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Home » Reader question » Reader question: My girlfriend wants a house in the Isaan, but I don't like it
Dear readers,
My girlfriend and I would like to build/buy a house or condo.
She would like that in Isaan close to her parents so that if they become disabled she can help. But I don't feel like living in the Isaan, I'm afraid I'm going to get bored there. And I would like to be close to the sea because I love the sea very much.
Perhaps other readers have had something similar to hand? How did you solve that?
Thanks for the tips and best regards,
Ben
Dear Ben,
I understand from your brief question that your girlfriend's parents are not in need of help yet. And you also don't say if she is the only child or if she has more brothers and sisters.
To keep several options open, I would – if I were you – RENT a condo or house near the sea, and not far in the south but for example closer to Isaan. If the need arises, your friend can always go to Isaan to help her parents, permanently or on a rotating basis with brothers or sisters. If you buy a house or condo in Isaan now, I fear, you will never leave unless you are so wealthy that you can also afford a condo on the sea.
Most Thais - in my experience - attach great importance to being close to family. This certainly applies to the elderly, many of whom are completely dependent on their children in their old age. Most expats value privacy (with their Thai loved one) and prefer to have the (Thai) family at a distance. I think there is a middle ground for you.
Moderator: Please respond to the reader's question.
Dear Ben, I have been in the Isaan for 15 years and must say that I am hardly ever bored.
You must have something to do, a hobby or garden or swimming pool to maintain.
And if I feel like the sea then I drive there and stay there for a week or so, so it's always fun to go there.
But I guess that's different for everyone.
Try to keep some distance between you and the family, otherwise you will soon be saddled with it day and night, and that is not always fun, a little privacy is never superfluous.
The advantage of the Isaan is that it is a lot cheaper here so that you can save enough to go to the sea a few weeks a year.
There is plenty to do in Isaan, but make sure you have a large city nearby for shopping.
good luck with your decision.
kind regards, Ben Korat
Living in the Isaan does not have to mean that you are bored.
You can also live in one of the larger cities in Isaan, Khon Kaen, or Udon Thani, etc.
I absolutely did not want to live in my ex-girlfriend's village, if I was there for 15 minutes I became nervous and wanted to leave. But life in a city like Khon Kaen is a lot more pleasant, everything is available. Pick a city that's a reasonable distance from her parents and you'll have a nice compromise.
Only the point close to the sea remains, that is not possible in Isaan, at most near a river.
Suppose you pay for the house with your money, then I think you can choose where you want to live. If you want to buy a house close to the sea, in which you and your girlfriend can nestle, then that girlfriend can already knock on both hands.
A personal piece of advice that I, as a farrang living in Thailand, give to other farrangs: don't go too close to the parents-in-law. Better keep enough distance.
Hello.
@Ben.
I can only confirm the above posts. My girlfriend and I visited her family in Chaiyapoom in Isaan for a week a few weeks ago. I had a wonderful week there, but you are really sent back 50 years in time. It's life the way our grandparents lived.
And it is true that as a “fabulous” falang I paid for everything, food, trips, drinks, because the contents of my purse are inexhaustible according to them…
They are very sweet, hospitable people in Isaan, and I will definitely go back, but I was still happy to be back in Pattaya… and from here the sea is 500 meters away…
You can rent a nice house here for seven or eight thousand bath… and you will never get bored here, believe me…
And the bus station here has a bus to Isaan every 2 hours…
Best of luck!
Kind regards… Rudy…
All nonsense, I myself will live very close to the family, because it is more fun for both of us. The more, the merrier. And what if your girlfriend wants to build a house or a condo, do it, therefore you are not obliged to live there constantly.
Moderator: please alone and response to the reader's question.
At the moment I am in the situation that dad is in a coma and after two months of hospitalization can now be cared for at home. A concern that my wife has taken upon herself. Family does not lend a helping hand. The first big city nearby is Bandung. I'm bored to death here but we can't go anywhere. Nothing is negotiable in terms of care with brother and sisters. If only we shouldn't have come to live close to mom and dad is their reply.
It is understandable that the mutual atmosphere is deteriorating day by day.
Dear Peter
isn't it wonderful that your wife wants to take care of her father with love and devotion, because she loves her parents.
Fortunately , the question , in the reader 's question , is answered well by most bloggers .
