Ode to the Thai man
Be honest, how many Thai men do you personally know? Not much. I guess, because whether you're here on vacation, wintering or even living permanently, you generally didn't come to Thailand for the Thai man. Rather for the Thai woman, isn't it?
Meeting and getting to know Thai women is easy in Thailand. Those encounters usually start in a beer bar or disco. A chat, a dance, a drink and people like to exchange some private information. If the conversation turns to the Thai man, then those sweet, selfless, charming, benevolent and beautiful ladies know how to tell you concisely what they think of the Thai man: "Thai man no good".
This creates the often negative opinion of many foreigners, who characterize Thai men as foreign haters, womanizers, drunks, gamblers. Moreover, they beat their wives if they see fit and force her into prostitution. Also on this blog we often read stories that emphasize the badness of the Thai man. But is that really so? Certainly there will be Thai men who wholly or partly fit that characteristic, but does it apply to the entire Thai male population?
On the website of “Inspire Pattaya” there is a column by Orlando Barton, which elaborates a little more on this issue. He has lived in Thailand for a long time and writes, among other things: “Many of the Thai men I have met are painfully shy, which can make them seem quite aloof with foreigners. I would also say that Thai culture embraces friendship as a sacred relationship. We Westerners have more “acquaintances” than true friends. And to be honest, as we will know few Thai people, most Thai men will not know foreigners either. It could well be that the average Thai man sees a foreigner as a beer lout or whore runner”.
But in a country of almost 70 million inhabitants, it cannot be the case that men are chasing women en masse, are drunk every day, beat their wives, etc. I myself know enough Thai men from my working life who do not conform to that image. to answer. They are hard working people, loving husbands and love their children. Even now that I live in Thailand, in Pattaya of all places, I know many Thai men from all walks of life and notice more and more that they are "normal" people with their strengths and weaknesses. Just like you and me, I say.
Orlando Barton adds a photo to his column of a young Thai father with his 3-year-old son in a swimming pool at a hotel. His wife watches lovingly from the terrace. They enjoyed a weekend in Pattaya and Orlando says: “I saw them later at the restaurant. The father was tired in a cheerful way from swimming with his son, but overjoyed with his little family. I am happy to say that I found him representative of most of the Thai men I know.”
He ends with: “If you don't know about these kinds of situations, you're in the wrong places. Take a look around you, even outside the tourist world and get to know these types of men. Most of them are regular guys with regular jobs and nice families.”
I wholeheartedly agree with his opinion!
The Thai men I know, most of them in their thirties and father of a small family, meet the above perfectly
Between 2000 and 2010 I went on holiday several times, did a lot, saw and heard. But I thought I want to live here and enjoy my retirement years.
I did that and live here in August 4 years 2 years Koh Chang and 2 years Chanthaburi.
I didn't come here to fall for a man or woman, but I wanted peace and quiet.
Now I know several men and there are good and bad ones, you can find them everywhere, but I get along with them all.
But the women yes that's something else, I'm a man and healthy and I'm a hunter by nature so my choice is with the females.
But if I have to, I can give an ode to the Thai.
I have met enough Thai families during my vacations where the husbands indeed had, in my opinion, a normal relationship with their family. That means that the gentlemen worked hard and relaxed with the family in nature (forests, waterfalls), did not get stuck drunk, etc. After a while, dealing with me as a farang went fine and fun. In short, just as normal as me 🙂
Absolutely true, Gringo. Most of the Thai men I know are ordinary, hardworking, kind, loving husbands and fathers and hardly different from Dutch men.
Obviously not gay Orlando.
Shouldn't those Thai women who like foreigners hang out in the bar because they're broken off from a relationship. Otherwise they wouldn't be there. You also quickly get an image of women and men. From women as easy to get and angry Thai men I mean.
Thai gay men are very sweet to their foreign friend and some of them are very clever, What is nice about Thai men gay or not I find them much less macho and that makes them preferable and I notice that they are very sweet with children and it not just a women's issue
I wondered for a moment whether there would be a catch because it goes without saying that the Thai man is just as much the same or different than the Dutch man or any other random man. If someone around them often hears something different, that person goes to the wrong places with the wrong people. Common sense simply says that most men and women, in Thailand and elsewhere, are just people... I have yet to meet the first person who says "Thai men no good", and I would either laugh (because what nonsense) or become suspicious run away (tell me some lies, what do you want from me?).
