A light-hearted look at Thailand (part 1)

Not so serious today dear readers of Thailandblog. Laughter really doesn't hurt. Give it a try. And for the Dutch readers; it doesn't cost any money either.

Do you know what it is about traveling to Thailand? You realize how ridiculous our Dutch pace of life is. You arrive there, and on the first day you immediately want to do everything. View temples, taste street food, go to a full moon party... But then the heat hits you, right? And that heat, that Thai heat, is not like the heating at your grandmother's house that is set a notch too high. No, that's a sauna within walking distance, everywhere you go.

The weather, folks. In Thailand it is hot, sticky. You are more popular there with the mosquitoes than in the Netherlands with the tax authorities. But you come back to the Netherlands, where the only tropical storms are the ones that are given names as if they are about your new neighbor's children. “Storm Gerda has blown over the garden chairs!”

So I was in Thailand recently, yeah, looking for enlightenment. Not spiritual or anything, no, I just mean a nice lamp for the toilet. But that's besides the point. What immediately struck me in Thailand is that they are always smiling there. Always! You would almost think that they secretly pump laughing gas into the air. I asked a Thai guy, “Why are you laughing?” He says, “Why not?” Try explaining that to an Amsterdam tram conductor.

Dutch people, we are direct. If we don't like something, you will hear about it. Immediately. Without filter. In Thailand, if they don't like something, then… Well, you don't really know. They always smile. I once asked a waiter if he liked my food. He smiled. I asked if he liked my joke. He smiled. I asked if he had seen my wallet. He smiled. I told him that I am from the Netherlands. He… No, then he laughed. Out loud.

And the traffic in Bangkok is like playing Mario Kart, but in real life. You have a better chance of survival if you cross blindly than if you wait for the moment when it seems logical. And if you survive, you'll be so high on adrenaline that you won't need a Thai massage anymore.

In Thailand, hey, there they greet you with a 'wai', hands together as if in prayer, a small bow. Respectful, modest. When you return to the Netherlands, what do you get? A hand that is still wet from the last visit to the toilet, if you are lucky... I had to get used to that wai greeting. You know, hands together and a little bow. When you return to the Netherlands, you do so at the bakery. He thinks you're planning a robbery. “Calm down, baker, I just want two croissants.”

In Thailand they have tuktuks, fantastic! It's like riding a cross between a roller coaster and a wardrobe. And the great thing is: there are no rules. Well, there are, but it's more of a suggestion. In the Netherlands we have traffic rules, traffic signs, traffic lights... And yet no one does anything about it.

Language

Well, you should listen. The Thai language, ladies and gentlemen, is a game of Scrabble for advanced players. You know, in the Netherlands we are proud of our 'ui', 'eu', and not to forget the 'ij'. But in Thailand, guys, that's where they really go big. They have tones. To show! Can you imagine, you say 'maa' with a cheerful tone, and it means 'coming'. But if you say 'maa' while sounding like your wife after three weeks of camping in the rain, it means 'dog'. And you don't want to call the in-laws out for a bunch of dogs, do you?

So I tried to learn Thai, huh. Went to a class, sat there with a bunch of others who also think they are the new Buddha. Says the teacher: “The tone makes the music.” Well, I thought we were going to learn a language, not play the recorder. And those tones, right? They go up and down, it's just like the AEX index. But without the financial crisis. I say to that teacher: “Listen, I sing as out of tune as a crow, what about those notes?” He says: “Just feel.” Well, mostly I felt ridiculous. I try to say 'rice', comes out 'rain'. I want to order food, I say “Can I have some rain please?” That waiter looks at me as if I just ordered a new monsoon season.

And the writing, guys, the writing. Our letters, they are still to be done, right? With a little imagination, a 'b' looks like a big belly, and a 'd' looks like your back after a day of work. But the Thai script is not letters, it is a work of art. Every word a small painting. I draw a line wrong, I want to say 'market', but I insult the king. It's that I flew back straight away, otherwise I would still be stuck in the Bangkok Hilton.

So, I return to the Netherlands, I stick to our own language. Because let's be honest: the only tone we need is when we order at the bar: “Give me a beer!” And that, ladies and gentlemen, everyone understands that.

So, what can we learn from the Thais? Well, laughing at everything, eating hot food without crying, and patience. Lots of patience. And maybe we should introduce those tuktuks here. Just for fun. Because let's face it, life is already a circus, isn't it? Then let's enjoy the ride.

Thanks to Youp