Dear readers,
First of all, thank you for your informative website. I myself am a Dutchman and I am terribly in love with a Thai woman who lives in the Netherlands. She is 31 years old and has an 11 year old son. But, as I have already come across on your blog, everything revolves around money. She also honestly told me that she has several boyfriends, which I appreciate that honesty.
Still, I have a question that is fed by my love: I am capable of a lot, also financially, but is a Thai woman who is already so formed ever able to change (does she have the culture from a cultural point of view? want to change)? Or will her life forever consist of extracting as much money as possible from a farang and is that the game she will continue to play?
I so want to give her a better life (better in my eyes), treat her like a queen and respect her in everything she does, show her that all life is development, but is this woman capable of development? And by that I mean more from a cultural point of view? Or will a Thai woman accept that this is her destiny and will she never change?
I must admit, I once met her through a sex advertisement and she has now used all the known lies (mother sick, mother cancer, I have to go to Thailand, my son has to eat, etc.) but precisely because the lies are so obvious and I am so madly in love with her I take everything for granted. Incidentally, that crush is not purely sexual, I really feel the need to give her a better life and cherish her and teach her norms and values.
When I look into her eyes I also see the necessary pain and sadness, but I'm just afraid I can't change her. And then maybe it's better to get over that crush (as hard as it is) and let it all go.
Thanks for your response,
Henk
Does she gamble? I know a woman like that in the village where my wife comes from, she had a rich Swiss man. He got rid of his money, also with all kinds of excuses. Ran through 30000 a month; euros . Lost a few million in a few years. It stops when you run out of money... these types of women lie as long as they breathe.
There are also many good women . Just look further..
Mr. Dick
Succes
This has nothing to do with culture - there is no such thing as Thai or Dutch culture - and everything to do with personality. Some characters lie easily and/or will do almost anything for more money. Leave out the word "Thai" or substitute it for any other nationality, then ask yourself if you think you can change that person. Personally, I doubt that someone's personality can really change, at most a little refinement. Put in as much time, attention and money as you are willing to lose or find a woman (Thai or whatever nationality) who sees you as an equal.
You won't succeed.
She's used to a certain lifestyle, apparently doesn't mind having several boyfriends. She has no guilt in that regard and you will be no different. If you enter into a relationship with her, she will continue on the same footing.
You simply cannot change that behaviour, Thai woman or Dutch woman.
If you do step into it, it will cost you a lot of time and money and it will probably end in nothing.
Your question cannot be answered.
Every human being may or may not change depending on personality and circumstances.
So nothing meaningful can be said about your “wrong” Thai wife.
In general, people have little desire to change if there is no urgent reason to do so.
So personally I don't think you have much of a chance.
But as long as you don't get yourself into trouble (financially, for example) there's nothing wrong with trying.
Whether your Thai wife will be happier is of course also the question.
But she has the choice to kick you out if she doesn't like your attempts to change her.
Hans van Mourik says.
You can't change someone else, they have to want and do that themselves.
Well, you can change yourself
Dear Henk,
At the end of your beautiful love letter you already give the only correct solution.
Good luck with processing your temporary heartbreak.
Greetings from Jan.
Very easy to find out; knock on her door because you're completely broke, which has never happened before
Come up with an excuse, blame your bank; your account has been seized due to a mistake this expensive week, but you need 500 euros and urgently, after all, you cannot pay by card!
If she lends you money then you have a very small chance that it will work out, if not find another one
You can decide for yourself what you want, you want the best for the woman and believe me that only goes through your money.
The best thing is to withdraw all your money and hand it over to that woman, then you are rid of your money and you get peace of mind.
Because you only get that when you run out of money.
Level
You cannot change a single person in a big way, and this is independent of a nationality. At the most you can learn to accept another human being, with all its advantages and disadvantages. If you cannot deal with certain disadvantages in the long run, then the future problems are already predictable.
Hello Hank,
I think the question (and therefore the answer) is complex. Many Thai women are driven by care for family (which is culturally quite obligatory) and have had bad luck with their husbands (especially Thai men are not highly regarded in terms of loyalty and care, she was a mother on her 20th so may have had her too played). The woman responds to this, if necessary by earning money abroad through prostitution.
