Reader question: How can I find out if this Thai boy is not after my money or "luxury"?
Dear readers,
In October I really enjoyed a tour through beautiful Thailand in 4 weeks! The last night of all days, I met a very nice Thai boy on Koh San Road (I'm gay).
After we exchanged phone numbers I went to my hotel to sleep. Before I wanted to sleep we sent some text messages back and forth and agreed that he would come by.
The boy picked me up and I went to his apartment…. We had a very nice but short night there because the next day I had to go back to NL. When I was back in NL he asked if I wanted to transfer some money because he was short this month. I said that I will make an exception for him 1x and paid him 5000 baht.
I'm now 6 weeks back in NL and despite the fact that I've only seen him for 4 hours in Thailand, not an hour has passed that I don't think of him (L). We Skype 5 times a week for about an hour. He keeps saying that he misses me and that he is faithful to me, but I have to ask to skype myself. He doesn't come up with that himself. We also have an appointment to Skype for 5 minutes before going to sleep. Unfortunately it happened 2 days in a row during his weekend that he didn't let me know and when I called him he didn't answer but was online. The next day he came with an excuse that he was ill.
Furthermore, it is a 23 year old handsome Thai. At the moment he has a full-time job 48 hours at a hotel, but he would like to leave because he studied to be a steward and now has to work too hard and is underpaid 20.000 baht pm
He would like to come to NL but he has no money for that. I would then have to pay for the ticket, visa, etc. He also wants to go to Paris, Berlin and London (because he is there anyway). I have a good job and I can easily afford it for both of us.
After I have read several messages here on the forum, I have indicated that I have doubts about this because I am not yet sure whether he will come to NL for me or for a free holiday. Or am I not allowed to think that?
I have now booked a ticket and will visit him in Thailand in three days. He likes me coming and has taken 1 week completely off. He comes to pick me up at the airport. Now he wants to rest that week that he has off and so he would like to go to Bali. When I asked who is going to pay for that, he started laughing mischievously. I have indicated that we first have to wait and see the situation because we have only seen each other for 4 hours.
I'm in love but he doesn't feel love for me yet (makes sense since we've been together for 4 hours).
What would you do in this situation? How can I discover that he is not after my money or "luxury"?
Regards,
Bram
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With questions like this, I always think that someone doesn't want to hear the truth. If you have a good job, you are intelligent enough to understand that this Thai boy is looking for a sponsor in exchange for sex and affection. You yourself apparently want to keep that harsh reality away from you as much as possible and turn it into a (Western) romantic story.
If you have enough money, make sure you have a good time with him. It costs something, but then you also have something. And don't expect anything else, then it can only be better than expected.
In Europe, too, it was (and still is) very common for a relationship to have a lot to do with money. A man marries a rich woman or vice versa where the rich man was often the most in love person. The fact that the other was mainly out for his or her money was taken into account as a matter of course. This is still common in Thailand. I don't know if that's the case with you and I don't know how you found out. Only time will tell.
Go out with him where you pay (almost) everything and where you also determine the financial limits (whether or not Bali, Chiang Mai is also very beautiful). Other than that I wouldn't give anything.
Leave the initiative for contact more to him, although that is difficult if you are head over heels in love.
Over time, everything becomes clearer.
Bram think carefully about what you are going to do when I read this like this then I have the strong feeling that it is only about him and not about you.
You can also find an excellent holiday in Thailand and you don't have to go to Bali for that.
A salary of 20.000 Bath is really not that bad in Thailand.
And now the statement that when he is in the Netherlands he also wants to go to Paris, Berlin and London says enough, you pay and he wants to enjoy.
A warned person counts for 2.
I myself had this experience with a Thai lady.
Dear Bram
A salary of 20.000 baht is very good, most earn a lot less. So he should be able to get by with that with some trial and error. I wouldn't send him money and as already said leave more to him to contact. He is guaranteed to have several sponsors. If he already starts asking for money and his demands for when he can come to the Netherlands. Then ask him if he has enough money for that. yes sorry then he is most interested in that. Be careful otherwise you will be disappointed. Just stop it, it's a money grab and nothing more. You're only good for the coins. So be wise and do something with all these messages and advice you get.
Dear Bram, my Thai husband paid for his own ticket to the Netherlands years ago. I had indicated that I couldn't do it anymore after 2 expensive failures. He could understand that well and paid his own ticket.
Fortunately, I never have to donate money for the family either.