I agree with the bloggers who argue that women should be given the opportunity to take care of their families.
If the man gets bored, he could start thinking about a hobby or study or looking for good friends.
Pattaya on the polluted sea bay (extension of Bangkok's sewage) costs most fallang more money on AIDS and women than caring for the family in the Isaan.
My advice is to support your wife during this difficult time and realize that you are also taken care of.
greetings from Danny
BEN
good day yes isaan it is always looked down on, I have been living in a small village outside Chaiyaphum for 5 years now, I think it is the best choice of my life, bored ???? less than a day friends from Holland after years in Pattaya, now here in the province of Chaiyaphum, we should have reached them sooner, there is a lot here, but the people are honest, just live cheaply, just live for more info mail, but we make an appointment at a Leo Greetings Theo
Moderator: Please respond to the reader's question.
I also live in Isaan. My in-laws are 80 km away.
I have no problem with my privacy being invaded at all.
We visit once a month and sometimes they stay with us for a few days. But in our Western-oriented home, they would never stay longer than a few days. And my wife also has no need to have the family around her all the time.
There will come a time when the in-laws become needy and then we'll see.
Besides, I'm never bored and I don't live in a big city. It just depends on how you adapt to the environment and there are plenty of hobbies. Besides that, just drink a cup of coffee with other Dutch people or “farangs” from time to time or go out.
We are all different and some can tolerate more than others, but take it from me, if you live close to the in-laws, you are guaranteed to have problems with them, or they will be in your house when and when they don't. food, drink and sleep, electricity bills and others because they supposedly have no money! (you are the white one) and if you have the slightest problem with your health, you are also screwed. It is often added that you and certainly your Madam wants a car for convenience, to avoid the heat on a moped and to go somewhere. Of course, mommy and daddy and other family members can also come along because they don't have a car! And if you go somewhere you have to do something. food and drinks, you can guess the rest.
Buying a house in Isaan or elsewhere is usually in HER name, you also understand what that means. Usually there are other family members living nearby and they will also know where you live, now you may have nice experiences with those people or a good feeling, family, no, right? But there may come a day when you will really hate them, and don't forget everyone in her family is one step higher than you (yes, there are exceptions and we all think mine is different) But think very carefully BEFORE you take that step, it is easy, turning back is not possible or you will get divorced and usually lose everything.
Imagine in your home country it is nice if someone from your family comes by for a chat, a beer, a dinner together, each person pays for his or her tour or invites them or half each, in ISAAN (Thailand) you will ALWAYS pay for EVERYTHING.
You want to go through life with a Thai person, have time for each other, as far away from the family as possible, otherwise there will be little time for you, you will be allowed to go everywhere, play driver, and above all make that you don't forget your wallet. If her parents get older and need help, you can still find a suitable solution.
It can turn out well, but few succeed.
maybe some advice, the one who pays, DEFINED!!! or if she was allowed to work and contribute to all costs, it would be a bit different, but that probably isn't the case.
GOOD LUCK
Moderator: Please respond to the reader's question.
My advice : First rent a house or apartment near your Thai parents-in-law and Thai family.
Can you handle that life … after careful consideration and enough time to gain experience … then consider a property in Isaan.
Do you already have property on the coast?
Or do you rent on the coast?
Keep that option open.
It is not for everyone to live permanently in Isaan.
Take your time to decide ... so don't build too quickly .
Indeed , the closer you are to your Thai family , the more involved you will be .
Your Thai wife or girlfriend has her family, and therefore her obligations, deep, very deep in her heart.
Take that into account .
Good luck !
You don't tell where in Isaan. The Isaan is larger than the Netherlands. Then building is not an option because as a farang you cannot own land. So if you build, you lose everything. Renting in the villages is actually not possible. Renting or buying a (condo) in Pattaya is a solution and then visit regularly. Korat is about 5 hours away by car. There is as much as possible to go to the Isaan. Just let me know have condo and advice enough. I also agree with the above responders. Not only the family, but often food is also a problem. Bob
I am also planning to buy a condo in Pattaya or nearby in the future.
Then you have the certainty that it remains yours, which you don't have with a house and land and family that take over everything.
I told my wife, you want a house in Isaan, then you can work for it yourself in Belgium,
Moderator: we will not post a comment without punctuation marks because it is illegible.
