The long journey, through the (almost) earthly paradise (2)
Hans Bos has lived in Thailand for 10 years in December: a look back. Today part 2.
We ended up in Imperial Park in Prawet, more towards the new airport. The rent was 18.000 against 14.000 baht in 101/1, but that did not matter due to the attractive exchange rate of the euro. Later we moved to an even more beautiful villa in the same park, where eventually daughter Lizzy was born in 2010.
And then it went wrong. Postpartum depression or not, but Lizzy's mother took to gambling on a large scale. This not only resulted in a substantial financial loss, but also in a debt to some high-ranking gentlemen. Should I have seen it coming? Perhaps, though N. was a master at covering up the truth. Only later did I find out that her whole life, told to me, was an inextricable chunk of lies and fantasies. I knew her for eight years and never had a reason to doubt her stories.
The moment it became clear that some gentlemen were looking for her, it was better to run quickly. So quickly packed the car and with the baby on the way to Hua Hin, where I had already reserved a sparsely furnished bungalow by phone. A more luxurious form of camping, in other words. The rest of the Bangkok household goods were delivered weeks later in a truck by an acquaintance in an open truck, who later turned out to have over 400.000 baht from N. in credit.
But the moment this became clear, N. had already flown, taking Lizzy with him. I had no idea where to, but guessed her mother's house, between Udon Thani and Nongkhai. N's phone was disconnected and I could only reach her father through a contact she left in my computer. That turned out not to be her father, but a former boyfriend, professor of ICT at a number of universities in the Netherlands and abroad.
I can now hang a whole litany of what happened next, but I will refrain from that. Finally I was able to trace Lizzy, got joint custody from the court in Bangkok, paid the ransom and collected her from her grandmother. In this respect it is: all's well that ends well. Lizzy has been attending school in Hua Hin for three years, is growing fast and is doing very well, partly under the (tough) guidance of her friend Raysiya.
To be continued…
Yes, another story. I know many. Also in the Netherlands there is a lot of gambling by the Thai ladies. But this also occurs in other Asian persons. They are loved in the gambling havens. It's in their blood and they grew up with it. In my neighborhood in Nongprue there is also a lot of gambling at the neighbors. Close the curtains and many neighbors together. Partner still too young and residing in the home country. Can pay later or lick his wound. Only the Thai ladies who have studied there, this hardly occurs.
The disrespect shown by the ladies in question towards their partner is terribly distressing. True love is hard to find.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to part 3.
I also know Thai girls who are not like that, but I agree with you that you have to be very careful. Many farangs look no further than a pair of beautiful brown hair, high cheekbones and a nice body. The often much younger partner, with a background without any significant education and a lot of distressing poverty, has very different norms and values than the average farang. And especially if they have worked in the bar for a long time, you have to pay attention… those girls can often act great because that is their job (you only see bad actors on Thai TV).
I think it is very fair of Hans to put it that way, but I also have no illusions that it will prevent similar problems for others. Their girlfriend is always 'really different', right?
Continue Hans Bos… I am also curious about part 3..
I know many a ferang who go to damnation
has gone through gambling debts of their Thai wife.
Some ferangs even play with their Thai wife under 1
hat to borrow money from their friends and acquaintances. If your Thai woman is addicted to gambling or gambles regularly, it is better to end the relationship immediately. Sooner or later the Thai mafia will stand
at your front door and you can hand in everything. If necessary under threat or brute force. A warned person counts for two.
The same thing happened to an acquaintance of mine. I couldn't chew his life partner after a few caught lies. The man has spent thousands on her, she cheats and threatens just about everyone she knows and is in debt everywhere. She manipulates in the most devious way. He also only found out after years, just like you. Or was it love that once again made blind?
What stories. I hope never to experience it. Fortunately (maybe) there is nothing to get from me.....
Love makes blind, or at least nearsighted... One learns by doing, although unfortunately it costs a lot of time and money.
Luckily you're still here Hans. Loansharks, people who lend your wife money at usurious rates, are very dangerous. They don't hesitate to threaten or much worse and that also with her farang. I know / knew farangs who have fled abroad or who are no longer there. Paradise my hole! Keep a low profile, don't stand out! and don't think you know better than a Thai that is not accepted.
A life is not worth much and certainly not a farang's. Negative? No realistic.
Hi Hans,
It happened to me too after 8 years. The baby is a few years old now. Really had believed everything for 8 years.
Suddenly it came out it was a movie star first class everything lied and tumbled into it.
But I don't think it was postpartum depression. She has caught me in her net in the middle of our child.
Yes stupid of me. But don't be the only one.
Hans hopes that these wounds will also heal.
What am I missing or did I read over it were you also married?
Thank you for your honest story.
Dear Peter,
I was not married to her. N. did not want that. She said she always wanted to be "miss" on her ID. True or False? No idea. There are more stories that I've come to doubt afterwards.
@Hans Bos, if you are unmarried as a Thai woman, 'Miss' will indeed appear on her ID and for a married Thai woman, 'Mrs' will appear on her ID. Name change to the husband is no longer necessary. Also, as a married person, you are responsible for her debts and she for yours. You weren't married so it's up to her.
I have now been officially married under Thai law for 5 years, and my wife's ID also says Miss. My first Thai wife also still had Miss on her ID after 33 years of marriage.
Both insisted on keeping their maiden names.
My first wife with the one-liner “your not my father” as the reason, My second wife because she is proud of her family name..
So that story is wrong.