The number of Thai men I know is probably about 10. I know more women, of course: the friends of my late wife. All those men are just very normal, cordial. Too cordial perhaps, every time my wife and I came, now when I come alone, these men are on the bill to pay, or lend their car and don't really want anything in return. We come from afar, are guests. I would love to give them a warm welcome, but most of them will never come to the Netherlands, that will gnaw. Always just a good time with my Thai acquaintances, husband and wife. Laughing together, being cordial. Sanook.
NB: I never came to Thailand for the Thai woman (who was unexpectedly affected) or man, but just to enjoy the country and the people. 🙂
I have been coming to Thailand since 1975.
Married to a Thai woman of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here.
The Thai man always has a mia noi, it's their nature. But as you know I have an exception, there will be more.
After years of friendship with an intelligent Thai friend (catholic) I was alone with him for a few days, and then saw his real nature
I have yet to meet the first Thai with a mia noi, they are probably just there to label it as "their nature"?! We joke about it. Also about samee noi. For example, a few of my wife's friends and I joked several times that I am their samee noi. That is of course laughing and roaring with these married Thai ladies. The relationships I know are not significantly different from how “we” do it, so I'm guessing that if there really is a mia/samee noi involved then the relationship won't last. I only know of one example from practice, where the woman had a free range next to it. Everyone said it was a shame, when it came out the result was a divorce.
I'm sure there are men who pop out the door for a while, prostitution for domestic use is not a strange thing, but that also happens with us. Actually having a concubine I associate more with some rich / famous brats (Thai or Westerner).
You have a healthy view of Thai society, Rob. That's how it is.
I have two elderly neighbours, both without husbands. I live alone with my son. I sometimes joke that in our next life they may become my mia luang and mia noi. They thought that was a good idea, but they just couldn't agree on who should be the mia luang and who should be the mia noi…
Before everyone jumps on the back of my neck with comments on my reaction, I will say in advance that I do not want to generalize. Also in the village where I live, you have young men who take good care of their wives and families, and who seriously check their profession every day. Only the group of men who maintain this differently is certainly as large. Many so-called children's heads who prefer to fill themselves with wishky, if they really care about taking care of their family, I see daily. Even many men who are diligent, and for example have an independent profession, are very often seen in the presence of their wives. who manages the finances. The latter is often to keep the financial overview yourself, and to ensure that the man is not tempted to do stupid things. Especially on the land you see a lot of young ladies who are pregnant, or who are already mothers, whose partner has long traveled over all the mountains to have fun elsewhere. Very many Thais, when they start drinking, have no sense of measure compared to most farangs, and will drink until all bottles are empty, then get behind the wheel drunk to surprise the family, with his umpteenth drunkenness .
I also live in the north of Thailand and your story about your village applies to my village too. And you're really still very gentle. But the role of relationship-uninterested Thai women should also be included in the story: Thai men are often excluded by the very strong community of women/girlfriends in such a village. Women here in the north arrange everything together/themselves. Men are allowed to do the carrying work and have to work for the income. Most young men and women work in Bangkok or further away and leave their children in the village with grandma (there is no grandpa). Sad! Many men also live alone, often in a house with a mother or brother and sister or something like that. A family relationship as is common in Europe is rare here. I know two (out of 250 families) and they are socially successful. And the children from those families have significant roles in education and health care.
And how do you manage as a falang in such a society dominated by Thai women?
Adapt and participate in everything and meanwhile don't forget your own wishes and important things and also communicate that: especially communicate. Communication is weakly developed here in our village.
In many responses that write about positive experiences with the Thai man, one should actually mention what education these men have had, and in which social level they move on a daily basis. I also think there is a big difference between men who live on the land or elsewhere. The fact that many villages in the north have a strong community of women and friends is simply due to the fact that these also bring the most interest and seriousness. Many men I know in the village, without generalizing, have a very low level of Interests, and often indulge in small talk and alcohol, so it's not surprising that the woman takes matters into her own hands when something important comes up. needs to be organised. The man can then indeed often be used alone, for the carrying work, which this women's community orders him to do. As a farang in this same women's community, you have the same status as that Thaiman who is willing to think seriously when organizing, so that often the dominant attitude, which she only uses to exist with the man who does not think seriously, is gone. fall. There will certainly be responders who experience this differently, only the education and the social environment play a very important role here.