Hello Ben, this question is different for everyone. I lived in Pattaya for 15 years and 2 years ago I became way too busy. Then I went to Wan Champo (Petchaboon) and I was completely bored. My Dutch friend really enjoyed it there. So you see it's different for everyone.
Dear Ben, do realize the closer you live, the greater your responsibility “read wallet” will become. If there are more than one family, they will keep their distance as long as possible.
The falang can always afford it more easily, and not all brothers or sisters are hungry to take care of the parents these days. The pressure is placed on your wife, she has a falang, and that is very difficult for her to resist.
Do not immediately and fully assume the responsibility, because then your (care) cost has been bought.
Success.
Most farangs return after a while; usually out of loneliness. No friends and those few alcoholics in the area you have to deal with for God's sake otherwise you have no claim at all.
For many, the bottle is their only pleasure and indeed there is not much more.
If you buy alcohol, the villagers will join you and are not afraid to put a few ice cubes in your glass. And then tell your acquaintances in Bangkok and Pattaya that you have finally found peace. You also have that unless your in-laws are in trouble then you are the solution to the problem.
Personally, I'd rather take care of my own crippled mother, but good luck to those who want to try.
The city of Udon Thani is perhaps a favorable exception because quite a lot of farangs now live there and there is quite a lot to do. Sorry for the negative undertone, but this is what I hear from foreigners who return disillusioned and also from my own observation.
Hello.
@Frank.
I can only agree with you. My girlfriend's family, only two uncles and an aunt, and a few cousins live in a village beyond Chaiyapoom…
It really is the end of the world… I've been inside houses where I thought, now I'm in the Stone Age, not even the countless sheet-iron or thatched huts, or a combination of both.
In the evening it is pitch dark there at 7 o'clock, because of no street lighting, there is no bar, and the first shop is 5 km away.
And indeed, I paid for everything, they had no money, because no one had a job! And it is true that the family is always one step higher.
We went to the Siam Flower Festival in a ramshackle pick-up with only three gears working, none of which included reverse. The whole family in the back of the truck, and every now and then they stopped to refuel, to buy food or drink, and always the same story: darling give money, they don't have…
I was terrified that the old rattle cart was going to break down because I knew who was going to pay for the repair.
And I don't even have to pay for my friend's parents, because she no longer has them.
As I said above, they are very sweet hospitable people to visit for a week, not longer, because then they take it for granted that you pay everything, and that will come very soon, believe me! I speak from experience… in my case that was already the first day, when my girlfriend and her cousin took the motorbike “to buy some food” and came back with it, including a few bottles of whiskey…
And you're with her family for the first time, so you can't say anything or she's losing face with her family.
So know what you're getting into if you're going to live nearby!
Best regards.
Rudy.
Hi Ben,
I think it is very important how you want to treat your girlfriend. If you want to spend a lot of time together and have fun with her, it's good that you don't live with the family. You want to live by the sea and you can go your own way if necessary.
If you move in with the family, chances are your girlfriend won't have much time for you. She has her family and fellow residents in the village. As a result, you come more and more alone and you can no longer go your own way in a village, because what are you supposed to do there without a partner who may no longer have time or interest in you.
Then it is better to continue to live by the sea and spend as much time together as you want. And every now and then you can go to the family together or they alone. And if at some point you don't like that, she can choose to take care of you or not, you are then not tied to family and a house in a village.
In places like Pattaya, which I don't consider a place to live for myself, there is a lot of living space for rent and you can also buy condos in your own name. But there are several beautiful cozy places by the sea.
Take care of yourself.
Jacob
Hello, I don't know if you get bored easily there, that differs per person of course. You could also consider having the parents come to you if necessary.
good luck with your decision.
Just don't start. The tenor of the above stories is clear. Anyone who wants more than seeing the sun rise in the morning and set again in the evening (and not in the sea) has little to offer in Isan. It is not without reason that all youth are fleeing from there en masse.
Unfortunately, every statement receives reactions from people who see it differently and who apparently think that Isan is bustling with rich cultural life and that Tesco Lotus is a true shopper's paradise. People who have fun there all day long and who like to have the entire in-laws over for a nice meal and drink.
I would like to hear from many of those who are still so enthusiastic in a few years' time. There is no f… to experience in the Isan, believe me.
