Reader submission: Thai women are loyal to the Netherlands, committed to each other and to Thailand
The annual (since 2014) Thailand Grand Festival was held in The Hague in mid-July. See YouTube for various videos. My Thai wife had arranged to meet up with some Thai friends and acquaintances, and because it was already a few years ago, I went along. In my tour of the various festival offerings, I met several NL-TH couples. Some of them I have known for a while from previous or other occasions, others as partners of my spouse's girlfriends and acquaintances.
It strikes me in those meetings that a certain topic of conversation is always mentioned. And that is the extremely present chauvinism in some Thai women. A chauvinism that also worries their partners, but where it seems that they have no control over it. (Disclaimer) Please note, for a good understanding: I am not talking about all Thai women, nor about them in general, nor about the NL-TH community, but just stating what I see here and there in some of them as seems remarkable, and what is shared by their partners.
Thai women visit each other. They run into each other in Asian shops, in restaurants in the local 'Chinatown', or see each other when passing on the street, talk to each other and then meet via social media, and then introduce each other to existing circles of acquaintances.
It seems that they have more TH girlfriends and acquaintances than they move in NL circles. Although they all passed their integration course, they do not speak Dutch very well, which does not provide them with an incentive to manifest themselves in their own living environment/neighbourhood, for example. TH women can only hold their own as far as Dutch language skills are concerned. Not all, some.
Thai women in NL form groups, (unlike NL farang in TH.)
Apparently this group formation provides protection, clarity and identity. It's quite something when you end up in a family of "wit noses" from TH in NL with a partner you barely know. The Danish documentary “Heartbound” gives a nice insight into how such an integration process works. See: https://www.thailandblog.nl/?s=Heartbound&x=0&y=0
Once you are acquainted with other TH women, you help each other, is one of the requirements, if you like, the group norm. Especially in exceptional situations. Some examples: a few years ago during a business trip, the Dutch partner of a Thai woman committed suicide in a hotel somewhere in Switzerland. He turned out to be involved in all kinds of malpractices against his employer. The woman was provided with support and help for quite some time, friends stayed with her, acquaintances helped with the care of her child, others also helped her through their NL partner with the settlement of the house, mortgage and further living expenses.
Last year in H., the same thing happened when the partner of a Thai woman died suddenly, while they were in the middle of a renovation of their home. Here too, support and guidance, shelter and help with all kinds of handling.
A final example: a single Th woman turned out to have severe kidney failure. She reported a condition from which she had long since died in TH. Visits were taken in rotation during the hospitalization, and then there was constant attention during the long weeks of outpatient follow-up. Even when her mother came over from Thailand for a few weeks.
But on the other hand, it makes them dependent on each other. In order not to fall by the wayside, not only dependent on partner and in-laws, but above all to belong, what is considered normal and accepted by the group is accepted as true and permanent. If it is believed in a group that after work is done there should be a party, then almost everyone participates. In this way a lot of money is spent on smoking and alcohol, people mainly eat and drink in the weekends, there are many parties to celebrate in turns at each other's homes, many purchases of luxury items, designer clothing and footwear are made, and a lot of money disappears from earned income. monthly wages to casinos. Gambling is a problem, but is not perceived as such. Because even now, the group offers a solution: if you're on bad luck once, it won't be noticed that you won't be able to pay restaurant bills a number of times, for example. But you can also go to some women, who have a little more to digest and act as a loan shark.
At the moment, 7% per month interest is common. How does that work? For example, you borrow € 1.000. You pay (!) € 70 every month. And you agree to pay the principal at the end of May next year when the holiday allowance is paid. You will not owe any interest for that month. If you win a larger sum in a casino, earlier redemption is of course also allowed! If you have € 10.000 outstanding, you receive € 700 every month. € 8.400 on an annual basis. Calculate your profit!
Some NL partners can also do something about it. They have an agreement that 50% of the gambling proceeds will be paid to them. Other than that, shut your mouth and close your eyes. In their circles, the story of a Thai woman who won the jackpot of € 80K at Holland Casino is well known. He put half of it in his (!) bank account. Her share was already spent after a month.
Because Thai women like to interact with each other, they also ensure that people become familiar with where and how to find work. Via agency work, on a payroll basis, usually for no more than a minimum wage, low-skilled, warehouse and packing work, often 40 hours a week, overtime if possible.
Having a job is important, because a lot of money is needed in TH. Those who stay behind there wait every month for their allowance from NL: parents, children, other family, pay off a small debt here and there, save what is left for later.
