More Thai jokes
Tino Kuis has again translated a number of Thai jokes into Dutch.
Lighting candles in the temple really helps
A childless couple consults a respected monk. “Oh,” says the reverend father, “That's convenient. Soon I will visit a famous temple in Bangkok where candles are often lit by women who want to have children. It seems to help well. You better not come with me because I'll be gone for 15 years. I'll light the candles for you." The couple waits the monk three times and gratefully leaves for home.
Fifteen years later, the monk returns to his native village. He remembers the childless couple and goes to see them. He finds a dozen rowdy children, of all sizes, and the rest only of the mother.
“Where is your husband?: asks the monk with interest. “Oh that one”, says the mother, “He left for Bangkok yesterday to blow out the candles!”
Snapped
A man tells his wife that he and his friends are going fishing for a week in Kanchanaburi. He asks her to pack the suitcase and prepare the bag with fishing equipment. "And don't forget to add the blue pajamas," he adds.
A week later, the man returns completely happy and happy. When his wife asks how it was, he says: “Sanoek that stomach stomach. Caught lots of fish. But why did you forget to put the blue pajamas in the suitcase? To which his wife: “I put it in the bag with fishing things because the suitcase with clothes was completely full.”
Help
An old man of 90 marries a young flower. After nine months, they go to the doctor together. "My wife is pregnant." says the man.
The doctor looks at both of them and then says, “I'll tell you a story, listen carefully. A forgetful old man once went for a walk in the jungle. Instead of a gun, he accidentally took only his umbrella. Suddenly a tiger jumps out of the bushes. He takes aim with his umbrella and BOOM, with the first shot the tiger falls dead”.
“That can't be,” says the old man, “someone else must have come to the rescue.”
“Well, yes,” says the doctor. "I think so too."
Even more help
A newly married girl takes a walk with a friend. “How are things between you now?” he asks with interest. "Well," the girl replies, "I'm going to help him become a millionaire."
“That's fine, very good, a noble goal,” praises the man, “but if I may ask, what is he now?”
“You may ask”, says the girl, “he is now a billionaire”.
Monthly subscription
The rector of a university addresses a group of first-year students. He looks sternly into the room.
“We have two student houses here, one for female and one for male students. If a woman is caught in the men's house or vice versa, the first violation will result in a fine of 500 baht, for the second time 1000 baht and for the third 1500 baht. Understood? Are there any questions?"
A young man stands up. “Khaocai, khraphom, acaan. But isn't there a monthly subscription?"
Last week my husband passed away. We have been together since 1951. Around his deathbed, my six children did everything they could to make his passing more pleasant. At one point my eldest son asks: “Dad, can I give you a nice shave?” To which my always humorous husband responds: “No, dude, don't bother, the undertaker will do that later.”
One more thing:
A girl asks her boyfriend to have dinner with her parents on Friday night. Since this is quite a step, the girl announces that she wants to go out with him after that and then make love to him for the first time. The boy is terribly happy, but has never slept with a girl. So he goes to the pharmacy to get condoms. The pharmacist is very helpful and for an hour he tells the boy everything about sex and condoms. At the checkout the pharmacist asks if the boy wants a pack of three, ten or twenty. The boy wants a pack of XNUMX as this is his first time and he will be busy for a while. That evening the boy arrives at the parents' house, and the girl opens the door. She is very enthusiastic and they immediately go to the table. The boy immediately proposes to pray and sits down with his head bowed. Still after ten minutes. After sitting with her head bowed for twenty minutes, the girl leans over and says, "I never knew you were so religious!" The boy replies, "I never knew your father was a pharmacist!"
I don't understand the blue pajamas
That was his Sunday night out pajamas.
He didn't go fishing at all, otherwise the blue pajamas would have seen in the fishing box.
So he didn't go fishing at all that week and he (and friends?) probably did something that his wife should not know about.
Nice joke Theo.
Too bad Theo, take the place of the man in the story, follow the events and you'll get it all wrong. This woman had the fishing man well on the hook. Nice joke Martin.
Nico B
A man, 90 years old, wants to get married to a beautiful 20 year old Thai woman. The monk says; “But dear man, at your age you still have to get married…” “Yes,” the man answers, “I waited until the children were dead.”
awesome!!!
Another nice one: in Korat in a hotel restaurant:
Do you have wine? I want check
returned: Yes, no have yes
Our question do you have wine yes or no?
Answer :
no, yes have
Conversation followed in Bangkok in On Nhut in a restaurant. Conversation with an Englishman
You are from UK? (pronounced joe kai
Answer:
yes, how do you know I am gay?
If you asked “don't you have wine?” (because it wasn't on the card maybe) there is still some logic in the answer.
Then the first yes indicates that the conclusion that there is no wine is correct.
The “no have” is then a denial for having wine.
The last yes again confirms your conclusion, or of the “no have”.
The “no” to the second question may also be a negation of the “yes have”.
The Thai yes and no is better translated with correct and incorrect.
That yes and no creates confusion with a negative question.
Don't have wine?
Yes (your assumption is correct, indeed I have no wine)
No (you are wrong, I do have wine)
indeed
it is a positive affirmation of a negative question.
quite right in my opinion
Bart
yes, we have no bananas…..
I think the joke about the billionaire is more fun with a slightly modified last part of the joke:
Instead of:
quote "That's fine, very good, a noble goal," praises the man, "but if I may ask, what is he now?"
“You can ask that,” says the girl, “he is now a billionaire.” unquote
I think it's more fun to say:
¨That is a noble goal, but very difficult to implement!” says the man. ¨Well not difficult at all¨, says the girl, ¨he is now a billionaire,¨
While we're at it: 'billionaire' is not a Dutch word 😉
….yes, and a wrong word. The "billionaire" must be "billionaire."
Thank you for this nice intermezzo Tino.