Dear JM
You say you are going to buy a condo, in pattaya. That is very good, but I warn you you cannot just have something in your name in Thailand, unless you have a company then you can put it in your company's name, otherwise it is very difficult to have something in your name. If you're planning to buy something, be very wary, especially if you're going to work head over heels with a lawyer. Definitely look for a confidential lawyer. Have fun with your future purchase.
You can't have a registered land, but buying a condo is fine.
Dear Lung,
You are talking utter nonsense and worrying people unnecessarily. For advice in Jomtien/Pattaya, feel free to call me on 0874845321
Moderator: please don't chat.
No where either.
As a farang, you can put a condo in your own name without a company.
You can buy a house at 49% in your name and 51% in the name of your wife/girlfriend.
Or in your own name with a company.
So please put correct info on this blog.
Gino.
I hear the worst stories again, parents-in-law are no good, all Thais want to knock money out of your pocket, there is nothing to do inland, what are those whiners doing in Thailand. Have been living in Petchabun for 12 years and yes close to my parents-in-law and the rest from the family, never had a penny of pain, don't ask for anything and if we go away together, they all pay too. I hear here for the most part only complainers don't get well, if you don't like it in Thailand then go again live in the Netherlands, but you will also complain there. And remember those in-laws who pull all your money out of your pocket and plunder the fridge and always want to go with you in your car are your wife's parents and grandpa and grandma children, whiners.
dear leon,
I have also lived a stone's throw from my parents-in-law in Isaan for many years.
You are no exception because her family never asks for money even though they are real poor farmers.
As in the question of the article, my answer is: it is important that as a Westerner you give your wife the opportunity to take care of her family.
More tours should be organized from Pattaya to other places in Thailand so that their world becomes a little bigger.
Thailand is much more than big beer bellies and pay for sex.
I totally agree with your last sentence.
Greetings from Danny
Dear Leon,
I think that good advice is being given to the questioner here from both the positive and the negative side.
I'm sorry you overreacted. Someone as lucky as you should feel a little better about themselves. Some simply advise not to. Others do not see any impediment.
The worst thing that is said is that the one with the largest wallet is more likely to have to pay within the family. And that many Westerners will probably get bored to death in a village. The advice is often to live a little further away by the sea. (No, not in the Netherlands)
Fortunately, you never have to contribute anything extra to the family, directly or indirectly (via your wife). A unique situation, your case. Very often in Thailand people contribute according to their ability if they live next to their family.
“Then go and live in the Netherlands” and call commenters “nannies”, I don't really think is a positive contribution to this blog.
Exaggerated reactions do those whiners who always criticize the Thai people and about a positive contribution to this blog, most only complain and only see the negative, take the positive side of the Netherlands and the Thai then it will be here on the log too a bit cozier.
We have a house close to Chom Prah, sometimes fun sometimes boring, Surin is a small base, but when I've had it all I go to the coast and rent something there to relax.
Regards, French.
Since my wife already has a house in Isaan and her parents live with her
I don't have much choice but to live with her.
Fortunately, her parents are very nice people and I am
integrates very quickly into the family.
And after 25 years of Amsterdam, I find it wonderfully quiet here.
A few other farangs also live here,
where I can talk to myself every now and then, when I need to.
It is useful , uncle to have a hobby .
But hey, everyone is different...
Dear Ben,
Do not do this.
You will be bored to death in Isaan.
Not to mention the fact that you will have lots of family and friends over every day (with or against your will) and you can grab food and drink in your wallet, because you are the farang with the money.
And that's where the struggles start between you and your girlfriend / wife.
Just buy a house or condo by the sea, and if they need help later, they can always come and live with you.
I wouldn't get out of my way of thinking, because otherwise you'll get a lot of spit out of it, believe me.
All the best and success.
Greetings, Gino.
I,
In most of the comments I don't read about the importance of the relationship with the girlfriend. It is mainly about family and money.
You can wonder and think about why you have a girlfriend. Assume that you want her to hang out with you and take care of you.
In Thailand it is sometimes the case that a daughter does not want to take care of parents alone, but if she does not, she can feel it and it can be explained that she has no respect for the parents.
Again, take care of yourself.
I live in a big city in Khon Kaen, because we have a daughter we spend a lot of time together as a family. And I would like that.
Again, take care of yourself, can't stress that too much.