Dear readers,

Is there an obligation under all circumstances for a man to pay a dowry to the parents of his lover?

My wife-to-be wants to stay with her old parents to take care of them. I can also live in the parental home. I want to pay for my living expenses. I just can't tell what I should contribute.

How high is a dowry in an average marriage in Thailand?

Thanks

Color

16 Responses to “Reader Question: How High is the Dowry (Sinsod) in Thailand?”

  1. Dennis says up

    This is a topic that comes up with some regularity on every forum / blog about Thailand. Understandable, because it is an unknown phenomenon for us Westerners.

    Obligation? No, there is no obligation (neither legal nor moral) to pay sinsot. Sinsot is intended to compensate the parents for the fact that their daughter can no longer take care of them now that she is married.

    In your case, the daughter will even continue to live “at home” and you will live with it and you will contribute to the cost of living. In such a case I wouldn't pay anything to sinsot at all!

    There is no average sinsot. Today, sinsot is less and less common. Please note that you are not used as a cash cow! Love is blind and so is money. You will not be the 1st to be asked absurd amounts!! 100.000 baht is already a considerable amount and if your soon-to-be has ever been married before or has children, then that amount is already reduced to 0 anyway.

    In short, based on your account, I would not pay anything. As a compromise, you could agree to pay a certain amount, on the understanding that this amount will be returned to you immediately after the wedding ceremony!

  2. Cor van Kampen says up

    You pay a dowry according to some customs in Thailand (not everywhere) if you marry a virgin. So not for someone with a number of children who has already had a relationship. You must do what you want. It should actually be that the family
    paid you a sum for a daughter that they cannot lose to the paving stones in Thai terms.
    Love is blind. I would never pay a penny.
    All those practices can lead you to the financial abyss.
    What everyone wants. Just look at all the stories on the blog of people who have experienced it all themselves. Of course, no Thai woman or family is the same.
    Try once. I love your daughter very much, but I am poor.
    Of course they line up immediately.
    Cor van Kampen.

  3. BA says up

    At the only wedding that I attended myself, 2 baht and 500.000 baht gold were paid between 10 middle-class partners. The higher your social status, the more money is usually involved. Often it is also returned afterwards, but as an outsider you will not know that. Whether or not and amounts also differ per region.

    If you move in with your in-laws and they continue to take care of them, paying Sinsod is nonsense anyway. That Sinsod should protect her from worrying about her parents. Unless you guys get it back and still send them a little bit of money every month.

    Other than that, I think moving in with your in-laws is asking the gods. You talk about a contribution for your own livelihood, in practice that means that you will contribute to the livelihood for your wife and parents. Usually in the following way, woman asks and never has money, but happily gives it away to her parents. If you are going to do this, make very strict agreements, give her amount X for your expenses and she can figure out the rest herself,

    • long field says up

      I'm sure this is with the wealth and possibly the income of the bride herself.
      Personally I have the experience of 400.000 and one of 100.000 and now I have a lovely wife and have had to pay 50.000 and nothing more. And I had no further maintenance from her parents. I did give them some money. And that was it.
      Watch out for pitfalls.
      art

  4. Hans Struijlaart says up

    Hello Cor,

    Can I also live in the parental home? Like that's a favor. You're going to marry her anyway. I would absolutely not want that myself, but rent a house for myself in the neighborhood or build a house myself. If you are getting married, remember that Thai law is different. All your property will be in your wife's name, unless you arrange things properly with a lawyer. Costs a few pennies, but then you are covered if you ever break up. Now that you are planning to live with the parents, you are probably expected to contribute monthly to the living expenses of the parents, even if you were not going to live there. Depends a bit on whether they have their own income and whether or not your wife works. I know several foreigners who have been completely stripped naked by Thai families. So keep that in mind. 8000 – 10000 bath per month is more than enough for both the livelihood of your wife and the parents. I wouldn't pay a dowry on top of that, is only customary if she has never been in a relationship before or is still a virgin. I assume you paid all the expenses for the wedding, which is more than enough.

    Greetings Hans

  5. piet says up

    It all depends on the 1st time getting married; with or without a child, not to mention how highly regarded the family is.

    Normally for daughter rice farmer around 25.000 baht but as farang double or more.

    Paid nx myself at the party given the fact that I was already a child and I had to pay 3x as much as was paid for the sisters, but the next day after the party gave mother the same amount as was paid for sisters 20.000 baht

    Now people know right away that farang is economical, which can make a lot of noise 🙂

    Brothers and sisters can all borrow money up to 5000 baht and know that there is no more to borrow, very important that they know where they stand

    When you watch TV, millions go over the table with the movie stars, it seems to be quite important to show how much you can afford to lose.

    Stick to the customs of the country as long as it is not abused!

  6. marcel says up

    I paid 50000 bht myself at the time, but that was also for the wedding, which lasted 3 days of great party.

