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Home » Living in Thailand » Three short stories from Isan: A romantic farmer's daughter (2)
Three short stories from Isan: A romantic farmer's daughter (2)
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Never - as far as I can remember - have I read on Thailandblog that Thai women are romantically inclined. My wife isn't either. But those romantic women do exist!
I will limit myself to one example:
Nooann, a young lady who has often shown a romantic streak, once wrote something on Facebook in Thai with the English translation:
“Try to choose the person he loves you more than you love him. You will always be a treasure of precious hearts for him”. The English doesn't seem quite correct to me so she may have translated it herself but the message is clear: She is looking for someone who loves her more than she loves him. I have written before that many Thai women place high demands on their partners, but this gives it an extra dimension. So she doesn't have a steady boyfriend yet.
She is looking for a man who loves her more than she loves him.
Doesn't sound very romantic to me.
He loves her for who she is, she loves him less for who he is but because of… his money?
Is that Thai romance?
Maybe the feminazi virus has already broken out in Thailand? Then the men looking for romance should perhaps try it in (southern) Europe. 55
Now seriously: setting high standards is fine, although the perfect flawless partner does not exist. If you want your partner to put you first - or even a pedestal? - then there has to be reciprocity and the person has to put the other person first too. Otherwise, the relationship will be out of balance from day 1.
Every relationship is not balanced. It makes no sense to search for a NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That) in Southern Europe. Because women are hypergamous all over the world. This means that they always marry upwards (on the socio-economic ladder). Falling in love as a man is actually very unmanly, because it makes you lose your intelligence. For women, that makes things easier, because now you are easier to manipulate. Actually, that last word should be called feminizing. Anyway, we also have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves 'am I as cool as my ego says I am?'.
Do women always marry up? Newspapers over the past few months have reported that young women today are more likely to be better educated than men (they do better at school all the way to university). We could also read that, according to American research, there are problems when the woman brings home more money than the man. The media reported that the problem lay mainly with the man who finds it difficult that he is no longer the leader of the household. However, additional news revealed an important thing: "If the woman already earned more before the relationship started, the men were not stressed." so it seems to be especially a problem (for men) if their wife used to be in a somewhat independent position from them but because of his resignation or her promotions, for example, she catches up with him. Pride affected? Although there will probably also be men who prefer a docile female .. (and then look in Thailand 5555).
My conclusion: the woman wants at least a roof over her head, no worries about food, housing costs, whether there is money for the children, etc. As soon as these threshold conditions can be met, you as a woman can check whether the potential male partner is also someone you can fall in love with. It seems logical to me that you first have to have the basics in order not to worry day in and day out, but as soon as that basic/safety net is there you can start looking at what makes your life/relationship pleasant. That the man also has a nice appearance, humor, fine talker and so on.
Thailand's socio-economic level is not yet that of the Netherlands (Thailand is even one of the most unequal countries in the world), and it does not yet have the necessary safety nets. But in both Europe and Asia we see the position of women improving. Access to training, more women (than men) graduating. That trend will continue. And if the investigations are correct, it is not a problem for the relationship if the woman knows in advance that she has better papers/work than the man.
So this farmer's daughter primarily wants stability, security, and freedom from worries. Love comes later. For me personally not immediately a top candidate, I prefer to find a woman who is already largely or completely independent, then she can choose me because she thinks I'm a nice, nice man who she is really in love with. I am not bothered by a koen knight complex that is going to help a poor woman out of trouble…
Or I come back as a woman in a next life. Good chance that I can get a master's degree, a nice job and a nice man. Win-win-win. 🙂 According to Buddhist teachings, I have to start misbehaving because if you are too good, you will return as a man in the next life. 🙂
Sources:
- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs13524-017-0601-3
- https://www.rtlz.nl/life/personal-finance/artikel/4937506/als-zij-meer-verdient-lijdt-hij-mannen-willen-kostwinner-zijn
- https://www.demorgen.be/nieuws/man-gestrest-als-vrouw-meer-verdient~b97e0c76/
- https://www.intermediair.nl/collega-s-en-bazen/vrouwen-op-de-arbeidsmarkt/moeten-mannen-wel-echt-wennen-aan-een-vrouw-die-meer-verdient?utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F
- https://www.dub.uu.nl/nl/plussen-en-minnen/2016/12/19/vrouwen-halen-vaker-en-sneller-hun-diploma.html
Dear Rob, the farmer's daughter in question is a school teacher, so there are no immediate financial worries, nor in the foreseeable future. I think she wants to indicate that love is an important and perhaps the most important condition for a relationship. But that it is not enough that she alone is in love, but that the other must also be. I figure that out. Incidentally, I doubt that you can be in love with someone if the other is not; there has to be a certain interaction for real love, the sparks have to fly, so to speak.
Yes dear Hans, love must be reciprocated. The sparks must jump off, but with a roof above it so that the fire of love is not immediately blown out or rained out at the first heavy weather.
What a terrible nonsense John Lyndon.
I wonder where you got this "wisdom" from?
Around the world women are getting married up?
Have you ever heard of "generalizing"?
“All men are chasing their p..”
“All Moroccans are criminals”
"All Thai women are prostitutes"
If you don't want to make a complete fool of yourself, it's better not to write anything.
Romance exists by the grace of abundance. In other words: With financial and social security, you can easily afford romance as a woman. Yet the Western woman - driven by the same need for security - is still inclined to choose a husband who is socially and financially stronger than she is, ie she chooses a doctor rather than a well-creator. But in a beautifully romantic story dressed context, of course.
For most Thai women, the law of the jungle still applies: no money I die.
Although there is of course often the family to fall back on, the possible economic distress is much closer than to us in the Netherlands with its ample social safety nets.
Or as my wife used to say: Money first, and love come slowly.