Column: Unwanted or wanted sexual harassment?
There has been quite a bit of controversy around the world lately about sexual harassment of women. With #metoo, more and more Dutch women are also making it clear that they have been sexually harassed in the past.
Although I want to emphasize that I recognize this problem and certainly do not want to downplay it, there is one aspect that remains underexposed and that is the sexual harassment of older Western men in Thailand.
To make this clear, I will report on what happened to me recently. On Friday night on Koh Samui, I was walking in a bar street where I ended up during a walking tour. Completely unexpected, I was suddenly approached by an unknown Thai woman, who was also much younger than me. I gave no reason to do so and wanted to continue on my way. However, she blocked my way and grabbed me tightly by the arm. At that moment I wanted to resist but I couldn't just get loose.
With some force I was dragged into a bar and put on a bar stool, while other women in the bar watched and smiled affably. The female Thai spectators did nothing to help me and just stared at me. I felt rather intimidated by this force majeure. I didn't know what to do. The woman who dragged me into the bar demanded a drink from me and so as not to escalate the matter further I agreed. That was not the end of the stocking because soon enough she grabbed me full in my crotch. Again, the other women did not intervene and seemed to approve of the behavior of the assault star.
Finally, after giving away many drinks, I manage to escape from the bar. My assault star was now so drunk that I could run away in an unguarded moment (of course I paid the bill first).
I then tried to report assault and sexual harassment, but the Thai police just laughed and kept shouting 'Farang ting tong', the meaning of which I didn't know.
You understand that I am ashamed to tell this story, but I think that the sexual assault of older Western men in Thailand remains underexposed and I therefore call on other victims to share their experiences and to seek support from each other.
I also want to emphasize that I did not make this story up and also want to warn other men to be especially careful and avoid certain neighborhoods. Don't provoke, avoid eye contact as much as possible, don't smile back, and don't bring money.
In the meantime, after many bottles of Chang, I am doing a bit better and I realize that I have been lucky. It could have ended even worse because the perpetrator in question also demanded that I take her to my hotel. And who knows what would have happened then?
I do recognize this story. Quickly learn the words; plohj sjan=don't touch me. jaa maa joeng=leave me alone and lastly if she really doesn't want to listen pai hai phon=get out. Speak the words in a slightly louder tone. End of problem.
Or that the old Western men adorn themselves in a burqa.
Indeed. Some older, faded women in the West are acting cool on the METOO hashtag (because imagine, if you have never been harassed you would probably be ugly) but we, Western gentlemen, still in the prime of our lives, do not come close to that. offer. Of course the same thing happened to me, and even worse than that. Robbed, broken promises, even once 2 ladies at the same time wanted to drag me into bed... The list is endless.
However, there is a hashtag WETOO where you as a man can bear witness to the suffering you (unconsciously) have caused women, such as secretly dancing with them in the disco (even a song by).
There is no attention for us, I emphasize once again. I therefore propose a hashtag, called MENTOO, to bring this to the attention. Or, even better: ALLOFUS, because of course we shouldn't forget the LBTHGI community!
I see you are still quite upset:
https://www.thailandblog.nl/wp-content/uploads/Farang-vk-225×225.jpg
But maybe you yourself gave reason to go down the street with such a short shirt. Then you loosen it up a bit, don't you?
I wonder what is worse, being groped in the crotch by a woman. Or having to read the advice given that you could use in the Thai language. And then written in the Romance script, which often looks more like a language rape.
But it is indeed the case if you have some command of the Thai language, you will quickly get rid of the "cross tasters" - this is language rape in Dutch.
Of course , some men may appreciate this kind of attention .
It is of course very bad what happened to Khun Peter, and so many others. It will undoubtedly cause nightmares, depression and panic attacks at the sight of women. I then recommend consulting a good psychologist or psychiatrist.
Some sometimes argue that there is not much difference between Eastern and Western cultures. But in these types of situations we certainly see very big differences. While in the West older, rich and powerful men harass young, poor and defenseless women, in the East, young and poor women intimidate older and rich men.
In that beautiful Thai culture, women are supposed to be submissive and modest and to treat the elderly with respect. What happened to Khun Peter is disrespectful and betrays the devastating effect of Western culture on the meek East. It is time for the Thai authorities to take firm action against this.
I must apologize. Above I wrote about women who harass older, often Western, men, which can cause long-term and serious psychological disorders in those men. You see that happen every day in Thailand. It's understandable that these men are so disturbed.
