A home for her family

Many 'farang' with a Thai partner complain bitterly about it and it is the cause of many “marital” quarrels: the care of her family. For her it is the most natural thing in the world that he pulls out the wallet to help family members in need. That support is also expected from her by the family.

He, accustomed to relatives who fend for themselves, is horrified by the begging stories about dead water buffaloes, broken water pipes, leaking roofs, sick parents and cars in need of repair. And complains about bottomless money pits at the drinks table or on internet forums. There is often no shortage of cynical reactions.

Drawing from my own experiences, I see it differently. If the happiness of your loved one is also worth something to you, if you have an eye for the (prosperity) differences between your own country and Thailand, being involved in the ups and downs of the family can be a very rewarding and also educational experience.

Wrecked wooden concoctions

I still remember how shocked I was when I first entered my partner's parental home in 2003. Her native village in the Isan province of Roi Et is a collection of ramshackle wooden structures. Her mother's shelter – which at the time also housed my partner's two brothers and son – was one of the few with stone walls. But that's where the 'luxury' ended.

The 'house' on a piece of land of about 600 m² had a roof of corrugated iron on the four walls, with a kind of roof next to it, also made of rusty corrugated metal. The gaps between the roof and walls offered free rein to intruding flies and other vermin. Behind the house is a stable, the night quarters for the cows. All around this is wasteland, uneven, with some grass and weeds here and there. In the rainy season a big mud puddle. At the stable a haystack and of course a lot of cow shit, which was simply not cleaned up. A well in front of the house, from which large ceramic pots of up to 1000 liters were filled (by hand, that is).

Inside it wasn't much better. The house consisted of three parts. First a living room/bedroom, with a cupboard, a television and a mattress on which mother and grandson slept at night under a mosquito net. Then a sleeping area for the two sons: some mattresses with a few greasy rags that had to serve as blankets. The last part gave space to a kitchen and a toilet. Well, a toilet, one of those hanging things with a hole in the ground, with a barrel of water next to it to flush. There was a shower, but no hot water.

Messy and old

Everything was messy, often dirty and old, you might say very old. However, there is an explanation for that. First of all, there is absolutely no money for maintenance or improvement. There is little, very little money to live on. The second aspect is that you look at such a way of life with Dutch eyes. The realization that maintenance and hygiene can make the living environment much more pleasant is simply not present or at least not developed.

I think the latter is the case, because when I talked about it with my partner Poopee and she then with her mother, wishes for improvement came immediately. A water pump at the well, the toilet could also be changed and… the house could also use a lick of paint.

The renovation

That's how it started. The electrically driven pump with some piping was installed. How pieces of electrical wire of different diameters were tied together to make the pump work is beyond imagination. It was just dangerous and I had that changed. The toilet was completely renovated. From a gray concrete room it was changed into a tiled toilet / shower room. An ordinary sitting toilet, but again no flushing (they thought it was too expensive at the time), just another barrel with water next to it to flush the toilet after business is done. There was also a shower with hot water. Paint was also bought for the outside of the house and for the living room.

The second stage was to wall the site. The ground within the walls had to be smoothed, the stable had to disappear and the roof had to be made again. First that roof was demolished and then the ground had to be leveled. A few boys from the village were rounded up and enthusiastically (?) started chipping into the rock-hard ground with a pickaxe, hitting them with sledgehammers, but it didn't get much done. I asked if there wasn't a bulldozer in the village, which would level the ground in two or three sweeps. That costs money, they said, but I couldn't stand the slog and so the bulldozer came and indeed it was immediately a different and more pleasant sight.

Concrete piles were bought for the new roof and when they were in the ground, it was a matter of waiting for the specialists to make the roof construction. In addition, the roof tiles would be laid. I didn't see that done myself (I was in the Netherlands), but when I returned the corrugated sheets had made way for blue roof tiles. A nice sight, but tiles made of asbestos, because the Thai people don't care about our resistance to asbestos, they are simply not aware of the risks … ..

Construction plan and budget

So we were not satisfied. Back in our own home in Pattaya, we discussed further plans for improvement. Instead of a cover, there could be a new living room, a living area and a kitchen. The old living room could become a modern bedroom (with toilet / shower room), where Poopee and I could sleep and three bedrooms would be built in the bedroom area.

