The Mysterious Thai Smile
The famous 'Thai Smile' (Yim) is one of the many mysteries of Thailand. Although we always experience a smile as an expression of friendliness, for a Thai a smile has a different meaning and function.
For a Thai, a smile is an important non-verbal way of communicating. There are more than 10 different forms of smiling that also have their own meaning. The Thai uses the smile as a kind of self-protection. A smile should prevent and solve problems. Thais also believe that you look much more beautiful when you smile.
A country without rules
Thailand is a special country, often because the Thai have unwritten laws that we do not understand. Rules to create order out of chaos. Where the Netherlands is over-organized and there are so many rules that no one can remember them, the opposite applies to Thailand. There are few rules. And the Thai interpret it as it suits them. For a farang there is no way to make sense of it and this often leads to a feeling of incomprehension, annoyance and even despair.
Someone dead? Keep smiling
One of those unwritten laws is the use of a smile. A house on fire? A traffic accident with fatalities? You will see Thai smiling after a few minutes. Not because they think it's funny what happened, but because life's tragedies can be so unpredictable and dramatic that only laughter can keep you going.
Indifference as self-protection
Farang find Thai indifferent because they always smile even when there are serious problems. We only get angrier when someone laughs at our problems. Although indifference is also inextricably linked to Thai culture, it is also a kind of self-protection. Don't you remember? Laughter helps.
Loss of face, pride and self-esteem
As mentioned, there are a number of manners from Thai culture, rules that Thai consider very important. The most important one is 'losing face'. Most Thai are poor. The only thing of 'value' they possess is 'self-esteem'. When you lose that, in the eyes of the Thai you really have nothing left. Pride and self-esteem should earn the Thai respect and self-confidence. Because every Thai thinks this is very important, they do everything they can to prevent themselves and others from losing face.
Rules of conduct to prevent loss of face
Losing face is the worst thing that can happen to a Thai. This should be avoided at all times. The entire Thai society is set up for this. How do they do this? By, among others:
- Never lose your temper or get angry in public.
- Avoid conflicts.
- No raising your voice or shouting.
- Not to criticize others and to be tolerant.
- Do not show excessive emotions.
- Don't burden others with your problems.
These rules are very important to the Thai because they think this is the only way to form a society without problems.
Smile as a mask
A smile is a practical answer to any situation where a Thai is at a loss. The Thai uses it for:
- Joy
- Shame
- Anxiety
- Feeling tense
- Uncertainty
- To apologize
- To put others at ease
The famous Thai smile has many varieties, each with its own meaning. To us outsiders they all look the same, however Thai understand very well what the specific smile means. A number of forms that the Thai use:
- YIM tak tai: The polite smile, used when meeting a farang, for example.
- feun YIM: The forced smile. I laugh but I really don't want to.
- YIM cheuat cheuan: The smile of someone who has just beaten his rival.
- YIM tang nam dtah: The really happy smile.
- YIM tak tan: The "sorry, but you're wrong" smile.
- YIM sao: The smile that should mask sadness or sadness.
- YIM mee lay-nai: The evil smile.
- YIM cheun chom: The admiring smile.
- YIM yor: The arrogant smile.
- YIM yair yair: The smile to apologize and get out of an awkward or embarrassing situation.
- YIM hairng: The nervous, apologetic smile.
- YIM soo: The “it can't get any worse so I better start laughing” smile.
Misunderstandings about Thai
The politeness and laughter are often interpreted by tourists as being shy and submissive. Nothing is less true. Go talk to an expat who has lived in Thailand for a number of years. As said and written many times, remember one thing about Thailand: nothing is what it seems.
Thai culture: words have less meaning
Thai culture is not a culture of speech and words like in the West, where famous philosophers come from. In the West everything is easy to understand, the rules are clear. We use language to communicate: “yes” is yes and “no” is no. I believe you or I don't believe you. We need those words to understand what someone else means. We want clarity.
"Yes" can mean "no".
Thailand, on the other hand, does not. A Thai can say “yes” and smile. That smile means more than the word. The smile can mean "no" or "maybe". So a Thai can easily say “yes” and mean “no”.
This also makes the Thai language a minefield for outsiders. The connection of the Thai language with body language is so great that it is often incomprehensible to us.
Smile says nothing about mood
So the smile and politeness say nothing about what a Thai feels or thinks. It is merely an expression of something that is subject to change. After all, when you smile, whether in sadness or joy, it is difficult for us to understand your true feelings.
