Living like a Buddha in Thailand, conclusion
In this part I try to describe how other farangs experience Ubon. It becomes a somewhat negative image, but that is because what goes wrong automatically receives more attention than what goes right. Fortunately, the reality is a bit more positive than outlined here, but it at least gives an idea of what can go wrong. Also, there should not be a guilty party if something goes wrong because I have rarely heard two sides of the story, so there has been no adversarial hearing. And having a judgment ready quickly is never wise.
There is no real farang community here. There used to be a group that met twice a month in the Laithong hotel in Ubon to use the buffet there and catch up. Due to COVID there is currently no longer a buffet so that group may be defunct but that aside. A friend once told me that he had been there once, but it was only once because he thought it was just a complaining group. I don't have that experience myself, because fortunately the farangs I know don't complain.
Now some examples of relations between a farang and a Thai.
A farang used to go swimming in the Mun river now and then and because that was more than 20 minutes away he always stayed away for more than an hour. But one time he came back earlier than usual because he had forgotten something. And what the reader may already suspect turned out to be true and that same day the farang packed his things and disappeared.
Another farang also suddenly left his Thai wife/girlfriend after living together for more than 5 years, to her great surprise, to return to Pattaya. He never came back either. I myself suspect that he was very bored because he lived just outside a village where there was of course little to do and when I met him once at a local market he asked me if that visit to that market was my weekly highlight for me . I thought that question was a bad sign at the time.
Another well-to-do farang bought a nice piece of land in the town of Ubon and had a high wall built around it. A large house, several outbuildings and a large swimming pool were built on the site. He also had a wife who was 20 years younger. What else could happen to him? What happened was that a karaoke bar opened in the area and it spoiled his pleasure of taking a dip in his pool. Unfortunately, even with quite a bit of money you can't control everything. I once came across the same farang when he came out of a Japanese restaurant. He said it was his favorite restaurant and he used to eat there at least once a week. Without his wife, because she didn't like Japanese dishes.
Some Thai women are addicted to gambling and the wife/girlfriend of a farang had already lost quite a bit of money that way, which the farang had to pay for. Once or twice he even had to buy back his own car. He was well into his sixties, but he still went abroad a few times a year as a consultant and fortunately that earned him enough money. He accepted his wife's gambling addiction.
Then there was a farang who married a Thai woman four times and always before the law. The last woman was 30 years old while he was already 70 and that does not have to be a problem, but in his case it was. She wanted a lot of freedom and in the end so much that it (again) ended in a divorce. Incidentally, he continued to maintain friendly contacts with his last and also with his third wife. Financially he survived those divorces because he always rented a house and he had a good pension. In his last years of life he was ailing with his health and that is why he let himself be taken care of and also driven around by a Thai woman. That seems to me a better solution than ending up in an old people's home or nursing home in the Netherlands.
There are of course also farangs who have been married to a Thai for 40 years. In the case in question, it went well all those years until the woman became bedridden. A cousin of the woman was willing to take care of it and came to live with the farang. Not too long later she even shared the bedroom with the farang. All's well that ends well, you might almost say, at least for the farang. Unfortunately, rumors spread that the bedridden woman was not being properly cared for and some of his friends – including his farang friends – looked at him with disdain.
It is not only farang men who enter into a relationship with a Thai. I also heard about a successful farang woman with a business in Phuket who was getting married to a DJ from Isaan. In his native village a very big party was given and the parents got a tractor and the DJ a nice car. The marriage only lasted a few months, but I don't know what went wrong.
I will conclude with two examples where things went well for many years and, as far as I know, are still going well. The first example is of a German in his 70s who has been living for over 10 years with a Thai who is about 10 years younger. Just a very nice couple.
The second example is of an American who was stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War and met his current wife there. They are still inseparable and he is goodness itself. Just two really nice people.
