April 16 was the last time I met the girl from Naklua. That was the third time and for a butterfly like me that is quite exceptional. There is definitely a special place in my heart reserved for someone like that. Luckily I have a few of those spots.
However, little came of it after that. Up to and including the 19th I was very busy with the Songkran event, on the 22nd the girl from Naklua went home for a week, and just before she was due to return I went on an excursion to the Philippines. The contact faded a bit, but I continued to follow her on social media. And remarkable things happened there.
She exchanged the English course for German (for advanced students). After two days, the week home became a trip to Koh Samet. She posed in front of the fence of an embassy in Bangkok. When we were both back in Pattaya, I contacted them again. She was 'too busy' to meet up with me again, but I was always allowed to come over and get my hair done. It didn't come completely out of the blue, but it still made me sad. On May 8, a message on Facebook about the waiting time for a visa for the trip to Germany. On May 15, she spoke about "the most important decision of her life."
It was time to dye my hair again. Anyway, I wanted to see her again. It became an annoying sitting, in the barber chair. I hadn't even been seated for five minutes before a friend of hers came in, who was doing the same German course. From time to time a voice sounded from the computer. Alternately Thai and German. That's how they learned the words. Every now and then I jumped in to fine-tune the pronunciation. Then again they gave up learning German for a while and chattered on and on in Thai.
It was clear that there was no way to speak freely, at least not by me. I resigned myself to this tacit commandment. None of it mattered much, it would have been a bit of asking for the known road. Even an amicable kiss after the treatment was emphatically refused. It seemed quite undesirable that her friend would get wind of the flings with me. I flew back to the Netherlands a few days later. I kept a close eye on social media. She got a new iPhone. She bought festive clothes for the whole family in Bangkok. "Don't ask what it costs," it read, according to Google.
On June 9, I saw selfies of the girl from Naklua in festive traditional Thai costume and in a bright white wedding dress. Taken in a clothing store. That was still a mouthful. Never again would I hold her in my arms.
It immediately turned out that this was actually the announcement of the upcoming marriage for her friends as well. Responses followed along the lines of: 'That looks like a….. wedding dress!', 'How did you manage to do that so quickly?', and so on.
I decided not to join the long queue, but to give it a personal message.
Hi,
I think you're getting married. When exactly? I am very happy for you.
And how long have you known that?
I hope you have a great day, a good marriage and a very nice life.
And I hope we can stay friends. I'm just a little jealous, but that's my problem.
After all, the most important thing is your future.
Are you getting married in Thailand? Only ceremonially or also for the law? And are you moving to Germany?
Will you let me know if you're not too busy?
All the best and a kiss!
French.
A message quickly followed.
Yes, I'm getting married on June 16, exactly one week from now.
I have only known him for a short time, but he can take care of me and make me happy, so I have decided to marry him. In Thai style and also on paper.
And then I move to Germany, Frankfurt.
We can stay friends.
Once again I wished her the best of luck and promised to follow the messages on Facebook with interest. So did I, but it didn't work out. Just as possession of the thing can be the end of entertainment, so the inaccessibility of something can exaggerate the desire for it to unlimited proportions. What I had feared from day one had finally happened. I had fallen hopelessly in love. Or maybe I had been all along, but was still in denial at the time. Be that as it may, the inner emotions ran uncontrollably and after seeing a photo of the wedding rings, the resistance broke and I burst into many tears. It didn't even breathe much. This was no longer possible. It was now June 13, three days before the wedding.
I felt a strong need to at least let the girl from Naklua know that I loved her. Not to change her mind. It was an impossible love anyway, and rationally I couldn't imagine being in her husband-to-be's shoes. I find it quite a bit, the responsibility for a young foreign woman, more or less also for her family, and two children of another farang, who still maintains contact with the children (aged one and four)… Objectively seen in my subjective musings a potential horror scenario.
Anyway, apparently you can also fall in love with someone you would never actually want to marry. And I was in love. Like in years. In itself a great feeling, only the preconditions did not cooperate.
I pondered and considered. I'd always pretended to be an honest butterfly, so I'm sure she'd understand if I shared my deeper feelings with her after all.
