Letters from a Widower
Very recently I lost my Thai wife in a car accident. At first, we both seemed to be okay: I was discharged from the ER the same day, my wife was admitted to the hospital to recover.
But unfortunately, after a few days in the hospital, fate unexpectedly struck. My dear Mali (not her real name nor her real nickname) suddenly started bleeding in her head and ended up in a coma. The damage turned out to be irreparable and I had to let my sweet darling go.
In all respects I am now completely broke, because the person with whom I shared my life is no longer there. Fortunately, we were able to talk in the days after the accident, exchange kisses and tell each other that we loved each other. Mali was especially worried about me, I didn't exactly look very fit with my injuries, while she looked fine from the outside. I reassured her that I would be back to my old self in a few weeks and that Mali would probably also be allowed to go home in days to a few weeks. We weren't really worried until the hospital called that it had gone completely wrong… simply unreal.
We just had so many great plans, Mali had been in the Netherlands for almost three years now, so we were going to start naturalization. We were also looking around for our first owner-occupied house and were talking about expanding the family. So we were about to move to the next stage in our lives. Mali was a beautiful, smart young girl and she had settled in here with a handful of Thai and other friends. Not too many friends because she wanted nothing to do with gossip, backbiting and showing off, but enough for a nice social life. She had a nice office job in Thailand and had to start again from scratch here. Not an easy step, sometimes she missed her stable and not bad life in Thailand.
But the love for me made her migrate to the Netherlands three years ago and with me by her side and her smart face she could manage well here. She was overjoyed with me. Mali sometimes said that she couldn't imagine me being with her, that there were so many other ladies who would want to hold me. But she knew that I counted myself equally lucky that I had chosen her for me, that I would not depart from her. She wasn't jealous at all, we trusted each other completely. In the house no one wore the pants, we both did the housework and the finances. We arranged everything together. Of course also sometimes a discussion or a small fight, but never serious trouble. I don't believe in fate or karma but we seemed made for each other. We would laugh, cry and grow old happily together, but that has now ended at least 50 years too soon.
Emptiness, I'm left alone now. I wouldn't know how to proceed at all. Thousands of thoughts run through my head. I'm still so young, how do I go on? Where will I be later? What remains my link with Thailand? I had met my sweet darling by chance, never been looking for a Thai cutie or that kind of nonsense. Mali was not looking for farang. Just followed our hearts. Had a wonderful time together, both made sacrifices and overcame many hurdles because we had to be together. The few critics quickly proved wrong, who overcame terribly patronizing and expensive government mills. We found our way together. And now I'm alone again. Distraught. Scrapped. But with a smile on my face, knowing that I was able to make my sweet Mali very happy until the last seconds. She didn't notice she was sinking. She died with a smile, but much too soon.
I thank my dear darling with all my heart. She will always be with me in my heart and mind. I still have many beautiful thoughts and anecdotes. I will try to share some of those in upcoming pieces, in memory of my dear.
Dear Rob, we know you on Thailandblog from your reactions and the readers' questions about Schengen visas that you answer. We have been in contact for some time about your private situation, which unfortunately is dominated by this terrible drama. It touched me and I want to express my condolences once again.
We all love our (Thai) wife or girlfriend and we can therefore imagine how great the pain and sadness is when your partner suddenly dies and then also so young.
It is brave that you have decided to share your story and also your grief with the readers of Thailandblog.
I therefore hope that there will be many warm reactions from readers that may help you to make the loss a little more bearable.
I wish you a lot of strength….
Dear Rob,
I followed everything here in Thailand until the last minute, with great admiration and deep respect for the brave way in which you were able to endure everything.
My wife and I also miss Mali very much.
In any case, we wish you a lot of strength.
Will
I wish you a lot of strength!
Words almost by definition fall short here, Rob, but I wish you a lot of strength and wisdom in the coming time.
Terrible what happened to you. Almost impossible to comprehend. I wish you all the luck. I commend you for your courage in telling your story here.
Hello Rob. We have had personal e-mail contact a few times, that was about visas of course. I went to read the blog nice and relaxed and then see a post that concerns you. Yes, what do you think then? Gee, I wish you a lot of strength and please come out strong, if only for your sweet wife!!!
Dear Rob,
Terrible what happened. It is indeed courageous to share all this with us and hopefully it will help you bear your grief. I wish you much strength in this difficult period.
my condolences also on behalf of my thai girlfriend and lots of strength rob
Shocking! We wish you all the strength to get through this difficult time.
Dear Rob. What you write seems very familiar to me. The emptiness, the sadness and the why. I sympathize with you and wish you the best of luck.
Dear Rob,
What a sad and poignant story, I wish you all the best for now and later, I understand how difficult this must be for you, first make all the effort to get her to the Netherlands, with all the costs involved, just because our government thinks we all have sham loves.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I hope that my sweetheart can also come to the Netherlands and that we can have beautiful years together.