Unfortunately, such a relationship between a farang and a Thai goes wrong relatively often. One reason could be that it concerns mostly older farangs who come to Isan. And “older” usually means less flexible. And without adapting to the new circumstances, it becomes difficult. For example, many farangs feel superior to the Thai, which I can also taste from some reactions on Thailand blog. And while farangs are probably indeed superior to the Thai in some respects, that doesn't necessarily mean they're superior. The Thai is probably superior in other respects. To give an example: the older farang is usually good at mental arithmetic and in many cases better than a young Thai. This is of course not decisive for superiority, but it is good for your self-esteem (and there is of course nothing wrong with that). I myself have a bit of trouble with that because when paying for some groceries I sometimes calculated the total amount and I had the money ready before the cashier had added it up. I did so in a vain attempt to impress the cashier. Such a thing is of course harmless, but if you can have less respect for the Thai because of it, then it becomes a bad thing. And certainly in a relationship, respect is of decisive importance.
Conversely, the Thai can also feel superior. Minister Anutin sometimes shows this (very stupid of him of course). He sometimes talks about dirty farangs. And he may have a point with that. Many Thai take a shower twice a day and that is still not a habit in the Netherlands. I myself grew up with a weekly wash where on Saturday hot water had to be bought in a bucket in a shop to fill a basin with. On Monday it happened again, but for laundry. Farangs also usually perspire more than the Thai and they may also smell different and less attractive than a Thai. In addition, tourists are often unable to put on clean clothes in time, as this can also lead to an odor problem. But even though Anutin may be right, it's still stupid.
Finally: it is of course still possible to live like a Buddha in Isaan. It does take some adaptability.
Thank you commenters, for all the nice comments, and of course thank you to the editors for all the work.
I have once written something that I could expect to receive negative reactions. And of course they came. But it is of course much nicer to receive positive reactions. Thanks again!
In these episodes I forgot to indicate whether I miss my (grand) children and that is of course also relevant when emigrating. That question was also once asked on Thailandblog by a Dutchman who was considering settling permanently in Thailand. And to answer that question: although my wife and I have a good relationship with son, daughter and grandchildren and I love seeing them, I don't miss them here. That is of course because I am a good buddha and therefore detached. The latter is of course nonsense, but it is true that I enjoy what I have and do not grieve for what I miss. And that is a bit in the direction of detachment…
Well said about the detachment!
And a valuable little series of stories.
Thanks!
Thank you Hans.
I have enjoyed reading the episodes.
Much of what you say is recognizable and I have also experienced it.
That body odor, for example, or that feeling of superiority.
I now live in Bangkok from the end of 2015, (alone), which was also the intention.
Your description of rural life has not made me doubt, although I can taste its charms in your stories. But also the negative sides. especially for someone who wants to stay alone.
I hope you can enjoy it for many years to come. You have a lovely wife, by the look of her eyes and smile, so take care of her, and I think she'll take care of you too.
Greetings Eli
Thank you for your nice comment Eli. Indeed, I have been well taken care of for 45 years and I try to do that for my part.
Of course living in Bangkok also has its advantages and I am not trying to convince anyone to live in Isaan. There are plenty who can't settle here. But with the information provided, I hope that people will know better what to expect should they choose to live here permanently. I myself have never regretted my (our) decision.
Dear Hans,
thanks for a number of insightful and very pleasantly readable explanations of life there.
An advantage of regularly writing down thoughts and/or reflections, with the aim that others will read them, is that at least when I try to edit my own work, not only my text will hopefully be somewhat becomes more pleasant to read. But certainly also that I often automatically store my thoughts and observations in my own memory in a more nuanced way. Sharp edges disappear and I often think afterwards that things weren't too bad. not terribly annoying, nor super beautiful. In writing I usually arrive at a more moderate and actually more beautiful approach.
Very different from people who write off their frustrations, people who like to share their annoyance with the intended reader. certainly those modern media form of the not infrequently anti-social media. nice and quick to wish someone a nasty illness. And that anonymously, or under a pseudonym (for example as Brad Dick 107 or Master of the Junivers).
after 16 times a stay in Thailand I hardly ever have so much to complain about. Often I stayed there for 4 months and left with a bleeding heart. I always rent very modest houses at 200 euros per month. and I almost only have contact with local people. part of 'my' very simple village. and a part with Thai people who work in tourism in one way or another. at least they speak English, Although I speak 8 languages from fair to a little, I never really mastered Thai.
