The mystique of the elderly man in Thailand
This week the Algemeen Dagblad published an article by Hanneke van Houwelingen (a woman), that tries to explain mysticism why an older man and a younger woman fall for each other.
International and national more or less well-known persons are used as an example, but we are very well aware of this kind of relationship here in Thailand. I have selected a number of statements and opinions from that article, because they can also very well apply to the many foreigners who relation entered into with a (much) younger person Thai lady.
Love formula
Quote: "It is not known who ever came up with it, but one of the unwritten love formulas for the maximum age difference to work out is as follows: take half the age of the eldest partner and add 7 years”.
So let's do the math, but not before I've adjusted the formula for Thailand a bit. Another age formula applies to Thailand, namely if you are here on holiday you feel 10 years younger and if you live here it is even 20 years. Keeping it reasonable, I only subtract 10 years from my age when I met my Thai partner, divide that by 7 and then add 3. What seems? I was only XNUMX years older, right?!
Nonsense of course, love cannot be poured into formulas. Love is not about age, education, ethnicity or anything. It's about what people have in common. And you can't pass judgment on that if you don't know them,' responds a former Dutch state secretary.
Primal drive
Quote from Kaat Bollen, a Belgian psychologist and sexologist: “the choice for a younger woman has everything to do with primal drive. A drift that will never be completely eradicated. "We can think we're civilized, cultural beings, but that's just a superficial layer," she begins. 'Men are programmed to mate with fertile females. It is therefore a biological fact that they show interest in women with full breasts, blond hair and smooth skin. These are properties that are related to youthfulness and therefore to fertility”.
The description of the ideal woman does not apply to Thailand, of course, but you will probably understand what she means.
Jealousy
Quote: "The fact that many people react spastic to the large age difference is, according to Bollen, due to unfamiliarity and jealousy. 'Let's not problematize the age difference too much. The man has succeeded in getting a young thing with whom he can relive a part of his youth, which he misses.'
And for the younger woman there are also advantages to an older boyfriend: in general he has more power, money and status, he is more stable, less rushed in bed and if he already has a few healthy children, this is the ultimate proof that he potent. Another primal urge that comes into play. 'Being unaware are the things that come into play for a woman. Whatever the reason, if you choose a younger girlfriend, you must have a thick skin.
Most foreigners with a younger Thai wife will recognize this, at least I did. Initially there was a very skeptical response to my new relationship, but when my partner came with me to the Netherlands and she met family, friends and acquaintances, that was soon over. My Thai partner stole all hearts.
Just love
Quote: "Couldn't it just be love that overtakes the older man, takes his breath away and settles in his stomach until he can't eat any more from misery. Love is ultimately unpredictable. Madness that we all fall prey to. Of course, agrees sexologist Bollen. 'Love can be real, and it may become even more intense when you have to fight the prejudices together. But it is often not an easy road.' The Americans don't call it autumn-spring relations for nothing. This is due to the presence of ex-wives, children, the ailments that arise as the partner gets older. But especially the difference in life stages can be a major obstacle between partners with a large age difference.”
For Thai relations there are other possible obstacles, such as difference in culture, language barrier, different level of education and so on.
Good company
If you are an older man in a relationship with a younger woman, you are in very good company. I will name a few, Sylvester Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin are 22 years apart, Harrison Ford and his girlfriend Calista Flockhart have been together for years, even though they are 23 years apart, Peter Jan Rens and his Virginia (42 years difference), Rob de Nijs and Jet (25 years old), Prince Albert of Monaco and Charlene Wittstock (20 years old), Frits Wester is 27 years older than his new flame Regina and blog writer Gringo has had a nice relationship with his Thai wife Poopee for 12 years. Men, who, in terms of age, could have been the father of their girlfriend or wife.
Finally
For men in Thailand who sometimes feel that they are doing something wrong by entering into a relationship with a Thai, this article is a nice boost. If you want to respond, please mention the age difference between you and your partner, which will make your response even more understandable.