Rob again strength and best wishes
Regards Rob from Utrecht
Lots of strength with the processing of this loss. Your letters and responses will undoubtedly help with that. You are young, you say, so after mourning the rest of your life begins in which “Mali” will always remain a good memory. I hope that in the future you can be happy with another partner.
Dear Rob, I don't know you personally, but I have read your letter with tears in my eyes.
I wish you a lot of strength in this difficult time, thank you for sharing this with us.
Dear Rob
Words are absolutely inadequate now, now, with tears in my eyes I will try to respond immediately to express my condolences on the unimaginable loss of such a wonderful partner, you have been so lucky to have met Mali and there seemed like a great future for you and then this…. what a disaster. I feel for you, such a golden angel, just like that, unexpectedly ... gone, it is logical that you feel distraught and demolished. How can I help you now? My tears are of no use to you.
Maybe something beautiful, even if that is of no use to you now, you had a very nice time with your loved one, Mali had a great time with her loved one, fortunately, wonderful memories, you will never lose them, but now give they only grieve you, later I hope that those beautiful memories will do you good, give you energy to continue, to pick up the thread again, even if that seems impossible at the moment.
On Thailandblog a committed writer, I read your articles / comments with admiration, always with full attention, knowledge and skills were expressed there, I would like to thank you very much for that.
From my own experience, car accident, I know that there seems to be no future anymore, from my own experience I now also know that the future is there for you, if you are a person like you, you don't have to give up happiness force, it will come to you, give it time, it will come, do not know your age, but it is certainly young enough to be able to meet happiness again, you have all the opportunities, even if you do not see them at the moment.
Rob, you have character, your Thailand blog contributions showed enough, you also show that by sharing this great loss with us.
A lot of strength with the processing of this unimaginable loss.
Nico B
Helping others makes me happy. After all, together we can make the world a little bit better. My contributions are absolutely nothing on a global level, but if I can lend a helping hand to even one person, that's great. Why let people go astray when you can give them a push in the right direction? We move forward by working together, sharing knowledge and resources. Just as we should share joy and laughter. Right now I can't laugh much, the world hurts so much. Soon I will be able to enjoy again, after all, time heals all wounds, even though there will be loss and pain. The pain that my soulmate is gone and the question if I can still offer someone so much love and warmth.
Congratulations Rob and lots of strength in the future. Thank you also for your clear explanation regarding visa and residence permits, I was able to learn a lot from that.
Dear Rob,
What a special story. Beautiful but at the same time very sad for you to continue without your soul mate. Cherish the beautiful moments together. Take the time to give this great sadness a place. I wish you strength and a lot of strength.
Brave that you want to share this that says a lot about your love for her. God bless you!
Dear Rob,
What a terrible drama.
Then you think you can build a beautiful life with the person you love so much, in the "safe" Netherlands, and then something like this happens to you. Words really fail here.
Unfortunately I know too well how that feels that I read your story with tears in my eyes.
I wish you a lot of strength in the coming time.
Write it off nicely. That really helps with processing, and you have something nice to read back later.
R.I.P.
Safe your memories and good times in your heart.
God bless you.
Dear Rob.
I can only thank you for your great contribution to the blog for all things visa related.
That a happy person in the Netherlands should have an accident together with his great love from Thailand
unimaginable. I read your story with tears in my eyes.
Unfortunately, being happy, but especially staying happy, is not for everyone.
Wish you a lot of strength in the coming time. If you need to get away from the world for a few weeks
you are welcome with us. Live in Bangsare 25 Km south of Pattaya.
Cor van Kampen.
Good luck Rob.....
Apart from the emotions, I find it very sad to have to lose your Thai wife in a car accident in the Netherlands. Statistics don't help you either.
And what to do with a young Dutch guy? Crying out – writing it off can also help – and start over.
Do it in that order and take your time. Good luck.
So sorry for this huge loss........
Fortunately, you were able to experience all the beautiful and pleasant moments with her, let that be a comfort for your future, be grateful for that, physically she is gone but mentally she is with you every moment. We wish you all the best.
The Best
this is very bad and it gets me too. When I even think about the fact that this could happen to me too, my heart sinks. Nowhere can you find the love and affection of these women, someone who has no respect for that is not human. I couldn't miss them. Courage!
Dear Rob, Wish you strength to accept this intense grief. It's horrible and unbelievable. Maybe it will help you to write about it, read the comments and take comfort from it.
Thanks for the responses and sympathy so far. How I will continue now, also on this blog, I do not know yet. I will pick up the thread again but an emptiness remains. I don't know how to place Thailand in my life either, I wanted to learn the language but that seems useless now. I had some data on my computer to analyze the immigration and size of Thai in the Netherlands. Can I still pick that up? No idea. What remains of our, my Thai contacts? Time will tell.
Khun Peter, thanks for posting. In personal mails I told you some more details and showed some beautiful pictures. Many complimented us on the happiness we radiated. For privacy reasons I don't post pictures so the other readers have to assume that we were made for each other.
