Dear readers,
Following an experience last week, I have a question for you. I will first introduce and explain my question below.
Last Thursday my father-in-law passed away and that same evening my wife and I were on a plane to Thailand. In the night from Friday to Saturday we drove to Khorat (amphoe Bua Yai) and the first thing we did after greeting our mother (in law) was to burn incense at daddy's coffin.
It was busy around the house and with many hands the preparation of the Buddhist ceremony and the reception of and care for the guests was taken up. Until the day after the cremation, which took place last Monday, services were held with monks and family, friends and acquaintances came and went. All this time there was not a moment of silence in and around the house, not even at night.
I knew from an earlier funeral that some men join the Buddhist monastic order as novices (no) on the day of the cremation. On Sunday my wife told me which men would do this for her father's cremation and I suggested that they do the same. She was pleasantly surprised and enthusiastic that I suggested this and she was not alone in this, on the contrary. It was truly received with enthusiasm and great respect by all.
On Sunday evening, as a first step, all head hair (including the eyebrows) of the five men were removed with clippers. At 04:00 I had to get up and half an hour later we drove, accompanied by two village elders, to the temple in another village. The abbot of this temple initiated us as novices and we were allowed to put on the orange monk's robe. After the dedication we drove back to the temple in our own village from where, after a meal prepared by the family, we walked to my parents-in-law's house. The coffin was put on a pick-up and we, like novices, walked in front of the car with a rather carefully knotted rope in our hands that was connected to the coffin.
The funeral service was solemn, beautiful and was again attended by a large number of relatives, friends and acquaintances. As novices we sat in front of the other monks and, just like the monks, were called in turn to the place in front of the cremator where, like the other monks, we received an envelope with a gift.
After the cremation, the abbot of the temple in our own village elaborated on us again and we were allowed to exchange the monk's clothing for our own clothing. Once again everyone's respect struck me. But what strikes me most is that even the villagers who, after all these years of coming here, still address me as farang now also address me by my first name.
I thought it was beautiful and dignified to be able to contribute to all ceremonies in this way, but unfortunately I do not know in essence what exactly is the meaning and value (and for whom) of my entry into the monastic order on the day of the cremation. I can't find anything about it on the internet either. From hat to brim, who can enlighten me on this part of the funeral ceremony? I am very grateful to you for this in advance.
Regards,
Michel
My Thai friend told me that it is a must that the eldest son also attends the funeral of immediate family as a novice.
From your report there seems to be no son and others (usually from the family) perceive this.
Now that you did this as a son-in-law, you have done this as a son.
That earned you the respect of family and fellow villagers and you became one of them!
This shows once again that “participating” in Thai society opens up a completely different dimension than just watching and often reacting critically to Thai habits.
My condolences on the passing of your mother-in-law.
Karma is the sum of one's bad and good deeds acquired in all previous lives and in this life. Bad deeds are called bàap (sin) and good deeds are called boen (merit). When you die, your karma determines how you are reborn. If you have done many good deeds in your previous lives and in this life, and committed few sins, then you have good karma and can be reborn as a deity or an important person. With very bad karma you are reborn as an animal or insect or you have to spend some time in hell. Women with good karma are reborn as men (the wish of many women) and men with fairly bad karma are reborn as women. Fortunately, I am reborn as a woman.
Not all, but many Buddhists believe that you can transfer merit from one person to another. This is called Oèthiét song kòesǒn in Thai. You have seen those rough white cotton deeds that connect a Buddha statue or a portrait of the king with people or houses: they also convey merit. This also applies to pouring water into a bowl during prayers.
Being initiated as a novice or monk gives great merit. (A novice is younger than 20 years old, called sǎamáneen or nay; 20 or older you are a full-fledged monk, phrá or phíksòe). That merit is usually transferred to the mother, but in the event of a death to the deceased so that it has a greater chance of being reborn properly.
My son was also inaugurated for a day at the age of twelve when his best friend and cousin passed away, now 5 years ago……
Dear Tino
I think his father-in-law had died, not his mother-in-law
Regards Compuding
Dear Tina,
Thank you for your response. It makes my picture considerably more complete.
The raw cotton thread was also part of the funeral ceremony, on several occasions. For example, during the sermon / speech of the abbot, before the cremation, all (30) monks held the thread. During the purification of the ashes in the early morning, after the cremation, the (8) monks held the thread. And also during the burial of the urn in the designated column, the (8) monks held this thread. The wire is finally stretched around the house, now only my mother-in-law, and is still there.
Regards,
Michel
Sorry, Michel, your father-in-law passed away and not your mother-in-law…..
This transferring of merit to another, the father, the mother or the deceased, is an act of great generosity, a virtue that is very important in Thai life (although not everyone adheres to it…:)).
In his penultimate life, the Buddha was a prince named Phra Wet, or Phra Wetsandon, who gives everything away to anyone who asks, even his wife and children… a story that is recited annually in the temples, especially in Isan .
Sacrificing your own merit for someone else so that you yourself have less merit and someone else benefits is an act of great generosity, but I already said that...
Very good that they now address you with your first name and not with farang. When people do that here I say that I find that annoying and that my name is Sombat (Rich) or Chalaat (Smart)….:). Then they never do it again. You shouldn't take that. I don't address the Thais with 'Thai' either…..'Hey, Thai!' "Hello Thai!"
Ah, Michel, Bua Yai (which means 'Great Lotus') already looked so familiar to me. The famous writer Khamsing Srinawk (คำสิงห์ ศรีนอก, his first name means 'Golden Lion') was born there and perhaps he still lives there on a farm now 85 years old. Just ask. A wonderful man, socially committed. His beautiful stories have been translated into English and I translated them into Dutch. Read! Then you will learn so much more about Thailand! See the links:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khamsing_Srinawk
https://www.thailandblog.nl/?s=khamsing+&x=32&y=0
I am going to read. Thanks again.
Michel