Source: Algemeen Dagblad of 1 October 2014
Where does that person van Bollen get that bare nonsense from? Paper Wisdom! I know many foreigners here with a Young Thai partner, who lead an excellent loving life together. There are also failures, of course, but also in the Netherlands, with an extremely high number of divorces and ditto cheaters!
I myself have a relationship with a Thai partner who is 32 years younger. We have known each other for 8 years, have lived together for 7 and have been married for 2 years. And happy! A life full of love, mutual respect (for culture, family, etc.) we fully enjoy. We go on holiday to the Netherlands every year, where my Thai partner has stolen the hearts of everyone, including my children and even my ex!
Thank you Gringo. Did I need a moment. My girlfriend is 43 years younger and has 2 small children.
She and I feel great although I still walk with a guilt.
She doesn't agree with that at all and I don't have any money either.
All the best with all those old bangers,
French
My girlfriend is 43 years younger and have been in a relationship for almost five years, most of which we have also lived together in Thailand.
I still don't understand what she sees in me. I have an average income and we have to make do with that. There is no capital for houses and private cars. Yes she has it easy, no financial problems, doesn't really have to work and pretty much on vacation both the west and asia.
We get along well, have a lot of fun and there is nothing wrong in bed.
Sometimes she talks about children I can't and won't give her.
A few times I tried to break up with her but I didn't succeed because she didn't want to and her seduction or love was too great to resist.
Despite having a much younger girlfriend myself, I know that when I see a western man walking hand in hand with a much younger woman I emotionally misjudge that as a dirty old man and the lady has the relationship for the money gain.
When I look at myself I think: Carpediem, what are you doing. Do you just follow your lust or is it different with you and do you have that one special relationship where "true love" has conquered the age and cultural difference.
Am I not just a loser who has to seek his pleasures from ladies who, from their socio-economic situation, embrace every Western (rich) man and are unable to enter into a relationship with an ordinary equal (Dutch) partner of their own.
It was mainly this uncomfortable feeling that made me decide to end the relationship after all these years of happy togetherness.
I think because of the age difference I was never able to connect with her 100%.
Another argument is that I wish her a relationship with a partner of more equal age with whom she can build a future with possibly children.
Hi,
I'm sorry you did that for that reason.
Of course, that feeling sometimes comes around the corner.
But it's different for everyone.
I had it in the beginning too, but I'm definitely used to it now (I mean) people always have something to say and I put that aside.
As usual I will be out of place again, but yes, it is and will not be different.
The farang does indeed have a much younger girlfriend/wife on average, but how should one really see this?
I myself see it as yep; how many young women in thailand say from 20-25 do you see married to old thai man ? Well? yes very little.
The mianoi is actually the same story always young woman with old man.
Let's stick to the fact that Thai ladies are no different; want a young guy with certainty!!
In most cases the certainty is there with yes money!!! and let that be a point that the ladies "think" that farang has and so you see a lot of farang with ladies who are much younger, they are right!!!
Love will come later and as long as the bahtjes roll that's true, but if there are little problems with entering it will be different, unfortunately I see this a lot around me.
With money tirak; without kltzk unfortunately but when will many wake up
Now this is of course not always the case, but it is reason to think in the Netherlands it is little different, but packaged differently.
As a newcomer, go and ask your girl; tirak I have no baths for a while, but that will be fine in 3 months and you can / or fam borrow something until then ...
fff expressed in black and white, but food for thought
Have fun with the “conquest”
Romantic love is a luxury when you have money. If you don't have a penny, things other than love and romance are important. That is the case all over the world. If you abolish social assistance and alimony in the Netherlands, the number of divorces would also decrease significantly.
Of course a Thai lady opts for certainty (exceptions aside) and if the partner is a bit older then they take that for granted. Over time, love and love can arise and the age difference no longer matters.
