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Home » Reader question » Reader question: How do you deal with your Thai partner's superstitions?
Dear readers,
How do you deal with your Thai partner's superstitions? My girlfriend is very superstitious and regularly causes disagreements and sometimes fights.
I'm pretty flexible I think. I don't get in her way when it comes to the Buddhist faith, but I can't get used to all that superstitious nonsense.
Yours faithfully,
Erwin
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Erwin, you will have to learn to live with that because it is your partner's world and you really can't get it out with misunderstanding and noise.
Try to look the other way! In English it is called 'Grin and bear it'; didn't the Dutch writer Piet Paaltjens ever talk about 'sobs and grimaces'? Take that in!
Never been bothered by it, but what certainly doesn't help is escalating it by saying that what the other person is doing is nonsense. You can indicate with an 'I' message that you do not believe this and that and do not want to participate. Let your partner continue to do her/his thing as long as you are not forced to participate. Live and let live. Respect each other's opinions and 'strange' habits. If you (or your partner) cannot do that, it will be difficult to live together under 1 roof…
It doesn't bother me at all and my wife can experience it as she wants.
Who are we to question that age-old culture?
As long as your wife does not oblige you to participate in certain matters, there is no problem.
I can't keep track of the number of temples visited and religious ceremonies I've attended here for a long time. And honestly, it doesn't bother me at all, a different culture can also be fascinating.
Our Thai citizens have their own (sometimes peculiar) habits, and who knows, maybe we foreigners also have them in their eyes. Let's respect everyone.
Dear Henk,
Well, what is superstition and what is belief? Are you also annoyed by people in the Netherlands who pray or visit a church or mosque? Then life becomes very difficult for you.
My Thai ex once dreamed that a husband from a past life was complaining about hunger. She set up a spirit house under a very large and old mango tree and regularly supplied it with food and drink, including a glass of lao khao. I thought it was a nice gesture and praised her for her care. A sweet gesture. Why should I get into a discussion about whether or not it's true?
Let her go. Do ask if she wants to tell you what, why and how, listen and refrain from criticism. Immerse yourself in the backgrounds. Inform yourself. Sympathize. Realize that people do things you find strange out of love, concern and respect. Maybe she's praying for you.
Never give a you-bake: 'you are superstitious', that sounds like a reproach and an accusation. If necessary (not necessary), give an I-message. "I don't believe in it, but I think you can follow your own views."
When I listen to prayers in a Buddhist temple, I get warm inside.
Sorry, that had to be Dear Erwin! Old age comes with flaws.
Did you used to have such a big time with those Jehovah witnesses who wanted to convert you?
By the way, I don't belong to any religion. That is not to say that I can appreciate some expressions of faith.
Sigh…'…I can appreciate some expressions of faith even though I don't believe in them…:
It can also develop differently.
Over the course of more than a dozen years, my friend, now deceased, has, as far as I could tell, renounced Thaiyaise superstitions and also Buddhism, except for a few appearances in family rituals. I would describe his "faith" as humanistic, intuitive, reasonable and practical.
He allowed his son to undergo the Buddhist initiation rituals, but he, following his own path, withdrew at the last moment.
To illustrate our secular approach: the construction of our house was without the usual blessing by monks, and my friend's mother lends herself to the rituals surrounding our lives at her spirit house. Naturally, we do not object to that.
I'm not into religion and superstition. Please respect my wife here. Sometimes stories about ghosts or something like that make me laugh or something, but I always listen with understanding and respect for her. I also explained to her that I don't see anything in it myself and grew up differently and it's going fine that way.
I don't interfere with what my wife believes. It is a bit impractical that she has appropriated one of the two bedrooms of our apartment as a "Buddha room". I wanted to turn it into a guest room, but she doesn't want that. I'm not even allowed to put a drying rack there, because that would be disrespectful to the Buddha statue. Every day she sits there praying or meditating for an hour.
And also very unfortunate are the "Buddha days", 1 or 2 days a month on which she does not want / is not allowed to have sex. But then there are 29 or 30 other days left 🙂
In general, I have a treasure of a woman, but she must have her own way…:)
You have a lovely wife. There are 4-5 Buddha days วันพระ per month.
Any woman who always gets her way is a treasure of a woman. If she isn't a darling by then I'd let her leave or go myself.
It doesn't bother me and my wife can experience it as she wants
I have no problem with my wife's beliefs and/or superstitions. I value faith and I accept superstition without any problem. She also finds some Dutch things incomprehensible. Now that I think about it, sometimes I don't get it either
Erwin, if a fight arises, you may be less flexible than you think ... perhaps there is the 'solution' 😉 ...
