Isaan mentality
The Inquisitor has found that he has developed quite a diverse pattern of behavior, necessary to maintain a certain peace of mind to deal with the oh-so-many Isan idiosyncrasies. First of all, there is the Western way of thinking, which is simply in the genes. Using our own logic, our own opinion, values, … . But in the past three years an Isaan mentality has emerged. No more surprise, no more comments, accept. Live today, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Forgive, forget too. And share if you can. Since then, De Inquisitor has rarely had any problems.
The mornings usually start western. Making coffee, showering and for the laptop. Reading and answering emails, reading newspapers and being annoyed by the political news. Plowing through social media and making fun of the antics of friends, but lately also being annoyed by the intolerance that engulfs Belgium's current zeitgeist. In short, just be a Belgian in heart and soul.
The Inquisitor then sits comfortably in what sweetheart calls the 'farang terrace'. A kind of bachelor's room where he can smoke, with a rickety lounge chair in front of a television that is never used unless there are major international football tournaments going on, nice view because on the top floor with sliding windows on three sides. Like a lord of the castle, he can keep an eye on the front garden, the shop, the street and the surrounding fields. And this is where the two cats usually stay. Can they do their cat things, scratch everything that is fun, sleep on the table, crawl on the cupboards, hunt geckos - because they can easily go through a window on the roof of the carport where The Inquisitor has planters with grass and other greenery, including placed a few short tree trunks.
Around half past eight De Inquisitor goes to the shop. Usually because sweetheart has already made herself heard a few times, she wants to make breakfast. And The Inquisitor switches to Isaan mentality. First he has to take over the shop for half an hour. Time and time again answering the same question that every customer inevitably asks every day: “what are you going to do today?”. Marvel at the purchasing techniques of the villagers. Did they buy two eggs yesterday, again today. Why don't they buy four, or six, at once? Some cycle or moped back and forth for this, sometimes up to six kilometers. Just like Jaa, a neighbor across the street. Every morning he buys a bottle of petrol for his motorcycle. Why not fill the tank now, a bottle or three? He doesn't have to refuel for the next two days, moreover, he regularly arrives with his moped in hand. Driven too far, gas tank empty … . There is also always a danger that men who have cash and already want to drink, they have a reason to celebrate. The Inquisitor must then make sure that they do not unsolicited take a bottle of Chang beer from the fridge and deposit it in front of him. Friendly enough, they share, but it is impossible to participate in that, from drinking beer in the morning, De Inquisitor really doesn't like it.
Breakfast is always a surprise for De Inquisitor. Can and will he eat it? A water soup with some vegetables and meat with pleasure, or fried eggs, delicious. But regularly it is frogs or other animals that De Inquisitor lets pass, no thank you. Still in Isaan fashion, the traditional morning meeting follows. Does the sweet want something special today? Does it need to be bought in? Or can The Inquisitor do his thing? In case there are errands to do, The Inquisitor mentally stays on Isaan. Because a trip to the various warehouses, possibly the market, is better not done with a Western attitude. Or if there is something special, ditto. Are we going to grab fish – Isaan mentality. Let's go hunting – yes, stay Isaan. In short, for every activity with natives, De Inquisitor brings out all his Isaan skills so that he remains relaxed.
But he often wants to go his own way. Like when cooking. Mentally, he immediately switches to Belgian. To begin with, the radio turns on. Via the laptop on a local channel near Antwerp. That's nice, because from his native region. The music is international, especially older hits from the eighties, but the good thing are the commercials and the news reports. Come to know that your old baker is still there, and still doing Sinterklaas action. That aluminum verandas are still loved by the Flemish people – something De Inquisitor also produced in his professional years. You learn through the news that your old neighborhood along the banks of the Scheldt has been given new paving. That the football team where De Inquisitor received his education is in the lead - in the lowest amateur class. Hilarious actually, it seems as if you are in your old Belgian environment.
Regularly an unexpected curious person comes to watch, lured by the loud music. Marvel at the dishes, the cooking method. But De Inquisitor then does not give in, remains in Western fashion and continues.
Always the same when The Inquisitor gets the cleaning rage. He goes to work with water, soap and a scrubbing brush. It must be Flemish-proper. Moves furniture, everything that hangs on the wall is washed. Intensive cleaning of the kitchen worktop, including hob. Empty and clean cupboards. Wash windows, clean the outside terrace of insects and their tracks. That always provokes reactions from passers-by, who then see foot mats hanging to dry, they see the water. And still can't understand why The Inquisitor is doing this.
Sometimes The Inquisitor is also unwilling to bring his brain back to Isan for activities that Isaners themselves also practice. But that usually doesn't work. For example, De Inquisitor decides to cut down some bamboo trunks, we want an awning on the west side of the shop. Machete in hand, closed shoes, long pants, long-sleeved shirt on and on the road. To poa Soong's house, there are huge bamboo forests in the backyard and they can be cut down. Men's work that a Westerner sometimes likes to do, a kind of back-to-the-roots job.