I have been waiting for your story Piet@, and I have the feeling that you have largely hit the nail on the head. Most men who come to Thailand for the first time feel like they have landed in paradise. Young women who have not looked at you in Europe for a long time, are willingly flirting here on almost every street corner, and indeed give you the feeling of being years younger. What usually starts as a great love on the male side, is for the much younger Thai woman nothing more than a pursuit of social security and the associated carefree life. A Farang with an average Western income can also offer this to most Thai women. Any Farang who thinks that a Thai woman chooses a much older Farang because of his good looks is, in my opinion, an inveterate dreamer and is far away from reality. Most Farangs are very impressed by the sweet Thailachje, her exotic appearance and her daily worries, and think that this has everything to do with her great love for him, and is really nothing more than committing her precious conquest . A conquest that gives her security and cannot be compared to what a younger Thaiman can usually offer her. Only when the Farang fulfills these expectations and can also accept the rest of her family, it cannot be ruled out that the Thai woman will also develop feelings that were already present in the Farang from the beginning. I have been happily married for 15 years to my Thai husband, who is 21 years younger, and I am certain that the feelings that she now also has have nothing to do with appearances, but are more based on actions and mutual understanding.
I don't find it strange that people fall for a younger man or woman who are in the prime of their lives.
Without judging, however, the question is why such a younger person would fall for an older man or woman. Not purely because they have more to offer financially -money wolves excepted, but that kind of wrong men and women age is irrelevant, but how fast one can pick someone-? You also want someone you can live with a little bit of fun to enjoy and be happy with each other. Bed performance? What a cold. Maybe with a boy or girl under 18-20 who are still learning. As a 25-year-old you don't think “well, give me someone of 50 because then the sex life is simply better”.
Or is the simple explanation that men remain beautiful from young to reasonably mature age and women after 40 the appearance becomes less beautiful and nothing can come of children. So pure biology that man and woman want someone with whom offspring could be brought. And that we judge the chance of strong offspring on someone's appearance and therefore older women, to put it bluntly, have been written off. A young man cannot have children with a 60-year-old woman. A 25-year-old lady can with a 60-year-old man.
Is still the crux of why a young lady chooses that. That must be a matter of magic, love cannot be guided. So enjoy and don't judge the happiness of your fellow man!
I have been in a relationship with a 2 years younger Thai woman for 29 years now. It's going great. The relationship with children is also great. Even the relationship with my ex is going well. I did lose a few jealous “friends”. I haven't missed them for a moment.
I also feel that it keeps me feeling younger.
What everyone thinks is fine with me, it's about us and we're very happy.
I lived in Thailand for 7 years and had a partner there where the age difference was 40 years. Me now 64 and she now 24. It was mutual love, respect and care for each other.
Due to health problems I unfortunately had to go back to the Netherlands last November and we still miss each other every day, but it is / was not an option to take her with me because of the ridiculous integration course here in the Netherlands. That is just as difficult as I would have to take such a course in Thailand. That goes on for years.
Many people, especially in the Netherlands, have too many prejudices or are jealous, but we had a great time together and afterwards I regret that I went back to the Netherlands.
It is a daily loss and hurts, even though we occasionally have Skype contact. I just miss the warmth, love, caring and mutual respect.
In my experience, Western women focus more on the appearance and appearance of men, while Thai women attach much more value to financial security, which an older man (usually approaching retirement) can more easily offer. Moreover, they have more freedom because they are no longer work-bound and can therefore stay longer in Thailand and with their life experience they adapt more easily to the family bondage.
Add to that the fact that many older men do not dare to cheat for fear of losing their younger partner and the picture is almost complete.
In addition, many Thai women have their stomach (literally and figuratively) full of Thai men who, if they can choose between a bottle of Thai whiskey and their partner, prefer the whiskey, ignore children, can just leave their relationship without a duty of care and share of the choice of younger Thai women for an older man has been substantiated.
My girlfriend is over 20 years younger. Am I too old or is she too young? And where is that? Who makes up those rules? Or is it the pressure of the outside world that we put on ourselves?
Years ago I shook off the yoke of doing what outsiders expect of you. That feels liberating I can tell you. I live the way I want to: 'take it or leave it'. My friends accept me as I am and so does my family, that's the most important thing. The rest is just the burden of short-sighted people. I take the same ballast to the toilet every day and flush it.
It's a good thing my wife isn't 43 years younger than me or she wouldn't have been born yet.
love is indeed unfathomable.
