Reader Submission: Relaxing on Hua Hin beach, forget it!

After endless 11 months at home, I got off the plane in Bangkok this morning. Flying for more than 11 hours is exhausting. I feel broken, my knees hurt, there's that ungoing aching feeling in my back. I look like a wreck.

And in this state I let myself down on my oh so beloved spot on the beach of Hua Hin. My ordered beer is ready, so the holiday can begin, perfect, what more could a person want?

So now I'm looking forward to my first relaxing day on the beach. The traders on the beach have of course noticed me for a long time, a new Farang has arrived! They wait patiently until I've made myself comfortable in my lazy beach chair. The slightly older lady with a doctor's apron kindly offers me a pedicure and massage. “no thanks, maybe later”. Right behind her follow a dealer in nose and ear hair shaving machines. "thank you, not right now".

I take a sip of my beer. In a group all behind each other, a trader in Buddha figures, one with sunglasses, beach towels, fake watches and coconut cuts pass me by to make me an offer. “No thanks, maybe later” I beckon them away.

Actually, I would like fresh “Sapperlot” pineapple and delicious yellow mangoes. But there is not a fruit seller to be seen far and wide. Through my searching look through the beach chair rows, a Lucky bird, a ticket seller and a tiger balsam dealer noticed that I was looking for something, but so did a group of T-shirt and shorts sellers! “No, thank you, no lottery tickets, no birds, I am healthy, thank you and I already have clothes”, also survived this wave!

I take my crossword puzzle sheet out of my bag and look for a ballpoint pen. This is noticed by passing painting sellers, hats and seafood sellers and interprets it as a buying signal. Now they are smiling in front of my beach chair and look at me tensely, expectantly whether I will conjure up money in a moment.

Disappointed, because it was only the ballpoint pen that appeared, they only dropped off after I said “ouch, tight”. Finally taking up my crossword puzzle, a lady with “Wackel-Dackel” gathers on a large tableau, a man with cotton candy wrapped in cellophane and with nuts, a “lolex” seller, and a beggar woman with a grandchild on her arm , in front of my easy chair.

“No thank you, really, thank you thank you, not today”, I beckon. I fill in the easy answers in my puzzle to make it a little easier later on with the difficult questions. I seem to make an impression on the Thai as if I am very busy, yet just at this moment the lady walks past with the fruit, without me having given her a look. Why are you here if you're not buying anything anyway?

When I do spot them, she's already so far away that there's nothing to do but wait for the next one. But my sudden rebound did not go unnoticed, a group of shell, Orange juice, Henna Tattoos and pearl sellers plunging on me was the result. “No thank you, really thank you very much, not today, really!!” It's starting to get on my nerves a bit.

I just want to solve my crossword puzzle in peace and relax a bit. But the Thai have no pity. In rapid succession, seemingly reluctant, smiling French fries, ice cream, calamari and shrimp sellers appear and try their luck. Also trying to increase their turnover, the giraffe lamp, belt and leather goods, jewelery and hat dealers appear in front of my chair.

But without luck. Now, as it gets extra exciting in my puzzle, there is a beautiful Thai in front of me, full of hairpins and stuff and says, "long time not see you." “Yes, can't you see that I have no hair anymore? Hey? I-“bald head” I say bullied. Without saying anything but with a satisfied expression on her face, she saunters away from me, at least she tried, no harm, no harm.

I want to continue puzzling, when a trader with swimming rings comes in my direction between the chairs. “Yes exactly, of course he wants to sell his rubbish to me” goes through my head. Surely he will see that I am here alone and without children. But it wouldn't be a real Thai if he didn't at least try to sell his junk to me. “No, those children over there are not mine!!” I reply to his pointing in the direction of the beach, meanwhile a big lump is widening in my abdomen. I know this feeling of home when I had troubles or when I opened a blue letter after it fell on the doormat. The same feeling overcame me now.

One last time I tried to concentrate on my puzzle, when another young Thai stands in front of me and tries to sell those extendable rods for taking selfies. Behind her followed the cigarette, Burma jewellery, papaya salad, swimming trunks, corncob, Viagra and newspaper seller. The past sellers have now also turned around to try their luck! They will definitely try that a second and third time.

I give up, I put my crossword puzzle in my bag in annoyance. I'll fill it in in peace in my room later. After all, there is no point in further provoking fate, but that has now struck, my delicious beer has now reached the omnipresent outside temperature!

Completely nervous, I pay for my beer and pack all my bags together. “See you tomorrow”, “See you tomorrow” shout the traders sitting on the beach wall, and wave back. The only one I haven't seen today is the toothpick seller.

Submitted by Antoine