We have been very happy for about 12 years now.
it is always about money, first 5000 baht and next time more and more until you don't pay anymore and then they just take someone else who does pay and that's how it lasts
tourists are easily seduced
Hello Bram, now think carefully, you know him for 4 hours and then immediately everything, Bali, Paris, Berlin and what else will follow. This is Thailand and fortunately I have a Dutch partner and I am happy with that, but I would never fall for these kinds of stories. Watch out, that's all I want to say and don't fall for it.
hi,
probably this was one of your first trips to thailand
and did you enjoy it
Meeting someone on the last evening is always fun and exciting.
I am an 'experienced thailand travel geek', (I have been coming there for 15 years, the last 5 years, 5 x a year.
I've had sweethearts too, some nice, and 'real', some more 'money sweethearts, I still have my reservations about what happened to you,
falling head over heels in love, the last night, is possible.
but I think that boy with his 20.000 already has a nice salary, you ask for 5000 bth the first time, this is very fast,
my current boyfriend, whom I've known for 4 years, didn't ask for money the first few times, and didn't send anything.
he was too proud for that (he didn't want to be known as a moneyboy)
I've had him for a year, visited him a few times, and in the meantime we've gotten to know each other better.
he didn't earn 20000 bth, but much less.
the second time, I took him on a trip somewhere else, he wanted to pay extra himself, but didn't have the opportunity,
then I "treated" him.
now several years later, I sometimes help and support him.
He upgraded his life, and also found a better job because of me..
his salary is growing little by little,
and when we take vacation together, I'll pay.
But he still likes to contribute according to his ability.
What I accept, then, so as not to hurt his pride,
but then give him this back afterwards via, a gift or a contribution for his rent..
Well, what I wanted to tell you
from someone who wants you after a first night, money, and luxury travel, … .. I have my doubts about that ..
Z
I've experienced the same. I came to Thailand for years with the intention not to fall in love. and I succeeded for years until I went back in 2010 and fell hopelessly in love. you can't stop that from happening. he was wonderfully the most beautiful boy I had ever met. and sexually it was great. It lasted 5 years I gave him some money now and then. I bought him a new moped. new TV a new air conditioner for his apartment. Until I got cancer myself (fortunately everything is fine again) and couldn't go to Thailand for two years. and one day (I suspected something) he calls me that he had someone else and he was really in love with it. a German and he was going to marry it and live with him in Germany. so dear bram watch out what in many cases it is supply and demand in thailand but if you have turned your back and you go back home they will find someone else. for they are generally out to find someone with a lot of money and for himself or for his family. I'm not saying that boy is like that but now that I've read your message I feel the same thing I've been through. I've been in a lot of pain from it for a long time and actually I'm not rid of it yet. not what I gave him I don't regret it but I was madly in love with it. so bram be careful because they can break someone's heart. I hope I've given you a little bit of info you do what you want with it I don't know your situation. greetings paul
Dear Bram,
when you're in love, you do strange things
I am in Thailand and Laos every year
I know these "relationships"
I have never entered into any serious relationship
It never ends well
I learn from the experiences of others
Also from colleagues and friends who have a boy and a girl
brought to the Netherlands, after a lot of hassle with residence, it went wrong
and a lot of misery
A lot of money was involved
In some cases where things turned out well, the Thai partner ran off with someone else
When you get into a relationship, you don't know if he's faithful
Moreover : a relationship with such a boy is entering into a relationship with the family
what money will cost (help, get to the Netherlands, etc)
Once in the Netherlands, another culture must also be taken into account
After love comes the harsh reality
It all sounds very negative, but you have been warned!
My advice: enjoy, but do NOT enter into a relationship and certainly not in the Netherlands
I think many visitors here on the forum can name you the places where people are very adept at finding a "victim" and unfortunately your story fits nicely here, there are so many red flags in your story that if you Wouldn't be in love, and would see it as a normal business transaction long gone.
If you go to these kind of places more often you will find that every time you go there there is someone who wants to hook up with you, and there will be quite a few honest ones, but most of them have a backpack of misery that you don't want to wear.
Don't be so difficult. You have a good income and you adore that boy. Of course you have to pay. No problem, you bet enough
Enjoy life and let your boy know exactly how far you can/want to go.
Dear Bram,
There are various dating sites, here you will also find a lot of nice Thais, who are really looking for a relationship.