Come on, I had said A and so B couldn't stay out. I did insist, however, that a building plan and a budget should be drawn up now, so that I then knew how much “development money” I still had to contribute. To arrange things, I went along myself to make sure that it would happen. Because the construction activities were not always done professionally, we also decided to bring our neighbor and his help, who are skilled and good at work.

When we got there, I made a list of activities myself – about 15 points – also with the aim of making a good cost calculation in advance. To keep it short, nothing, absolutely nothing, came of it. My list was discussed, there was nodding and bowing, but I couldn't get my intentions – also due to language difficulties – in their heads. My neighbor already had his own plan, which was discussed in Thai. In the end I just resigned myself to it, whatever I would interfere with.

Coca Cola on rusty screws

During the demolition of the old part, the stones made of a kind of granular cement were reused to lay the floor for the new one. Occasionally a grinder was needed to remove old window frames, for example. When the available top turned out to be broken, the screwed-on cover plate was impossible to loosen. I was also able to make a big impression in a practical sense for the first time: my Thai employees had never heard of how Coca Cola works on rusty screws. After an hour in a container with the magic potion, the case could be unscrewed with a child's hand.

It was only when the demolition was finished that it was considered that the layer of rubble had to be filled with sand. They don't think ahead, so call and wait an hour. So good time to eat! A cubic meter or 2 – 3, a full truck load was brought and back to work. About 5 men brought in the sand and remember, everything by hand. First fill the bucket, walk, empty it and go back again.

I sat there and looked at it and thought about how that foundation would now be made stable. Sand over rubble must make a bumpy surface, because I don't think the sand would ever get into all the open spaces of that rubble. The following was thought of. When the sand transport was finished, a lot, a lot of water was sprayed over the sand plain. Because this made the sand “liquid”, all nooks and crannies of that rubble were neatly filled. I, not a construction worker, thought it was a clever method. And in the end it resulted in a beautifully even tiled floor.

Thai inability to work efficiently

The lack of any planning meant that the next step was not considered until the previous one had been taken. There were few tools, most of them came from my time in the Netherlands. There is also a constant lack of small materials such as nails, screws, adhesive tape and so on. The moment it was necessary, someone jumped back on the moped to get it “somewhere”. That meant sitting and waiting for that man to return. You are then inclined to attribute this to Thai's inability to work efficiently. However, I remembered all too well how when renovating the bathroom and kitchen in my Dutch home, the craftsmen were constantly short of something and had to run to one or the other hardware store to supplement.

I didn't stay there all the time, but I did arrange the 10 hours per car travel taken to the village. Every time I went back I noticed that the five or six people who worked there were diligent. However, constant supervision was necessary, because the slightest problem led to endless discussion. Poopee has also remained permanently present as a kind of construction pastor to be able to deal with such cases.

Poopee did that wonderfully. In addition to making decisions in case of problems, she also kept a close eye on costs. She demanded a receipt for everything that was bought, often calling the supplier first to haggle something. She was so on top of it that the boys of the village said 'you are stingy with money'. I sometimes gave her large amounts for Thai standards and she always handled it very carefully.

So what did all that cost?

Now the answer to the well-Dutch question: and what did all that cost? Well, for the first renovations, which were done by the two brothers and a single boy from the village, no wages were paid. It sufficed with free food and alcoholic refreshments in the evening. But the big job demanded the recruitment of extra and paid manpower; only the work of the two brothers remained free, after all it was also their new home. Poopee arranged with two construction workers from Pattaya a daily wage of 6 euros each, the 4 workers from the village itself received about half per day. Sometimes the village boys didn't show up, often an excess of whiskey consumption was the cause. Poopee was then unrelenting: no work, no money either.

The whole project took about six months to complete. The final costs for my account remained below 5.000 euros. Quite a considerable amount, but just die in the Netherlands for a renovation of this size. And for me it is in any case no reason to complain anywhere about the extra expenses that you - living in Thailand - can face with a Thai partner.

Poopee was eager to do the renovation, out of love for her mother and family: finally some (figuratively) sunlight in a seemingly gloomy rural life, finally some financial scope. When I saw everyone's gratitude and the enthusiasm with which they cooperated, it gave me a nice, satisfied feeling. It was not wasted, but money well spent, which has contributed to a better life for some Thai people.

– Repost message –