You experience everything in Thailand (70)

If you've been an amateur gardener all your life and now live in an apartment (condo) as a retiree, your hobby is pretty much over.

You may be able to do something with flowers and plants on a balcony, but that's not the real deal. A blog reader, who calls himself Hendrik Jan de Tuinman, was at peace with it, but could not resist intervening when he considered the disastrous state of the garden around the swimming pool at his condo complex. He wrote a beautiful story about it in 2017 and we are happy to include it in our series.

This is the story of Hendrik-Jan de Tuinman

The flowerbed

When I moved to live permanently in Viewtalay 2008c in Jomtien in 5, I used the swimming pool daily as an enthusiastic swimmer. As it should be: shower before swimming to remove perspiration and after swimming to rinse away the chlorine residue.

The pool has a narrow strip of garden land of about 27 meters. To block the view and wind, there was a privet hedge over the entire length. The planting of all sorts of wild bushes near the shower was so abundant that the leaves tickled my neck. The next day I brought everything back to normal proportions. That was quite an improvement. Seen from the pool, it seemed to me a small effort to also take care of the next 5 meters. In the end I reorganized the entire strip and provided it with many new plants.

At that time I was still a young God of 70 years with 50 years of experience as an enthusiastic amateur gardener. Because I met my dear Thai wife 7 years ago, the Netherlands has become our headquarters again. This in connection with integration and because she really feels at home there. So we left Viewtalay. In the cold winter months we go to mothers between the rice fields and for a change also to other locations. But the quiet Viewtalay near the sea and the pleasant boulevard decorated with palms remained in our thoughts.

That is why we returned there in the winter after an absence of 4 years. However, I got the shock of my life when I saw the pool garden. This has grown into a great wilderness. Seeds have been blown in and plants have been deployed, which proliferate everywhere. Climbing plants wind their way dozens of meters through the hedge and the existing plants. It is a great chaos and a fight to the death. Many beautiful and therefore often vulnerable plants have died in the battle. The old gardeners have been replaced by two nice young ladies who specialize in cutting everything down with a large hedge trimmer. Given my age, I don't plan to work in the garden again and just accept everything as it is.

Saving lives

Until I notice that a beautiful plant, hidden in the wilderness, still makes a convulsive attempt with a few bright red flowers in the top, to send out a clear SOS. He is almost overgrown and strangled by sneaky rascals around him. This is the moment I tack and decide to save his life. The next day, armed to the teeth with a kitchen knife, I ruthlessly attack his attackers. This gives it air and the space to which it is entitled due to its natural beauty. I feel like a scout doing a good deed. But what rustles in the undergrowth? Five squeaky relatives that haven't bloomed yet. I release this one too.

However, the lifeguard, under the approving eye of the garden ladies, comes to me and tells me to stop working in the garden. In his opinion, I work very rigorously. He's right about that too. I make a mess and disturb his peace. That's why I go to the loyal manageress and ask if she will allow me to tidy up the long garden area by the pool. She remembers that I installed it at the time and enthusiastically gives her permission. At my request, she accompanies the rebel staff and shouts, in 5 different pitches, to order. At the end of her speech she gives me a Wai that would have made Buddha jealous. I feel immediately promoted to landscape gardener.

garden tools

The garden tools present consist of two hedge trimmers and several brooms with a can. The leaky garden hose is connected to the faucet with a piece of old bicycle inner tube. Now that I've decided to do the whole strip I need some good tools. After all, that's half the battle. At HomeWorks I carefully select the best quality including the typical Thai spoon-shaped narrow shovel that is as sharp as an axe. The long hardwood heavy handle makes it a real killer. I also buy safety goggles. In the meantime I am 9 years older, one eye poorer and a cerebral infarction richer. which makes my caring wife unenthusiastic about my plans. I promise to work only in the afternoon and not more than 2 hours a day.