So the question is mainly what her motivation is, if that is status, gambling addiction, etc. then change becomes very difficult. If the motivation is mainly care for family and security, it is quite possible that she will step out of a world that does not do her self-image any good. Currently she will have a 'shell' around her, which can be lovingly broken with goodwill on both sides.
Above all, talk openly with her, with respect for her desire for independence. If it is financially possible, you could, for example, buy a house in Thailand and put it in her name. A bit expensive 'test' perhaps, but one that may only 'hurt' once if it goes wrong.
As far as I'm concerned, you can contact my email (via the editors).
Dear Henk,
You cannot indeed change them, you can safely assume that. It is better to change yourself, choose the difficult path and stop being in love. That is very difficult, but the alternative is to stop having money within the foreseeable future. Then your relationship ends and you are left broke, destitute, poor. And then starting over is much more difficult. I'd say, ditch the bite and if you really want a decent Thai lady, do like me and go to http://www.meetmenowbangkok.com.
I wish you much strength and success.
Yours sincerely,
Bruno
She lives in the Netherlands, so she must have had a previous relationship with a man who brought her to the Netherlands and she comes from the bar circuit in Thailand. Nothing wrong with that in itself, but she probably owes her behavior to that. Just wait 5 years and dump that Dutchman because she now has a passport. However, she continues to play the whore in the Netherlands. I had a friend who was hopelessly in love with a Thai girl ended up coming to naught. Love has to come from both sides and that is clearly not the case with her. She doesn't want to change either, otherwise she would have done so long ago.
What do you actually want with her? Try a dating site, there are plenty of Thai women around who are loyal and want a serious relationship. This “relationship” you have now has little chance of success.
If you can talk about a relationship at all.
Hans
You better try to change yourself. The so-called 'prince in shining armor' (probably to stroke your own ego) plays right into the hands of these women. The same can be said of women who fall for criminals who think they can change for a while. Put your time and money into someone worth it. A good relationship is a two-way street.
This has nothing to do with nationality but with mentality.
Dear Henk,
As harsh as it sounds, please stop with that woman.
Since I read that you are not having a hard time financially, come to Thailand regularly.
Try to avoid the big tourist attractions and go to the Isaan or the North and try to get to know an ordinary girl there. (not from a bar)
If you still want to go to Phuket,Pattaya,Bangkok, avoid bars and find an ordinary girl who works in the market, saleswoman Tesco Lotus or Big C.
Because you take a woman out and bar, but not the bar out of the woman.
Doesn't it show that you are wealthy.
But that you are willing to contribute monthly for her and the family (dad, mom, brothers and sisters).
Afterwards come to Thailand a few times, take her to the Netherlands, maybe get married in the long term and …… another little Henkje.
Good luck in advance.
Gino
Dear Henk
I too was head over heels in love, she was very sweet, humble and very sexy.
But when I bought the house for 54.000 euros, she was just as sweet, humble and sexy as before,
I paid the electricity, water and telephone costs, so she has no costs at all.
Only she turned out to have a debt of 125.000 Bhat, which nobody knew, not even her best friend (with a Dutch husband). Her mother didn't know either.
In his case, the 5 shark borrowers paid off, because the interest was 15% and now that a falang was involved, the “loan” was increased to 25%. That was the reason she had to say it.
A year later she started "trading" for which she had to have 10.000 Bhat, okay then.
But the "trade" didn't work and she stopped.
Then she went to work in the market, but it was being renovated and tiled and each tenant had to pay 40.000 Bhat??
Now a few years ago, nothing has been built on the market yet, but I did not get that 40.000 Bhat back.
In 2014, a number of forms were suddenly shoved under my nose asking if I would just “just” pay 150.000 Bhat (about 4.000 euros), because that was the debt she had built up again.
Sorry, but we won't do that for "a while". Free living including electricity, water and telephone and then also money. It is now 2016 and she is still sweet, sexy and humble, but has a debt of 150.000 or maybe more and a mountain of calls that she is handling outside.
But once you just have to stop.