But it could be worse! I heard from a young man, who wishes to remain anonymous, that when he was sixteen at midnight he was walking through an area in Bangkok that he called Nanna, Nana or something like that and where he was grabbed by his upper arm by a considerably older woman and asked to to have a drink together. He said 'mai pen rai, mai pen rai' but she kept insisting. He finally managed to shake her off. He can laugh about it now, but at the time it left a trauma!
An elderly woman molesting a young man, almost still a child! Ridiculous!
I have only seen this done by older Lady Boys who wait for the right moment and the right person who are usually on their way home or hotel, preferably well shot, vulnerable looking and who cling and will not accept rejection. It's not about sexual harassment, it's about robbery.
I think ladyboys are much worse than women. Moreover, they are often still men themselves and taller than the average Thai ladies and have knowledge of male needs and have the strength of a man. Especially when they are in desperate need of money or very frustrated, they can even be very dangerous.
I've never experienced it when I went looking for people in dark alleys and felt many eyes pierce but I know that I radiate that they better leave me alone (if I really want to be left alone) and I will be . I often see inexperienced personalities walking around with an 'unclear' behavior that I think, he is actually asking for it and may not even be aware of it.
Practice in front of the mirror with your posture and mimicry and try to imagine what that can evoke or make clear to someone.
And Khun Peter, did your wife swallow this story? After she received that video from a “girlfriend” on which you starred with those bargirls 🙂
Yes, they can sometimes be stubbornly convincing to earn baths.
In Pats, while walking on Beachroad at nightfall, I was once accosted dozens of feet by a young lady who offered her services. Because I showed no interest, she pulled out all her assets. Her marketing pitches were fantastic. Her ultimate argument was: “You have to come with me sir. I give you very good time and very cheap. You have to enjoy now sir. Can take nothing to the next life.” Adding: “… except the water in the pussy.”
Clearly a freelancer with Buddhist wisdom and a pure heart and soul. The Immaculate Conception beckoned to my mind for a moment… but my Thai wife who was a little behind didn't like that 🙂
Fortunately, a happy ending compared to the many Western men who have received trauma or PTSD from the hotel sequel.
Well said Tina. Especially the last paragraph. But I don't believe that Khun Peter doesn't know what Farang Ting Tong means. If you are a bit familiar there and speak the language somewhat, then you know that Ting Tong means crazy or crazy. But you can indeed come across strange completely unforeseen situations, that is the charm and the intriguing thing about Thailand. Still remains a Ting Tong country.
Of course he knows that. He even wrote an article about it in 2013 https://www.thailandblog.nl/column/khun-peter-column/farang-ting-tong-mak-mak/
Well, you are on Koh Samui and end up in a bar street, you are literally and figuratively stopped by a Thai lady and you are moved into a bar, then you also have to give a drink, it seems that there have been several and only then can it escape. Well that's more like a fantasy story ONE woman he couldn't control.
I think some readers fail to see the author's cynical undertone
Cynical? A little, maybe. But mostly ironic, I think.
Dear Adam, fortunately someone who understands. But for a few more explanation:
Irony is a way of mocking someone or something in a covert, mild way, for example by saying the opposite of what one means, or by greatly exaggerating.
I don't get it, that never happened to me in Pattaya.
Must really look like an old bag that they don't try with me.....
Should you go to Koh Samui and not linger in Pattaya, according to Kuhn Peter, it happens there.
hahahahahahaha coincidentally in the walking street on a walking tour,
The Thai police should have arrested you on suspicion of provoking what a comedian.
Yes, the sexism against the older white foreigner is an old problem in Thailand, especially in Pattaya. You can't even take a walk on the dike without being looked at or even called after and touched. Hey handsome man! Falang Loa! Do you want massage? While that is a trick to lure someone into a building where the person in question is then assaulted! Stripped of his clothes, brushed, and sexually abused (because that's a forced orgasm, isn't it, abuse?) And afterwards has to pay much more than they announce on the windows, so ripped too!
The police, yes, they still laugh at you! Or immediately assume it was consensual. Of course, the police play along and earn something from it. So they get a little hush money from the bars and salons at the end of the day, of course. That's called corruption. It is one big collaboration to systematically humiliate and rob the defenseless, ignorant, old, often obese tourist or expat.
To say that they provoke it themselves because they are scantily dressed is also a weak argument. Yes, how could it be otherwise, most of them come from a cold country and therefore think that it is normal in warm weather to dress lightly. Do those people know much that that turns out to be offensive here!
