'Black hairs'

Aom's hair is fanned out on the white pillow. She has long, thick, dense, soft hair, and it is a black pool of darkness. It is the flight of a river in its bed.

I'm lying there with my nose and mouth and actually my whole face diving in and gasping for air. Maybe I'll forget to breathe and never surface again. But no, I smell the scent of her hair, her head, her sweat and her shampoo.

Walking girls and shampoo or soft skin products, that's always fun on Sukhumvit. You swing through the dense crowd of people with a Thai lady at your side and at one point she sees a 7-Eleven. That is something like a small Spruce with us and in the same colors green and white. Here you have them every fifty meters. Why she chooses exactly that 7-Eleven is already a mystery and I don't want to unravel it, because I'm not getting anywhere.

Why – why not? The longer I'm here in Thailand, the less I ask that question. I gradually get the comforting thought that I could die, from the moment I ask 'why?' no more set. Then you are beyond all suffering, says the Buddha. It also makes the Thai irritable and thinks to themselves: Why is he asking - things are the way they are!

All charm and you follow

She steps, gracefully and gracefully, up the steps of the shop in front of you, short skirt, short dress, thrifty hot pants, all charm and you follow. Such a walk, especially for you alone, you don't even get that during a show on a Parisian catwalk of the most expensive models. What a luxury and a luxury and a blessing and a wealth for a man who gets what he has set out to do.

Another benefit is that you know that you will not lose much money in such a 7-Eleven, it is cheap, especially when you see the Thai prices. She walks gracefully between the racks, somewhat aimlessly and oh yes, there are suddenly the beauty products. She grabs something here, takes something out there, unscrews something, sniffs it, lets you smell it, then puts the vials back uninterested.

"Oh, no, Aom, you're going to be unhappy if you don't take that night cream." You get such a reflex as a man and you also say it out loud and at the same time: 'You'll be happy with this?' To which she looks at you very playfully and mischievously, with something like 'Don't I deserve that from you?'

Well, you've lost the battle, just two half liters of still water, and off to the checkout. It is not only ointment for the body, but also ointment for the soul, she - and you too - will get a warm feeling from it. It is a bit as if she involves you in her physicality, very intimately. With us, most women will buy that on their own, I suppose.

I try to swim, to survive

I am still deeply buried in Aom's black hair and try to swim, to survive. They are rivers of satin and silk. We are spoonfuls. My sex lies exactly in the narrow groove of her buttocks and my right hand holds her sex and feels that groove. My sewn elbow rests on her hip. My left hand is entwined in her left hand. I try to lie still, because she also lies motionless, to me tease. She has full brown skin. In my hands she is all skin and forms and body and woman. I'm enjoying.

I try not to think, 'Why not? Why shouldn't this be possible?' There's that why again! I shut my mind. I say aloud: I have a right to my own happiness.

My hands are flapping around again, over her, they can't stay still. I caress her shoulders and neck and run my fingers under her hair. Only there is a little bit of sweat, I thought Thai never sweat. I turn circles around her sunken navel and over the little tube of her belly.

She is twenty-two and says she feels safe with me. Then she turns around, on her right hip, she puts her hands on my neck, I put mine on her breasts. We lay looking at each other for a long time, me in her eyes and she in mine. Hers are unfathomably deep. I see paradises. What does she see in mine? A life that has already largely passed?

"No!" she then says, as if guessing my thoughts. 'You're not too old for me. I like. I like you, we-wy much, you sweet.'

I know she means it right now. We fall asleep without thinking.