Start conversations with a number of them via Skype, then a few will fall off and eventually two will remain. Then you go on holiday to Thailand and spend a week with the first one somewhere far from his address, you also do this with the other one, after a week you know who it "clicked" with and then you go the 3rd week go somewhere else for a week. This way you see something of Thailand and you have a nice holiday.
Here's another tip; You can book a flight + hotel very cheaply via the website AirAsiaGo.com.
So first arriving in Bangkok and then going “somewhere” together. A proposal is made via Skype, is this outside Thailand, cut down that trade, it only wants to profit.
Rent a scooter on site and go out together, but beware; NEVER HAND IN YOUR PASSPORT
with 5.000 Bhat cash they are also satisfied.
Greetings Nico
A full-time job at a hotel for 20000 bath, then he has a nice job. And then just take a week off during this period?
Even if you are suddenly in love, it is still a matter of building up, especially with a Thai and not just by opening the money bag.
Previous writers give good tips.
I'm sorry to say this, but I've been in love with a Sri Lankan twice. 2 times completely tumbled in because they can lie so well. It is 2% doable for money and/or a more luxurious life and/or visa. Sooner or later they ask for money (with you very quickly). I wish you the best of luck but be careful and if it's not true love…what's that worth?. Gr. San
Dear Bram, I am also gay and have been living with a Thai boy for 10 years. But we didn't meet on the street, in the bar or on the beach… I met him at work, he had a full time job.
Ray was also in love, but he has never asked me for a bath. We love each other dearly, even after 10 years! I know his whole family and he knows mine.
A salary of 20.000 baht is very much, very much. The minimum salary is 7000 baht per month for working 6 days a week. A good waiter in an upclassed restaurant earns 9 to max. 12.000 baht, also a supervisor. A real manager with final responsibility earns around 20.000 bath!
And when you're here, fly to Bali for its rest?
There are beautiful islands in Thailand! Go to Koh Samet or Koh Chang 4-6 hours with an aircon taxi from Bangkok…
I think you ran into a nice, beautiful boy, but a 100% money boy! That shows in everything.
It's not about whether you can easily miss it, but whether his feelings are genuine for you or just for your wallet. I fear the latter...
Many have already preceded you. I have been lucky and have been living happily in Thailand for 10 years, together with my Thai partner. I wish you the same, but watch the cat out of the tree very carefully, and be suspicious in advance, that will prevent great disappointment and a lot of pain!
Have a nice holiday if you are in Thailand and have fun with your boyfriend…
Regards, Alex
Have also been in such a situation , it is easy to fall in love with the Thais, they are so attractive ! , but in the end You also know the answer to the questions You ask
Bram, the answer to your question "How can I find out that he is not after my money or "luxury"?" is very simple. Don't transfer any money and see what happens.
If there are pathetic stories to extract money, then you know what time it is.
His mother died, his father has cancer, his brother had a car accident, you can't make it up so crazy.
20.000 Baht per month is a nice salary, he has a permanent job and a good education. No reasons to ask for money.
Hi Bram,
I normally don't respond to questions but this is really hilarious. I would say wake up!!! Or at least open your eyes… I just can't believe what I read in your story. At best, he may be in love with your money, but not with your beautiful eyes or your youthful age. By the way the price for a night is 500 bath for men, the 5000 bath you paid is very generous. If that makes you feel good, that's no problem, but I know better after 10 years of Thailand.
I know, they are so sweet and they know exactly what to say and in a very sweet way.
Try not to give money for 1 year, see if he still contacts you and if he falls in love...
Succes
Of course you already know that the writers mentioned above are all right. The problem is that you are in love and love is blind.
If you hadn't paid that first 5000 Bath... you could have answered your question a little better by now.
My point of view on money and a relationship (before marriage or cohabitation): don't give money… and your relationship will be clear.
Enjoy your crush. But don't lose your head and money.
You can perhaps make an exception for once, and give him the requested 5000 Bath, and immediately say that you are not well off yourself. For example, even though it may not be the truth, you could say that you yourself also have high costs for your living. If he then continues to beg, despite his income of 20.000 Bath, which is not the worst for Thai standards, then he is most likely more interested in your money than in a real love affair. I would be very careful here, because many both men and women know exactly how to play you. In such a case you better stop, and see the already paid 5000 Bath as tuition. Compared to what many others have already experienced, this is still a bargain.
Going to enjoy but keep your wallet closed, true nature will emerge. Just taking a week off in Thailand is not easy, so what is right about his “job story”. How would he then get his leave without losing his job to tour Europe for a while (at your expense). With a wage of 20.000 baht many Thai people would be very happy…
How negative is everyone here. I've lived here for 12 years and maybe you got lucky that day and it's the one. 5000 baht once helped is of course nothing if he wanted to use you he would have asked for more.