Will, I'll talk to you when you get to the Netherlands.
Frans, in this case statistics mean nothing: a few hours before she got the bleeding I joked with a Thai friend (former colleague from Mali) that we were helped so quickly in the Netherlands, the emergency services were there within minutes, that we in Thailand might have had to wait an hour and it could have turned out very differently. Just like in the hospital statistically the chance of death a few days after the incident was nil. We had all the luck at first and suddenly all the misfortune in the world.
It is simply unbelievable, if Mali suddenly showed up at the door I wouldn't be surprised. Unreal.
I don't know you personally, but I wish you the best of luck.
good luck also on behalf of my thai friend rob and you go well
Very sorry for your loss. It must be terrible for you...for someone you love so much. Losing like that.
I wish you a lot of strength! words are not enough
One of the worst things that can happen to a human being. We wish you a lot of strength in this difficult time.
My sincere condolences for this great loss, Rob. Life is hard and certain when your current situation is falling apart. The things you were doing and the future that looked so bright for both of you. The processing is different for everyone and if writing is your thing then you should definitely do this. Be open to family and friends and seek support from things and people that are still there. There is still a lot to live for and better times are coming, in that respect there are many examples and we all know someone who has experienced this. It is still true that time heals all wounds. You will certainly give her a dignified farewell and the memories will remain and will certainly have an influence on your future. Wishing you lots of strength.
Thank you for sharing your story. Love prevails. blessings Lela.
Dear Rob.
Many thanks and thanks for sharing. Writing it off is already a big step.
Respect! In all perspectives.
Sincerely
Dear Rob, of course my condolences to you and the Thai family of your late wife. Despite all your grief, you have recently found inspiration to respond with expertise to a number of questions on Thailandblog. Like Fransamsterdam, I hope that telling your story will enable you to process your grief somewhat and give the enormous suffering a place. All the best!!
pity ………… very pity.
You don't find true love very often....
I hope you find it again, but......
Rob, my condolences, all words of comfort are inadequate for such a loss. You wouldn't wish this on anyone. Courage.
Dear Rob,
I don't know you personally either.
Your sad story, which especially showed your unconditional love, has touched me very much. It also immediately reflects to “what if this happened to us too”! I therefore cannot utter a single word that has enough substance to comfort you.
Your most important person in your life… Your future…. Your dreams... Everything suddenly gone. Snatched by death.
Still, I wish you all strength and wisdom. Your wife wished you were a happy man! Why should that change? She will take a place in your life that will see to it! She wished and still wishes to see you happy. You owe it to her.
Good luck dear Rob! Hope you get through it well!
Heartily,
Jan and Supana
Rob,
Good luck boy!! What happened to you........ so much happiness and so much sadness in such a short time I have never experienced in my long life.
Deep respect for how you process this and share it with us ……..
Anthony
Dear Rob,
What a drama, I wish you a lot of strength for the difficult time ahead.
During this difficult period you often wonder why does this have to happen to me, but there are no answers here, it is all so unfair.
I am going on holiday to Thailand soon and will light a candle for your wife and you in a suitable place.
Best regards,
Ad
Deepest condolences to Rob's family and friends.
Also in Thailand because there one loses a loved one who said goodbye by living in another country, but could always contact us, or go on holiday, but is no longer able to.
I don't know if she's going back to Thailand, but as a parent I'd still like to have my child home.
This is personal and really none of my business, but as a Father I can imagine something about it.
Heard of the accident and later of her death.
The times I have seen her she came across as a woman with a strong personality.
Friendly, cordial, intelligent and happiness has been granted to her / you much too short-lived.
An untimely death is never just, it cannot be defended when the future should be at your feet with so many wonderful plans.
How to deal with such a sadness, I don't know, hope until you (somewhere again) find the strength to move on, because if there is another life after this, she wouldn't want to see you sad.
Phung too difficult to pronounce, but she also had humor and became bzbz for me
So you can never forget her because in nature you encounter her everywhere and in the future she will put a smile on your face again
Many thanks again to Rob
warm regards chief
Rip and good luck!!!!! 🙁
Best of wishes !
Respect and Compassion.
You don't wish this on anyone.
Good luck man!
My condolences Rob, I know what you are going through.
I read it with tears in my eyes, good luck man!
Lots of strength strength in carrying / processing this great loss. Much respect for your courage in sharing this with us.
I am very sorry for this great loss Rob V.
Good luck, Rob. I myself am sometimes afraid of losing my darling too and when I read your piece about it, I got a lump in my throat. I don't know what I would do if the same thing happened to me. Respect for your writing. I hope you get over it.
Dear rob, I don't know you, but I read your story with tears in my eyes. I also have a wonderful wife, she is Dutch, but I recognize a lot of what you mean.
we wish you rob a lot of strength and we hope you get over it and we also hope to meet you either in thailand or here.