And then upon returning… the shame, the humiliation. Of course you don't dare tell when you get home. By the way, you see that many people board the plane very depressed after a holiday to Pattaya (or Phuket, BKK, …). Understandable. Humiliated, abused, stripped of your savings, what a miserable vacation. See also the many balcony jumpers.
It is good that attention is being paid to this, but I put my hopes in the Prime Minister who wants to make Pattaya a family destination. This way I can also treat my Thai wife, her 4 adult children, her parents, grandparents and many other family members with a holiday.
😉 Adam
Dear Adam,
You hit the wrong Eva in the wrong neighborhood!
Look for another neighborhood in the great Pattaya with many attractions!
I used to go back to the Netherlands depressed too!
Cold again, fog and rain.
I couldn't wait to go back to Thailand and am now living there permanently.
Much worse is the conditions in the massage parlors where women unnoticed remove your towel that hides your private parts from the all-seeing eye. In addition, they unsolicited work those parts with oil, which results in a very embarrassing experience with a strange woman. The fact that unwanted lusts occur with sometimes an unattractive performer of the Thai traditional beneficence technique is even worst.
All in all a real scam, the massage costs 300 baht at the most, but for that unwanted intimacy you immediately pay three times as much.
The misery only starts when you come home to your Thai beauty, ask you from head to toe what you've been up to and discover that more massages than allowed have been done.
Many divorces have resulted from this.
Yes, the standards are different in the sex industry than outside, both for women and men. When I enter a bar in a 'red-light' district, it's almost part of a normal greeting ritual to give a sweet slap on the ass (I'm an ass geek, by the way, so that's a good thing). But I sometimes did that by mistake in the Low Countries and then the turnips are done, especially since Harvey Weinstein. And I was already afraid to give children candy in the park for fear of being mistaken for a pedophile. Maybe it's better to retreat or retreat behind the geranium in the Low Countries.
In the Thai, Philippine etc. nightlife you can speak of a certain equivalence with regard to the provision of services (sexual or financial): “you take care me, I take care you” or “no money no honey”.
A nice little anecdote to illustrate: In a bar I looked with admiration at an attractive go-go dancer and invited her to stand next to me after dancing (no, not to sit). After a while she said in a laughable yet somewhat reproachful yet playful tone: "You've been holding your hand on my buttocks (thoet) for fifteen minutes now, but you haven't given me a lady drink yet". After that she got several from me. 'Do ut Des', that's Latin for something like service in return.
I quote: ” After many bottles of Chang, I am doing a bit better and I realize that I have been lucky. It could have ended even worse because the perpetrator in question also demanded that I take her to my hotel. And who knows what would have happened then? “.
After many bottles of Chang things are going better, I would get rid of a few more bottles, then it will all be over just like that.
It's a pity, the experience in the bar, but not the one in the hotel, was still a powerful man stood up. Cheers
Nico B
The time when barmaids accosted you is over, unless it was because of a drunk bottle in the middle of the night. Wherever I walk, they are far too busy with their smartphones. The mourners no longer pay attention to who or what walks past. No longer interested and probably more than enough money. When you enter somewhere, I have the impression that people are disturbing them in their busy activities.
I've known other times once…..the atmosphere has completely disappeared.
The only ones who occasionally accost a passer-by are lady boys.
In addition to the smartphone, also the food: DON'T DISTURB ME!!!
Nothing remains of the “Sin City!” 5555
Hahaha we don't take this seriously!
nondeju….. almost shit my pants…. hahaha…. great story!
File a complaint with the police for kidnapping, illegal deprivation of liberty, extortion and assault.
Since the bar is part of these crimes, you can charge the bar with organized crime and as a criminal organization.
It is a linguistic pity that you realize something, and the claim that it is not made up is negated by the statement that you do not know what 'Farang Ting Tong' would mean.
I would bring a few more bottles of Chang from the 'free range' or 'free range' type.
In Thailand, this kind of intimidating 'robbery' is rare. For enthusiasts I rather recommend Phnom Penh, where it often doesn't stay one against one.
In Amsterdam I once gave myself a one-on-one battle and together with the lady sought refuge in a recommended hotel room, where she positioned herself on top of me, after which a number of accomplices invaded the room to transfer my belongings. swap.
The 'Dutch' police laughed just as hard when they tried to report it.
How long before the first bar named #metoo opens in Pattaya?
What about U2? They suddenly appear in a completely different spotlight!
Dear Khun Peter, Don't be ashamed, it happened to me after leaving the Lotus, where 3 ladies asked me for a lift, while driving, 2 ladies took care of my private parts with the well-known result as a result, when the ladies were at destination, I missed my wallet, it happened to me 4 times in the same week.