It was four o'clock at night, nine o'clock in the morning in Thailand. I took the plunge and sent her a link. We were now communicating in German, but I just translated it.
[youtube]https://youtu.be/jNziABZJhj0[/youtube]
She responded immediately.
'What is that?'
"You might like it."
"Okay, I'll check it out."
'The title is 'With or without you'. Originally from U2.
Same same but different.
It indicates how I feel.
With or without you, you will always have a special place in my heart.'
'Wow! Real?'
'Yes. I know it is best for you to marry the German man, he can promise you a better future than me. But I have to cry. It's okay, I'm happy for you, but I'm having a hard time with it. I think you're more than nice. With or without you. I'd like to let you know that.'
'Thank you. But you told me yourself that you are a butterfly. I can't marry a butterfly, can I? But we remain good friends, no problem.
'I want to remain good friends. And I really wish you all the best. But I want to be honest and you make me feel special and you have place number one in my heart. I love you. I've never said that to a girl from Pattaya. Your husband will be able to take better care of you than I can. It's fine this way.'
'Thank you. I hope we see each other again one day.'
A beautiful story, French, honest and sincere you tell what's going on inside you. That's how I actually prefer to read you than those tough butterfly stories, although they are also honest.
So you see, it can happen that the original spark continues to burn. This time you may have to extinguish it, because the lady is - hopefully for her, given her marriage to a German - unreachable.
Maybe it will happen again with another lady and who knows what will happen. After all, the life of a butterfly is not everything.
I understand and recognize your feelings 100 percent, because they were once mine too. And the melancholy still comes up when reading it, even now, after 25 years, W
The same girl who, as a hairdresser, did not come to an appointment because she had to "work overtime". Or still had time at 02.00 a.m. Blind horse that doesn't realize she's earning extra money. Thai girls also know that if they present themselves with integrity and do not immediately ask for money on the first or second date, they have a greater chance of being trusted by farang who will later invest in her and her family. There is only one driving force in the whole story and that is which farang offers me the best options for long-term support.
That's not someone who goes on a "field trip" in the Philippines and acts like butterfly ting tongue. Girl tried him out and came to the conclusion that he had nothing to offer.
I think you're seeing that wrong; there are several floats here. Story is a bit more subtle; this is more about the butterfly than the girl.
The saying “Love is blind” has of course not just fallen out of the blue and I suspect it applies to many of the readers. Incidentally, the Thai lady in question should be careful with her Facebook data because staying friends with "butterfly" Frans will probably not appreciate her German husband. Sorry Frans, she (and you) had better think “Das war einmal” and cut off all contact.
I would advise, Frans just get on with life.
I'm sure you'll meet the one one day.
Cor van Kampen.
If there is any truth in this story, I hope that this 'young' woman has met a real man who knows what he wants and can offer her and her two children a good future in Germany.
Dear Frans, you seem like an honest sincere guy to me, but you have been fooled by a (Thai) woman. Do you still have the sincere impression that she is in love with you and met that German 'yesterday'.
Dear dear Frans, I have been married for many years to my very caring husband Willem. Of course I sometimes see beautiful men and Willem - for sure, because he is a real guy - looks at beautiful girls. Yet true love goes beyond just… you know what I mean. Turn off the switch and be glad that the other man, who was apparently more generous with money, has saved you from a lot of problems.
To comfort you: kiss from Josefien
And so it is Josefien. my advice is for Frans to go to the Philippines again, just travel around there for a few months, you can certainly make better contact there than in Nakula ………… the culture is there generally one that suits ours better, at least that's my experience.
Dear French,
Before 1999 I went to Thailand to celebrate and I also had a similar melancholy story and was devastated because I let the opportunity pass.
It took me some time to get over it and after reading your story I am of course thinking about how stupid I had been at the time or not, because now I have been married to Thai for 15 years and hope for at least as long.
What I have learned is not to play with feelings anymore, especially Thai people hardly show their feelings, you have to be able to feel them, note that goes in both directions, man as woman, but you certainly know that better than me, by the way, I am only 50 years young and good luck with your life