@ henry, story? I have been married to my Thai beauty for about 30 years now and that was at a time when the wife was obliged to take the husband's surname. That changed a few years ago and is no longer necessary. She then adopted her maiden name again and it does say Mrs. for her name on her ID, is common knowledge. If you only marry for the Buddha and not for the Amphur, you are not married and Miss is left in front of her name or they have, somehow, royally got you.
Hans,
Too bad it turned out that way.
Hope you have better luck with your new partner.
I am also very curious about the sequel.
Cordial greetings ,
Thick
Hey Hans
I hope you both will be ok, but unfortunately this is the hard and real truth.
But I'm surprised that this can just be posted here because .
Because if it becomes too negative, then you are a pessimist because messages that are written through rose-tinted glasses are preferred here.
I also know that not all Thai women are bad.
But a warned person counts for two.
And through trial and error, I myself have become wiser and pessimistic.
Unfortunately, I would have liked to see it differently.
I just don't understand some, they can have a very good life and then they waste it with gambling, etc
And I don't get it from some men either, they want to buy love and friendship with houses and give a car to buy land.
But you see that Hans is honest about it and so that others can learn from it.
Good luck with the little one.
Gr Rob
It's a dramatic story. Still, the blame lies largely with you.
Like many expats who know it all so well, they have gone into the boat.
Stories from acquaintances of mine who bought a house somewhere in the North East.
There was also a brother in the house. Very sweet man. It later turned out to be her husband.
Lost everything and back to square one.
When getting to know a Thai woman, it is important to visit the family several times
to go visit. Bring a Thai you can trust. Let them enjoy the environment for a while
walk around and he will come up with the right information. Costs a few baths, but in the end you save a lot of money.
I have been together with my Thai wife for 14 years and married for 12 years (in the Netherlands).
I have a beautiful life. Live here in Thailand for 10 years. Never a problem.
Cor van Kampen.
Love is indeed blind, and even if you come back to the "land of the seers" after a time of relationship, you don't want it to be true at first. Before I met my current wife, I too had my negative experiences, which luckily had nothing to do with gambling, but also with the constant telling of untruths, which also had their price. spoke, I was lucky that at the beginning of our relationship I came into contact with her younger sister, who came to visit us. Thus, I received confirmation of my suspicions in a so-called cross-examination, and in fact, disappointed, ended the relationship. After this experience, I have decided to take a Thai course, so that I can now understand the language better and speak it where necessary. As a result, I learned more and more about the conversations that the Thai women had among themselves, which often involved Farangs and money. Many men, who are sure that everything is different in their relationship, hardly understand Thai, or not at all, and rely only on her usually sparse English, supported by the sweet Thai smile, so that knowing for sure is more conjecture. Even tourists who have been coming to Thailand for years are often misled by a friendly Thai smile, which is part of every Thai upbringing and hides much of the real character.
I always call it tuition. And lessons are repeated until you get them.
Incidentally, this also occurs in the better circles. In fact, for a lot of money, people are willing to hire someone to kill their own family member.
Most Thai are very good camelion... or what's that beast that changes color called.
The story of gambling and debt could also have ended much worse.
Good Hans that you just did everything to give your daughter a good future. And for all the men who don't want kids anymore... just go to the doctor.
It is one of the first things I did after my first visit to Thailand, to take Thai lessons. I kept this up for 1 months and then mastered the language in word and speech. This has helped me a lot over the years. I have been coming to Thailand for 6 years now and I have been with my current Thai wife for 20 years now. We have a 15-year-old daughter. I always liked it best when I came to birthday parties and I listened quietly to what was being discussed by the Thai women. among themselves and when they were ready I said, but I don't agree with that at all. The Thai do not expect you to understand everything, but that is the first necessity if you want to build a stable relationship. You cannot communicate with each other with only poor English. If you are in Thailand with the family, you also want to know what they say about you. My wife's sister also has this addiction and if she had not put her house in her name, it would have already been used as a stake. Her sister no longer has land, everything has been gambled away. But if you just keep both feet on the ground and use your common sense, you can prevent a lot of suffering. But the basics remain learning the language.
Thankfully things are better now with Raysiya.
Looking forward to the sequel!
B, Hans,
You should have seen this coming, I also see it in my family and have one
I hate it terribly, why because I used to like to take a chance.
I myself made the decision in time to start again.
You should have understood where all the money went! but that will come in time
follow-up.
It's very bad when you have a child, but well here you also made the decision yourself.
A lot of blame to you and is actually unjustified to your feeling.
There are countless more so take comfort.
It's easy for me to talk because it's been going well for 15 years, but you never know.
I think the ending is a lot more positive than the beginning.
On to part 3.
Regards,
Erwin
I have been with my Thai bar fly for about 30 years and never had any money issues with her. Buying a lottery ticket of 80 baht is already a big waste of money for her, I have to do it myself. She handles the finances in our house and every satang is turned before she spends it. I don't lack anything, I take care of her and she takes care of me. On the other hand, I know someone who comes to visit his wife and son twice a year and has bought large pieces of land in her name. Sends her Baht 2 per month. She borrows money everywhere, also gambles and has pledged all the land. She has been able to hide it from him so far while the whole village knows about it. These are 20.000 extremes, but they exist.
Love is blind and marriage clairvoyant
Hans a nice realistic report, without lamentation. I think that's great and makes your story all the stronger for it. And with a growing Lizzy who is doing well in school and, I think, judging by photos, very smart, all the adversity has been worth it, although it could have been done without it, of course.