'The week without wifi'

You think it won't happen to you. That you have everything under control. A modern expat, with a solid internet cable to the outside world and a stable relationship based on mutual respect and... wifi.

Until the moment comes when the latter suddenly disappears. Just. Gone. A flickering light on the modem, a spinning circle on the screen and a woman who suddenly sits up and asks:
“So? What are we going to do today?”

Day 1
For the first 24 hours, I’m in denial. “They’re probably doing maintenance,” I say as I reboot the modem, ritualistically, as if I’m performing a Buddhist blessing. My wife looks at me as only Thai women can: kindly, but with a look that says she’s been talking to the rice cooker more than to me.

Day 2
I open Facebook first then Thailandblog automatically. Nothing. No cat videos. No angry farang in Pattaya complaining about the Thai post. Just silence. And my wife, who asks if I want to go to the market with her.
The market. Where real people are. Who talk. Loud. Without subtitles.

Day 3
We sit together on the terrace. She peels mango, I peel my ego.
“Why are you looking so worried?” she asks.
“There is no WiFi,” I say.
She smiles. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”
That’s when I know: the beginning of the end has begun. Or the end of the beginning. Or the start of a real conversation. I get confused. She starts talking about her childhood in Isaan. I hear for the first time that her brother once sat on a snake because he thought it was a mat. We laugh. Together. Without emoji.

Day 4
We walk. Yes, walk. Just over dirt roads and rice fields. We talk about the color of mangoes, about the smell of wet earth, about things that don’t need wifi. She takes my hand. She used to do that, too, when we tried to understand each other in a language neither of us spoke.

Day 5
I wake up and check not my phone, but her face. She’s still asleep. The fan hums. I feel calmer than ever. Maybe…
No, wait. Still no wifi. I start calling the provider. They promise a technician. He will come “soon”. In Thailand that means: someday.

Day 6
We cook together. She cuts, I stir. She sings a song her mother used to sing. I sing along. She laughs so hard she chokes on a mouthful of chili rice. We cry. From laughing. From the pepper. From something that looks like happiness.

Day 7
The mechanic suddenly appears at the door. A seventeen-year-old boy with a toolbox and a look as if he had just replaced the Dalai Lama. Within five minutes everything is working again. Wifi. Internet. The world.
My wife looks at me.
“Do you want to watch Netflix?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“No,” I say. “Tell me that story about the snake again.”

Epilogue:
Since then, we have had a 'wifi-free hour' every Friday night. Sometimes two. And if I'm honest: I secretly look forward to it.
Not to the wifi outage.
But to my wife.
Who then sits next to me again.
Not on the network.
But in life…

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About this blogger

Farang Kee Nok

My age officially falls under the category of 'elderly'. I've been living in Thailand for 28 years, try to do that. The Netherlands used to be paradise, but it fell into disrepair. So I went looking for a new paradise and found Siam. Or was it the other way around and Siam found me? Either way, we were good-natured.

ICT provided a regular income, something you call 'work', but for me it was mainly a pastime. Writing, that's the real hobby. For Thailandblog I'm picking up that old love again, because after 15 years of hard work you deserve some reading material.

I started in Phuket, moved to Ubon Ratchathani, and after a stopover in Pattaya I now live somewhere in the north, in the middle of nature. Rest never rusts, I always say, and that turns out to be true. Here, surrounded by greenery, time seems to stand still, but fortunately life doesn't.
Food, especially tasty food, that is my passion. And what makes an evening complete? A good glass of whisky and a cigar. That pretty much covers it, I think. Cheers!

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