Customize in Thailand
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It is sometimes said that the people here have to catch up because of the technological developments in the world. That there is also an urgent need for a change of mentality such as their approach to modern problems such as traffic, the environment and others. Because we Westerners have been involved in this from the start of these developments, we were given several generations of time. Here they have to do it in a single lifetime.
But have you ever thought about how we, farangs, should adapt here?
For everyone it starts with a holiday, very occasionally for work. Sometimes just innocent to this exotic country, sometimes with ulterior motives because people heard stories about more docile and 'willing' women annex men. In most cases, that ends in an urge for more. People want to go back, for whatever reason.
Gradually, a choice has to be made: are they going to an environment where there are many compatriots and language fellows, or where there is at least some equivalent Western culture, or are they going on an adventure to lesser-known destinations? The latter often takes a while, several holidays or they have found a partner.
So is The Inquisitor. He went to live in Nongprue, just outside Pattaya, a real “Darksite” in those years. Nice and quiet, lots of greenery, buffaloes, elephants. But a lot was already being built at that time and in the nine years that De Inquisitor would live there, the Darksite developed into a fully built-up environment with extremely busy traffic.
The Inquisitor was lucky with his Thai neighbours, cheerful people, working hard for a better future but never forgetting to have fun. The Inquisitor was the only one in the neighborhood who had a garden, and it pretty much became common property once people knew he could handle it. So he learned to speak Thai, to adapt, was dragged to religious or public activities where he got head or tail until it was explained to him. He came to more insights, of course he went to party in Pattaya life, but he noticed that there was more to it than just earning money, those ladies there didn't all do that for fun, he felt.
There were also many Isaaners with the neighbours, who told stories about their native region, why they were in Nongprue, about how they earned their meager living, about their family and children left behind. That also immediately explained the first strange experience that De Inquisitor had when he bought a second house in the neighborhood and started renovating it. With the help of a few “chang's” – touted craftsmen for the electrical, for the flooring. Who, in full employment, at the beginning of May, suddenly abandoned De Inquisitor. They went home for a few weeks, working in the rice. De Inquisitor found that completely unacceptable at that time, he was angry. Later he would find out why they do that.
The Inquisitor also suffered from another phenomenon: although he liked the fact that people liked to come, it gave him the opportunity to learn a lot, but he usually had the bill when a few beers were drunk. He didn't like that and was planning to do something about it. Fortunately, there was neighbor Manaat, a Bangkokian, married to an Isan. He had gradually become a good friend, he earned a good living with a pest control company and was one of the few who often paid. He told De Inquisitor how it goes: people here share a lot with each other, but often they have no money for it. Just wait, you'll see.
And yes, De Inquisitor started to notice that people regularly shared something. Mainly food, but it's the gesture that counts. Because of this experience, The Inquisitor would later be more patient with the phenomenon in Isaan.
Gradually people started to trust De Inquisitor and he was able to have deeper conversations. With the neighbours, but also with the ladies in the cafes nearby – he liked to party and have fun, but always respected them. The barmaids in particular gave De Inquisitor more insight into why they did this. How they hated it, how they preferred not to see some rude farangs coming. How great the pressure was to support the family.
And nice, neighbors took him to the family. His trips to the tourist areas were already starting to tire him out, The Inquisitor had been just about everywhere. And always those beautiful and comfortable resorts or hotels, he would not learn anything about this country and its people. And under excellent guidance he visited families in Bangkok, often the lesser and overcrowded neighborhoods but very cozy. Nakhom Phanom, his first Isaan experience, with a party bus, boy, could those people party. But he immediately saw the much more austere houses, picturesque, yes, but with little comfort. De Inquisitor ended up in areas where there was real poverty, but he was always invited to join us for dinner. Did he come to know their way of life, their passions, their problems.
He saw that Buddhism had a great influence on society, not only through the temples, but also on people's thoughts and actions. This was difficult for the atheistic Inquisitor, who had developed an aversion to Catholicism in his adolescence.
And then there was the big surprise, falling in love with sweetheart. With the move to Isaan. And then in a very small village, a very poor area. Totally different again and once again an adjustment. He has learned how to drive here in the chaos, how to approach governments and police, to respect standards of courtesy, to deal with the strange urge of some traders to charge farangs a little more, how to pay market prices for less everyday goods, how much to tip, how to get things done without making anyone lose face, has even accommodated the influence of Buddhism,… .
