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Home » Reader question » Reader question: A friend wants to marry a Thai girl way too soon, advice please
Dear readers,
A friend has had the idea of living in Thailand for six months now.
During his 2nd holiday in Thailand he meets a woman in a brothel and after 1 week he wants to marry her and then buy a house there.
Because he still has a work commitment for a few years, he wants to bring her here. Personally, I think this is way too early. He will return to her home in September.
I hope that things have settled down a bit by then and that he realizes that he is going too fast?
Any tips? and/or experience?
A concerned friend from Belgium
Let him read all the stories on this blog. And there are also several booklets about Thai women. There are both good and bad experiences of foreign, European men with Thai women. Let him also obtain some information about the possibilities and impossibilities of living in Thailand. Foreigners cannot own a house here. So everything has to be in his girlfriend's name. If she no longer likes him, the house (and the underlying money) is hers and he is penniless.
Use your mind in addition to your emotion!!!
Checking not only the pleasures but also things. Let him take someone in hand in Thailand who can check things out before he embarks on an adventure that later turns out to be both emotionally and financially disastrous.
Advice and tips only make sense if he is interested in them. Let's assume this is the case. Given his haste, we may also assume that he is in love (which equates to temporary madness). That probably won't be mutual because if a barmaid falls in love with all her customers then she can't do her job. So there will be no question of love on her part. She probably sees him as a good candidate to take care of her and her children/family. There is nothing wrong with that. That means he is "attractive" because he has money. If he has no more money, because she has skimmed most of it after a certain period, he suddenly becomes much less attractive to her. Then the relationship could end up on the rocks. Because as so many Thai ladies say: You can't eat love. The result: as a knight on foot back to Belgium. An experience richer and an illusion poorer.
Moral of the story: don't chase your six inches too quickly. You can only spend money once. Watch the cat out of the tree and then you can always decide. First, make sure you have a stable relationship with her for a few years. If she really loves you, she will wait for you…
Just get married as soon as possible, preferably today. Barmaids are known worldwide for their reliability, loyalty and their general aversion to money. I say build that house. Make sure that about ten rooms are built so that her family can also be accommodated in it, it can hardly be cozier. The great thing about Thailand is that it is a country that welcomes foreigners with open arms. The work is also there for the taking and you can work anywhere, no papers are asked. Your friend already has one leg in paradise, now that the other leg is still there…
I think it took a long time.
It took until his 2nd vacation before he got to know the woman with whom he wants to marry and build a house after just a week. Quite a long time in Thailand.
Letting her come to Belgium for 3 months as soon as possible is not such a bad idea. Then he has been getting to know them for at least three months outside her work environment and he has been living with them on a daily basis for at least three months.
I'm not saying that that solves it and that he knows them, but maybe the sky will clear up on its own in those three months without a storm.
If the subject of this question is really stupid enough to want to marry - and build a house for - a prostitute he's known for a week, he won't be very responsive to any advice, I'm afraid....
It is usually the somewhat underprivileged, and therefore often naive, man in the Western marriage market who suddenly finds the “Love of his Life” in Asia.
I have always read this site with great admiration and attention. However, if the editors allow such stupid questions, I have to reconsider whether I remain such a big fan of this blog. If I were that friend, I would marry the man myself, maybe she would get a house too.
What a ridiculous question on a serious blog. I don't find it so ridiculous that the man wants to marry a Thai, but much more ridiculous that the Belgian girlfriend interferes in this. I would like to hear the reaction of the ashes groom when he sees his girlfriend's question. Like WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY INVOLVING. IT'S MY LIFE ANYWAY.
Let that fool go, they never learn and if things go wrong the girl gets the blame
GR.Jantje
I am an enthusiastic Thailand blog follower and this since years that I live in Thailand.
I don't understand how such a naive question can come up on this forum. So it's here now and therefore my first time responding. His friend's question (panicked) already contains the answer, he already knows it. Everything, everything revolves around money in Thailand (sorry in the whole world). The land of smiles from the tourist brochures is only an illusion. In Thailand it is a completely different world with customs and priorities. The ranking in which the Farang appears does not come first when all the finishing touches are added. So first put aside naivety, travel to our beautiful country and take your time to discover everything practically and intellectually.
Hello, in Thailand, parents send their daughters to hook up with a wealthy Westerner. In their religion that is not wrong, because if you improve in this life, your next life will certainly look more beautiful. It is also the case that (in-law) children have to support their unemployed or elderly parents. So if you marry a Thai, you also have to support her family financially. They often demand that you buy them a house and so on. I know someone who has experienced it. One advice: buy a good book about Thai laws and customs before your friend starts this. Regards and good luck with it.
