Reader question: How do I get permission from the father to bring my son and girlfriend to the Netherlands?

Hello Egbert,
I had exactly the same problem with my sweetheart's two children in Thailand, in the meantime they have been at our home (in Germany) since 2005 and immediately adopted by me so that their future is secure.
The marriage had never been officially registered (only for Buddha), which makes it easier. First of all, your girlfriend must ensure that she has sole control over the children. For this, statements can be obtained from the Amphoe where she is registered, I do not write statements for nothing (plural) because at least two statements from non-family members (so acquaintances or friends) must also be included, which confirm that the father has never cared for his children and (importantly) never paid alimony for his children. It is also important that his delay is not known, so it goes faster anyway. You will need these statements, which must be translated and legalized, later in the Netherlands if they come to the Netherlands on the basis of family reunification. If you get married and you want to adopt the children, these statements are very important, in this way only the mother has to give permission for adoption, for example.
In my case (in Germany) it was the case that the “Jugendamt” (Children's Care) first came to see if everything was okay, because every child had to have its own room with all the trimmings, only then was visa granted. After that, the adoption was a piece of cake, birth certificates had already been translated and legalized in advance by the embassy in Bangkok. Next year I will retire, the adopted son will take over the business, he is well prepared, immediately has a good income.
They both have dual nationality, Thai and Dutch.
Succes

Dear Egbert,
It seems easiest to me to find out who has custody/full control over the child.
Do both parents have control over the child?
Then contact the father with the request to fill in the form of the IND with involvement in giving permission.
Does the father not want to cooperate or has full control over the child?
Hire a lawyer and go to court to ensure that your girlfriend/wife gets full control/custody of the child.
If the mother has full control over the child, proof of this is sufficient for the IND.
Sincerely, Sebastian.

Egbert, I would do the following in your situation.
First check with family or acquaintances of father. And if that doesn't work:
As far as I know, every municipality has a population register. The birth of the son should have been reported there. Father will probably also be registered or have been there. If he has left the municipality, the population register may know the name of the new municipality.
Ask at the new municipality whether father is still registered there.
Once you know Father's town of residence, you can visit the local government hospital and ask if he is known there: they may know his current address. Always bring your birth certificate!
Good luck.

Just two questions from my side, before my answer:

1) If the son has been in NL for 3 months, shouldn't there also have been permission from the father, so that the son could fly?

2) If not, how did you solve this?

And if the father has never actually been in the picture, procedure(s) can be requested from the Amphur of the son/wife's place of residence.

Here, partly through testimony from the village representative, it can be confirmed that the son's father has never been in the picture, after which your wife will be able to obtain the sole right to legal control.

Never use / attempt these procedure(s) when father is still partially in view. Then it could just be seen as a kidnapping attempt…

read a similar question + answer again on this blog from May 20, 2017.
In short, if the mother was not officially married to the biological father, then the mother has sole control over the ev children. (Buddha marriage is NOT official).
Read more article from May 20, 2017.
Still added to it. : Mother can go to town hall herself to change the surname of the children, in order to facilitate the immigration procedure.

If your girlfriend and the child's father have been legally married then they will have to divorce first and yes then the father must give permission. But if they were only married for the "church" then you can get around this. Your girlfriend then has to go to the poe yes track of the village with a witness and demonstrate there (hence the witness) that the father no longer looks after the child. You can then request a name change (last name of the mother). If this is done, you no longer need permission from the biological father because your girlfriend (the child's mother) will have full custody.