I live in a Thai 'soap': looking for Lizzy
A Thai soap opera. That's the best way to describe my recent life. More than three months ago, my friend took off, accompanied by her mother and our daughter Lizzy.
I never saw him again, nor did grandmother, Khun Yai. My girlfriend – I've known her for eight years, most of them five years together – had to flee from some high-ranking, but no less dark, figures. These were given a lot of money by Nat, lost gambling in a casino, estimated at one million baht. Of course she couldn't pay that back and so it seemed to go into hiding (that's how it goes Thailand) the best option.
Lizzy was placed with her grandmother in a gap between Udon and Nongkhai and Nat crossed the border into Laos. Because I was very worried and had no idea where everyone was (Nat kept changing SIM cards), I tried to find a clue in and through my computer. In the Yahoo updates I found the name of Nat's father, a Chinese American and retired professor. He lives in Bangkok for a large part of the year. Nat didn't have much contact with him, because her father was supposedly a womanizer. I asked him if he knew what his daughter had been up to and where she was. He answered me in fluent German (?) and then stated that Nat was not his daughter, but a former girlfriend…..Nat's biological father, I learned much later, is an alcoholic who must be wandering somewhere in Udon.
Nat (32) met a 28-year-old Briton in Laos. She not only dove into the suitcase with him, but backpacked with him through Laos and later Cambodia. The sex was excellent and the Kamagra was abundantly available, she reported via SMS and sporadic emails. Back in Bangkok, she turned out to be heavily addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. The British toy boy could of course not mean much to her financially, while she was also still on the run. So she tried to earn some extra money in luxury nightclubs like Spazzo, where businessmen pay a minimum of 6.000 baht for a quick fuck. A woman has to come up with something to keep her head above water, said Nat, and I haven't given her any money since she left. She forgot the 20k I gave on April 1st and the 20k I gave out of pity in May, but oh well.
One of her creditors even showed up on my doorstep one morning in May, hoping I knew where she was. She had even borrowed my Toyota Fortuner at the casino because she had spent 400.000 baht on it. She told me the car wouldn't start. That evening she apparently borrowed the four tons from said creditor to get my car back. Fortunately, this was in my name, otherwise I would have lost the car. In total, a lot more money has disappeared, I hardly dare to calculate how much exactly. After eight years you think you know someone and you can trust them.
In the meantime I had obtained the telephone number of her sister, Lizzy's grandmother in Udon Thani, from an aunt of Nat in Bangkok. Although he doesn't speak English (except for the word 'money'), when I call once a week, I get Lizzy's gibberish. Every month I transfer 10.000 baht to grandma's account, as a precaution that Nat does not use the money for his own purposes. After her departure, I only receive insulting text messages and e-mails that the dogs don't like ('I hope you die soon' and 'I hire a killer'). I kept them all.
She called a few weeks ago. She was in Hua Hin with her 'toy boy' and wanted to pick up some leftover jewels the next day. At half past four in the morning she was drunk at the door: a fight with the boyfriend. When she was somewhat sober again, the monkey came out of the sleeve: she wanted more money every month. 30.000 THB was a good amount in her eyes, because life with the Briton was expensive and Lizzy simply drank a lot of milk. Incidentally, the toy boy does not know that Nat has a daughter of more than one year old…
I brushed off the demand. Whoever burns his ass must sit on the blisters. Moreover, her new boyfriend has to take care of her. Nat is now threatening legal action. I await it with confidence. Whether it's true, I don't know, but the two lovebirds are said to be in Phuket now. The plan is to have Lizzy and Grandma come over. That will surprise the boyfriend. But oh well, Nat must have another lie ready for that. She won't accede to my request to put Lizzy with me. At least he will get a good upbringing.
This is also the first episode of the soap opera 'Looking for Lizzy'. No doubt many more will follow.
JC, what a story Hans.
berthy
Goodness Hans, what a mess it all is. The mild mockery with which it is written makes it all even more poignant. I can only hope that this soap will have a happy ending (for you and lizzy).
Sincerely,
heart
The future for Nat does not look bright. I hope she comes to her senses one day and sees that Lizzy is better off with you. Good luck Hans…
Gee Hans, this is such a classic Thai gf story that I took it as sarcasm at first… you're not kidding us here, are you? If not, then a lot of strength with this misery!
Unfortunately, it's the bitter reality, Robert.
In Thailand, nothing is what it seems.
(Gather all the evidence carefully for control of your child.)
Good luck, Hans.
