15 years of Thailand: a story, but not a fairytale
Hans Bosch
When I landed at Bangkok's old Don Muang Airport on December 15, 2005, I didn't know what was in store for me. The 15 tropical years flew by after that. I look around in amazement.
My first encounter with Thailand was in the year 2000, on a China Airlines press trip en route to Sydney, Australia. Bangkok was the first stop with an overnight stay in the Amari Atrium and with some colleagues we went out on Patpong. That trip I thought that Thailand would be a nice place to live out life in the (distant) future, after my retirement.
That moment came five years later. With a nice 'handshake' in my pocket, there was little that tied me to the Netherlands. I had seen it in journalism and so had my employer. In the meantime I had met the second lovely Thai in Bangkok, sold the house and car and put the rest on Marktplaats and with the bulky waste. What I had left fit in a suitcase.
The Thai lived in a small condo on Udomsuk in Bangkok and that didn't seem like a good start. So we rented a townhouse at Sukhumvit 101/1. With money in his pocket (the Euro was worth a lot more baht at the time), the house was furnished and Thai life began. With trial and error, that much is clear looking back. Slowly but surely the pink disappeared from my glasses…
The terraced house (14.000 baht per month) had some drawbacks. For example, the Chinese neighbor was babbling outside during my breakfast in the morning, the living room was tiled from floor to ceiling (I called it 'the slaughterhouse') and when it rained heavily, the water washed under the front door. Two houses later we lived in a beautiful park on the outskirts of Bangkok, rented from a former colleague of the Bangkok Post. Every year I made the trip to the Netherlands twice and the rose-colored glasses covered up a lot of discomfort.
Left: Lizzy
And then the ovaries of the one I once loved began to rattle. I didn't think it was fair to live with a young woman for years and to ignore the desire to have children. In 2010 Lizzy was born, a cloud of a baby. After a few months, her mother was able to get a job at an (illegal) casino in Minburi, which could stay open with a monthly payment of 300.000 baht to the police. I took a closer look and the boss told me that the staff was not allowed to gamble. He forgot to mention that this applied before working hours and not afterwards. J. was now lending money to acquaintances, but gambled with the money that was earned. The end of the song was that I missed a lot of money, but also the casino. It was that the car was in my name, otherwise I would have lost it.
The mafia (police and senior military, the money lenders) were after us. Had to flee from one night to the next, with Lizzy in her crib in the backseat. After five busy years in Bangkok, I had already conceived the plan to move to Hua Hin. We rented a detached house there. Furniture and household goods remained in Bangkok for the time being.
After a few weeks it became too hot under J.'s feet. She and Lizzy left for her mother in Udon Thani until she didn't feel safe there either. I had no address, so I didn't know where my daughter was staying. Proceedings at Juvenile Court in Bangkok resulted in joint custody, less than I had hoped for. J. had meanwhile started a ramble through Laos and Cambodia to Hong Kong. There she bumped into a Danish captain of a Japanese airline. In the meantime contact had been somewhat restored and I was able to get Lizzy back against payment of 200.000 baht.
Lizzy
Lizzy has been living with me and my girlfriend in Hua Hin for nine years now. She is growing fast and doing well at the international school. She is a smart girl, who hopefully is well prepared for her future. The bond with her Dutch family is remarkably strong. In 2010 I became a father and grandfather in one year, which raised eyebrows in the homeland..
The Danish captain had the knife stabbed in the pig more than a year ago. After paying for a house, car and breast augmentation, he thought it was enough. Lizzy's mother has been in Korea illegally for a year to earn money for her own future. She has regular contact with Lizzy via Whatapp and says she will stay in Korea for another four years. It is what it is.
The past 15 years have flown by. I hope the next 15 years go a little slower. After the first wild years in Thailand, hopefully a long calm period will come. Do I regret leaving for Thailand in 2005? Very occasionally. I miss family and friends I had to leave behind. Thailand was a flight forward and still a good country to live as a guest. It is not the earthly paradise, but I have not yet found out where that is…
Nice story and recognizable on some points.
As far as the 'earthly paradise' is concerned, that will always prove to be an illusion, I'm afraid.
But for now, Thailand will remain my 2nd home, even though I am still 'stuck' in the cold and chilly Netherlands…
Nice story Hans, honestly described your experience and I am sure that this is not an isolated case.
Nice story with ups and downs. Unfortunately, it could have been better if many Thai women were not so greedy.
Dear Hans,
Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us.
Your story is like so many between farang and Thai lady.
Great that you put so much effort and money into taking care of your daughter, respect. !!
I am also a 'regular' visitor to this beautiful country, for more than 30 years, of which the last 15 years have been there for 4 to 5 months.
And yes, as far as the "earthly paradise" is concerned, nothing turns out to be what it is, and of course you get different things on your bread than the average tourist who goes 3 weeks a year.
So, try to make it your own paradise.
I also wish you a lot of fun with the people you love around you.
Regards, Joseph
It's a pity Hans that life in Thailand has not gone so well for you. Lucky for me it is still a dream to live here with my Thai girlfriend and kids.
Have been living here in Thailand for more than 10 years with full satisfaction. In the beginning it took some adjustments on my part to my Dutch way of thinking, after that life went as I had imagined it.
Do not want to trade it for gold with a life in the Netherlands.
Well, I haven't fared that much less here. You have to take it as it comes and always keep looking ahead.
Dear Hans,
Completely agree that Thailand is not paradise, but a country with a population that can disrupt your life at any time of the day. Nothing is what it seems and a traffic accident with dramatic and expensive consequences can easily happen.