A few days later I go back to work and I'm undisturbed. The garden ladies come flying like elves on their broomstick to tidy up all the victims. I would also like to delegate work including trimming the hedge. The answer is in unison: “Tomorrow!” That is instructive for me because I once again fall into my old trap of wanting to finish everything at a good pace, 'from here to there'. So I'm also going to relax the Thai way, 'from here to here', playing in the garden. I used to always look at what still needed to be done, now I consciously look at what I have done and enjoy the result. In total there are 10 large plastic garbage cans not only filled with weeds, read unwanted plants, but also with all kinds of rubbish: bottles, cans, caps, straws, batteries, pieces of tiles and concrete, sunscreen and shampoo products, plastic cups and bags, cigarette butts, stones and even a bag of cement.

Tip

Lifeguard and elves are surprised that they get regular tips. I may be protected by the highest authority of the office, but in Thailand you never know. I want to be friends with everyone and also treat them to Cola and bearing in mind the well-known proverb: cakes of rice smeared with honey. Finally, I am in violation by doing unpaid work. If they take pictures and see me working on them, I run the risk of getting a 'Persona Non Grata' stamp in my passport. Although… I am of course the landscaper and teach!

Yes, they cut the privet hedge, but only the protruding twigs and leaves, which is why it has become so wide and dominant. Because I don't want to come across as pedantic, as the farang who knows everything better, I used my new hedge trimmer firmly on several evenings, when everyone had gone home. I must say that the ladies enjoy their work and even spend the tip to buy garden tools. We are starting to form a good team and I enjoy their joy, the ease and lightness of their way of working.

Sometimes it is necessary to do nothing for a few days because I need inspiration on how to proceed. It should also be easy to maintain. Especially the part near the shower is problematic. Because of the splashing water, partly caused by extra wide ridges and big bellies, everything grows like cabbage there and I have to decide whether to prune or remove everything and replant it in another part. I decide to do the latter and replace it with a completely different planting that goes up and not in width. I also want to use the same kind of planting for the beginning. That way there will be a clear beginning and an end. After a month, the whole piece of land has been cleaned, as the Belgians say.

Monthly salary

The lifeguard, who follows everything with interest and helps when the elves have hidden in their secret leafy place, asks if everything remains so bare. I say that all new plants come in. He looks at me in disbelief and I see him thinking, that must cost a month's salary. Although he cannot swim, his job is to save people from drowning, resuscitate and call 1719. In any case, he still has time to fish the faded flowers from the surrounding trees from the swimming pool as well as from the sun terraces present. Several times I ask him to scatter these flowers between the plants as fertilizer. But he keeps throwing them in the trash as usual. Fortunately, for the sake of convenience, he regularly throws them over the wall in a lower garden area. I collected that in a few large bags. It makes excellent compost full of much-needed insects to bring life back into the soil. Everything was evenly distributed among the hungry plants that were still present and then the penny dropped with the lifeguard: just like people, plants have to eat as well as drink.

Beautiful blonde woman

While playing in the garden I suddenly see a pair of long legs standing next to me. I look up with one eye and discover a beautiful blonde woman. She wears a dental floss bikini on its side. She asks for the name of that beautiful plant that I saved first. Coincidentally I know it and proudly say: “Sjoansom.” She asks whether they are also growing in Russia. I say: "Yes, you can buy them here in every garden center, just put them in your suitcase and look for a tropical spot at home." Completely satisfied, she hops away again.

Number two is a chic Thai young lady, who strides perky and with a radiant smile. Expensive brand sunglasses on her nose and with an air of an executive from the highest echelons. She compliments me profusely on how well I am doing. With a slight bow I thank her for all the praise and ask: “What is your position here?”. She says, "No, I don't work here." After throwing some gingerbread cookies from the wrist, the question finally comes: "Are you married?" I answer: “Yes, for many years, my wife happens to be walking by!” She was probably tipped off by one of the security guards that a moron is busy in the general garden, to spend a fortune on ornamental plants by Thai standards.

Garden market

The unsurpassed Thailand blog referred me to the weekend garden market on Sukhumvit Road, diagonally opposite the Bangkok Hospital. I wandered around intently for a few hours. After being refreshed and cooled down at McDonald's and strengthened with a cup of black coffee, I'm going to determine my choice of plant. At the smaller garden centers the starting price for planting material is often 30 baht. If I'm wearing an ironed shirt and a crease in my pants, even 40 baht. Obviously I'm now disguised in clean, unbranded, somewhat older clothes. As a result, the opening price is immediately the normal price of 20 baht. With a varied purchase of 100 pieces even 15 baht. I especially want to vary the height in order to create more depth. My preference is for plants with white flowers, orange, yellow and red. This as the opposite of the large green hedge.