@ Robert, I speak for Hans now. But this is real. From start to finish.
I wish you a lot of strength with all this misery Hans!
My gratitude. The bright spot is that today in HH the sun is shining exuberantly.
I'm very sorry for you Hans that it all turned out this way. Hopefully a solution as soon as possible, especially as far as the future of your Lizzy is concerned.
Lots of strength, Hans!
I know both of you, you better than Nat, unfortunately the distance is now very great Hua Hin – Chiang Mai; and if there's anything you don't deserve, it's this.
a drama.
I sincerely hope you keep a cool head Hans
I wish you all the wisdom also from Nina.
Yes, Hans, what can I say to this, he can tell a story, but that won't help you. Hope everything works out, especially for your daughter. Courage.
God Hans
What a misery I hope everything will be ok with you and Lizzy the rest you can unfortunately
feel free to forget because from bitter personal experience I know that it is a never-ending story if you don't put a big point behind it yourself. Which is very very very difficult.
Good luck
Have your own experience with a woman who cannot stay away from the casino. The misery that these gambling places cause is indescribable.
Usually it goes from bad to worse.
Thai women often turn from angels to true devils,… also better called: “The company of trickery and deceit”.
Had a relationship with such a woman for 7 years. When I found out that she has been messing around in her own country and lying about it enormously, I immediately put her on a plane back home.
and they can be oh so emotional and regret something and come and sit with you on their knees in tears and say they only love you but in the end they screw things up again and the only one they really care about is give their mommy and daddy.
Gosh, at first I thought this was just a soap opera, so not true and highly exaggerated, but now that it really turns out to be admiration for the way you write this.
Hope you can get your daughter with you soon because that relationship with Nat is broken
and you never know what will happen if the creditors get their hands on her.
Assume that's why you just left for Hua HIn, in any case good luck and hope you meet a better woman.
I think I'm the only one congratulating you 😉 except for your daughter you'll be fine.
Take your loss, get up and leave this far behind, (cliche) today begins the day of the rest of your life!
Good luck Hans
Dear Hans, at first I thought you just wrote a story that sounded very familiar to me, a friend of mine here, a Norwegian, has experienced the same thing, and with two kids, he fled to the Philippines, because he feared for his life, the debt was 1 million, now his house, and in-laws lost his two cars, etc.
But think it a bit naive, you know where your wife hangs out, gambling is not a minute's work, and generally costs a lot of money.
Unless you live in Holland and are only here during the holidays, you have no control.
Now in any case hope it all works out, and she sees that your daughter is better off with you, but anyway my compliments on your honesty, and a warning to all, it is a land of drinking, gambling, cheating and anything no more.
but you sleep in bed, if you know what I mean.
What Hans writes is not unknown to me. I spend the winter in Pattaya often and for a long time and the stories related to Thai relationships are 99% the same as Hans's. My advice is, don't get into a relationship with anyone that depends on you in any way imaginable. Only on the basis of equality in development, income, age, mutual respect and so much more are there opportunities that can ensure that you belong to that one percent that can make the fairy tale “and they lived happily ever after” come true
@Anton: regarding your advice, then the flush of Thai attractive younger women who also want a relationship with a farang man will be very thin of course. Plus you don't come across such Thai women that easily unless you work in Thailand.
Harrowing story of Hans. We can all comment (well-meaning), but it will happen to you. The saddest part is that the child bears the brunt of the bill here.
That went wrong for a moment – the child is the victim, I meant, or child of the bill. You know what I mean.
rather short-sighted, I think; As a so-called Pattaya connoisseur, I would like to tar all Thai-farang relationships with the same brush... I have been happily married to an Isaan lady for 12 years now and together with our 8-year-old son, everything is running smoothly here. and when I look at my “mixed” circle of friends I see quite more than 1 percent of happy people - few from Pattaya, of course...
Lots of strength, Hans
good luck Hans
thought you were joking at first. Well written piece hope that this soap has a good ending for you and your daughter
strength Hans, what a story, what a woman…. I hope you and your daughter reunite very soon.
…… and to think that when daughter Lizzy is 16 – 18 years old, she still gravitates towards mothers and her family and Papie then simply remains the 'Walking ATM' for her:
” Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'n moment , Chagrin d'amour se dure TUTTE la Vie” !
It's pure brain washing ;
just stop-with-that-trade (if one is able to do so ??? )
Hans what a horrible story. I hope you will be reunited with Lizzy soon and I wish you all the best.
Dear Hans,
What a story. Everything by gambling.