Good money is earned on “group transport”. Women from the same place drive together to, for example, their employer. That costs € 2 per ride, so € 4 per day. If you have 3 passengers, you will receive at least an extra €250 per month. The argument is that everyone has their own mileage allowance, and if they have to use public transport, that allowance must also be used.
The KM earnings plus the own KM allowance are then used for a small lease car, for example. Smart? Ingenious? Pragmatic? The fact is that for many (excuse me: some) Thai money plays a role. The idea that it might be enough to share the cost of petrol together is not applicable, if not impossible. And then there are those who run a shop from their home or car in packaged and packaged foods, vegetables, fruit, powders, shampoo, etc., obtained directly from TH.
Women from Thailand are only people too, so ditto a need to belong to a group, as already mentioned. Perhaps Thais have this need even more than we do in NL. The women are therefore afraid of exclusion and bullying. Both phenomena absolutely occur. If you participate in and in the group, you share in the benefits and in the offer. Which means that Thai women can experience protection, attention, friendship, affection and a relative but certain degree of luxury. All of this is possible if you conform, and if you don't, you will notice. A very bad side, which is shown here, often resulting in a lot of repressed conflict. Here my wife often appears as a mediator and smoother. Mediate and iron out: also those Thai phenomena. It's about the moment. Rarely for solutions of a more structural nature.
Nevertheless: Thai women are well off in NL. They take care of their own and each other's needs, and know how to handle them very well. They are absolutely apolitical, and do not follow the vicissitudes of Prayuth and Prawit, but rather how their Royalties are doing, what is going on with family and friends in TH, and are extremely adept with YouTube, Whatsapp, Line and Instagram. But don't ask them what's going on with god and the world, let alone gas and Groningen. Opinions, current affairs, developments: far from their beds, and for many of them it is still somewhere in Thailand. That remains, not with all Thai women, but with many of them. Because someday they want to go back! They are very grateful to the Netherlands, will not cause any inconvenience to their partners and NL, allow NL their labor capacity, but heart and soul are not pledged to NL. That remains unconditionally reserved for Thailand.
Do all Thai women do as described above? No, of course not. My wife, for example, doesn't like that collective behaviour. She knows many of the women referred to above, and has good friendships with many of them. But dancing on the bar in a cafe with those shouting and screaming men around: it reminds her of Pattaya. She should have none of it, because it only adds to the Thai image. She also regrets all that casino visit. The same goes for spending more time with friends than with partners. She also regrets that there is so much superficiality, while the Netherlands offers more in terms of development and training. But often Thai women go to work after arrival. A Thai friend of hers is married to a dentist, another acquaintance lives with a Portuguese businessman, and there are many others who have descended into Dutch society in a different way. Could that make a difference to how women in NL can fare? Is it the circumstances you find yourself in? Certainly, as it also matters in TH itself: whether you meet someone who has a factory job in NL or someone in TH with a large pension is looking for a new partner. But someone else will have to elaborate on that. I'm ready!
Summarized:
- Thai women easily seek each other out and often seek direct contact.
- Thai women are more likely than Dutch men to form groups in Thailand with the aim of helping and assisting each other.
- Thai women like to handle money, don't always have it, but spend it. They quickly find a (side) job and/or borrow it from each other.
- Thai women find entertainment more important than education.
- Thai women are loyal to NL, not a strong part of NL society and devoted to TH with heart and soul.
Disclaimer- The above story is not about all Thai women in the Netherlands but about some of them.
Submitted by RuudB
My Thai wife speaks good Dutch and does not come into contact with Thai compatriots.
Thai embassy says that there is no Thai club/association in the Netherlands.
Would be nice for. is there even a thai association ?????
Every year I go to the Fair on (usually) the Square. It's always fun and you always meet people you know. I went there this year with Tino, but I couldn't really talk to others. Most Thais and their partners are not really interested in conversations about Thai (or Dutch) politics and society. That's a pity for me because I spoke less Dutch and Thai than I had hoped.
About the Thais in the Netherlands, that clumping together is part of it. I also have enough Thai acquaintances and they have and yes they have a good time together and also help each other. The pitfalls you mention are of course also known, which is why my love did not want to delve too deeply into Thai contacts, but also regularly interacted with classmates from the integration course (Indonesia, Vietnam, Latin America). It was better for her language and so she avoided the more dramatic sides of the Thai network.
Incidentally, it does not seem strange to me that as a family you share income and expenses neatly. So if the Thai catches money through work or a bit of luck, it is only logical that part of it goes into the pot. At least that's how we did it. We could save money for other things and no one had anything to complain about. But I also know examples from the network of Thai people who secretly earn extra money and use this money to purchase luxury goods or entertainment, for example.