Perhaps uncertainty in combination with the care of the child and wife is a trigger to stay in this ugly country and to continue to see the positive.
A little Rotterdammer understand what I mean 🙂
Quote: It is not paradise on earth, but I have not yet found out where that is…
Earthly paradise lies within yourself, just like hell on Earth.
Dear Hans,
What a story
well you can come across something in life..
Perhaps a consolation I worked in a casino in the Netherlands for 22 years and believe me it's not a 'Thai' problem that gambling and everything that comes with it when you lose a lot I've seen this happen so many times and it will always stay that way.
It's just a pity that you have to experience it wherever you are, and especially when children are confronted with it, who have to suffer how it turns or turns.
Glad to hear that it has been resolved for you and that you can look forward to the future together with your daughter.
Success.
Unfortunately, dear people, but I still believe that Thailand is the "earthly paradise". I've been coming here for 20 years. After a 'world trip' of 9 days (from and home) I was sold and I stayed a few weeks longer, which resulted in: half a year in Thailand and half a year in Europe.
I met my love 10 years ago and had a sweet home built for 5 years.
I talked her out of her 'rattling ovaries' with reasons: my grandsons could babysit. In retrospect she thinks it was a good reason, and now we enjoy our free time: golf, touring bikes and taking holiday trips.
I still go there with pleasure and longing, at the beginning of January.
This year only, the half-yearly stay will only last 3 months.
I have been coming to Thailand since 1978 and I have the same advice for everyone. Stay single…..enjoy female company….possibly get a casual girlfriend but stay free and stay away from obligations and don't get too attached. Don't hesitate to make fixed agreements from day 1 as well as to end a relationship if something is wrong.
In 9 out of 10 cases, the lady in question sees a lot less than we think. A Thai turns a button and the day after you can hardly notice that she has come out of a long-term relationship. Emotions and especially those around love are very different here than with us. Never stay with someone out of pity, because that pity is only one side and is a very bad advisor.
All the misery I heard in Thailand was always the same story… the result of 'too' steady relationships and the financial consequences thereof.
Of course there are also people who have a very happy and satisfying relationship that certainly exist and a lot.
I have a good marriage myself, but if it were to start again, I would remain a lot freer. Would have saved me a lot of emotions and annoyances while I certainly didn't hit the worst.
Thailand is a country where you really shouldn't get attached. Unlike with us, you are never really alone here…..Finding another partner is 100 X faster and easier than with us….Relationships can be perfect without needing to be profound.
Flip a switch like that? I think differently about that, the ladies are not from another planet. Their hearts might as well be broken. So around me I know enough with heartbreak, longing for a nice partner and so on. But who knows traffic in non-representative circles of society… So let's see what Thai literature, music, film and the like is about. The theme of love, longing, sadness and the like is fully discussed there. Wouldn't the ladies be so unique after all?
What I would dare to say is that due to socio-economic circumstances you will sooner / more often see a choice for a partner who helps you have a roof over your head and rises on the shelf. Because even more important than a heart on fire is a full stomach. Put in as much as you can give into a relationship, know your limits, and then you won't have to feel constrained or cheated.
Perfection does not exist, turn ambitions and desires into something that makes life happier for yourself and the people around you. Hans, so enjoy it, especially without pink or gray colored glasses. 🙂
Desire for a nice partner and heartbreak are not exactly the same. You should especially watch Thai soaps if you like fake.
The relationships that will be exhibited there very rarely have the same objectives as the relationships that 90% of the Farangs enter into in Thailand.
In those soap operas you will rarely see a construction worker hooking up with a girl from a wealthy Thai family…I don't think you will find that kind of relationship much in Thailand where money comes first and love can follow.
Hans Bos tells a personal story, a story that I really appreciate for its honesty.
And you, fred, are going to say some general stuff about Thai women and stuff. I tell you this. Many soap operas are indeed fake. But there's so much more.
In Thai novels, movies and music and also in everyday life I see the same love and the same problems as in the Netherlands or any other country. That in Thailand money comes first and love follows is nonsense. Of course there are relationships where money plays the most important role, but love, tenderness, understanding and true friendship are also the most important factors in love affairs in Thailand.
I ask you to stop spouting generalities. Look at the individual. Listen to each of us's own story. Stop judging and prejudice. Please.
Rarely read so many clichés and nonsense in Fred's reactions.
Then there was still something to enjoy.
But that also had its price.
If you don't like disappointments, you better
don't start that type of relationship
An honest story and also so recognizable. I also regularly hear some Thai women, such as my own Thai (second) girlfriend, criticizing the greed of many Thai women. This quality is of course not only reserved for Thai women, but it is very present in the land of smiles!
I had a girlfriend before. She asked after 2 weeks how much money I had. Took a picture of my house car and surroundings. luckily I caught it in time.
Thank you for your honest and beautiful story! I read: one illusion poorer, but an experience and a daughter richer. Perhaps not a paradise, but a big plus!
A very honest and beautifully written life story.
Hans, without too much fuss you just tell a few facts that took place in your relationship, I can imagine what kind of world is behind it, intense.
Brave to share that with us bloggers, now that your pink glasses have discolored to transparent in the Thai sunlight, it is very possible that the coming years will be a bit quieter, I wish you that.
Be happy with your loved ones, including a cloud of a daughter.
Utopia exists, that much is certain, but what is the telephone number of that taxi driver again? or is that you?
Wish you good luck and prosperity in your further Thai life.
With respect for your openness.
Nice and honest story, Hans.