I carefully look at the entire collection and decide to purchase the next day. The plants are not delivered, so I have to arrange the transport myself. The saleswoman asks: "Do you want to pay 1000 baht down?" I am always East Indian deaf to such indecent proposals. I see two trees at a colleague's house, which she doesn't sell herself, and I decide to place them with her as a guarantee of my return. However, the heat of the day takes its toll and when I get home I ask my wife, who speaks fluent Thai, to call to say that I won't be coming tomorrow but Friday. The answer she gets is short and concise: “No, you can't. Then I just leave those trees there, or they have to be picked up immediately, because they are in the way.” My wife arranges a motorcycle taxi to save my trees. I think that man used to work in the circus. With a big grin he delivers them to the pool.

A few days later I feel fresh and fruity again. Especially in Thailand with its great cultural differences, I like to let myself drift with the flow of life. This takes me via Thepprasit Road to a garden center also on Sukhumvit Road, but on the left. A few hundred meters before Big C. I'm pleasantly surprised because everything I need is there. Like I was counted on. The couple has 3 permanent staff of 4, 5 and 6 years old. After praising their sweet children's scissors I ask, with a poker face, which plants are 10 baht. Reluctantly, the answer comes that the planting material is 20 baht.

Thai prices

That's right of course. I tell her that I want to buy from her and not at the weekend garden market, but at Thai prices. Needless to say, I show my Thai ID card with a few Thai sentences and with a dashing gesture. That impresses and I'm promoted to a family member. Because I feel so at home in her beautiful, healthy and varied plant collection, my creative mind goes to work and the chosen plants are immediately placed in the correct planting order. Her entire assortment of bedding plants and dozens of large plants are arranged in this way. The children bravely help. I give this nice family their credit and buy more than I intended. Delivery is no problem. With joint efforts the entire car is loaded, the entire staff beaming in the back seat, father behind the wheel and me as a guide showing the way. Mother waves us goodbye affectionately, for now there is rice on the shelf again.

At the entrance of Viewtalay, the strange car is stopped by the security guards with impressive uniforms, solid gold caps and epaulettes. When they see the contents and recognize me, they jump stiffly to attention, salute and the barriers are hastily rolled away. In my mind I hear drums and trumpets. Slowly I direct the car to the pool. We are already met by the ever-present lifeguard.

Of course we are not allowed to get too close to the swimming pool by car, because then the cracks in the concrete and the tiles fly around your ears. With the help of the young guard and a few volunteers, the contents were quickly unloaded. It is immediately a festive sight. With my foresight, I drenched the soil every evening for a few days, making the soil soft and easy to work. I want to plant everything immediately. If they're left unattended overnight—especially with so many guards around—I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I turn everything off, the lifeguard makes the planting holes with the miracle 'shovel-axe' and with a sadistic twitch on his mouth; the ladies free the plants from their clamping pot, dip them nicely in a large container of water as if they were their babies and then I put them firmly in the ground with extra garden soil with attention and care. Of course, this is also the most rewarding part to do. The result is immediately visible, a real Wow effect.

Happy and satisfied

The animal world in particular enjoys the garden, especially the many butterflies, dragonflies and birds that sing the highest song and have a great time. Because they give shit as thanks, the plants are also extra happy. Everything is in harmony. Animals but also plants are an example for me to stay awake and live completely in the Here and NOW. Subconsciously I often choose the path of least resistance and live in my dream world of past and future, which often makes me feel guilty and worried. The song of the birds awakens me to discover that life is NOW and every moment is one big party. As a result, I pay much more attention to all the details. For example, the variation of colors of a single flower. How a beautiful flower emerges from a very small bud. The special scent of each flower. I consider them living beings. They give me joy of life and energy. I regularly give them a compliment and a pat on the head, and I feel happy and satisfied.