My advice is, just come back for two weeks and see how things go between you two. If you're over 50 and don't look like George Clooney and he's a young god of 23 then it's often about the bahtjes. Just keep it up via Skype and just come back and if it clicks then you can show him the Netherlands.
This boy is probably not after your money, but social security and security without financial problems, for a shorter or longer period of time. And since you can easily afford that, that is no problem for you, in his eyes.
A trip to Bali, and trips to London, Paris and Berlin, are not included in what is saved from his 20.000 Baht per month, especially if there are already shortages, so who will pay for that is clear.
You should see it as the nicest paid love in your life, and if you go out with him, just pay all the expenses plus at least his lost income plus an allowance for his 'company'.
If you make good and clear agreements with him about this, nothing stands in the way of an eternal relationship.
If this goes against your Dutch heart, you have ended up in the wrong country.
And stop with that excessive Skype.
Totally agree with French. Left or right, it always costs money, regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl. Enjoy it if you can spare it and both parties are happy. An unequal relationship, as in this case, implies that there can be no question of 'true love' anyway, but who cares as long as you have fun together. Be practical, nice things usually cost money and luckily you can decide how far you open your purse. But remember that only the sun shines for nothing and that certainly applies to Thailand. Enjoy your LIFE!
Dear Bram, your questions can be answered easily, in fact you already give the answers yourself in the facts you mentioned.
How can I discover that he is not after my money or "luxury"?
That's simple, you don't pay for that luxury, then it becomes clear whether it concerns you or your money and luxury. You must already be clear that it is about your money and luxury, firstly, he already asked you for money, secondly, he asks you for luxury, Bali, Berlin, Paris and London, good morning I would say, wake up. This question has been answered satisfactorily.
What would you do in this situation? Then if you are really in love, try it out, why not, can be very educational for you and fun at the same time. See what you come across, but definitely do not give money or luxury, if the other person does not invest in you, it is pointless to invest in him and by that I do not only mean financially.
Given your entire story, I would immediately not invest in it anymore, there is better to get.
Success.
Nico B
If this guy takes 4 THB after a first romantic encounter of 5.000 hours, is online at the weekend, but doesn't Skype to you himself, and claims to earn 20.000 THB in the hotel sector… My calculation and first impression are soon made. And falling in love with a moneyboy is looking for trouble with a guarantee.
Go there and experience your romance, knowing that you pay for it yourself and that you decide everything yourself.
Success!
dear bram.
open your eyes and not your snap or zipper…
you are being cheated a lot.
xxx cin
What a lot of responses. It is, of course, the familiar story again.
Older man (I assume you are a lot older than 23) meets handsome sexy woman or man.
Older man falls head over heels in love (after 4 hours?) and gets stripped naked (financially, that is).
The older man himself does not realize this or sees it differently, but lives on the assumption that the Thai man is not only interested in the money. Very naive of course, but that's how most men deal with it. In this story, I'm actually not that charmed by the way the 23-year-old Thai "loverboy" tries to sew you an ear. He has a 2x average income for Thai standards. So definitely not poor.
And after 4 hours of sex with him you think you're in love with him? You're stupid enough to send him 5000 baht as an exception. For what? 4 hours of sex and a little affection. You normally pay 1000 bath for that in Thailand. But that boy just tastes that he has a bite and there is much more to get out of it now that you have transferred that 5000 bath. (In itself quite an expensive 5000 bath in Thailand for 4 hours). And he is clearly working on that now. And take it from me that he doesn't feel any crush on you, but probably has more of these kind of boyfriends.
You will soon go to Thailand to meet him, he is looking for peace and wants to go to Bali as if you cannot find your peace in Thailand. And then he wants you to fund him for a wonderful and very expensive Europe trip to Paris, Berlin and London, which will probably cost you a lot of money. Around 10.000 euros or more. After 20 years of Thailand I dare to say stop skyping and wait for his initiative. If he doesn't respond then you know enough. Tell him that you would like to spend 1 week with him to get to know him better in Thailand, but not in Bali because you hardly know Thailand. And also tell him that you don't want to spend more than 10.000 or 15,000 baht with him this week, because he earns enough himself. And then I'm very curious how he will react to that.
I already know the answer, but you have to experience it yourself.