The moral of this story;
Whether it's a Thai or a Dutchman, it's just human nature.
My advice; look at Thaifriendly.com there are thousands of Thai women on it, who all want to have a fallang, choose 5, go out for dinner, choose 3 and eat again and then choose the one you want.
Good luck Gerrit.
As the old saying goes: you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
forget it.
I've been to Thailand so many times. don't start in this situation. it just costs money and you get nothing in return. Find another woman because you will only regret this. go to the philippines and find a wife there. these are less focused on money!!!.
Dear Henk, if you yourself state in your question that this woman is all about money, then it doesn't look good for that reason alone.
The fact that she also works in the sex industry does not make it any better, there are often boyfriends / cash cows behind it.
It is my conviction and my experience gained in the Thai circuit in the Netherlands that this goes wrong in 99,9% of the cases, you are just an extra leg under the chair on which this woman is now sitting and that chair could well be more than can have 5 legs.
This has nothing to do with Thai culture, this kind of women lives all over the world, such a woman will not leave that game, extract money, for you, that is an addiction, she may also need a lot of money to play cards /gamble? Fits this type.
Your thought of giving her a better life and wanting to elevate her to queen, then you may first elevate yourself to king, otherwise you will be no more than an ATM slave. I don't understand why you want to respect her in everything she does, hello, are you still there? What about yourself? Where is the respect for yourself? You take everything for granted you say, that's not the best starting point for a relationship based on equality. Learning norms and values is what you would wish for, forget it, those are your norms and values.
Your fear seems to me to be true, you will not change it, given your own weaknesses described here, you will perish completely psychologically, that is what I predict, partly on the basis of my observations in the Thai circuit in the Netherlands.
Unfortunately, you would like to turn your crush into a nice relationship based on mutual respect, but in this case you absolutely advise against following your heart.
Wish you a nice partner, there is bound to be one.
Nico B
Dear questioner.
So I don't know if this is a made up story.
In fact, you would have to get a big slap in the face to wake up properly.
What you tell yourself here, and you continue, can cause you a lot of misery, or even mean your downfall.
I would take my 'crush' in a different way.
If you are looking for a reliable partner, you have to keep your head up.
Good luck I would say,…. Greetings… From Gerard.
A short but very clear answer to your reader's question: No
Dear Henk,
What you need to change is the idea that you could change her. If I read it like this you are on your way to a railway accident where the train and the driver (she) will come out unscathed because they know the route, you will be the victim. You will not change a money-hungry Thai, she will literally and figuratively undress you, and you are not up to it, that is clear, otherwise you would not have asked the question. Grow up and judge by what you see and hear, and that is not pretty in this case, and then I will go by what you yourself say here. Don't, don't play the knight who will teach her new things and values. She is already an adult and what she has achieved she owes to suckers who fall for it and pay her for hot air. If you want to stand in line with the others she is now also scamming, we will read here about a while again such a story of a completely stripped-down idiot who knew it all but still fell victim. Success with it.
You act like a teenager. A kick under her pants and out the door. There are also good and honest people in the world who can make you happy. This kind makes everyone unhappy. Outside.
Google "captain save a ho".....
Two words “don't” and another 4 words “never contact again”. You may incur more than just financial damage with such a type.
Starting a relationship with someone you wish to change is never a good starting point and usually doomed to failure. On the other hand, I also sense that you feel like the proverbial knight (on that horse). You want to give her a better life by 'providing' her financially. Often it is men who see this as (unconditional?) love, a woman experiences it completely differently and feels dependent or bought. And that has nothing to do with love.
If you wanted to get rid of your money I would just do it 🙂
Dear people,
Thank you everyone for the detailed responses. I never expected to get so many responses to my questions. I am just very much in love and after reading your comments I realize that I have to let it go. It hurts, but it has to be done.
Love feelings largely disappear after 1,5 years. If you can still work well with her after that and complement each other, then you should marry her and invest heavily, not sooner.
Don't be so naive Henk,, A man cannot change a woman.
Better book a trip to Thialand and repeat that three times.
Above all, wait before choosing, Then hold your breath three more times and then the right one is suddenly in front of you.