But De Inquisitor has not reckoned on the unsolicited help. Nan, son of poa Soong, is unexpectedly home. This thirtysomething is a good friend, and for an Isaaner that means helping. Can't please The Inquisitor, the trunks he chooses are always too thin, or too thick, or too short, or too long. So mentally over to Isaan, bad luck. On the other hand, luck. Bamboo is a natural habitat for cobras. Which The Inquisitor never notices or too late. Nan can just knock the aggressive serpent away, the beast quickly slithers upwards, wisely Nan decides that we better work a little further. Pfff, those are situations that you as a Westerner never had to deal with before.
The felled trunks are laid out to dry and The Inquisitor goes home, still a little unimpressed by the cobra encounter. It's high time for a Western feeling again, so a wonderful, extensive shower and some reading. Lovely in the comfortable bed, curtains open for a view of the surroundings, the air conditioning on twenty-six - it results in a good nap.
Around half past five in the afternoon, the driver of the school bus who brings the stepdaughter back sounds the bus loudly as always. The why has The Inquisitor guessing but he is immediately wide awake and automatically in Isaan mode. Fresh and cheerful he is ready for the evening. Then it is a coming and going of villagers who are going to prepare food and need ingredients, and again they buy them in small quantities just needed for the moment. And with a bit of luck, some drinkers will descend, good for turnover. But you have to be mentally ready for it. If you feel like it, De Inquisitor will join you for a drink. Or if, due to earlier consumption the days before, not. But in both cases they want his presence. And his opinion. About anything and everything, usually the topics are the same every day, but they gradually change according to alcohol consumption.
The rice, the vegetables, the buffalo, a renovation in the area, in short, their work that they have or have not performed today is always the first to be discussed. Not directly topics in which De Inquisitor is heavily interested, but yes. Then they want to know if there will be a tambun, or other celebration, sometime in the near future - the first alcohol is starting to work. Immediately there is a favorite subject ripe for discussion: food and drink. Are they really drunk, it doesn't take long before the second most talked about topic comes up - money. That's because after two or three rounds they already have to scrape around for a next order, who still has money in their pocket? And then start daydreaming about how much they still owe and from whom, or how much they still have to pay to whom. That interests The Inquisitor more, does he find out who is in good shape and who is not, time for consultation with sweetheart about who can still get credit and who can't.
And then topic number one comes up: women. There is always a few bachelors who like to discuss that. This is followed by the married couple, who talk about existing or non-existing mia-nois. The drink is in the man, the embarrassment on the subject is over. As long as there are no other ladies around, with the exception of sweetheart, they expect it to remain discreet. Whatever she is, she doesn't want to lose this business. The Inquisitor is still in Isaan fashion, he is no longer surprised about anything. Moreover, bar conversations among farangs are about the same when there is enough alcohol.
Because lately there has been some change in the shop's clientele : farangs drop now and then. That is a relief because easily understandable conversations, no hassle about who pays for which round, in short, the shop has turned into a cafe. Hard-boiled eggs, which reminds us all of earlier times, they had that on the counter in every Flemish neighborhood cafe. Occasionally, when someone has been able to tap something special, we sometimes drink something else. Belgian Duvel, you don't put ice in it and it results in a blissful feeling. The Inquisitor is usually lucky because they still have to drive home, so sometimes there are some bottles left over because we are no longer used to the alcohol content. Which, however, are also appreciated by sweetie-sweet and together with little guy-sweet they are then slowly enjoyed, we only have to go up a flight of stairs. Or did someone bring Pernod, another flavor quite rare in Isan. The Inquisitor hopes to see a Westvleteren, the best Trappist beer in existence, appear one day. In these moments you are mentally just living like in your old homeland while deep in the Thai interior you are bumping into Laos….
After the shop closes, it goes to a mixed institution. Liefje-lief and her daughter have long since become accustomed to the evening rituals : either, if it is a bit later, we have already eaten something in the shop, if not, we eat a meal together – something that The Inquisitor appreciates highly. But instead of being able to shower and go to bed satisfied, sweetheart then wants to feed the dogs, while that could just as well have happened a moment ago. She also always makes a kind of round of the garden and house to see if everything is okay, the why completely eludes De Inquisitor. The thirteen-year-old stepdaughter also suddenly comes to life around this time, no matter how late it is and often to the chagrin of the farang. She still has homework to do and needs help. Forgot to polish her white gymnastic slippers. She has forgotten her phone call in the already closed shop. For example, De Inquisitor is usually wide awake again instead of relaxing. Fortunately, there is sweetheart, who immediately realizes that and usually has a remedy ... .
That's how it goes almost every day, there is always something else to do, but The Inquisitor has learned to adjust his mental attitude to the events, the people and the environment. And always try to ensure that there can be a Western attitude or feeling for at least a few hours a day. You must have hobbies, those are the garden and the pond fish for De Inquisitor. Also called the cats and dogs, they give a lot of unconditional friendship without frills that a Westerner hardly knows.
And if it is really necessary, De Inquisitor takes a break. Preferably together with sweetheart, but without if not possible for her. Udon Thani, Nong Khai. Bangkok. Pattaya. A few days of Western living, eating and thinking.
So he can easily cope with the Isan life, he is even perfectly happy here.