The past week has been quite a bit Thailand promotion on Dutch television. The Dutch ladies who want to be voted the most beautiful in the country, had a (sponsored) trip to Thailand on the program.
Although I don't watch much TV, the program once again caught my eye: 'Hello Goodbye'. A successful series of the NCRV, which has been shown for a number of years. Joris Linssen addresses people at Schiphol who are waiting for the arrival of family, friends and loved ones. The story you get to hear is often interesting.
This week's broadcast also featured a Dutch man with his Thai girlfriend from Isaan. They were waiting for her parents, who came to visit the Netherlands. As usual (oops… prejudice) there was a big age difference between the Dutch man and the pretty Thai woman. He was 60 years old and she was 23. Food for Joris, of course. The clichés soon came to the table. A summary:
- Why don't you have a Thai husband?
- How do you feel about your friend being so much older?
And Joris asked the man the well-thought-out and original questions:
- People must think you're an old fart?
- Are you older than her parents?
You could clearly see that the man in question was uncomfortable with these questions. So he started to defend himself. "She's really crazy about me!" he laughed exuberantly (viewable on Missed broadcast).
The above illustrates a situation that many of us are familiar with. My girlfriend is also a lot younger than I am. Actually she is too young for me, I thought that then and I still think so. But yes, what is acceptable and who determines that? Area? When I met her, it clicked. I wasn't looking for a young thing to say it disrespectfully. I wasn't in the middle of a "midlife crisis" and I'm not Mick Jagger either.
It strikes me that Farang-Thai relationships where the age difference is not so great are more stable. The chance of success seems much higher. The simple explanation could be that with a large age difference, there are large emotional and physical differences that are difficult to bridge in practice.
We certainly don't need to talk about the prejudices and opinions of the environment. You will actually be denounced if you have the guts to enter into a relationship with a young flower. People stand in line to give an unsolicited opinion about it. To say the least, too crazy for words of course. The narrow-mindedness of our Calvinist upbringing comes to the fore at all times. That shows again.
Incidentally, it is not only the Dutch who point you in the right direction. The Thai won't say it to your face, but they also gossip about it. Apparently the environment determines how you should live. Hence the headline above this article: 'Age difference with your Thai partner, what is acceptable?'
Maybe the readers know the answer to that question?
1.
How can a young beautiful woman
To bind together by fidelity,
On a stick old gray man,
Who cannot count as sheaves,
And growls and growls all day long,
So that her race repents the hour,
That she saw the Miser for the first time,
And complains oh were I not married,
If he was still young I didn't say a word
But the good and the money has charmed me,
Oh why things aren't better
Ah why so many a young lover despises,
I still had meanwhile,
A Merry Night.
2.
How many a young man,
Who also took a foolish step,
And by the power of good and money,
On an old wyf set his mind,
A dripping nose and the body dry
And skewed from the jigt,
A red circle around each eye,
A yellow wrinkled face,
In addition, jealous, ascending, angry
Then people complain, but it's too late,
Oh why things aren't better
Ah why so many a young girl despises,
I still had meanwhile,
A Merry Night.
3.
Then a twenty-year-old virgin marries
With an old widower,
Or if one already counts six children
But mind him for his money,
The man has almost forgotten his work,
No wonder, for his first wife
Has his back so refined,
All this becomes unfaithful to him,
Six Kinders and a dry man
She says he doesn't know anything,
Oh why oh why did I in my youth,
My even merry and glad,
For by an old man,
Can't find joy.
4.
And what's the smartest thing,
A young man is always looking for entertainment
Then one takes to the waste of time,
The wyf a man the man a wyf,
And let the old know,
That others fish in their waters,
Then one hears a long shriek,
Unfaithful who squander my money,
The house echoes with violence
The old cries my poor money,
Ah, why, why was I so rude,
Oh why was my mind so dull,
I sny my still in anger,
The head of the trunk,
5.
That however one looks at everything,
The young does not add to the old,
Cold Yzer does not cling to heart,
Though it be forged so long,
Money never brings love
Paired old age gives joy,
so old wild gy sure go,
Waste no treasures on youth,
Your money and goods are taken for your sake,
But not for thy old blood,
Remember, remember, your time is done,
Think about it, think about it and let it go.
Your head hangs over,
Gy ass no longer standing.
EYNDE .
(c. 1799)
Wonderful! The only question is who the author of this was?
@ We're going to frame this one… For when I ever get old. I'm still very young now 😉
Men
you will find out very quickly if the age difference is too big
me 64 my wife 35 wonderful i stay young, we have been married for 10 years now
in the beginning in the Netherlands I found it difficult but now I still enjoy her every day
{and she mine}
Recognizable. I am 54, my girlfriend (since three years) 26. Not Thai, but a Sundanese (Indonesia). In terms of life experience, we are less far apart than you might think, since she was 10 she has had to take care of herself and two brothers - a tough life that has made her strong and independent, but also left scratches on her soul.
With me she now has someone for the first time with whom she can talk about everything and relax, she says. With me she has a father, brother, lover and retarded child – all united in one person. Crying and tantrums, fears, insecurity… I see them gradually diminishing now, after three years. She feels safer, but of course I will (have to) take care of her for the period after my death.
I don't have to tell you much about the prejudices of friends and acquaintances. But fortunately there are enough who can look further and put aside their prejudices. Most importantly, my kids love her. And I. That's all that really matters.