Michiel had always been a practical man. All his fifty years of life were punctually spent on his career as a tax department manager, a strict schedule of commuting, and providing football training to the local youth. He never married, even though there were plenty of women who caught his eye. He opted for safety, for the familiar. But a holiday to Thailand would change that forever.
It was a journey to relax, to escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life. In bustling and immensely warm Bangkok, he met Nat, a petite but lively appearance. An eye-catching, sparkling 32-year-old woman. She was beautiful, exotic and incredibly charming. What started as a conversation at the bar became a friendship and quickly developed into a connection. Nat was not like other women Michiel had met; she was defiant, independent, yet tender and understanding. She showed him a side of himself he had never explored before.
It was in the second week of their meeting that Nat revealed something that Michiel hadn't expected at all. She was a ladyboy a transgender, what Thais call a kathoey. Born in a male body, but always a woman in her heart. This came as a shock to Michael. He never imagined that he could have such strong feelings for someone who was different from what he considered "normal". How could she be so super feminine? At first he was disappointed and angry, but he found her too interesting to let go.
He decided not to ignore his feelings for her. A few days after the revelation and the "shock", he asked her for a romantic dinner on the Chao Phraya River at sunset. The evening turned into night and Michiel invited Nat to his hotel room. It was an exciting night full of passion, but also with mixed feelings. Because did Michiel now have to say goodbye to his status as a straight man? Was he gay or bisexual? His thoughts darted from side to side as he lay next to Nat, unable to sleep through all that rumination.
A roller coaster of feelings
Michiel then constantly struggled with his feelings. He was afraid of what his friends and family would think. In his little village everyone was so traditional, so fixed in their thinking. Would he be laughed at? mocked? Rejected? It was almost too much to bear. But at the same time there was Nat, who had shown him what it means to really live, to love without fear or reservation.
He spent the rest of his vacation in a daze of confusion and longing, falling deeper each day for the enchanting Nat, while also feeling the fear grow about the reactions of his community if he revealed his feelings. Every smile from Nat, every touch, every shared laugh reinforced his love for her and his fear of losing her.
Back to the Netherlands
Back in the Netherlands, Michiel was caught in an internal struggle. He missed Nat more and more every day, but the fear of the possible reactions of those around him continued to haunt him. He began to close himself off, to feel lost in his own world. Sometimes there was a kind of sickening feeling of loneliness.
One night, while looking at a picture of him and Nat, Michiel realized something. He was in love. Really madly in love. He had never felt it so strongly before. He realized that love is not tied to gender, to what society sees as 'normal'. Love is something that comes from the heart, something that is pure and real and unconditional. And there in that silent night he decided that he couldn't and didn't want to hide his love for Nat any longer.
The next day he told his best friend about Nat and his feelings for her. The reaction was one of surprise, prejudice, rejection, but after a few more long conversations, finally understanding. The friends and relatives to whom he subsequently revealed his secret responded with a mix of confusion, acceptance, and in some cases rejection. It was difficult, even painful, but ultimately liberating. Despite the struggles, the awkward conversations, and the rejection of some loved ones, Michiel felt an immense burden lifted from his shoulders. He was finally honest with himself and those around him. And most of all, he could finally embrace his love for Nat without shame or fear. His longing for her grew every day.
Back to Nat
He contacted Nat after his revelations and told her everything. About his fears, his struggles, and especially his unchanging love for her. Nat was moved by his words. She told him that she had also missed him a lot and that she had been waiting for this message so that they can continue their own adventure.
A few months later, Michiel was on a plane to Thailand again, this time not to escape life, but to fully embrace it. When he saw Nat at the arrivals hall, he knew he had made the right choice. He felt free, freed from the chains of prejudice and fear. For the first time in his life he felt really alive and warm with happiness.
And so a new chapter in Michiel's life began, a chapter full of love and acceptance, but also of courage. He learned that love has no boundaries and that true happiness lies in following your heart, regardless of what others think. His relationship with Nat became a symbol of his personal growth, a love story that taught him what it means to truly be yourself.
Bangkok, March 2023
Love cannot be forced and taboos in entering into relationships are still there, differ per country, and change over time.