Success!
Dear Henk,
It's up to you, but there's only one right move to make….stop crying and just start over, you can't say she's not honest
Good luck Hank
Henk ::I think you yourself burst into laughter when you finished this question.
1:: :you say she has several friends, so that means you can share the bed with these friends.
2::: :you say you are financially well off, so that means you want to get rid of that in a very short time.
3::: You say she likes to get money and if you can change that ?? no young learned is old done so you don't change that .
4::: you want to give her a queen's life but you probably won't succeed or you have to be a multimillionaire ………
5::: you want to change her culture, but that is not possible and is not possible, just as we as expats ever understand and are not allowed to change Thai culture.
6::: you met her through a sex site ???? those are the best indeed who are accustomed to spreading their legs in front of the whole group of friends .
7::: Lying is normal with her so you will have only heard half of it .
8 ::: Like any Thai, acting is a cinch for them so looking sad is only when they look at you and quickly changes when you turn around.
11 :::.I skipped 9-10 so you can still fill it in yourself because you have probably only told half...
12::: hope I didn't convey it too harshly but I think it's not too bad to see your piece of writing .in the end you already have the best solution .
13::: hope this doesn't become your number in love so”” think before you start “”” but that reflection won't take 2 seconds .. Good luck with your wife hunt but keep your eyes open .
I would like to thank everyone for the extensive responses. Who can give me tips on how I can get more in touch with Thai women in the Netherlands. Are there any special night spots (and I don't mean the Holland Casino) or special events that I can go to?
in the Thai temples in Amsterdam and Waalwijk, Thai parties are held in April and November (respectively for the Thai New Year Songkran and Loy Kratong), many Thai women come here, most of them with their boyfriend / husband, but there are also singles, of which there are again some are divorced and there are some of those who are divorced for financial reasons. So also here: keep your head up!!
I recommend going on holiday to Thailand a few times (avoiding the golddigger locations) and then be patient until you meet the right one. Good luck!
Dear Henk,
I read your message with interest and respect. It is to your credit that you want to spoil, respect and wish your Thai girlfriend the best. However, I would send a girlfriend who is only after your money and believes she can please other gentlemen back to Thailand with immediate effect. It is inappropriate and certainly does not deserve your attention and protection. Nice to stop it, Henk, today. There are plenty of ladies in Thailand who are not after your money and would like to have your person in their company. Your profile shows integrity, respect and sincerity to make the ladies completely happy. So Henk……..stop that trade; give yourself some rest and soon get back in touch with normal ladies without an unpleasant past. You're worth it, for sure.
Best regards,
John.
Whether or not from a bar doesn't matter. It's about the character of that person (man or woman). I met my wife from Isaan on the train and was charmed by the character of her mother, a typical hardworking and caring Isaan woman who unfortunately died far too early from cancer despite paying for it by me. admissions to expensive private hospitals. My wife, who has completed four MBO courses in the Netherlands, is unfortunately more like her father...always looking for money for things that are not the first, second and third necessities of life. She wants to be free and happy now
We have a 7-year-old daughter that I always take care of and who will also live with me after the divorce. The mother is busy going out, etc. We are married in Thailand but divorce in NL matter from her expensive lawyer who can be paid generously from the NL division of community of property. Saved by me in 30 years and intended to buy a house in Amsterdam so that our daughter can continue to live and study in Amsterdam.
Get out while you can… is my advice to Henk
Dear Henk,
Do you really think that a crush will last forever?
This will certainly pass in the short or long term.
When that time comes, will you still continue with her?
I am very curious.
My advice is to have a look at Thai dating sites, then you will notice that your current crush will quickly crumble.
Good luck,
Chander
Dear Henk,
You obviously want to hear the -obvious- conclusion from others: stop it! She is apparently very good at her profession: pleasing men in all kinds of ways, for a fee. Prostitution is just a role play, where she makes you believe that you are sweet and handsome, good in bed etc, and you pay her for it? That has nothing to do with (mutual) love. She seems happy with her life and she really wouldn't want to change that. And change her character? Forget it. Don't see her as a victim of her culture.