After fourteen years in Thailand, De Inquisitor thought he knew just about everything. Until yesterday he was surprised again by the love, and this conversation was the reason for this blog.
The Inquisitor and the sweet walk through the market in the town. The sun is shining, lots of people out and about, cozy. There is also a part of the market on the main street of the small town and there De Inquisitor sees sun-resistant sails hanging with many tables underneath, chairs decorated with fabric, plates and cutlery, drinks are also on it. Stumbling a bit through the many people, De Inquisitor walks next to the sweetheart and says: 'ha, they're having a party here'. "Yes, a death," it says sweetly. She also knows that the deceased had a moped accident, the second in a week: the nephew of the owner of the wholesaler where we buy also died after a moped accident.
Coincidentally, we are just now discussing her daughter: a moped would be easy for her, she is approaching sixteen and already drives around with ours in the villages around, should we not keep her in the future? bring and pick up because it is gradually spreading its wings of course.
"Aren't you a little worried?" asks De Inquisitor in response to that .
The sweet answer via a look that tells enough, he has already learned that, Isaaners do not waste superfluous words on stupid questions. Of course she is concerned.
'She can also have an accident,' De Inquisitor insists.
The love stops walking and says: 'when your time has come you will die anyway'.
Him: 'Huh? Surely you can take measures, be careful, watch out?'
She: 'No, it doesn't matter too much, when the time comes, it can't be avoided, that's your fate'
Him: "So whether I would have too many beers or not, it just depends on fate?"
She: 'Yes'
The Inquisitor is speechless for a moment, smiles and leaves it alone. But that answer lingers in his mind for a long time. This is how people here, steeped in Buddhism and karma, think and act. The sweet, almost thirty-nine, is not stupid, has a worldly outlook, knows how the farang world works. She is open to argumentation, to improvements, open to many things. And yet….
Yes, a farang living in Thailand has to adapt enormously.
Because you can't change such insights, no matter how much you would like to.
Nice story, nicely told, but I don't agree with the core. I am from the fifties of the last century and come from the Gelderse Achterhoek. I compare the Isaan a lot with that ancient Dutch / Low German region of the time. Small farmers, small mixed agricultural businesses, grandfathers, uncles and fathers who sought refuge as construction workers in Germany right after the war. Home Saturday morning, away Sunday evening. By bike! We all had a pig at home, chickens for the eggs, rabbits for the meat. The fishmonger, coal merchant, scissors scraper: it all came through the street. We got 5 cents for a rabbit skin. The pastor visited weekly. There was slaughter at home. And who got the best sausage? It was poor here and there. But there was also a lot of togetherness. The sense of community was great. Neighborly help, charity, care for each other: common concepts. But there was also an absolute belief in destiny. The same pastor took care of that. Born for a dime, and never a quarter. And dead when your time came. Do nothing, don't complain, listen to the authority, ask the village teacher if there was a difficult letter to read, the mayor if a permit was needed. He liked an envelope or an expensive bottle of gin. It all stemmed from poverty, being kept stupid, not being emancipated. All of that came 20 years later, in the late XNUMXs and early XNUMXs. There is nothing mystical about all Isan! It has nothing to do with karma or stupidity. Rather with resignation, because the time when opportunities and possibilities will arise in Thailand has not yet arrived. Not even after the end of March.
Uh, where do I say Isaan is mystical?
And I will never claim that their way of reacting, or resigning, is due to stupidity.
Besides, this is about Thailand and not just Isan.
The following is about the stories of ladies from the neighborhood cafes and their dislike of their work. Ten and fifteen years ago, a kind of NGO of welfare workers settled in Pattaya (was also on television). Their intention was to get as many girls out of the bars as possible. The girls were approached and invited for an interview. They could then follow free training and would then be further guided to a job in a completely different sector than the bar and nightlife.
The NGO stopped after a few years in vain due to total lack of interest. In all those years they had succeeded in convincing five girls. Of those 5, after some time another 2 decided to go back to the café. Not really a success at all.
By this I mean everything except that those girls (always) have a nice life or whatever. But this is yet another proof that one should not be too naive.
When I first came here 22 years ago, apart from great respect, I also had enormous pity for those women and listened to their dramatic stories in tears.
Now many years and stories later, I almost feel even more sorry for the many brave Farang bastards who work their butts off in the homeland and sell themselves short to spoil some girl here while …… (introducing yourself to fill)
That too is Thailand.
