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Home » Reader question » Reader question: How is a wedding in Thailand?
Reader question: How is a wedding in Thailand?
Dear readers of Thailandblog,
Is it possible to give me a little explanation about the following: I have been coming to Thailand for about 15 years. Met a girl, and so far everything is going great. Good contacts with the family, etc. But now, since June 2013, I have retired and have come to settle here.
I have been living with this girl for quite some time and have proposed to her. (She said yes) What rules should I follow to prepare for a Thai wedding? For example, do I have to get married in a temple? Are there witnesses to that? Etc…. All (good) advice is welcome.
Thank you in advance.
Greetings from Kantharalak, Sisaket Province from Roger.
First of all, you MUST do nothing, you can do anything.
Normally there is a village ritual where you get married by the village elder. After (or before) the marriage is blessed by monks.
All rituals are different per village, per temple. Usually there is a ceremony where the man walks to his future wife's house and buys her from her parents (no guarantee). Usually there is a party with lots of food, music and drinks. After that, before or never at all, you can get legally married too.
I myself am not religious and therefore married without monks. My wife's family is of Khmer descent so the village ritual was Khmer. A friend of mine's wife (she speaks good English) guided me so that I wouldn't do stupid things. We were not legally married until many years later. The money that I gave to her parents in respect of the whole village was simply transferred to my wife's bank account after that. She just sold the gold that I gave to my wife in respect of the whole village when the gold price went up and also just put the money in her bank account. We had a morlam band with many sweet dancing girls, lots of food and lots of booze. Now it doesn't cost that much, so for me it was just a fun party.
That your mother-in-law has deposited the money given and the money from the gold into your wife's bank account is nice for you and her, but certainly not "ordinary".
And if you get married to an ignorant farang, the amounts are no longer normal and there is just an extra zero before the decimal point.
I'm certainly not against paying a dowry, I don't even think the system as it is actually intended is wrong, but if everything stays with the in-laws with the wrong comma added, I always get an annoying gut feeling.
It's just how you look at it.
I sometimes talk about it with my girlfriend and we also say that the money will at least partly be returned to her account.
Other than that I don't have much trouble with it. But I did say like monks like hoods. If we marry under Thai law and I pay a sinsod, then in the event of a divorce there will also be a Thai divorce. That means getting married before the law in Thailand and also arranging a possible divorce in Thailand. So that means that you just separate without consequences, assets are separated and that's it. No hassle about partner alimony and so on. If you legally married in the Netherlands and divorced after 5 years, your wife would still be entitled to 12 years of alimony. Apart from possibly children etc, I think you should of course just take care of them. And if she wants it the other way around, getting married in the Netherlands, then no sinsod will be paid.
Furthermore, I do not find it very strange that a farang pays a bit more than a Thai from the countryside, after all, it is also the case that a woman with a farang usually has a somewhat higher standard of living. Would you break up and she suddenly has to go back on her own and live on 8000 baht, then that would also cause a huge problem for her.
Paying more money not only for the farang, but also for the Thai themselves. A middle class Thai from BKK also has to pay more than the boy next door 3 houses away. The last wedding I attended there was 500.000 baht paid by a Thai. I know from him that he has a salary of around 50.000 baht per month (department supervisor at a large company) and his wife around 10.000 baht per month. Chances are they just borrowed the money and gave it back, otherwise I wouldn't know how they could get that 500.000 with their salary and life. But as you can see, those amounts do go over the table for sight.
Of course it also depends on whether your future wife has been married before, does she have children? Has she been educated or not, what kind of work has she done or is she doing and what is also a factor, what is the prestige of her family, so the status of her family, these are factors that determine the dowry.
In general, we are talking about the isan here, a woman from a small village who has been married and generally had a 10000 baht job, then you can think of 200000 baht minimum to prevent the family from losing face. If you do this in small denominations (100 baht) it also looks impressive.
Getting married at the municipality goes nice and fast, don't forget your papers, I believe 3 or 4 extracts and, as I remember, you need witnesses, at least for the divorce 555.
good luck and prosperity
it depends on whether you marry for budha or for the law or both.
You don't get married in the temple that's for funerals only. You go to the temple and reserve a number of monks, the more the more important you are. My family wanted 9 monks but my wife and I only had 3. You set a date, have a conversation and make a donation and go home.
Provide enough food and make sure the food is good otherwise it will be talked about for a long time.
My wife had a whole script of how she wanted it so I left everything to her. I only pulled the cut. Then the sin sod the family expects sin sod an x amount and gold that you have basically lost and the amounts can be rise considerably.
I have stated in advance that I would not pay sin sod, after two years they are still talking about it, I will probably have to listen to it for the rest of my life. By the way, my wife agreed that no sin sod was paid as we had already spent a lot of money on the family.
Agree in advance what everything may cost.
If you were married only for Buddha and you want to get rid of your marriage, you can leave right away because you are not officially married, so no divorce. If you were married only for Budha, your wife is not entitled to your pension after death.
Get married legally at the embassy, have it translated, have it stamped
at the thai government, embassy knows how
I hope I haven't forgotten anything, good luck.
Pierre
roger,
You get married in Isan.
I think this because I see sisaket by your name.
You will most likely marry the customs of Isaan and not the Thai customs.
The front door of the house will be decorated with an arch of green branches.
7 monks will come to your house and you will be symbolically connected with a white thread around the wrists. Make sure you can sit comfortably, as the ceremony lasts 1-2 hours.
The family members will also be tied to it.
So you also marry the family.
The party will last 3 days, during which a drive-in cinema will be hired and you may get a lot of visitors (250 is common).