I think this belgian friend is chasing his own other friend a little too much. There are plenty of books written in Dutch that should wake him up. I'm not going to tell him what to do and what not to do, except for one thing, send no or little money and then let her come to Belgium for 3 months. And slowly come to your senses. Many have gone before you and ruined, I know you don't want to hear this marche tempo is the HARD truth.
Dear friend, if I understand correctly, your friend met a lovely Thai woman during a holiday in Thailand, but he wants to marry him. He works in Belgium, so they would live in Belgium. You think this is all going too fast. Perhaps you are right because the persons know well. But any judgment of someone else who does not know the persons in question is useless.
You don't think the fact that he wants to buy a (second) house in Thailand is a good idea either. Why not? If you regularly go to Thailand, it is very pleasant to have your own house there.
I am one of those people who knew shortly after meeting his Thai wife that this was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Within six months we were married, more than 15 years ago now. And I enjoy our home in Thailand.
Jacques, in your case you are right, I also fell in love with a beautiful Thai and we have been living together in Thailand for 2,5 years. BUT I think we can say that we belong to the large group where it all worked out, BUT don't forget the much larger group who are literally and figuratively SEWED and disillusioned and destitute. Read the extensive literature in both Dutch and English.
Jacques, congratulations, like you, it turned out well for me after a while, but your response is not correct because you also know well enough that in most cases it does NOT end well. Then his girlfriend may still know him so well and know what he wants. I repeat that it is usually all about money and security for the whole family.. Say that and do not start that it is a good idea to immediately build a second home here if you regularly come to Thailand. Never heard of renting a home, maybe for next to nothing a month?
So it seems I can read from the comments definitely get married immediately as soon as possible.
A really good Farang is someone who makes the whole family no longer have to work, these are the words of an older Thai lady who managed to do this all at once, with loves of different sizes.
Gentlemen, rest assured that we think differently than he does.
He can't be dumber than Dom.
Such people also exist, and everywhere in the world.
Too bad for him but believe the Thai adagio: you can take a woman out of a bar but never the bar out of the woman. Have seen it several times during my years of work in Thailand and not only in Thailand but also in Cambodia and Vietnam.
But yes love is a temporary state of madness. I myself am happily married to a Thai lady who was a manager in a large company… I am happy with her and I HOPE she is too with me because indeed I am going to move to Thailand to set up a new business there.., Hopefully everything will be fine and I know I don't have fundamental rights over there but I kind of get around that so I won't be left completely penniless in case of failure anyway.
Good luck to your friend but I fear strongly.
Hypocrisy at its best, I would love to meet a falang who met his Thai girlfriend in the bar, they are VERY rare. I met my wife in the bar with many others. We still have a lot of contact with several girls from that time and all but a few of them have a good relationship abroad. On the other hand, here in Thailand I have some friends who met a Thai woman through the internet and from better circles.
Indeed, you can never get a bar out of a woman, but they have usually studied a bit via the internet. I have some friends here with a woman from "higher circles" but the problems are all the greater, she can calculate and manipulate like no other.
Editors: Shouldn't the first sentence read: … who didn't get to know his Thai girlfriend…
On this blog there are many expats with a Thai partner, but nobody met them in the bar, so I'm almost the only one with a partner from a bar. So would like to get to know people who have a woman from a bar but apparently are that rare.
Wimol
If it can comfort you.
I met my wife about 16 years ago in a bar/guesthouse.
Married 9 years ago.
So apparently I am also a rare specimen, but it does mean that you are no longer unique. 😉
Isn't this the oldest Thailang blog topic that pops up every time? You would almost think that the blog could not exist without these stories.
There will probably be a lot of reactions again, which we have all seen before. All the platitudes and prejudices about Thai women of which as many are true as they are not.
It is better to ask yourself what do you expect yourself. Are you on the same social or at least somewhat the same intellectual level. Are you looking for a real soulmate, life partner, or a (possibly temporary) sexy girl with whom you have a good time and who takes care of you.
I know here in TH and in NL. SW. UK and Dtsl people who met their partner in a day and often also in the bar and with whom it turned out fine.
(Most girls do not see “the bar” as their first career choice, but are just as likely to look for a sweet man and a nice family, and that Falang simply has a little more opportunity to offer…. they think and are just as often disappointed ).