I'm almost 70 years old now, and when I was growing up in the super-Catholic South, it was taboo to date a Protestant girl. It was already very difficult to meet such a girl because there were Catholic and Protestant schools and schools for boys and girls: so separate worlds. Even at secondary school level, there were boys and girls schools in Eindhoven. And we're talking about 60 years ago, so not very long. Over time, the taboo has shifted to Muslims and people with a skin color other than white.
Fortunately, it is not prohibited in the Netherlands and Thailand as it is in other countries. Taboos are institutionalized there.
Nice story, just follow your heart and don't care about reactions and advice, then you're best off.
In this regard, I can only say one thing: 'Rem acu tetigisti' !!!
This outpouring has hit me deep and right in the heart.
I wish Michiel and Nat all the luck in the world.
SiamTon
Great he followed his heart and it doesn't matter what gender it is.
As long as you're happy that's the most important thing.
We are now going for the 8th time and 2nd X this year, to the beautiful country and also see a lot happening.
And understand a lot.
today is the day to be happy. You only live once and make the most of it.
Good luck Michiel and Nat. Love
Very understandable that Michiel was full of questions and did not know what to do with what a whole new world and feelings were. However, things like gender, sexual orientation or even love are not black and white (binary) things but a spectrum. Even if most of us roughly fit into a certain box, those boundaries cannot be sharpened and not everyone fits into the box. So don't let yourself be labeled or pigeonholed. As long as one is happy and does not harm other people, one should above all feel one's own heart. Unfortunately, not everyone will respect or grant you that happiness in life.
I am already following with horror the discussions going on in the US and Canada about the pronouns that a minority wants to force on the majority there. And then you have trans men who call normal men cis men and declare themselves "woman" and want to take this title away from the ladies. It's a horrible chaos there.
And then here in Thailand. How beautiful this story is. I myself am married to a lovely woman, but I had a short affair with a ladyboy years ago. Then I also fought with myself and eventually I broke off the relationship. My conditioning is too strong and I had a hard time dealing with it. It was a sweet person. Worked as a hairdresser in a barber shop and also very nice to deal with.
The beauty of the ladyboys in Thailand is that they don't see themselves as women, but as feminine and I think so. You are not gay if you fall in love with a ladyboy. A former colleague of mine who was gay didn't find ladyboys interesting. Too feminine, he thought.
Not that it should matter….
In any case, I hope that Michiel has found his happiness. Everyone deserves that.
Also in Thailand it is a bit more complicated than 'man, woman, ladyboy'. There are people in Thailand (and the rest of the world) who were born male but feel more or entirely female. So that can be anything from very feminine man to "being born in the wrong body". So there are certainly Thai people who were born as men and see themselves as women. The other way around also (but less common), born as a woman but according to himself more or entirely male. I'm not going to venture into those gradations, and if you involve sexuality, it's a feast of possibilities!
So also in Thailand you will encounter “ladyboys” who really want to see their gender officially changed and who want to be addressed as a woman. People are now making a fuss about this in America, with conservatives who insist on addressing someone with the sex stated on the birth certificate and transgender people who simply ask (or “demand” if you like) to be addressed as the man/woman/something else. because what appears on their birth certificate is not who they think they are . They see refusal as disrespectful and hurtful. And yes, you also hear that among the Thai who feel different than simply the binary real man and real woman. Fortunately, the tolerance for the fact that there is a spectrum is greater than in the US, and that prevents a lot of trauma and drama. But respect? Not always unfortunately.
See for example:
https://www.thailandblog.nl/achtergrond/kathoey-in-de-thaise-maatschappij-tolerantie-maar-met-weinig-acceptatie/
By the way, I have yet to meet the first person who thinks that “women should not call themselves women”. Something made up for drama, viewers and attention (to distract from other things I guess?). They just go cycling with their drama, let people do their thing as long as they don't harm you. It's nice that people seize that opportunity more easily / sooner in the land of a smile, although sometimes there is a lot of sadness and struggle behind it.
What are cis men?