My husband only had primary school and came from a small village on Phuket from a family of rubber tappers. But I think he was an exception when it comes to not smoking and drinking…
'You didn't come to Thailand for the Thai man, generally speaking. Rather for the Thai woman, isn't it?'
Why do you assume that most readers in Thailand are after a sex or marriage partner? There are also normal tourists, you know…
Poor Thai again.
I know Thai men in Thailand and damn they are Normal haha.
They respect their family and work hard, very hard.
Laughing drinking chatting about the opposite sex and looking at women.
Talk about the Farang and tell us how to do better.
Of course I tell them until they see that wrong haha and we, for example, have a better tax system that leaves you with nothing and we drink it again. Chok dee na
In my youth I saw quite a lot of Dutch men who had loose hands and had a bad drink and were chasing other people's wives.
I think until this has now been improved by social improvements and development / information, among other things.
grsj
I have been married to a Thai man for 10 years. (13 years together)
In Thailand, besides the contact with my boyfriend, I also had a number of friendships, most of them with men. Both Buddhist men and Muslim men. And the contact with my male in-laws was also good.
I know Thai men as friendly and willing to do anything for their family/relationship. What struck me was that many men smoke and drink (too much). My husband did neither.
To maintain a good relationship with a Thai, it is important that you immerse yourself in each other's culture and that you also value each other in it. But that applies to both a relationship with a Thai man and woman.
(I'm a woman myself)
I have been very happy with my Thai boyfriend for over 3 years and I really like that I hear a positive story about the Thai man. An ode to the Thai man is also allowed once in a while 😉
Contrary to what many Thai women say, I get along very well with my Thai boyfriend and not so with the Dutch man. So you see, everyone is different.
I am very curious if there are more Dutch girls / women with a Thai boyfriend / husband?
So far I have only encountered Dutch men with a Thai woman..
You say: 'I don't like the Dutch man'. Have you had them all? Quite a generalist comment.
I agree with today's statement. I know many Thai men, good and bad, hardworking and lazy, just like in the Netherlands. I have been in a relationship with a Thai man (gay) for many years and have met many friends and family, fellow villagers and colleagues through him. Very normal men who protect their family, work, support family, treat their wife and children lovingly, nothing wrong with that!
And I also know bad men, but they are everywhere in the world, including in the Netherlands.
I hate that people put labels on everything and generalize etc. There is no “Dutch man” There are many different Dutch men in sizes and types, stupid or intelligent, high or low morals, etc. Also Thais.
Stop generalizing and respect people as they are. I have met many good Thai men, family men and whore runners. So what? The vast majority are normal hardworking responsible men! Both in Bangkok and Pattaya and in Isan…
I love reading all this so much. ;-).
Within my limited circle of acquaintances (so no reference) I usually meet the same good Thai family fathers (30 +) at the frequent BBQ.
In the afternoon the children receive more than the necessary attention. As the evening progresses and the bottles become empty (both men and women), the men like to brag in the group (without the women) about their achievements, although I take a lot with a grain of Thai salt.
Not much different on the BBQ here in Brabant. Perhaps there will be men and women everywhere with a slightly darker side
All in all, I think I've come to a good place.
The most disturbing thing for me is that after the BBQ, some people want to drive home with their wife and child in a fairly drunken state.
One of my hosts lost 1 of his best friends in one evening due to a traffic accident.
And that also happens here in Brabant, ….. too bad!!
My experience is that people around the world don't differ that much. Influences that determine loyalty and respectful coexistence are money, power and often also appearance. Everything can be had with money and fame and you see that people are often tempted and give in to their weaknesses.
The Thai men of my Thai wife's sisters are very loyal and hardworking and helpful, just to name a few. Good examples, which certainly qualify for the ode to…
I also know the bad characters and the many stories about bad characters. However, many Thai women themselves complain about the “Thai man”. Especially those who go for a foreign man. All kinds of motives underlie the way people interact with each other. Poverty also plays a significant factor in this. One has to survive here and many have a hard time. My brothers-in-law have no prospect of a pension, or a small amount that has been saved. That will be over in one to two years. The children will have to take their responsibility and contribute or provide for the old age of the parents.