Good luck, but I personally don't think this will be the case, but you have to experience that yourself.
Hans
I haven't even talked to my love for five minutes when she first approached me. Just a short, nice chat, and haven't been able to speak to her since. Back in the Netherlands I took out my list of e-mail addresses. I had several mail / msn contacts without further intentions, just having nice conversations with people from all over the world. But between me and her it was more than nice to chat. The spark flew. She couldn't wait to chat and cam with me and I with her. The first thing I did and what she did was go on MSN or Skype from work and chat for hours. Or call again after a chat session a little later on a day off. The fun, the fun, the splashes, the warmth, the joy in the other person's eyes, that's just addictive. The distance and the time difference is annoying enough, so that you can't wait to see each other as much as possible within those restrictions seems only logical to me. If you tell me that someone is online and does not want to chat or cam, that is strange. Can happen once, someone can be busy for a while, for example watching an exciting movie or finishing a household task (although we often left the camera open even if we had to do something). So yes, if you don't seem to be a priority, it does set off an alarm bell for me. Doesn't immediately prove that it's wrong, there may be reasons that someone behaves this way, but it would be a signal for me.
And money? To be honest, “Thai and money, here we go again with those questions and accusations, bring on the stereotypes”. A salary of 20.000+ THB is certainly not wrong, many Thais have to make do with a lot less. You won't be able to live a luxurious life, but you can get through the month, do something fun now and then and don't have to worry about whether you have enough money to pay for some food or transport. My love had an even higher salary, about 24.000-25.000 THB, sometimes 28.000 with overtime. Yet I also sent her some money a few times (about 50 to 100 euros each time) in two years. For example to help rent your own room (closer to work and no camera mate is also nice if you want to be intimate…). She set aside part to buy things for me, part because sometimes there was less money left over than necessary, unplanned. But from day 1 she knew that I only had a simple part-time job and really couldn't offer her luxury. If you make it clear that you cannot or do not want to give luxury, that you are willing to help but do not do strange things such as '100 euros pocket money per month', that he could also make ends meet before you came into the picture and that he therefore most of them can still support themselves with their own income, then you will probably find out within a few days to weeks whether someone sees you as a sponsor or as a love partner. Of course, a good partner has to take care of the other, so that you sometimes contribute and pay the bill more often is only logical. You can feel for yourself what a reasonable balance is. And even if you're unsure whether you're too easy or too hard with spending money, simply remember that you should never spend more money than you're willing to lose. Whether you spend that money on a relationship or something else. Even if things don't turn out the way you would like, you don't have to be sorry and you just had a good time together.
And finally: communicate. Keep talking, that's essential in any relationship and maybe extra if the relationship is long distance. Enjoy, be honest with each other and find each other again soon in Thailand. Spend time together and see what that feels like. If you don't act hastily, you will see where the ship strands. However it may turn out, I wish you all the luck, enjoy the butterflies in your stomach, fantastic, but keep your mind, it will be all right. Good luck. 🙂
Bram, If you read the above comments, well……….. Start by not sending any more money. If you are visiting Thailand, then treat him, but certainly do not pay everything. Him to Ned. to fetch ?? How do you see that, are you going to maintain him, do you guarantee him ??? Do you take care of his insurance??? Together on holiday to Bali, for the rest ????? We, a Dutch couple, married for 41 years and living in Thailand for the past 9 years, were happy to be back in Thailand after a holiday in the very busy touristic Bali and Bram … .. Do you know the ABBA song Money, money, money . Attention Bram this is all about money and how do I screw a Farang (foreigner). If he really loves you too, he doesn't need your money, after all he has an income himself, which is certainly not bad for the standard of living here in Thailand.
Think about all this, use your common sense, make the right decision and… enjoy life, good luck.
Bram, just assume he has several credit card holders going on. Almost everyone, male or female, has that
If you say yourself is he a beautiful boy and does not report to you on skype, I will scratch your head again 2 times whether you give him money. Have seen plenty go to the sharks, come full and go home broke. Good luck and wisdom.
Bram Bram Bram …just imagine asking someone you know for 4 hours what he asks…beyond all shame.
Just tell him that you are coming to Thailand especially for him and that his presence, just to see him, is enough for you.
Tell him that those trips are not necessary for you now, maybe at a later stage, but certainly not in the first year. You come to be with him in his country not to go somewhere else.
His response will teach you a lot about his real intentions, hope you don't get too much heartache and still wish you the best of luck in 2017.