Thais can therefore live in a mood that hides reality and which they choose themselves. We can only laugh when we are happy a Thai can laugh when he or she is intensely sad.
The smile is a great tool to hide imperfections and flaws. Some call it indifference or tolerance. In reality, the smile is an attempt to survive in a harsh world of poverty and an uncertain existence. The smile provides a form of independence. It's kind of shield that can protect you and help you in difficult times.
Thailand a tolerant country
The above also explains the enormous tolerance towards others (e.g. homosexuals and transsexuals) in the Thai Kingdom. You do not interfere with others and you do not criticize another. Tolerance also means not worrying about other people's problems. In addition, tolerance is also intended to prevent loss of face. By not criticizing others, you also maintain your own self-respect.
Irony and sarcasm are therefore completely unknown concepts in Thailand. After all, you don't confront someone else with words. You only talk about topics that are relevant and useful to the other person without judging or being critical.
Tolerance also has drawbacks
Although we think the tolerance in Thailand is wonderful, it also has a dark side. At school, for example, a student will never fail. A teacher must give a good grade. After all, the failure of the child would mean the failure of the whole family.
In practice, tolerance means a non-critical attitude towards each other. This does not always benefit the quality of the work. The younger generation is already changing somewhat, Thailand is slowly becoming a more competitive society. But the leaders of tomorrow also remain strongly connected to the culture of the parents who cherish the traditions.
Politeness and not interfering with others remain the most important rules of conduct in Thailand. Do not contradict or hurt another. Keep listening politely, even if it's deadly boring.
Rules for a farang
If you still find it necessary to contradict or correct a Thai, do so with tact and according to the Thai rules. Speaks softly and controlled without raising his voice. And above all smile! By doing so, you show respect for the other person and you give them the chance to defend themselves with a smile and get out of the predicament.
Yelling at a Thai in public is a serious insult, it can lead to loss of face and will certainly not lead to a solution. If you live in Thailand or holiday you will also have to solve it the Thai way, no matter how illogical that is for us.
Don't think, just laugh!
– Repost message –
“Irony and sarcasm are therefore completely unknown concepts in Thailand.” Oh? Then where do I put the sarcastic คร้าบบบ (khráaap)? I answer it back with a judgmental smile, one of the various smiles we know in the Netherlands. 🙂 555
No, the Thais don't know sarcasm! What I heard a lot was: 'That's the best monk in Thailand! What a great village chief here! Those farangs are all so smart! How good is your Thai, say! The latter only if I made a mistake again.
I completely agree with this article and act accordingly.
That is why I enjoy this beautiful country every day.
What I am very surprised about are the many soap operas on TV that my wife watches.
Mostly huge verbal abuse, especially by the women, with horrible evil distorted faces
and violent.
With a surprised smile I ask my wife if there is nothing else to look at.
The piece is now subject to wear and tear, but one of the nicest parts where the mutual respect still emerges is, in my opinion, the following:
“Don't burden someone else with your problems.”
If you turn it around and say that you are not interested in solving someone else's problems, then according to many blog readers you are an egoist here.
The wisdom of the country, but know-it-alls will think otherwise.
What is written here applies to communication between Thais and foreigners, as is also the case for Dutch people. There is a certain restraint and uncertainty. Among themselves, the Thais behave almost the same as the Dutch. Lots of irony, confrontations and expressions of other emotions.
Yesterday my Thai wife had a conflict with a rice seller on the market, but the whole market could really enjoy it, so much so that I asked her if those big mouths vice versa were really necessary….
This is the most nonsensical and incorrect article ever posted on the mostly good thailand blog. Take this quote:
Rules of conduct to prevent loss of face
Losing face is the worst thing that can happen to a Thai. This should be avoided at all times. The entire Thai society is set up for this. How do they do this? By, among others:
Never lose your temper or get angry in public.
Avoid conflicts.
No raising your voice or shouting.
Not to criticize others and to be tolerant.
Do not show excessive emotions.
Don't burden others with your problems.
'The worst?' Stop it. The Dutch don't mind losing face at all, do they?
I have experienced all these things just as often in Thailand as in the Netherlands. These are all things that I try to apply as much as possible in the Netherlands, and I think that applies to most Dutch people.
I hope the editors don't lose face now, but 'lose face' should be 'lose face' (:
I had to laugh really hard at all those kinds of smiles. I don't know what to call that kind of smile.