I myself experienced something similar in Holland with a very wrong woman and therefore I have not seen my daughter for 45 years and have not heard anything from it. It is very difficult at the beginning, but after years you become reconciled with the situation. So be it.
In your case it seems difficult to me. The law is almost always behind the mother and you are farang that makes it even more complicated. Gambling addiction in general is even worse than drug addiction and remember it is in the power of the creditors. (could it be true that they increase the amount to a million?) and they are Thai and you are not. Let's just hope that the poor child does not suffer from this.
I wish you a lot of strength and especially a lot of wisdom.
NBtalking it off might help. Think about talking to a monk in the temps ofHH. Why not?
Dear Hans, what a story, I think it's great that you bring this out like this, it gives me goosebumps because I also have a daughter (now 2 years old) and wouldn't think about it if she disappeared in the Isaan. I may be married (5 years) but as mentioned here so often, you never know!
now my wife and I know a lot of people throughout Thailand through our work here!! and we live here 6 years now in Hua Hin. I would like to offer to help you search (through my contacts) for your daughter if you would like. I know all too well, looking for yourself in the Isaan is looking for a needle in a haystack.
luckyluke
Wonderful offer luckyluke,
But don't take hasty steps. Please note: she is Thai and she comes from that world. She is two streets ahead of you. I know someone who has been in hiding for a year and that is no fun.
Always put Lizzy's interests first.
Hopefully this will be resolved wisely in the best interest of the child.
Soap continued:
Kipnapping, blackmail, theft and maybe even murder.
Soaps are supposed to muddle through but a simple solution would be.
1. Claim child (as a financially beneficent father, the chances are very high that the father can claim the child ... if it is his child)
2. Cut off all contact with Nat and her family and leave with unknown destination, new mobile phone number, new car.
3. Never again give 1 satang to Nat or any family member of hers
As soon as Nat realizes that there is nothing left to do, you will never see her again, which is better for the father and the child. Nat has always been this way and most likely will never change. Life goes on, soaps do end at the end of the season.
Chang Noi
Easy advice Chang Noi. You (and we) don't know Hans' feelings.
Perhaps it is true that Nat, who tried to straighten things out with Hans and tried to take everything a little seriously, suddenly became terribly shocked when he saw the creditors and therefore Nat went through all the stops.
A cornered cat makes the strangest jumps, especially if it is somewhat unstable by nature.
Taking a child away from its mother is the last thing you should do. This is never in the best interest of the child. After all, we are dealing with a human being here and she deserves a chance.
Hopefully Nat will come to his senses and everything will be okay.
My advice is to at least try to escape the pressure of the creditors by leaving for an unknown destination with the three of us. Then Thailand is no longer an option.
A cornered Nat does indeed make the strangest jumps, but the last jump on the 28-year-old Briton is one too far. By the way, Lizzy is not with the mother. He's probably celebrating on Phuket. The baby lives with grandma, under the smoke of Udon Thani. Lizzy doesn't know anything (yet). The problem will soon be that she speaks Lao, but no English. Departure from Thailand is not an option, because where should we go? The Netherlands? Then the drama with visas and passports etc is even bigger.
Dear Hans, we all sympathize with you, and understand that you are concerned Lizzy, but have you acknowledged her, and is she registered in your name, if so, something can be done about it,
If necessary, with an excuse, take her out for a day, and then Thailand is big, you are also welcome with me as a stopover, and I think others are also concerned and want to offer help.
I take care of a son of my wife's sister, this sister also has a cure, and hardly took care of her son, and would grow up for gallows and wheel, pressured her together with family, and now trying to get him in my name, the authorities in Thailand are cooperating, but a long way to go, especially the obstacles in Holland.
Good luck and take the steps that matter to Lizzy.
Hans if you are married to Nat, Lizzy has both Thai and Dutch nationality!!
so if you would like to go to the Netherlands with Lizzy, it shouldn't be a problem with visas.
that is the same with our daughter (Arisa) if I go to the NL embassy in Bangkok I can apply for a passport for her. she is always entitled to that. only you must have all official papers in your possession with the permission of the mother.
You don't have to be married for that. The devil is in the tail, by the way: the mother's consent….
That's where the venom is indeed.. Hans, what a terrible story. Easier said than done, perhaps, but keep that in mind.
I don't think she will get her own passport at her age.
Yep, no problem. For a short time you can still be added to the parents' passport, but that will soon be a thing of the past.
Hans, what a terrible story, in am speechless….