My experience with travel and especially with frequent and long-term stays in Thailand is that setbacks or disappointment are inevitable. Unless perhaps when you are in a fully pampered group tour, you do not run any risk. The Buddha said that pain in life is inevitable, the degree that you suffer from it is (partly) a choice. How big I want to make my disappointment or frustration is up to me. i learned a lot from the thai i know. small accident or setback, then smile, shrug and make something of it. And what I have also experienced is that there is wisdom in that old saying; 'Those who do good, meet well.' Although I always try to travel with little luggage, I am convinced that I always take myself with me on a trip, which is quite a hassle. And that starts at the airport and on the plane.
I remember my last trip to Thailand. A couple sat on the other side of the aisle. She was a huge woman in stature and quite dominant in the conversation, which unfortunately was easy to follow from a distance. At one point when the menu cards were handed out, she confided to me, leaning forward in my direction; “How not to read sir, believe me, it is not worth it!” An hour later I happily ate my menu and I saw how this lady first took the dessert from her husband without any consultation. “That's for your better half honey!” She then ate her desserts first and then poured the bottle of salad dressing over her white rice, rice with a curry. That rice dish was abruptly pushed aside. “I couldn't eat it again,” I heard her say. and indeed, balsamic vinegar over rice is not very successful. Dominant people are always right that way….
Dear Hans, keep enjoying and writing down stories there in Ubon!
You come across all sorts of things in Thailand. Beautifully described all those differences, Hans, again with a lot of empathy, which is the most important virtue in life.
Your story contains the word 'farang' 29 times. I hate that word especially because my son was regularly made fun of with that word. And my then father-in-law always and everywhere called me 'farang', and never my beautiful name Tino. Never. Prayut and Anutin indeed sometimes talk about 'farangs'. I like what you write but please, could you choose another word? White man, white man, foreigner, German, European, Russian and so on, plenty of choice. Thanks for that.
Dear Tina,
Farang!!
What is wrong with that?
Most Thai people do not use that word in a derogatory way. After that minister!!!
When I tour Isan on my many bike rides I am often kindly called after, and the word 'farang' is mentioned.
If I combine that with those cheerful and friendly faces, there is nothing wrong with it.
By the way, I enjoyed Hans' Isan story all week!!
Welcome to Thailand
I myself am never actually addressed with the word farang (30*), only children sometimes talk about that farang (31*) but they never mean that negatively and fellow villagers will also use it when they talk about me. I certainly have no negative association with that word. I myself am often addressed by my first name by people who know me, sometimes with mister in front. The staff call me daddy. And the alternatives you mention actually seem a bit too forced to me. But I know that there are others who dislike that word so if I see a good replacement for it that is applicable in the text I will use it but I am afraid that I will still occasionally use the word farang (32*) to use. My apologies in advance. But maybe we should do a poll sometime to see if there are many people who would rather use a different word.
Dear Tino, it bothers me a bit, "your" problem with the word farang ("your" is of course not meant to be reproachful). We used to have a Chinese in class and we just called him by his name. But other students must have called him “that Chinese” if they didn't know his name. I see no harm in that. My son was sometimes called Chinese at primary school by students from other classes and that must be partly because of his black hair. They could also have called him half-blood. I wouldn't have been happy about that. Anutin clearly has no positive associations with the word, but Anutin's opinion does not count for me. He probably feels far above 99,99% of the world's population. And by the way, do we often mention the name of our interlocutor? Usually only at the greeting and even then not always. In Thailand, a wai is often sufficient. It would have been strange if your father-in-law never mentioned your name in conversations with others.
I assume most Thai people don't have negative associations with the word so why shouldn't we use it? Of course I don't mean anything negative by it when I write it down.
PS. I only used the word once! It did take effort.
Dear Hans,
That word 'farang' always gives rise to a lot of discussions. It is not a wrong or racist word in itself, although it is about your appearance. It depends on how and where you use it.
As PEER says above: children shout 'hey farang, farang'. I always called back: 'hello, thai thai' after which they looked at me confused, surprised and sometimes a bit angry.
I have no problem with a waiter saying to a colleague 'that pad thai is for that old fat farang in the corner over there'.
But when at Z-Eleven someone shouts in front of me 'this farang wants to ask something', I find that annoying. He doesn't say 'this Thai here wants to ask something', does he?
If you say 'there are few farangs living in Ubon', no problem. But I think it is better not to address or name a specific well-known individual with 'farang'.
Agree?
