'What's in the bamboo tube?'; a folk tale from Lao Folktales

What you can do with a fart? Great writers knew it, from Carmiggelt to Wolkers. But also someone in Laos…

Be the smartest! That's what entrepreneur in joke articles Xieng Nyan wanted. He pointed out a rose to a customer and asked 'Isn't my rose beautiful? And it smells so good!' The customer smelled the rose and pssst! A jet of water over his face; it was a nightmare.

'Ha-ha! I got you!' Xieng Nyan said. "Indeed," said the customer. "How smart you are." "And who is the smartest in the land?" "Xieng Nyan you are smart, but really the smartest is Xieng Mieng."

Later a friend came in; Latsamy. 'Bye friend.' Xieng Nyam said. 'I want to show you something. Binoculars. Put it against your eyes and everything suddenly seems very close.' Latsamy took the binoculars and put them to his face. He looked at the hills, and sure enough, he could see every tree very sharply. "Thank you," Latsamy said, handing the binoculars back.

Xieng Nyan looked at Latsamy's face and could hardly suppress laughter. "But Latsamy, did you fight?" Xieng Nyan gave him a mirror; he had black circles around his eyes. 'Ha-ha! I got you!' Xieng Nyan said. "Indeed," said Latsamy. "How smart you are." "And who is the smartest in the land?" "Xieng Nyan you are smart, but really the smartest is Xieng Mieng."

It also happened to Sivath. And he also ended with 'Xieng Nyan you are smart, but really the smartest is surely Xieng Mieng.'

Xieng Mieng! Always that damn….

“That Xieng Mieng makes me sick to death. I'll look up that figure and then we'll see who's the smartest. Then everyone will know that I am the smartest….' He thought about it for a long time. 'Aha! Now I know. And then we'll see who's the smartest.'

He ate a bucket of boiled peanuts! His wife also said: boiled peanuts make you windy, but that was precisely the intention. He took a bamboo storage tube, put a wind in it and closed it very quickly. And then on the way to the village where Xieng Mieng lived.

He had to cross seven rivers and when he approached the village he was tired and hot and thirsty. A man came up to him. Welcome traveler. You come from far? Come, have a cup of coffee with me.'

Xieng Nyan enjoyed fresh, strong Lao coffee. "What are you doing in our village?" “I want to meet Xieng Mieng.” 'O? Do you want to do business with him?' 'I am an entrepreneur in a village far from here, and I am extremely smart. But people keep saying that Xieng Mieng is smarter than me. Now I'm here to prank him.'

'How?' asked the hospitable man. 'See this bamboo tube? I'm going to fool Xieng Mieng with this. I open it and let Xieng smell Mieng. What do you think it contains?'

'No idea.' "My fart!" Xieng Nyan laughed. 'Did you fart in that chute? Then you are really a smart guy. But when did you do that?' "In my house, over there." 'That is a long time ago. Are you sure it still stinks? Maybe the air is off!' "I don't think so," said Xieng Nyan.

"I wouldn't risk it. Think how ridiculous you'd be if you let Xieng Mieng smell and it doesn't stink! I think you should smell now.' "You have a point there," said Xieng Nyan and opened the tube. He smelled it and his face contorted with misery. "Yes, yes, that fart is still there." 'Ha ha…' laughed the other man. 'Do you know who I am now? I am Xieng Mieng, the smartest man in the country. I'm really smarter than you!'

Xieng Nyan walked back to his village, knowing that Xieng Mieng really was the smartest man in the land.

Source: Lao Folktales (1995). Translation and editing Erik Kuijpers.