During an appointment with an expat, the man's mobile rang constantly. His girlfriend/wife kept calling him from their home in the countryside. Where are you? What are you doing? We were in a bar in Bangkok where animation girls (bargirls) also work, but they didn't interest us. Always say they speak "a little English," which boils down to four words: "You buy me drink?"
Just say you're in your hotel room, watch TV and go to bed early because you're tired, was my advice. The next time he did and we had an uninterrupted conversation.
Sometimes you have to lie to your Thai girlfriend, is my claim. Because some things can't be explained. I lie to my girlfriend about my income. Because I own a house in the Netherlands, I have numerous fixed costs that she does not know about because Thailand does not know them or because she does not pay them. Sometimes I say I'm broke when I'm not, but I anticipate upcoming expenses.
I learned in Africa that a man who slips up should never ever confess to his wife. He made a mistake and he has to live with it. Why would he burden his wife with it? I think it's cruel when he confesses his slip and even worse asks 'Can you forgive me?' Shut up, man, unless you want to get rid of your wife.
Other examples of lying don't come to mind, maybe blog readers responding to my statement can provide them. What do you think: to lie or not to lie? Let me know.
First of all: truth is the best policy… so I tell as few lies as possible. But of course I will also lie. Why not? Do you think my girlfriend never lies to me? And I think she's an honest person.
But my lying is usually not telling the whole truth. You have to know where the boundaries are. What is a no-go for your partner that you actually have no problem with? Sometimes I lie about the price of something I bought or about some extras I get.
But I have never lied about my house in the Netherlands where my ex still lives and for which I still have to pay a lot of money. At least then she knows not to expect big jumps.
However, she doesn't want to know everything either. That makes life more complicated. She wants me to hide the negative things and only say as much nice things as possible. You could also say that she wants to bury her head in the sand. But that's also a Thai/Asian attitude. It would be confrontation. And people here are very sensitive to that.
But: there is a difference, I think, between lying and cheating. I think there should be a line drawn. If I start cheating on her, something is wrong with our relationship.
A lie I hate is that when you disapprove of something outright, but do it yourself. I know the story of a woman who told her husband how much she disapproved when one partner cheated on the other. But a year later it turned out that she had done just that.
The man didn't even think the "cheating" was that bad. The marriage had long since broken down. But he found his wife's hypocritical behavior much worse.
I also know a woman from around here who not only lies to her husband but also to almost every other person or distorts the truth and spreads lies.
No, I have nothing against a little personal lie, if it doesn't disturb the harmony in your relationship. I think your Thai partner sees it that way too.
That is more stereotypical Thai woman…. If you have a slipper and they find out, the house is too small, but that doesn't mean they won't do it themselves. Then it can be done in 1 time.
I once went out with 2 girls and they just plainly claimed that they were single. But of the 1 I already knew through facebook that she had a friend or at least a gik. When I later spoke to the other alone we were still talking about it, I called it lying and they said exactly the same thing, it's not really lying but just not telling everything or distorting the truth a bit….
I sometimes tell my girlfriend something different or omit some details. Girlfriends or women don't need to know everything. And I'm also sure that that doesn't only apply to Thai women. If you end up in a strip club with your male colleagues at the end of the evening during a course, you usually don't tell those kinds of details to your wife in the Netherlands either…. Conversely, my girlfriend doesn't tell me everything, I'm sure of that.
My girlfriend has now realized that when I ask about 'sensitive' matters that she would rather have kept secret, I usually already know the answer and that lying is no longer really useful. In the beginning she sometimes tried to distort the truth, but nowadays she has already realized that it is a matter of sitting on the blisters.
Lying is the worst quality a person has. Never lie, not even a white lie. Someone who lies sooner or later loses trust in or from his partner. Lying is the same as cheating. I don't lie myself, because honesty lasts for the longest time. If you cheat on yourself and lie to your wife about it, then things are not going well in your relationship. A lie is easily made, but the truth catches up with you faster than it is made. Lying also means that you lose confidence in the other has disappeared. It is better to say honestly what happened than to lie about something. And believe me, I was and am not a saint, but honesty is of paramount importance to me.
Can't you also say, but with a friendly wrap of words, that it is none of the other's concern? everyone will benefit more from this in the long run.
Right to privacy. Well reciprocal.