I wish you all the best, and hope you get to see little Lizzy again one day.
Take good care of yourself right now!
In ben is, of course, 'I'.
Hans, I wish you a lot of strength. A gripping story. I don't really know what to say... hee very much strength and wisdom
Justin
I have experienced a somewhat similar situation, but fortunately less complicated and tragic; After all, it was 'only' about the theft of my newly built house by the sea in the Philippines. Looking back on that misery, my biggest mistake was firstly my own stupid decisions and then, being too intimidated and therefore making too many concessions when things went wrong later. I sometimes still dream about everything that happened to me there.
Natives know that foreigners do not trust the legal system, police, lawyers in their holiday country and not without reason and then you feel completely alone; I didn't have a steady relationship at the time and everything was arranged in the local language, i.e. Tagalog, which I was completely outside of. Life is too short to take advantage of your bad experiences. I mean you won't be getting into a permanent relationship anytime soon and I will never build a house in countries like Thailand and the Philippines again, in fact I will never return to the Philippines because there would be a 'Holding Departure Order' (DPO). exist, which means that they can detain you upon departure to await a trial, which could take years and still most likely be against you, which could mean years of prison staff in a Philippine prison and that is the same as in Thailand certainly not fun. According to other sources there would be no DPO at all, but I wouldn't risk a return anyway.
I can't and don't want to give you advice Hans, but I said to myself: 'Don't be intimidated if you get into trouble again and don't be afraid'. And above all, what betters me: 'don't do stupid things'.
Easily said, I admit.
okay, let me also say something, niek has equal, is in the plili myself and look around me that it is the same here in the plili as in language country, misery everywhere, most of them suffer from it, you cannot win only if you are very and very If you are rich then you are the king
Hans I hope for you that the sun shines again for you and that there are still people who support you
would like to help jv
@ dear jan v, I think you exaggerate a lot to the negative side.
There are many examples in the Philippines and also in Thailand of foreigners who have been successful because they had the patience and took the time to find reliable advisors, partners, lawyers, etc. And I had not had that patience and I was too naively optimistic that I would be fine with the right papers.
The amount of money you have doesn't matter much in my opinion, but it does mean the more money the longer you operate as an ATM machine, the more money you have to shove under the table and eventually lose your property anyway , if you got things wrong from the start.
@Hans: I sincerely hope that there will come a time when you can communicate “normally” with Nat about, for example, your daughter.
Despite all the good advice on this blog, claiming custody is an endless and costly process. Read my story from January of this year “Patrick in Thailand” again. Patrick has been awarded custody after a long litigation and a lot of costs (more than 100.000 USDollar). In practice, his son still lives with the mother. Having your right and getting your right are two different things, unfortunately!
Adopting a Thai child is an endless business (I have only experienced it closely).
Claiming custody is practically impossible. The law is behind the mother.
Furthermore, both the legislative and executive powers can only be moved with pockets full of money. Twice as many pockets because Hans Bos is farang. And maybe he doesn't have that much money.
Even if Hans takes Nat back after she has had her freak out, things still don't look brighter because those boys keep putting pressure on her to get money. Nat has oh, oh they know that. But could the farang perhaps be put under pressure to to shove?
The farang has money, right?
Who will provide the solution for a better future for Lizzy?
I think we should all keep our fingers crossed for hans. (he's in a lot of shit through no fault of his own)
Sad story. Sympathize, I don't think any advice from "us" will help here. We can only sympathize.
By the way, comments about passport. Hans talks about "girlfriend" so I assume not married. Then remarks that the child automatically receives a passport, according to my information (NL Embassy BKK) and very close experience, this is NOT the case. Only if the mother is Dutch can the child automatically get the Dutch passport AFTER birth. Does not have to be added to the parents' passport, but will receive its own passport, provided that both parents agree.
If, as here, the father is Dutch and the mother is Thai, the child can only receive a Dutch passport if the father formally recognizes the “unborn fetus” before birth (at the NL Embassy BKK). Again, only if both parents agree.
The mother will therefore always have to give permission to obtain a Dutch passport and certainly afterwards to take the child to the Netherlands. A passport alone is not sufficient for this. In the case of a passport, a visa is of course not required and the mother's consent is sufficient.
But taking a child to NL with or without permission of course still does not imply guardianship, but in that case it is simply kidnapping, and getting custody of a Thai child against the will of the mother ????
But as Hans stated, there is no question at all about taking the child to NL.
Again, no advice helps here. All the best.