I agree with you that the women in the close network are only partly part of society (and so for the white-nosed people in Thailand, they meet each other in places, but a lot fewer live, work and live with and among Thais) .. There are also those who feel partly Dutch, I asked a Thai who obtained Dutch nationality a month ago whether she was Thai or Dutch. 50-5- she said. Yes, with the double passport, but in your heart, you are Thai, right?' I asked. To which she said 'I am half Thai, half Dutch. And you are half Dutch, half Thai' (she knows that I am very concerned with Thai society).
Unfortunately I gave up after reading the first paragraph.
In this you state that Thai women visit each other and (via social media) contact each other.
My wife (who has lived in the Netherlands for 15 years now) shuns this. Apart from a few acquaintances, she does not want to deal with Thai women in the Netherlands. She also doesn't want to go to these kinds of events. The reason for this is that she cannot bear the jealousy and envy among each other. She prefers to be together with family and a few friends.
Here in Belgium we hardly ever go to such a thing, for the same reasons.
I don't think the Thai people here, mostly from Isaan, are a true reflection of Thai society.
It is almost always the same type of people that you meet here.
If I want to see the real Thailand I just take the plane there, after all Thailand is not just poor farm girls from the Isaan and Pattaya goers alone.
Like this! What an analysis! Thanks for the explanation. I have nothing more to add, or at least... a number of habits are recognizable.
Ruud, some descriptions are clearly recognizable to me. My wife didn't like that collective behavior either, when we still lived in the Netherlands. She also recognized negative excesses here. She had a lot of life experience and was older than most Thai women in the Netherlands. We have now been living in Thailand for over 17 years
My wife has lived in the Netherlands for 20 years and steers clear of that group hassle, partly for reasons mentioned by Frans de Beer.
she literally says, Thai women in the Netherlands are rats among themselves. She has 1 good Thai friend, and otherwise she likes to be with my family.
my wife has already lived together in Belgium for about 4 years, went to a thai meeting 2 times and then it was over for her, she no longer wanted to have contact with her compatriots, bluffing and informing each other how they could get more money getting from the foreigner, it was enough for her, only with 1 Thai woman in the area, who had thought the same
I largely agree with what is described above. I happen to have been working at Holland Casino for more than 30 years and there is a lot of pledging (gold) and borrowing on both sides, usually things go well but sometimes things go wrong and it sometimes gets out of hand and I have to mediate again when I am on duty. My wife has lived in the Netherlands for over 20 years and, fortunately, has no interest in gambling. She does have Thai friends that she meets in the
Thai temple in Musselkanaal where I often take her to and pick her up and where she is part of the kitchen team. When there are meetings, she prepares food for the monks and visitors with that team and she also sells homemade typical Thai products. She has little interest in what is happening in the Netherlands, but watches a lot of Thai news and of course Thai soap series on her tablet. Had bought a satellite receiver especially so she could watch Thai5, say the same as BVN. Now I have more than 2000 channels available and have converted the box so that I can watch ziggo sports and movie channels. In short, very recognizable
RuudB, I am glad that you say in the last sentence that this story only applies to some Thai women in the Netherlands and not all.
I sense a contradiction here, because you start with the firm comment: "Thai women seek each other out", which gives the impression that it actually counts for the majority of women.
In any case, it is not the case for my wife, nor for the 3 other Thai women she has met through school and integration: they say they want to stay away from such groups of friends with ONE mouth precisely because of backbiting, jealousy, etc. So they remain acquaintances. My wife prefers dealing with Dutch people, not only for the language but also for the open directness.
Jasper, read carefully: in the 2nd paragraph I already say that I am not talking about all Thai women in NL. At the same time, I don't think the story only applies to a few Thai people. What I have tried, and apparently succeeded in, is to create an atmospheric picture of the life situation of a number of Thai women in NL. A situation that they themselves prefer by clinging together in groups and leading a life that associates with what they are used to in TH. I am not judging that, just stating that it worries their partners, that these partners have no control over it as good as, plus: that in some cases these partners are (very) prospering. That says as much about them as it does about their partners.
What strikes me in some reactions is that it is explicitly stated that “people” distance themselves from these women. What people don't realize is that this is a typical Thai reaction: look at it with some disdain, turn your back, turn your back. “They are bad, therefore I am better”.
It also certainly has to do with what kind of figure walks next to it. When you see what kind of half tames sometimes walk next to it, it makes sense that she creates her own group of friends.