If you buy a lot of whiskey, there might be another fight at the end of the evening.
There will also be a lot of cooking and eating.
The single ladies will come to inquire if you have a brother or friend who is not yet married.
Many people in Isaan do not get married at the town hall, but only before the Buddha.
In Thai law (I think) the possessions you have accumulated before marriage are not included.
Jeffery
Dear Roger,
Getting married in Thailand is very easy both for the law and for Bouddha, but first of all you must be able to submit the necessary documents to the official place of marriage (municipality or town hall, as we call it). To get married afterwards in the temple, as far as I know you only need to be able to present the official proof of marriage. First of all, since you already live here in Thailand, you must present to the embassy of your country a certificate of non-marriage (single or divorced), a certificate of good conduct and morals, an extract from the birth certificate of the place where you were born and the date, who your parents are (or were), and request proof of income. Those documents can take a while, since the embassy has to request them from the population service of the municipality or city of your home country. With us it was not necessary (it was then 2004), but you can ask if you have 800.000 Baht in the account and a monthly minimum income of 65.000 Baht. Your girlfriend must also request all these documents (if she has her own income, possibly also that income) from the municipality where she lives. Witnesses at the wedding can be: 1 or 2 family members of your wife or you can also ask someone at the place where you get married to be a witness (for payment). After signing, registering and approving the marriage act (which happened in half an hour with us), you can get married for Bouddha the same day or a few days afterwards, usually this happens at the wedding party. With us afterwards we had a delicious feast in the afternoon in a fancy restaurant in Bangkok and afterwards a wedding party for 100 people in a rented restaurant with all the trimmings. Then on honeymoon to the Golden Triangle: Chieng Mai and surroundings, Mae Sai and Mae Hong Song. Afterwards a second honeymoon to Cambodia: Siem Riep, Angkor Wat, Angkor Thom, the jungle temple and the red temple. Then a boat trip on the Tongle Sap lake. And then we went to live in Belgium for 3 years, where my wife obtained Belgian nationality. After you are married (or before), I think it is wise to register both of you at the embassy, which provides certain advantages.
Best of luck in your marriage.
Regards, Roger.
Thank you all in advance for your spontaneous honesty and good advice. Thank you again.
Greetings,
Roger from Kantharalak – Sisaket Province
You often hear 'marry before the Buddha'. For the Thais that is just 'marriage', the real wedding celebration for the community; and in Thai it does not contain the word 'Buddha'. It has nothing to do with Buddhism at all although some monks come to say some blessings. Just call it Thai traditional marriage. The Thais don't consider 'marrying before the law' the 'real marriage', they call it 'registering your marriage' (at the amphoe, the town hall), there are usually no festivities involved.
I would especially say keep in mind the same as a wedding here and that is until it costs a bomb of money a wedding.
Dear Rick,
A wedding party here in Thailand is completely different than in our home country, and that a wedding party costs a lot of money does not have to be the case. When I got married in 2004, the entire wedding party, with a singer and a few dancers, buffet and drink a volontee, renting an entire restaurant and 100 guests for a whole day in Bangkok, cost me 40.000 Baht. Compare that with a similar wedding in our homeland. When we were back in Belgium I spoke to a newly married head about it and they told me that for such a similar party, I could count on around (converted into THB) 500.000฿ !!! Expensive here? Not by a long shot.. At my first marriage, also with a Thai, my ashes mother-in-law asked me for a gold bar of 1 kg. I promised that, but never got it and afterwards she didn't complain about it. At my second Thai marriage (with a cousin of my ex) I didn't have to give a dowry at all, after all, my wife's parents were no longer alive. It is true that when you get married, the parents see it as if you are taking something important away from them, which is why they want a dowry. Getting married before the law is not just a piece of paper for the woman, but an assurance that she will be well off financially in her future. Especially if she marries a “farang”.
Greetings.
Hello roger,
Getting married in Thailand is more than just a party, for Thais it is a special tradition that differs depending on the province or village where you live or will live.
First contact is made with a distinguished monk, who chooses a good date for you and your loved one for the ceremony, also has a bit to do with the zodiac sign of both of you, once a date has been set you can start the preparations, the ceremony is usually given in the house of the bride or in the pre-existing house you have, very important is inviting the monks, as 9 is the highest number 9 are usually provided
The house will be decorated, special arch at the front door, and various decorations in and around the house.
Accompanied by family and friends, you will be escorted to the house where the ceremony will take place, with loud cheering and singing, they will take you to the front door, where you are not allowed to enter unless you first give a small gift to the two people who perform the ceremony. blocking the passage until you are finally brought to your loved one, some of your family and friends will also be waiting for you inside, and once the monks have arrived, the actual ceremony can begin.
After a few prayers from the monks you will be connected to each other with a white thread, make sure you can adopt a good sitting position as the Thais usually sit, because this ceremony can take up to 2 hours, after the blessing by the monks of the temple. wedding, gold is usually handed over to each other and the groom hands over a sum of money, which is received with loud applause
Afterwards, depending on the village where the ceremony takes place, one by one the parents and grandparents come to sprinkle your hands with water or tie a white cord around your wrists, where in the meantime they say a few words to Julie, then further family members and then friends and acquaintances
Once the ceremony is over, the feast can begin. Different dishes and drinks will fill the tables.
In the meantime, several photos are taken per table of those present where the bride and groom come to pose, and the couple also makes a speech.
Usually everything is cheered up by a band or DJ….
Getting married before the law can happen both before and after, just make sure you have the necessary papers with you, which you can find through your embassy
Happy loyalty
Moderator: The question is not about Sinsod. Please stop this off topic discussion.