It is obvious that your colleague does not find ladyboys interesting. After all ………. he's gay! Ie he does not like femininity.
Conditioning ………….. that's pretty much what you're telling me. I am now 72 years old and I still fight literally every day against the digestive conditioning that my parents instilled in me. I think we all suffer from the conditioning during our youth in terms of upbringing, culture, religion, education, etc. One is only really free when one has detached oneself from it.
Fr., Gr.,
SiamTon
SiamTon, Wiki says of this:
A cisgender or cissexual is someone whose gender identity matches their birth sex. The term is typically used as the counterpart of transgender and transsexual, where birth sex and gender identity do not match. The vast majority of people are cisgender.
I recently saw a short video. In it, an American scientist said that there are only two sexes: male and female. Any other form has nothing to do with biology but with self-perception (psychology). He refused to accept that any form of self-perception would be socially accepted.
He asked the trans person in the interview whether he, if he felt absolutely Chinese (talking, writing, living) should be accepted by everyone and the government as Chinese (and therefore entitled to a Chinese passport, pension, etc.). He also mentioned the example of a mentally disturbed person who absolutely thinks he is normal. Should we accept that and let him roam freely because he thinks so?
Discussion closed.
Biased scientists, well, there are those too. No wonder that Michiel is not only confused with himself, but also with the environment, not everyone is capable of not thinking black and white. Look at the animal world: for example, some flatworms can turn into a female after losing their penis in a fight, fish have been born female but become male or vice versa, and there are all kinds of things in nature where gender is different from male -woman. People then? You can be born with more than 2 chromosomes (e.g. XXY), or have only a single Y chromosome, or because of 5-alpha-reductase you only start to grow a penis at the start of puberty (and therefore first went through life as a girl gone). AND we could go on like this for a while. Conclusion: nature, including animals and humans, is dynamic and not binary. So you have to hit hard with the percussion hammer if you want to reduce that to "you have males and females, that's all". It is all the more important that we do not judge people too quickly, even for those who secretly think "weird".
The percentage of transgenders is rather small. Do you have to adapt the entire society for this? Think of titles, passports, toilets, sports, etc. Then I think that people with disabilities have more rights to good facilities. But the Woke community has a strong weapon with its cancel policy. The fact that we put aside the democratic principles (the majority decides) for this does not seem to bother anyone.
What kind of trouble is the use of a title when someone says does not request or is approached as Mr./Ms./Dr./Prof/..etc? Adjustment of the passport is also nice if you look like one gender but there is something else in your passport, saves discussion with the border guard. Toilet: enter what most people would see as logical (prevents an incident like in the US where a person born as a woman but turned into a man went to the women's toilet due to local laws and was then beaten up by people who thought with a to have to deal with). Are there also unisex toilets, often the disabled toilet so whoever can't get out can go there. Doesn't have to be all that difficult to take into account the disabled, transgender and so on.
American crazies, that is quite another thing, there it has been brought to such a head that there are a number of strange extremists on the left and right flank who no longer have any respect for basic principles such as democracy and human rights. A little give and take goes a long way. Take religion and prayer rooms. To create a separate space for each religion at an airport, public building, etc. will often be difficult, there are so many religions and sub-religions. Common room for every faith, ready. Will never please 100% of people but that's a shame. Giving, taking, putting yourself in the other person's place, the reasonable compromise, that must usually be feasible, right?
We also get those American conditions here. Just look at the polarization on Twitter. That's because there's a small Woke group that's going to impose their will on the majority at all costs. That started with Zwarte Piet, then with street names and naval heroes, slavery, etc. and it continues. They do not stop and this creates great tensions in society.
Biologically, the human world is binary. Everything else is psychology and self perception. We don't have to adjust society for that. If that's going to happen, the gate is off the dam.
The big difference between Thailand and the West in all this gender stuff is that in Thailand there is rarely the shockingly aggressive victimization that is so typical of activists.
My wife has a friend who was born male (I can't stand the term transgender anymore).
She is a true friend and lives with her husband. She has all the qualities of a woman, she thinks like a woman, lives like a woman, she is a woman. Her husband is very happy with her so they don't need the opinion of others.