hint…
In short, I don't think we can say as an outsider what the best approach is. Follow -together with your partner- your mind/feeling Rudollf, then everything will be fine. Don't worry.
If you ask for money, they automatically have a say in the food….you cook yourself, then let their contribution be that they buy food and drink at the market and then prepare it together.
Do you also ask the 'family members' accommodation costs?
They are family members who come to stay for 14 days and eat with them. If my family comes that way, they automatically contribute financially or by inviting them to eat outside the door a few times, which they then pay again
But yes you have family and relatives
Whatever you are going to calculate I would definitely mention it in advance
Succes
There are a few possibilities.
If you can also be with them for 2 weeks at another time, you don't have to count that way!
Another possibility, you will buy together what is needed and share the costs.
Last option, you are happy that the family is coming and don't think so narrowly about what it is
will cost. If the visit / the fun is disappointing, then this is a one-off experience.
Why pay?
Otherwise just tell them to book a hotel, yes that also costs money which they probably don't have so they can't afford you either!
From what I read, you are probably frugal Dutch people hihi, but everything costs money of course.
It would be easy to divide his food purchases by the number of people, as well as electricity and other possible costs associated with accommodation. Does that man drink a lot, go to the supermarket with him and let him buy his beer or ask what he wants and simply present the bill.
Well,
Had to read it a few times;
My brother-in-law's sister and her husband……….. is coming to stay.
A, ha, so that's not a family, I closely understand the question.
Well, I would suggest the same as Henry, make a household pot, put 1000 Bhat in it each and when it is gone, each again 1000 Bhat. etc. Sleeping is free, but eating and drinking together.
Greetings Gerrit
It is indeed a bit difficult to read, but it does not concern my family either.
It is related to the brother-in-law, who is married to his wife's sister.
Probably strangers to him.
Then I find it strange that the brother-in-law himself has not offered to pay for HIS guests.
I find it strange that they are not staying with their own family.
I think he'd better put a bigger house. Once inside it is difficult to get them outside. They say “it stays in the family” but the rest comes along too.
Family and friends from Belgium also regularly stay with me. Also my wife's Thai family and Thai friends. I would feel unhappy if any of them asked how much they have to pay me. You should be ashamed to ask such a thing. Then you had better tell them that they are not welcome.
You do not ask for a fee from guests.
You offer them a place to sleep, food and regular drinks.
If the guests have special (expensive) wishes, they can purchase them at their own expense in the shop.
I never ask my family for anything. I like to spoil my guests. If they would continue to live, it would be a different matter. But for a mere two weeks I would not even think about asking anything. In Belgium I have never done.
Either you are hospitable or not.
good luck to your family.
I wouldn't even know where to crawl with embarrassment to dare to ask such a thing. I am a Belgian and used to receive Thai people in Belgium on a regular basis. Never asked for a penny. Also here in Thailand I regularly get Belgian and even Dutch friends, then I don't even talk about family, visiting. I've never asked them for a penny. If I couldn't afford it myself I would tell them honestly: go to a hotel because I can't offer you a portion of food. Where has the hospitality gone if you have to think about it that way? To sink into the ground with shame, that's the Dutch mentality, I'm very happy to be BELGIAN.
I know Dutch jerks...just look at the questioner, but there certainly are Belgian jerks too...we're not going to start a war between the Belgians and the Dutch, are we? That is too much honor for such a stupid question .... by the way, I am very happy to be Dutch and would not even want to be buried in Belgium, so with statements like this we ignore the question and end up in a field where no one wants to end
So let's avoid this kind of answer
I understand that question, because you are stuck with family of your brother-in-law who live in a smaller house than you.
Is it so small that they can't accommodate a 2-person family, you probably wonder and should you pay for it.
I would take it up with your brother-in-law that he pays for his sister and her husband's expenses and then they can spend the night with you for the practical.
It is all a matter of consultation, so talking, then there will be no frustrations (especially with yourself) and everyone knows where they stand.
You don't choose family, you get it forced on you because of all kinds of conventions.
In short, don't turn your heart into a murder pit and at least talk about it with your brother-in-law.
Well if you are really sure that you never want to see them again after the stay, I would ask for a minimum of 1000 baht per person per day, yes I think so………..
Hi, I can understand that, my ex was Dutch and when we visited Zeeland we always brought our own meat, and a quarter of a ball of mature cheese as a gift. When I got up it was a fried egg from Lucas, yes, just do two, two? won't the other one get cold? Understand, anyway, good luck.
We also have regular visits from our family from the Netherlands, asking for money is the last thing on my mind, but in this case it is my brother-in-law's sister and her husband, so it is a bit different.
Fortunately, my family comes with suitcases full of things that are not for sale in Thailand, so that makes the price a lot different or free. However, refueling and eating are often done at their expense.
You have to remember that they wouldn't go on holiday in Thailand if you didn't live there, so I also think it's a pride to show them Thailand.
After our bad experiences, other people outside the family are looking for a nice hotel, I once had a person bring cheese for me and first kindly ask if I wanted to pay for the cheese first before I forgot (412 Baht!!) and then emptied our refrigerator until 4 o'clock in the morning, after breakfast he thanked us kindly and would like to see you next year.
The word hospitable is still in the Dutch dictionary.
If you have guests, you pay.
If you go out to eat, at least share the costs.
What a bullshit …….
Thank you all for the responses and advice, of course sleeping is free, water and electricity too, I was actually about the food and drinks (wasn't clear enough).
warm regards,
rudolf
You don't ask for money for food and drinks either.
That is, of course, if they are not on your doorstep every week.
In the Netherlands you can expect a flower or a box of chocolates in return.
However, I do not believe that this is Thai custom.
Maybe they'll bring a bottle of good whiskey to drink together.
They come to me from all over the world, food, drinks, tours in the area, etc. are for my account, they only have to pay for their tickets, I tell them when planning, but once here they often also pay for a drink and a meal somewhere. Sometimes they are only sometimes just 6 people. I only ask for a contribution according to ability which goes to Charity Hua Hin Thailand.
Just consult first. Normally you don't ask for something like this for family, but if you are really short on cash, just discuss it in advance. This should be possible. Our friends, with whom we made a tour 2 years ago, paid half of everything and also paid for the New Year's Eve buffet, and paid a few extra things. Consultation in advance is simply very important. And if you think they're freeloaders, don't get involved
Normally I would assume that you don't charge the guests. If they are good guests, they will certainly return the favor. Such as inviting you to go to a restaurant and whether you pay the fuel costs when filling up. To be clear, I am Dutch and if I am allowed to stay somewhere, I will take people to a restaurant and pay the fuel costs, here in Thailand but also with family in America. If you don't have much money yourself, it will be difficult. and I agree with the previous writer that if they are freeloaders then don't get into it.
I sometimes get friends from the Netherlands who stay with me. They all bring goodies from the Netherlands and that costs me nothing. The first time they came she wanted to give me all the money they had left, then said give your account number but then I will transfer it to you in Euros, she did not want this, so I say take it with you because I don't need it either. Furthermore, everything paid for from a joint grant and replenish it the next morning, because of terraces, massages, eating out, etc….