However, everyone also knows just as many cases where they have fallen victim not once but several times, not only because the woman was no good, but especially because HE himself had irrational expectations. You don't buy a life partner, at most you rent a playmate for a while, who then gets tired of you after a while, because in the end she is also looking for a real man and not just money.
Common sense can help. House in your own name (leasing land) no gifts, they have a job and an education, no family to support, speak each other's language and make sure you have enough things in common.
A sexy girl is fun for a few months, then normal life begins. So "shop" in Thailand nothing else than what you would do in NL or B. If you're not well put together and don't get to work at home, you'll probably also buy a pig in a poke here.
House slaves, playmates, sex toys are generally expensive to maintain, constantly surprise you and do not last long.
(by the way, there is nothing wrong with a Thai playmate, if you both know what you are getting into and what the expectations, agreements and associated costs are)
Spending a lifetime (who can manage it) seriously and happily together is only possible with equal partners with somewhat the same ideas and wishes. Sometimes difficult to combine TH and EU.
And maybe take a look, try it out for a year, to see what place YOU take in HER social life. Are you 100% her partner, do you do everything together or are you a nice addition and an afterthought in her life (especially once you live in Thailand). A Thai marriage is often more of a “community of interest” than a relationship as we know it. Family and neighbors are often more important. Nothing bad about it, just slightly different. The same applies vice versa, of course.
I would say “on to the next reactions and disaster stories”. and for your “friend” if he sees fit and is able to use his heart, his p… in conjunction with his common sense, just do it! Positive or negative, in both cases he has the experience of a lifetime.
And we want to live, don't we??!!
Life consists of "luck or bad luck" but the bad luck factor is a bit more lucrative in Thailand,
2 x holiday ??? in love… can !!!, 68 million people, many women, who oh who is the one.
Best advice….get to know the country first,then the people,because ONE thing is certain,Asia is NOT Europe,and certainly not Thailand.
If someone is in love you can't advise him. Would advise him to think.
If she asks for money stop it because then it's not real love. Read the stories. Have seen enough misery around me.
And yet another case. He meets "the love of his life" in a brothel. And then after 1 week decide to get married and buy a house.
It can (!) go well, but this cocktail is almost a guarantee for an outright disaster. During the period when he still has to work, let your friend first try to get that loved one to Belgium. Then he will find out how much energy and money that alone will require.
Finally, let him know that he cannot become the owner of land here. Maybe that helps if all other reasonable arguments don't have the desired effect.
look before you leap!!!
It can indeed go well, often not. someone from my circle of friends is also planning this, only he goes one step further
A visa has been applied for for the lady (false statement, he hasn't known her as long as he claims); the necessary papers have been sent
The accompanying money too, of course, she is expected here in June and there will be a wedding there in 5 months.
He is also convinced that she will look for work here; of course there is plenty here,
communication is done with gestures, no Thai skills and the lady barely speaks English
I'll be curious, I think THE cocktail for a downright disaster
I also know someone like that, only just met her, the money for the passage has already been sent, the papers have been sent; she is expected here in a few weeks and there will be a wedding in Thailand this year.
In my opinion THE scenario to failure!
My advice: let her come here, go regularly to this beautiful country yourself, do not send money and certainly do not get married in a hurry, look at it for at least a year, if she really loves you then she will wait for you…
But Danny, being in love with a girl who works in a bar,
means if you don't send MONEY, she will go with Customers.
Money has to be sent to her parents.
I hesitated for a long time before posting a comment.
BE CAREFULL!
I get to know a very sweet Thai woman. She is even very kindly received by her parents.
i don't speak thai; S barely 10 words of English, but so what???
back home after 2 weeks, sooooo in love
here getting everything in order from papers for our wedding.
money sent for ticket.
What a relief when she actually arrived here.
been on a lot of trips with S.
after staying here after 2 months back to thailand where we get married in the company of my son.
after 1 month I returned to Belgium for work.
Of course S needs money to furnish our house there.
everything seemed to go well until the first disagreement, my dear wife became a hell of a bitch!!
swearing, hitting kicks, etc. …… occurs everywhere
to make a long story short: of my proposed future (living together in Belgium and Thailand; emigrating to Thailand later after my retirement; first working together here: forget it! Ms. work? Come on! ; (the language hey)
a lot in the cafe with the other thai ladies …… and the men there
in short, divorce has started…
of all the so-called friends I had: enough comments and that's all, I can still go to 1 someone; my belgian buddy; very much lost
no more thai for me, thank you festively
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