When misery draws closer…
I have been living in Thailand for many years now and enjoying a wonderful life in this beautiful country. A sunny climate, a beautiful and sweet Thai wife, a beautiful son, a big house, a good pension, etc. etc. What more could a person want, right?
Yes, I can say that, but I also know that not everyone here, and certainly not the Thais, can say that after me. Of course I know many stories about poverty, crime, broken relationships, child labor, abuse of women and so on in this country. However, I have no experience with these aspects of Thai life myself. I hear it, I read it, then say "Gosh, how bad, isn't it" and continue what I'm doing. It is, so to speak, “far from my bed”.
World disasters
I compare it a bit with what you've been experiencing all your life. A ferry is wrecked in Bangla Desh, a war is raging in Iraq and Afghanistan, there is acute famine in an African country. All very bad and if asked, we deposit an amount of money neatly into a giro or bank number and then, after a drink, go to sleep peacefully. Until, for example, a serious traffic accident occurs, involving compatriots or perhaps even close family, acquaintances or friends. That is a disaster, which makes an impression many times more and touches you personally. That's what this story is about.
Fled from home
There they stood in front of the gate of our house. It was just before Christmas, so symbolic too. Mother Ying with her two daughters, Noy (18) and Nom (16) from my wife's village. All the luggage they had with them was a Thai shopping bag. Fled from the house for a husband and father, who, heavily addicted to alcohol, regularly abused his wife. A little later they sat on the floor like frightened birds in our living room, where my wife provided them with Thai food. Fleeing from your own home is not something you do just like that, there is a long story that precedes it. I don't know that story, don't really want to know. Misery then comes very close and gets a face, so three faces. Whatever the story, I will never understand the backgrounds like Farang anyway, it is much more important to help these three people.
Childhood friend
Ying is a childhood friend of my wife. She has not, like my wife, left the village to earn money elsewhere. Married a local Thai and had two daughters from him. Initially that went quite well, they lived close to my wife's mother and so - according to them - I had to know them too. They came over regularly to eat and drink. With me, however, there was no trace of recognition, I saw so many people at that time and those daughters of today were little girls around 8 to 10 years old. The man initially had (loose) work by helping farmers with the rice harvest and other odd jobs. I don't know if it was because of drinking, gambling or just no work, but it went wrong. More and more often he came home drunk and then abused his wife, as far as I know he never hurt the children. A Thai woman takes a lot in that area, but there are also limits for her and they were therefore grossly exceeded.
First aid
Mentally, all three will still have to get used to the idea, no house, no father, no work. First, however, eat, sleep and relax during Christmas. I feel terrible for them, but I can't help but offer help through my wife. The three of them slept in one bed in our guest room. In that period they provided some clothes and underwear, because they hardly had any. But something had to be done, because of course we didn't want to have them in our house “forever”. The mother and the eldest daughter now work in a large Indian restaurant of our neighbor. Accommodation in a house with other restaurant staff was also provided. They don't have to talk, because it is a buffet restaurant and there are plenty of other staff who speak the language of the visitors. Replenishing the buffet, clearing and washing up is part of their duties. The youngest daughter has continued to live with us. My wife considers her as her own daughter, who does some household chores and helps in the mini-shop. The first two now earn a decent salary, the youngest has room and board and gets enough money to buy new clothes now and then.
The future
They have been here for over two months now, all three look a lot better than when they arrived, there is even a lot of laughter and singing every now and then. No one knows what their future will look like. Is there homesickness for the village, for family and friends? Don't know. Are they happy in Pattaya, I don't know. I hope for the best, because the temptation for those two young girls in particular to earn a lot of money in Pattaya in a different way is certainly lurking. They're both still innocent, I think, but how long can they keep it that way? Buddha save them!
Gringo,
You are a person with a big heart. They even know that expression in Thailand.
You are actually a bit like me. You can't take the misery of Thailand on your neck. I have always helped many people, but there are also limits.
You can also expect to get something in return. Unfortunately that is not the case.
When they don't need you anymore they drop like a brick, Of course there are exceptions. But there aren't many. For the time being I give all my support to my wife's old mother and a little to her two sons. Both work very hard so a little is a bonus. If I need something or do chores at our house, they are always there. If you have a big heart, you will of course also be terribly touched by, for example, a poor old woman (whom you encounter everywhere in Pattaya).
I used to always give something. Or by a boy who couldn't walk and crawled on Pattaya beach. Later I found out that in the evening that boy was a good guest in several bars in Pattaya and that poor old woman owned several houses and apartments. Being picked up at the end of a hard day's work by one of her sons in a very nice car.
I don't give anything to anyone anymore (except for poor children in my turn, for example, an ice cream). Sleep much better these days.
J. Jordan.
Mr Jordan,
Mr. Gringo tells a moving story that needs no further comment other than an appreciation of his humanity and concern.
I love people like Mr. Gringo and his wife who spontaneously help three wretches in need without a second thought of wanting anything in return.
Moderator: we left out what is not relevant.
.
A moving story and honestly written. The three of them, and with your help, have picked up the thread again and I hope (and think) that they will continue to do well.
Beautiful and touching story, Gringo. You have your heart in the right place. I take my hat off to you and wish the family all the best for the future.
That is another side of life in Thailand. You can get involved in all kinds of suffering and then always have to choose how to deal with it. There are agencies for everything in the Netherlands, not here. It can even go so far that you have to choose between helping someone or letting someone go. For people you have close ties with, you become a kind of insurance policy. The comment that you get little gratitude in return is unfortunately correct. The Thai see your help as an act with which you increase your Kharma, so you are doing it for yourself and maybe you are. After all, you want to get rid of the unpleasant feeling that non-help causes.
Very touching story.
I myself experienced the following during my first holiday (13 years ago) in Thailand.
I was going out in Bangkok with a comrade. It would have been about 03.00am when I walked down Sukhumvit Road. Along the facades the rats were playing tag through the waste left behind by the trade.
At one point I saw something moving that was definitely not rats.
Under a dirty blanket with filthy newspapers I discovered a pretty young woman with an infant in her arms. She was sleeping as best she could and was shocked when she saw me bent over.
I couldn't make contact with her (no English and I didn't speak Thai)
What could I do, so little. I left a note that could probably feed her and her baby for the rest of the week.
My night out was also over and out right away. I told you it was about 13 years ago, but I would never forget that image.
After that I went to Thailand about 20 times and even had a business there.
Quillaume
Congratulations to you Gringo, for handling this problem properly. It always gives a good feeling to be able to help others. Had a similar experience with 2 aunts of my wife (now ex) and their daughters aged 9 and 11.
Later a solution came for them so that they could go back to their village where they are at home.
Hopefully you will also find a solid solution together. Time brings advice!
Greetings,
Bert
Touching but it is very common in Thailand, Man often drunk and abused his wife. If only there were more people like you Gringo shows you a true friend.
Moderator: It's unclear what you mean.
Well, big story of life, big heart too, I've had them both! Now, 10 years later I wouldn't do it again! Education paid, money borrowed for the hospital, money for Big Sister, otherwise she would have lost her flat, interest-free loan for moterbikes, etc, etc, etc..
In my experience, whatever you do to “help”, the simple appreciation is hard to find.” They continue to see you as the “Farang”, and that view makes you an outsider and remains. In my wife's family there is no “home” for me. And that is a loss, just hurts!
I will continue to live here, but “help”…forget it!!!
HAP (Bert) Jansen