The age difference with us is 38 years.
We're both having a great time.
Sincerely.
Another lucky guy here, married to a beautiful Thai. Not only beautiful, but also loving, smart in the positive sense of the word, passion with a capital H, and with a very nice little family. Got a nice piece of land at our wedding for Budhha, are building a nice not too big house where my father-in-law shows his building skills and I support him financially every month. I can say that I am doing well financially, was previously married in the Netherlands but can recommend it to anyone, a Thai woman can give you EVERYTHING your heart desires, but give your eyes a living and use your mind. Don't blindly follow your "blind finch".
Oh yes, my wife is 25 years old and I am 66 years old and it's a party to be with and with her!
The choice for the older farang man is purely economic in the beginning.
A 60-year-old falang with a 50.000 baht pension still gives more options than a young Thai earning 10.000 baht a month. Once they are in the relationship, love may come over time, but the first choice is pure economic.
When I look around here in the Isaan at the ladies who do come from a family with money, none of them is together with an older man or even a falang. If you go out here in the more expensive discos and clubs, the average falang will not even be looked at. Then you really have to look good if you want to score points with the women at all. For the young falang who has something to spend, that is even hard work,
An exception proves the rule, a well-known and old saying. Perhaps you could have incorporated this into your response and your response would have been more appreciated!
Regards, YUUNDAI
Gringo, you made a clear statement above about the fact that there are so many older men out here with MUCH younger girls. But no explanation why those young girls walk with older men. I often see combinations of which I think, how is this possible? And sometimes I also see things, of which I think, this is really sick!!! but who am I to judge? I ran a bar in Pattaya for 6 years, and have div. ladies "lost" to those older men, but when I hear how those girls talk among themselves about those "gentlemen", then I have my reservations (boss I do for my family, and he will not live to long". I can can't help thinking that young girls here are sacrificing their youth for the benefit of their families, or do the older gentlemen think it's about mutual genuine love?
What always surprises me is that almost every Dutch person has ever been a bar owner in Thailand. While most expats and I only know a handful. Rare how is that possible? In addition, it is also amazing that these insiders always know exactly what is going on among the staff, while the ladies speak an Isan dialect among themselves, which is hardly decipherable, even if you speak fluent Thai. Rara how is that possible….?
It can also be the other way around… My Thai girlfriend is 10 years older than me… Men with a younger Thai woman are very common in Thailand… But our relationship is a bit strange for Thai standards.. A young farang of 29 with a Thai woman of 10 years older. I always say that my girlfriend is incredibly rich and I do it for the money…lol
I am only 3 years older than my girlfriend… am I doing something wrong?? 😀 😀
It is not only about the age of the Thai woman, but also about her (current and future) economic position. With some experience with well-educated, financially independent Thai women (from Bangkok and the south) and also Thai women from the poor northeast, I therefore dare to make the following statements:
1. the younger the Thai woman and the poorer she (and/or her family) is, the more likely it is that she will go with a (much) older farang for financial security (now and in the future);
2. the older the Thai woman, the more financially independent, the more she will look for a more equal and love-based relationship with a foreign man (who is not very old to prevent her from ending up alone again after about five to ten years). to stand.
After a marriage of 24 years separated from my Belgian wife (who is now married to her girlfriend). Been alone for 6 years and just about traveled the world. Via via came into contact with my 22 years younger Thai wife. Happily married for four years now. She lived in Belgium for 4 years and mastered Dutch. We decided to emigrate to Thailand together because her future after my death is much more certain here. We are now building our house in the Isaan and are completely happy. She has a son who lives with her parents and who can visit as much as he wants. No problem with the family….. On the contrary. Now hopefully for many years good health for both of us and for the rest..... Those who have negative comments on that can be stolen from us.
We wish everyone a happy life together and are happy with every success!