I
Dear Tino, did you drink a glass of vinegar at breakfast this morning? 😉 Isn't it wonderful all those clichés, tourists love it! You don't always have to analyze everything to pieces. So boring, phew. Those nuances are not fun at all for the readers. They want prejudices confirmed. That's just how it works.
What do you think? I've been looking at a gray and gray sky for days. Skype with my son in Thailand who tells me that he ate a delicious somtam and laab, I wave to his beautiful and sweet friends Nuey, which then makes me feel good and then today I read a bunch of stories that made me feel so incredibly gets grumpy. A little voice inside me says, "Tino, don't respond!"
Okay, if you had called this article 'The most silly and funny clichés about Thailand' you wouldn't have spoiled my mood. It's getting better now, thank you.
Certainly Peter, the readers of a digital tourist folder like to be confirmed in their positive images: Thai women and men are still really feminine, know their place, listen so well, smile so sweetly and spoil you... and more of those dream images. But tell them that the Dutch man (woman?) is sour, obese, elderly, stingy and easy to recognize by his grumpy look… you will soon have an army of men deeply offended: nonsense, total madness, disrespectful!!
Fortunately, I can laugh heartily at the nonsense that is doing the rounds about the Thai, the Dutchman, the Flemish and I don't know who else. Oh help, a smile on my face, soon I will be a Thai!
NB: fortunately, in addition to stupid and laughable clichés, there is also room for nuances and more factually substantiated backgrounds on this fine blog. 🙂
I had seen the tandem Rob + Tino coming from afar 😉 You know Rob, the annoying thing about clichés is not the bias, but the fact that they are often correct.
Dear Tina,
I may sometimes disagree with you, but what you say after, among other things: is correct, I have been temporary for several years and maybe I am in another Thailand, but those points of yours I hear them every day, so I can now find it completely.
It's possible that at my age I can't quite follow it anymore.
That occur in Vietnam where I remember a little story that could also be true in Thailand :
– when a Vietnamese woman says no she means maybe
– when a Vietnamese woman says maybe she means yes
– when a Vietnamese woman says yes then she is not Vietnamese
Sorry but I thought this was a funny joke
There are many farang that connect almost every Thailach with enormous friendliness.
Only when someone has to deal with the different smiles much more often, will he see that it does not always have to do with kindness.
Also the famous Thai "Pak Waan" (sweet mouth) where you get all the praise in this world, is usually not very realistic.
Anyway, sometimes every old man suddenly feels young, and every ugly person very handsome.555
My Thai wife, although we have lived in Europe for a long time now, still laughs at almost every situation.
Situations where most of us laughed long ago.
From a walk in the city, she is often given a friendly greeting by many, so that I always have to ask if she has put on a friendly smile again?
Laughter, although this is becoming less and less visible with a covid mask, is a key that opens many hearts.
Of course, the different smiles are inspired and not always an innate friendliness.
But why shouldn't a learned friendliness be much better than an innate grump? 555
I really like it here in Thailand. I recognize the kind of smile often enough and also know what the meaning is. But there are also many Thais who come across as quite gruff and tough and are very far from a smile.
What the writer described I found more in Japan. The Thais are more westernized in that respect.
And during my working life as a flight attendant, I often had to do the same: smile and be kind to people you most wanted to slap. Then my smile could also vary between forced and really friendly…
But I found the Asian habit of putting on a friendly mask in most situations the most effective and used it.
Years ago I started a movement in the Netherlands under the title 'Give a Smile, Get a Smile'.
Had T-shirts printed with it and handed out. I got many smiles for it.
When it comes to the monarchy or democratic relations in the poll, Thai society is the opposite of tolerant.
It is said that the civilization of a country can be measured by the way it treats prisoners.
Well, then Thailand would score very low.
I have often been amazed living here in Thailand.
Often, problems or even fun things are not even discussed between sisters who live practically opposite each other.
Or as my sister-in-law says, if you don't like something just don't talk about it.
But yes, that gnaws and sometimes erupts.
And that children always transfer because of loss of sight of the teacher or school is perhaps a reason for another school. Especially in this time where education with closed schools is lacking.
Raising that was a moment when the farang was told that the missus was not happy without a smile.
My daughter is now privately tutored by the teacher as long as the school is closed.
And a smile every day, still have to figure out which one. 555