There is of course a considerable threshold to work in a bar in Pattaya. Once you cross that threshold, the way back is apparently also difficult. The fact that that NGO was not very successful will probably be because the trajectory of that NGO led to a low-paid job. And those girls went to Pattaya precisely because a low-paid job was not enough to get out of trouble.
I also think that a distinction should be made between girls who are successful in Pattaya and can therefore also be picky and therefore have (or think they have) control of their lives to a large extent. That is important for their self-image and makes life there acceptable. The girls who are not successful undoubtedly have a very difficult time there.
The successful girls/women can be divided into three categories:
1. The girls who save and who go back when they've made enough money. I know an example of that. She went to work in Phuket when her husband went to prison for years (possibly wrongly) to earn enough money for her children. She is now back in the Isaan. She has spent the money well in a restaurant, a shop and a swimming pool for the local youth. She now lives with her husband and children and seems happy with life.
2. The girls who don't save but spend everything. Nothing unusual, because even in the Netherlands there are people who, despite earning well, still get into debt problems. A way out for those girls is, for example, to marry an (older) farang and go to Isaan with that farang.
3. Women who lead farangs on a leash and completely undress financially while those farangs only visit their “girlfriend” during the holidays. Such women can make dozens of victims and although there will be few, farangs run a high risk of being taken over by those women. Of course you mean those bloody farangs. Justifiably.
The inquisitor can of course shed light on this because he has had in-depth conversations with those ladies. Maybe something for a next story? What I am particularly curious about is whether there are still many girls from Isaan going to Pattaya these days or whether more girls from the surrounding countries, Africa and Eastern Europe are nowadays? The Isan women in Pattaya would in that case be quite old, on average. I don't see a stream of girls from Isaan going to Pattaya. But I could be wrong of course.
I came to Thailand for the first time when I was 23. That was in 1980. Bangkok was already a metropolis at that time. And all the years after that, from 1982 I came to Thailand about six times a year on average. There were years between when I didn't get there at all and years where I was there every month. It has already happened that I was allowed to be there twice in a row.
Well, Bangkok is not Thailand. That's for sure. But traffic in Bangkok has always been chaotic. And what has changed in roughly 38 years? It has only become busier, after much haggling a Skytrain was introduced, later the metro, but the streets became busier and more chaotic.
You write that the mentality of the Dutch has grown with the prosperity since birth and that this was not possible in Thailand. Then I wonder what the situation is with Bangkok. Someone my age has also grown up in Bangkok with modern traffic, technology and the like. Even more than in the Netherlands. I used to have modern gadgets here more often, which were not even thought of in the Netherlands.
In the Netherlands we grew up in a “must do, shouldn't do” culture. Always a finger in the air, always a “but” and a warning about the things we do. “If you're not careful, then”...
We grew up with fear. Listen again to a few songs by Robert Long: “Life was suffering” or “Allemaal Angst”… You were brought up with this in the Netherlands and we became good citizens who respected the law… He and many other singers knew it at one point to bring…
In Thailand and you rightly write that, there is a different culture. And that's what the Thais were brought up with. They are not forty, fifty years behind. They are also not forward. They are simply DIFFERENT.
@ The Inquisitor
Enjoyed your story very much. You know how to put it down so aptly and to the core.
I recognize many facets that you include in your story. However, I could never write it down so aptly.
Thanks again for your contribution and I look forward to your next stories.
Greetings from Udon,
Leo Bosink
Hello Inquisitor, (strange pseudonym by the way)
I read your piece with appreciation and endearment and I agree with your conclusion. Our thinking cannot be separate from our history and religion, however much we want to, or however atheistic we are, and that is mutual.
I think that consideration and receptivity are prerequisites for treating people with respect and living successfully here.
Good image of the time depicted by Inquisitor and also an excellent response from contributor Frits. Let's talk about customization first. If you move to a new place in the Netherlands or Belgium, you also have to adapt to your new environment, even though you speak the language fluently and are familiar with the basics of the culture. So also in Thailand. Interest and respect make it easier to bring this adjustment process into a livable reality.
I think we should be careful not to compare ¨Apples to Oranges¨. You cannot compare the current situation on many fronts with that of a country like the Netherlands or Belgium. It also took us a long time to get to where we are now. Thailand still has to go through many of those processes.
But things can move quickly, the region has become leading by China. 25 years ago, hardly any infrastructure, now an economic world power and what has that brought about in a short time in the behavior and thinking of the average Chinese. Many are now as modern as the average American. Globalization flattens culture and habits into uniformity, is my idea. Sad but true….
