Tourism: from 'caring' to 'sharing' (interview 3)

Nana Plaza (TK Kurikawa / Shutterstock.com)

Int: Hi Kuhn Pipat. I've invited you here to the Landmark's Rendezvous bar on Sukhumvit Road because it's a bit easier to talk than on the phone. And maybe you'll have some time afterwards to take a look at Soi Nana, just around the corner for a taste of Bangkok's vibrant nightlife.

Pipat:   It can indeed do no harm for a minister to get acquainted incognito with the sector over which he holds sway. Always those formal meetings, black tinted cars and polished receipts is not everything. And let's be honest: the Thais usually talk negatively about Soi Nana but have never been there themselves. That also counts for me. Thanks in advance for that.

Int:      Don't mention it. As an expat I have mastered the Thai words 'take care' in a few years.

Pipat:   It's nice of you to bring that up. With the support of my family, we at the ministry have come up with a new campaign to make it more fun for the foreigners in this country, expats and tourists. At first we wondered what is so AMAZING for foreigners about Thailand. If you read all those blogs you would actually get the impression that nothing is right in this country. Yet thousands of expats live here and more tourists come every year. So we're doing something right, don't you think?

Int:      You mean that Thais are very good at 'take care'?

Pipat:   You hit the nail on the head. You can't deny that the employees in the entertainment venues in sois like Nana and Cowboy know what the foreign men are in need of. They do not look at age, nationality, political preference (a red, orange or yellow polo), handicaps and appearance. We check (annually or at the border crossings) whether those foreigners have enough money and the most important thing is that they share their money with us.

Int:      Yes, 'sharing' seems to be the new buzzword.

Pipat:   You are right again. Hence my family's plan, sorry my ministry, to structurally replace 'caring' with 'sharing' in the new energetic policy and to approach this sharing positively. Actually, it's not about replacing, but about expanding. We actually already share a lot with tourists.

Int:      I don't understand this very well. Can you give an example of that?

Pipat:   Naturally. The example is really just around the corner here in Sukhumvit. Thai men have been sharing their wives with foreigners for decades now. You don't think all those female employees in the entertainment centers are single, even if they say so? Many people are dropped off by their husband, boyfriend or gig at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and picked up again neatly by moped or car at 2 o'clock at night. Not a word of disapproval is said that the woman in question was sometimes intimate with a foreigner. Money pays off a lot. And that money then ends up in the Thai economy. What do you think the plastic surgeon in Yanhee lives on? Not everyone has the chance to go to Korea for a total makeover like my daughter. A good investment by the way, because her sin sod is now 5 million Baht at the current exchange rate. In the same catering industry, the ladies are not afraid to pour the alcohol into dark glasses or otherwise cover up the fact that alcoholic drinks are being sold on days when alcohol is not allowed in Thailand. Because this is no longer in line with the current behavior of the Thais themselves (who are not so Buddhist anymore), I am in favor of us lifting the alcohol ban. Can the Thais share their beer or whiskey with the foreigner, 365 days a year. Even on election days, because further research shows that drunk Thais vote just as much as sober ones. Also offers new opportunities to have candidates sponsored by Chang or Leo. Not by Heineken, of course, because that would mean foreign interference in the Thai elections.

Int:      I think the foreigners will be really happy about that. Alcohol seems to be one of the first necessities of life today, among Thais and foreigners alike.

Pipat:   Indeed. After the weekly cabinet meeting in Bangkok, the generals also sell many a bottle of Mouton Cadet. Some colleagues don't like those meetings up country, especially in the South, because there isn't always champagne afterwards.

Int:      I now understand that there may be an extension of the already existing sharing. Do you also have an example of a completely new form of sharing?

Pipat:   Sure. After 10 seminars we have concluded that the foreigners, besides the Thai women, are very fond of Thai food, marijuana and Khao San Road. We had to do something with that, the experts told us. We have therefore decided to make all Thai cooking courses free for foreigners. To make this all run a bit orderly, foreigners who want to use this must register at least 90 days in advance via a website via form TFC (Thai Food Class) 90. A voucher (a kind of cooking visa) will then be sent to you by email. which one must stick in his/her passport. To participate in the course, it is sufficient to make, sign and hand over a copy of this page. A special DSI unit will ensure correct implementation.

Int:      Will that unit also monitor the sharing of marijuana?

Pipat:   No, that's not the intention. You know that we are working to provide marijuana on medical grounds. You probably also know that it is extremely easy – as a foreigner – to buy, sorry, obtain a medical certificate for things like driver's license and work permit. Until now, the doctor has declared (for a minimum amount of about 100 Baht and a maximum amount of 300 Baht) that you are perfectly healthy. That's going to change. The doctor will now certify that you are so ill as long as you stay in Thailand that you qualify for marijuana on medical grounds. It couldn't be simpler, I think. If you don't have time to go to the doctor due to a busy travel schedule, you can - just like decades ago - ask any taxi driver to make and stamp this form for you. We are negotiating with the 7Eleven chain for the provision. It could be the death knell for the yaba trade in our country, so not everyone is happy with my plan. Fewer crooks means less work for some colleagues.

Int:      I am now very curious what plans you have for Khao San Road. In the recent past, all kinds of plans have been launched, but not received with much joy.

Pipat:   Yes, and that's because people don't think things through, with apologies for my predecessors. Maybe they didn't have brilliant kids like me.

Int:      I'll leave that comment to you.

Pipat:   Khao San Road is part of a youth culture (maybe now of older young people), of chaos, of complete freedom, of anarchy, anything is possible and everything is allowed. A kind of Woodstock but in Bangkok. Past governments have not handled this well. They wanted to regulate, regulate and prohibit all kinds of things: street sales, the drug scene, public drunkenness, the sale of all kinds of fake documents and products and so on. That was and is fighting the dead end and the only ones who benefit from it are the criminals, whether they come from Thailand or from abroad; whether or not supported by corrupt Thais. Khao San Road was an important meeting point where mainly young Thais and foreigners shared their lifestyle and then we have to recover. In fact, we must make a copy of Khao San Road in every Thai city (starting with Phuket, Udonthani, Chiang Mai): a sanctuary where everything is possible and everything is allowed. Quite a wall around it, not like Donald Trump's ideas. Within the area, the police and the immigration service will not act. Everyone can do whatever they want. Then we can discover the real goodness of humanity and the Thais can share with the foreigners what they want. I don't expect a "Walking Dead". 'Take care' must become 'take share' in a very short time. But of course not my shares in the resort in the Cayman Islands. I'd like to keep it myself. You understand that, I hope.

Int:      Ambitious plans, that's for sure. Thanks for this interview. Are you still going to soi Nana now?

Pipat: Think so, yes. I can't resist the temptation now that I'm so close. Never seen a ladyboy up close. Today I have the chance.

Int:      Have fun. You can always call me if you have new plans.