  7. blackberry says up

    The 'Dowry' has a very cultural background, which you greatly appreciate and understand when you study it honestly. So don't just use superficial Dutch language: Do I have to pay for my wife? This is a preliminary to my answer to your question. 200.000 bath (5000 euros) is an amount that can be considered and appreciated by 'everyone'. Don't forget that this is often already partly used to pay for the wedding with many details. But everyone interprets this according to their circumstances and feelings. Larger amounts are also known. I know of one person who said to his ash parents-in-law: 'There is not enough money on this earth to express my happiness with your daughter, my ash wife.

    Good luck together in this beautiful country.

    • Dennis says up

      Just like arranged marriages, the dowry also has a socio-cultural background.

      But by no means every Thai appreciates or understands it, apart from the foreigner. That has nothing to do with “honest study”, but simply with the fact that in modern times everyone should be allowed to make their own choices

      Many a Thai (young) man and his family have to get deeply into debt and sell possessions to pay the sinsot. They prefer to see it differently. In addition, it also applies that women who have already been married and/or have a child (or God forbid ladies who have worked as a prostitute) no longer have to pay sinsot. After all, the parents have already been compensated (or they have failed). Yet you experience that the family demands a considerable sinsot for a lady who has been married (with a Thai), has a child (with that Thai) and was paid for performing sexual acts (in a well-known Bangkokian entertainment area near Sukhumvit soi 4), especially if a farang appears on the horizon. I saw it happen and saw with my own eyes that even the Thais were shaking their heads; That is against the culture and origin of sinsot and simply has to do with a bad human characteristic; Greed.

      No, sinsot is obsolete. Certainly if a Farang appears on the scene, money will also have to be spent monthly on the maintenance of the parents. As a result, the parents continue to be cared for and the sinsot obligation has lapsed.

      My advice to Cor still stands; If you become a resident, you will be required (certainly as the richest party, but that is an assumption) to help pay for the care of the family. A sinsot is then nonsense. In fact, you already pay it in installments every month.

      On the other hand Cor; Don't let your happiness pass you by for a few silly euros (despite the fact that it can be a lot of money). Happiness and love are not for sale. But please be careful not to be used as a cash cow! Much happiness together!

  8. Marco says up

    Also notice our national sport nr 1 in the comments: sitting in the first rank for a dime.
    How many of the gentlemen have already stripped naked in the Netherlands due to a divorce.

    • Sir Charles says up

      It is not comparable to the sinsod. Then you can also ask the question how many of those gentlemen are 'stripped naked' again, but in Thailand...
      I wouldn't know, but I do know that it is regularly brought up as a topic on various forums and on this blog.

  9. Cor van Kampen says up

    I think it was about a dowry. That's the beginning of a relationship.
    You are already talking about a divorce. Sitting in front row for a dime.
    I think you're getting the brands mixed up a bit.
    Cor van Kampen.

  10. chris says up

    I have 1 piece of advice: go and live with your wife at least 200 kilometers from your in-laws, so that they (but also the neighbours, cousins, uncles and aunts, even if they are only called that) do not feel me you, interfere with you and your wife. And also not standing on the doorstep every day with all the small and large trifles that – I guarantee you – all cost money. From paying off the unemployed cousin's moped to pulling a sore tooth from the neighbor across the street. Not to mention all those things they borrow from you but never return.
    Or: you have to like this kind of life, you speak and understand Thai, you are always on the same page with your wife and you want to run the risk that the marriage will fail after a few years and you will have to return to the Netherlands penniless (and with borrowed money). .
    chris

  11. Marco says up

    Dear Cor, you are absolutely right, I just want to say do what feels right to you, by being in the first rank for a dime, I mean the people who scatter amounts here. From some responses I notice that the less you have to pay the better it is, as if we are in the market.
    This does not seem like a good start to a relationship and I think we agree that everyone has their own responsibility.
    Finally, to have your own clothes undressed (financially speaking), you don't have to travel to Thailand, you can do that here too.

  12. Bottoms says up

    A good friend of mine got married about 6 years ago after his wife passed away. Both he and she come from a very wealthy family. The dowry amounted to 2 million. I myself got married 12 years ago and paid 300k sin sod at the time. My parents-in-law paid for part of our wedding party. Concerning other things, we have been on holiday with the whole family. Although we like to be in our house on samui, we are staying with the in-laws more and more. Not only have they never asked for even 1 baht, but they are also great people! Contrary to Chris' advice, my advice would be to thoroughly immerse yourself in the culture and definitely learn the language….

    • chris says up

      “Although we like to be in our house on Samui, we are staying with the in-laws more and more”. I understand from this that – without knowing my advice in advance – you did follow it. I assume Samui is not where your in-laws live. My advice is based on the many bad experiences foreigners have with Thai in-laws (especially when they are poor and that is 75% of the population compared to the foreigner; apparently not in your case…”she comes from a wealthy family”) . If things go well you can always visit each other more often, but then you have already built your own life with your wife without the trifles of the in-laws.
      chris


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