Shame, Shame Karel 😉
But there is some truth to your statement somewhere.
If you are married to a Thai partner, it is not wise to oppose her faith and everything that has to do with it.
We bought a new house now the front door and back door were in a line. That was not allowed because then your happiness comes in through the front door and flies out behind it. A little renovation and all was well. Even though this is superstition if she is happy I am too.
My Thai wife is very superstitious and especially for evil spirits who can harass.
That always made me laugh and occasionally came into the bedroom under a white sheet.
I have now stopped doing that after she fled onto the balcony and jumped down (1-high).
Fortunately, we have a garden under the balcony.
be tolerant and don't bother with such nonsense.Not worth discussing.
Belief and superstition are both the same to me.
I also believe that there is more than just life on earth, how and what is not clear to me after 58 years.
I also respect people who go 100% for their faith, I can't muster up the courage to do that myself, but because of my Catholic upbringing there are certain things that I do or don't do or try to avoid. In my view, beliefs do not differ that much from each other, they are all about doing good, respect for others, etc. It is precisely the unbelievers who abuse a belief to enrich themselves at the expense of others and use it wrong and use them for that .
To live together is to share joys and sorrows.
I myself have been together/married for 21 years. It doesn't bother me that my wife has a different opinion on certain things. Mutual respect is the only way to live in harmony with someone who grew up in a completely different culture.
There is nothing wrong with giving each other some freedom in experience.
So try to adapt if you want to see your relationship succeed.
Good luck
Guy
I always say like this; do not try to possess each other, read; don't force your will on anyone, because that means shrewd war.
Hi Erwin,
I've read all the previous answers and I'm surprised that most of these answers are about BELIEF and not your question about SUPERSTITION which I think is something completely different. In my experience, the answers are therefore not really surprising because letting someone be free in their faith (I see that as letting them confess Buddhism) is no more than normal to me. I don't think anyone will object to that or limit their partner in it. But according to your question is about SUPERSTITION. The fact that you call it nonsense already says enough about how you "stand" there. Since we live in Thailand I am regularly confronted with the most diverse forms of superstition. Not so much because of my wife, because after living in the Netherlands for 18 years, she was significantly less “affected” by it. Personally, I continue to be amazed at many kinds of superstitions here in Thailand and I believe very little of it, but don't just label it as nonsense. After all, superstition is part of popular belief and everyone can experience it as he/she wishes. Just as I didn't walk under a ladder in the Netherlands, I was happy when I found a 4-leaf clover and frowned when a black crow was screeching in my garden, I let it all thrive in Thailand and silently think of mine . I advise you the latter too 🙂
“Die Religion ist das Opium des Volkes” (Karl Marx) .. and so one is indoctrinated in “something” from an early age, and all this because of the Ayatollahs, High Priests, Popes and Cardinals …, of course together with the government, in power, because power = money = power. (as Bert more or less described in his response above)..
Although I am an Atheist, I personally believe that the basis of any Religion is good for a person at least as long as it is observed, prescribed "tel quel", and not abused as it always has been and still is.
Erwin, not so long ago we also had superstitions, Friday the 13th, walking under a ladder, a black cat... in the meantime we have changed, I am not saying evolved nor have we become wiser, but we have distanced ourselves more from our faith, which is not said can be from the Buddhists and Muslims.
Buddhism is a beautiful religion and leave your wife all freedom including superstitions .. if she feels good about it, this will benefit you.
When I go to a temple in Thailand with friends and see them “praying” like this, I also relax and to be honest I am a bit secretly jealous that I no longer have this in me.
I don't know of any temple in Southeast Asia that preaches hate, I only see love there and that's still the most important thing for me, so their little temple at home = "leave it like that" I would say, good luck man.
When I first met my wife in Thailand and we were interested in each other, I told her I was a Christian. The following Sunday I went to a Thai church and she came with me. Everything was in Thai so I couldn't understand anything. She loved it and tried to sing along too. After that we lived in the Netherlands for over 1 year and she also went to church. When I moved permanently to Thailand in 2004, we went to church together every Sunday. Then she came to faith. She already had a daughter who later also came to faith. So we live as Christians. We go to church, pray together, read a bit from the Bible every day and sing together. It is very nice to meet each other as Christians in the church and to share the faith in the Lord Jesus. We have a daughter together who is now 11 years old.
My wife's entire family is Buddist. We can handle that well. So my wife and her daughter no longer have anything to do with Buddhism and superstition and now look at it with a different attitude. Liberating for them.