Another beautiful story friend and a pleasure to read, for learning and entertainment !!! Because after almost 4 years in Isaan I still have a lot to learn, but I have a good wife who, like your sweetheart, sometimes tells me more in silence than in speech.
Inquisitor, thank you again for your story.
The belief in sweetheart predestination probably has its limits after all. At least that's my experience here with Thai people. My wife, for example, doesn't like the fact that I sometimes ride my bike in the dark. Too dangerous. And she doesn't really allow me to interfere with snakes either. But the Thai people I sometimes ride with are not kamikaze pilots either: they don't take irresponsible risks. In fact, I am sometimes warned of possible dangers. For example, when I'm on my bike to the training field I often buy an ice coffee. The lady who sells that ice coffee knows my route and warned me once that I had to be careful because PEA was building power lines on the road I was going to follow. When I got on my bike she repeated that warning again.
That sweetheart predestination may work differently: of course you shouldn't drink excessively if you still have to drive. If you do, it was preordained. If you don't, that was also preordained. But the choice is yours. Sweetheart probably won't deny the connection between alcohol and the risk of an accident, so she'll advise against it. And if she warns her daughter about the risks of riding a moped, that was also predestined, but that does not have to be a reason not to warn.
Think of it as a possible explanation for her statements.
Dear Inquisitor, you say there that you cannot change the views of Isaners, or Thais about life, Buddhism and Karma. I have my doubts about that. I came to live in the Darkside about the same time as you and also married a Thai from Isan. However, he thinks about life the same as I do. The message is to be careful and certainly not to rely on fate but to watch out. I think you misinformed your sweetheart. My wife doesn't even want to go to her village anymore because there is nothing to see and the people there reason like you say. Real life isn't like that, she says. She is westernized and that makes me happy.
Nice story, but why cry enormously and are parents often hysterical here in Thailand when the police come to the door with the announcement that their child has died in a moped accident.
After all, it's just fate.
I've experienced it twice in my spouse's family, and with neighbors.
And believe me, after the announcement the blow continues, and not for a short time.
Everyone misses his own, and that applies everywhere in the world regardless of religion or belief.
Jan Beute.
My wife is much less indifferent about that. You can normally drive a car or moped, but you can also drive through all the red lights. You can't control your fate, but you can defy it.
Don't conform, Inquisitor. Just stay your beautiful self, and so should your sweetheart. Like you, she also has her own opinions, which have nothing to do with Buddhism or Thai culture. After everything I read about you, I'm sure you'll work it out. Talk about what you think and feel and don't judge the other person. That's all.
As long as Karma is given more priority here than Darwin, it's not going to change.
I don't see any reason to go along with that.
I adapt in many areas but there are limits.
The Inquisitor once again writes a beautiful story, but remains moralizing in his tone. He sketches a picture in which it seems as if circumstances and conditions happen to people, sometimes by surprise, against which they cannot arm themselves. There are a lot of traffic deaths in Isaan, indeed often due to moped accidents. It is logical that people are extra careful when participating in traffic. That is also the general tenor in Isaan. Unfortunately, some of them do not know the term: caution. Alcohol does the rest.
I've known about that party that is a death for several years, also thought of a party. Also invited to have something to eat and drink. Appreciated if you show interest, and the people are friendly and hospitable in Changmai.
Everyone must always and everywhere adapt to a new, unfamiliar social and economic environment. This applies if you move from Breda in Brabant to IJlst (in Friesland; Drylts in Frisian style) and also if you move from Drylts to Bangkok.
Whether you have to adapt a lot or less depends on your personal motivation, circumstances and necessity. Today's society is changing mainly due to the speed of technological change, much faster than 50 years ago. Through the mobile phone that some people use day and night, the whole world is on your screen every second. New things, shocking things, fake and truth. Certain groups of people have problems with this. The mobile can be a blessing but also a disaster. Or better yet: it's a blessing AND it's a disaster.
The reactions therefore vary: from acceptance to rejection, from assimilation to radicalization.
Learn to live with change and adaptation.
Nice bit of weather.
“This is how people here, laced with Buddhism and karma, think and act”
This is certainly the case, although I think you see a big change here too.
But it was actually no different in the past in Flanders, when the pastor came by (preferably if he knew that a pig had been slaughtered) in the Flemish living rooms and solved all the misery by saying that it is the will of God…
“From dust you were born and to dust you shall return…”
I have always remembered that I am still careful when I go to clean.
You never know who's on the closet 😉