Accept your loss and find a (Thai) woman to love. There are plenty of them (sweet and handsome) who are looking for exactly the same thing as you: love, loyalty and security.
Succes
Please ignore Gerrit's tip. I don't advise you to meet a Thai lady on Thaifriendly unless you want the same kind of woman again, the kind that drains you financially — in daylight, in front of your eyes, the kind described. On that site is 95% wolves in a sheep's clothing.
1. so let that trade
2. If you still want to continue, take a joint account where you and she set up something, that's what you have to do. Is there a hole in the hand you stop and you have protected yourself from worse.
This is an agreement I made myself. You may be crazy sometimes, but not crazier and certainly not the craziest.
In the end, she is not the only one, but there are several. Never really let her feel worthy because she can play that off and make you weak.
Looking for something on thaifriendly? Don't do 5% is reliable. In Thailand it is a competition between those girls. She is a farang, so am I. She has a beautiful house, so do I. She has a car, so do I. Respect is extremely important to them. They avoid losing face like the plague.
Say you're not rich and don't let anyone suspect you. As for a possible "sin sod" later on, send that to eternity.
Say from the start what is possible and certainly what is not possible. For many you are the goose with the golden eggs, but don't let them take you away.
That she openly admits that she has several sponsors is over the limit to keep it to more than a sexual or friendly relationship.
But yes, if you even explain that positively ("she's so honest") I have serious doubts whether you can be saved.
Ideal woman to completely deflate.
Don't have the illusion that she is waiting for you to teach her your values.
Let her in her own worth.
you will find it hard to believe what everyone above tells you, simply because you are in love,
and men in love sometimes do the stupidest things, even if they lose half or all of their fortune on a woman they have worked all their lives for.
Even if 1000 people warn you via this site and elsewhere, you know that it is all about money, she has used others, Now uses you and you are certainly not the last.
Don't let your mind sink into your pendulum and it won't help you one bit if you open your heart, on the contrary, they will exploit you even more.
Is there only 1 woman in Thailand you can fall in love with?
Take a holiday for a few weeks/months and it really doesn't have to be Thailand, because a Farang is mainly used to sponsor their financial goals in Thailand.
If you're so in love just keep supporting them and wait until she's 60 and all her other boyfriends have dumped her ..then she'll only have you to support her ..and you live happily ever after
Piet
An acquaintance of mine was stripped completely naked by a Thai woman, who brought all his money there
and the love is over
In love with an illusion? Or do you believe what you want to believe? Keep the relationship professional. Just leave a WOP relationship and some cash on the bedside table, she'll be happy and you'll get your money's worth.
On Thaifriendly.com you will find an extremely mixed audience. It is completely out of the blue that 95% would not have good intentions. However, especially in tourist areas, a significant proportion of women also work in the sex industry.
For many, however, it is an opportunity to hook up with a farang without entering this sector, which, according to Thai norms and values, does not exclude the possibility that some financial support is appreciated for an introductory meeting.
A Thai or a European woman what is the difference?
there are bad apples everywhere, and men are no different!
you just have to be lucky to find someone who suits you.
it will also be up to you How the other person reacts
Success d'r mit nobody is perfect
Unfortunately you are one of the many Henk, who still mean well.
But the majority of these princes come out of the story disappointed.
You will be praised, even if you take it for granted. Sooner or later you will go through it mentally anyway.
In this situation there is only one big loser, the only question is when to take it: now or later.
Also pay attention to illnesses and violence or psychological abuse.
Open your eyes, love is blind, you know this truth, don't you?
And I assume you can undress yourself don't let a woman do it!!!!!!!
There are so many good Thai women go and have a look in Thailand, and take it easy first make friends and don't flaunt your money keep your arm and you will meet the good one.
Succes
Best ,
There is a very good book on the market, written by a girl from Isan.
Is about how she ended up in the bar scene as a 13-year-old.
It also says a lot about Thai family relations and “loosing your face”
To better understand your girlfriend, I recommend that you read this.
Title is: Only 13 or in German: Nur 13.
Available (or can be ordered) at every good bookshop in the Netherlands and Belgium.
Success.