If you post such an article, you can be sure that many reactions will follow, not that I have read them all, but I have picked the best ones and want to add my reaction to it. Well, I'm one of those guys who has a younger girlfriend and although (honestly) I wasn't out for it, it just “happened” to me. My girlfriend is 23 years younger and I have encountered her in my many holidays to Thailand. For the sake of clarity and to avoid misunderstandings, she is / was not a bar girl, she worked in a supermarket and I have that from experience, but that aside. We spent more than 2 weeks together and it just clicked. I wanted to take her to the Netherlands for a holiday for 3 months, but my dilemma was “how do my children, friends and environment react? I put the paperwork in motion anyway because “the feeling” was good. Given the prejudices (and certainly in the Netherlands) I only announced her arrival 3 days in advance. Of course it surprises everyone if you haven't had a relationship for 15 years, but to my surprise everyone was and is positive and that to this day. To make a long story short, after 2x 3 months holiday in the Netherlands during that period (and I went to Thailand several times), she has now been living in the Netherlands for 14 months and things are going very well between us, children, family and acquaintances. Of course when I walk here with her arm in the street you see some people looking but you have to take that into the bargain it's about us being happy and that's what we are.
Hello.
@Gringo.
Age is a relative concept here in terms of view, you will agree with me, the most beautiful women walk around here in their thousands, and certainly these from Isaan are generally stunningly beautiful.
I am 51, and when I first saw my girlfriend a year ago, I estimated her to be 28 max 30 years…
Even most of the Thai people we meet when we go for a drink still do that
Of course you don't ask her age the first night, although Thai are "straight to the point".
Until she told me a few days later that she turned 1 on October 42, last week… only then did I ask her, because I didn't want to believe it… So there is an age difference of almost 10 years…
And so I know women here who look 25 but are actually 35.
We are very happy together, we have our peaks and valleys, it is usually due to misunderstandings in the conversation… and apart from the fact that she wants to punch me in the nose now and then, because she has a very short fuse, we always talk it out, which is not always simple either… many farang who live here will recognize that… 🙂
I don't take the opinion of family or friends into account at all, it's my and her life, and if they want a Thai beauty of their own, they should come here.
And just to be clear, she shouldn't do it for the money, because I don't have any.
Warm, rainy greetings from Pattaya.
Rudy.
What mysticism? Anyone who doesn't really look in the mirror too often feels themselves much younger than they are. I know I'm 56, but I don't feel nearly that old. My girlfriend is also 16 years younger – so not even that big of a difference.
The explanation was already given in the article itself: why do people like Sylvester Stallone and other celebrities and also less famous rich, have beautiful, young women by their side. Because of their good looks? What does it ultimately come down to?
If I had the money of a Sylvester Stallone, I could probably also get a young woman in the Netherlands. Only I would never want it. A young Thai woman is much nicer than an average Dutch woman, who really only thinks about herself. Many Thai women still have the attitude that the woman has to take care of a man and that in itself gives a feeling that you are valued as a man. And if you can do that in return for your wife, you probably already have the best prospects for a long, pleasant partnership, whether or not with a large age difference.
Why don't you see so many older Thai men with young women? Have you ever thought about the income of a Thai man over sixty? Which pension does it have? I don't think there are many who have the same income as many Farang. And then also the attitude of many Thai men: drinking, cheating, beating their wives is the order of the day… there are just not many nice Thai older partners… you are more likely to find them among the Farangs.
Do the over 30s responding here really believe it's the mystique that makes you popular with women over XNUMX years younger? The one thing that makes the farang popular in Thailand is the baht. Preferably a lot of it.
I have to admit that I've only been to Thailand for the first time this year and I'm 35 springs young so it's easy to talk, but I don't look at the Thai ladies through rose-colored glasses. Or would that be precisely why?
Many of the Thai women I interacted with, ranging in age from 18 to 47, were full of life, loved going out and dancing, and were definitely not the type to hold hands with a much older man, or in bed [i] [/i] that same man to walk cq. lie.
You don't tell me that a young, self-confident Thai woman would rather spend time with a young farang, with or without money, than with a man who could have been her father. No, the latter is good for the well-known “taking care”. When I read such a reaction from a 66-year-old with a 25-year-old girlfriend, I wonder how much you can fool yourself. Apparently it is not always the wisdom that comes with age…