A small addition. What someone means and how someone feels are often two different things. If someone shouts 'there is a Chinese in front of me and he wants to know something', the speaker will not mean it negatively, but the Chinese will not like it.
My son is often called a 'loek kreung', literally half-child, which used to be called a bastard. Luckily he didn't mind that much. If they mentioned it to me, I would answer 'you are also half a child', half from your mother and half from your father'.
I totally agree with that.
I found it interesting to see what the Thais now think of that word 'farang'. I went to the Thai blog pantip.com for that, where the question was asked 'do you think the word 'farang' is racist?
https://pantip.com/topic/30988150
There were 43 answers. There was one who thought it was a racist word. "We are a racist country," he added. The vast majority said they didn't mean it to be racist or discriminatory at all, but many said they understood that it could come across as racist and that it shouldn't be used and that they understood that many were against it and didn't like the word. "Depends on who you're talking to," one wrote.
Two more answers:
They also call themselves 'farang'.
'A farang is someone with white skin, a big nose, blue eyes and blond hair'.
Nicely written Hans,
These are also the things that I have heard and experienced in the past 40 years.
Sometimes fun, sometimes surprising, sometimes moving, sometimes annoying, sometimes incomprehensible.
It is always a different atmosphere than the somewhat boring life in the Netherlands.
Incidentally, Ubon is not the worst place to stay, provided you are not addicted to pattaya or phuket.
The fact that a complaining group has arisen among the foreigners is because they can vent their frustrations.
Having a good conversation with the Thai is difficult.
thank you Hans for taking us into your Isaan and that is why I come here every day with pleasure to read about the experiences of readers on the spot.
And the way your Isaan looks I also know it a bit (although I know more Chanthanaburi ) but have friends in Loei ,Mahasarakhan , Chayaphum , Buriram all Isaan and each separately both in a small village and in the big city and they are all happy with their emigration simple reason the adaptation to their new home with all the pros and cons, I too am thinking of emigrating within a few years after my retirement, in my wife's village far from the big city and yet not at the end of the world once wrote a piece about this on this blog
And a small but important addition to this quote:
Minister Anutin sometimes shows that (very stupid of him of course). He sometimes talks about dirty farangs'.
He was talking about ไอ้ฝรั่ง Ai farang, which means 'damned farang'. "Those damn farangs are dirty, they shower very little." And were therefore highly contagious.
Indeed Tino, that was a blunder on the part of this surely very knowledgeable man. Damn foreigners and now trying to get all those quality tourists back into the country, ha, haha. Sincerely. Jan. PS By the way, a very good piece by Hans, I enjoyed reading it, I myself have lived in the countryside in Thailand for a while, thanks for your explanation.
You really waste too many words on that statement by Minister Anutin.
He said that out of annoyance and because he felt humiliated. Not that I want to justify it, after all, he has a public function.
When handing out face masks to the population (a publicity stunt/awareness campaign), non-Thai people regularly refused them and he felt embarrassed.
This statement has now been made two years ago and I think it has also been reversed more or less. In addition, he has ensured that everyone in Thailand, including the "non-Thai" is or could be vaccinated for free.
I see this coming back again and again from many Westerners/Dutch people as a form of superiority thinking.
Rather ask yourself why you think that way I would say.
It concerns two incidents. To be precise, Anutin made the statement on February 7, 2020 that the ai-farang (damn / kl * too farangs) who do not wear a face mask should be kicked out of the country.
And on March 12, 2020, he spoke on Twitter about “the dirty farangs who don't shower” and “They fled Europe and come to Thailand and are further spreading the Covid-19 virus”.
In the latter incident, he later claimed that his account had been hacked or something to that effect, and that he therefore never wrote those statements himself.
He never really apologized for the first incident, although the headlines made it so. In fact, he has apologized for his outbursts of anger, but not towards foreigners! Indeed, on his Facebook he wrote, and I now quote Anutin:
'ผมขออภัยที่แสดงอาการไม่เหมาะสมผ่านสื่อมว Image caption More information '
Short translation : "I'm sorry for how I came out to the media, but I will never apologize to foreigners who do not respect and who do not comply with measures against the disease"
Sources/more info, see earlier on this blog the news section with the headlines:
– Thai minister: 'Farang who don't wear a mouth mask should be kicked out of the country!'
– Thai minister: Beware of “dirty farangs” spreading coronavirus in Thailand
But for me this is enough talk about someone who strikes me as a very annoying and arrogant man, but there are more like that in the government and outside and around it.
Thank you for the beautiful insight into life in Isaan
seen from your situation.
many interfaces with here in the countryside not far from Khon Kaen.
gr Pete
Thank you for your entries Hans, you have it done pretty well I think. I don't agree with you everywhere (for example around Covid), but I do agree with other things. Just live easy with open windows, don't be so difficult. And don't stay in a white nose enclave, a Dutch bite every now and then will be nice, but daily contact with white noses? Why would you/me? There is nothing wrong with contacts with people who simply live in your area and with whom you share certain things. Unless someone lives in a field service enclave, you are mainly surrounded by Thai people, so it makes sense to establish ties with them. Of course it helps if you can speak more than a dozen words in the same language…
Enjoy it out there in the countryside.
Thank you Hans, nice and instructive to read about your experiences and insight. It sounds like a beautiful and peaceful life you have built there. That's how I see my future, after my retirement next year 🙂
I don't understand why people have to elaborate on the word farang.
Years ago it was very common to buy nigger kisses or jew cakes.
Then all of a sudden that was discriminatory and it was adjusted in a short time.
Of course Thais can be discriminatory and condescending towards foreigners, so what.
We do live in a completely different culture and one that also does not want to adapt or adapt to the Western mentality.
That is something completely different from what many Dutch people are used to.
I know myself and I know what I stand for.
If a stranger, who doesn't know me, Thai, German or other foreigner thinks he can or should stick a sticker on me, just let it go.
It says more about the other or about me.
When I see how people react to each other on FB, for example, well, well, adults who call each other rotten fish for nothing.
The mentality among people has changed a lot over the years.
Fortunately, I still have a number of friends and acquaintances here, Thai and farangs, with whom I can have a decent conversation and who are also willing to help each other when it is really necessary.
My brother-in-law, who has a shop next to my wife's shop, knows very well that my name is Jos.
Yet he always calls me farang, except when he has to change a thousand note...
I've searched a few times for a not too bad swear name for Thai but I never got further than krek dam which he just laughs at.
I don't want to call him Buffalo because I know that is a strong swear word.
Live it up Jos.
https://www.thailandblog.nl/taal/lieve-stoute-scheldwoordjes-thais/
Maybe this one
Khoen sǒeay mâak – You are very beautiful! (Note! Sǒeay with a good rising tone! With a flat midtone it means 'piece of bad luck'.)
This should also be possible.
khoeay – l*l, dirtiest word for penis
Mainly read your 6-part series with approval Hans Pronk.
In my opinion, in general, a realistic representation of life in the Isan countryside. Reading material for Isaan aspirants.
I can't go deeper into this now, because I have to reread the episodes first. By the time I've written an extensive response, the response option will be closed.
Despite the charms of the countryside, I am more curious about the experiences of retirees in Bangkok or other busy places. What is their daily life like? Social life, etc.
It still bothers me a bit. Everyone has a name. After being married for more than 10 years and living half the time in Isaan with my wife, I think half of her family does not know me by name. Not that they are friendly people, but I still have a bit of a hard time with that and I have my own opinion about it. I know all members of the family by name. The neighbors don't call me by name either. I am Dad to all the children in the street...I think that's sweet.
I don't mind being called 'falang' as much as 'the red one', which is what I had to hear throughout my school years and 18 years of my youth.
From classmates, students from higher classes or the adults of the village!
From 1954 to 1969.
Now that was discrimination!
Now I have been gray for years and there is no longer any reason to call me 'the red one'. But my eldest son, now 41 years old, also experienced it throughout his childhood. From 1984 to 1991.
Bullied because of his hair color that he inherited from his father.
'I was called Diejen redse from Harie van Fons, the milkman... The fact that my grandfather was the milkman who provided the village with milk with a horse, cart and milk cans was another form of discrimination.
It was a begging job that you only did when you had no money left or could not get another job.
I was put to shame because of my hair color. And for what? Was I a threat to humanity? Did that color make me an inferior being?
If they call you falang in Thailand, at least you know why.