Trong pai trong maa, farang mai chohp kohok, I have often heard – Straightforward, tell it like it is.
The daily twisting, joking and lying makes you vulnerable and also unbelievable.
But some people easily take on the color of their surroundings. If it suits them…
When it comes to lying, you never beat a Thai lady, my girlfriend lies every day, she wears it
to avoid problems with me. It is wise of you not to share your money matters with her.
From experience, the ladies never have enough, except for some. My girlfriend says Leen you are alive now, enjoy
of it, that was also my father's way of life, no worries for tomorrow. My girlfriend realizes
not that I want to leave her unkempt with her two daughters. The biggest mistake we make is that
after the first acquaintance we tell what we have in money and possessions, because we are so in love.
This is not a negative story, I am a satisfied person.
Greetings Lee.
Lying is not the same as not telling the truth! That is the Thai's position here.
Yesterday I bought a part for my bike in a motorcycle shop and asked the salesperson 5 times if this is a new part. 100 percent new. After confirmation and payment, I wanted to open the part in the store itself. What seems ….!!! You can guess it...full of rust inside and worn out.... He simply sprayed the outside with a spray can to make it look like new.
No shame whatsoever when I show him this…. May pinray…..I will give your money back…
My new bike was once in the shop for maintenance, they simply replaced new parts from my bike with old ones from him. Luckily I had pictures and me marks on my parts..
May pinray……i put it back…..
I can mention several stories ..... but that's not lying, that's just not telling the truth FARANG allleeeee that should be possible ....
I do not agree with the statement that you should lie to your Thai girlfriend.
In a relationship you shouldn't lie wherever she or he may come from is irrelevant, if you don't want to take the trouble to explain something to your partner in certain situations, then you shouldn't start it.
Don't forget if you lie often you can no longer believe anyone else, does not mean that everyone lies sometimes, some people cannot tell the truth without lying, the first lie is already born if he or she says this never to do. The lie always comes after the question, your answer to certain questions can have far-reaching consequences, so the trick is to deal with this without lying.
But no matter how we turn or turn, we all lie, we have such moments every day, for example: your wife asks what do you think of my new dress, you know that she has already bought it, so she thinks it is beautiful, so now you can you can do two things, tell the truth, that you don't like it with all the consequences, or you lie and say that you think it's a very nice and beautiful dress, also with all the consequences.
If you say you think it's ugly then the rest of your day is spoiled because she won't stop talking about it, I'll bring it back, or why don't you come with me when I go shopping..blablabla.
She only wants to hear one thing from you at that moment and that is that you say I think it's beautiful, if you say that, then several days have been wasted, because every time you have to look at that horrible rotten dress and you have to stay say you like it otherwise you fall through the basket.
So an evasive answer is best in this case, but then what do you say? you can say that you saw the same dress a few weeks ago in another store, and there it was more than half the price, there is a good chance that she no longer wears it or returns it to the store.
Well, you see, another lie has been born, and you can also see that my sentence in which I say that you should not lie in a relationship is no longer correct.
Honesty is the best they say, but a white lie must also be allowed to tell them, just think so the first fool can tell the truth, but to tell a lie it takes a man with some sense…..or am I lying now?
ting tong
“What doesn't know doesn't hurt” is a nice saying. You don't always have to lie, but you don't have to burden someone with something unpleasant either, so you don't tell them about it.
We all lie sometimes, not only to a Thai girlfriend, but also – to name a few – at work, when applying for a job, to the police for a traffic violation, etc.
In this regard, have a look at:
http://www.leugenacademie.nl/nl/over-leugens/waarom-liegen.html
I found a nice statement on that page, that people who say they never lie, also lie.
Dick's statement is that you: sometimes have to lie to your Thai girlfriend. Of course you shouldn't do that, because it will damage the relationship, or the kind of relationship you have with your girlfriend will change towards artificiality.
With that, the answer to the question can be considered completed. But there is still something to be said about lying as a phenomenon itself as well as with regard to TH:
Lying is never and never preferable. Lying is also very difficult, because you have to remember what you are lying, and base any further explanation on what you previously stated as incorrect truths. All annoying stuff. And why not just tell your girlfriend that you think the dress you just bought looks great on her? Don't tell me anything wrong about the dress itself! You make her happy with it, and that more than outweighs having to look at that dress.
Just be open and honest. But you don't have to be silly either: to put all your belongings on the table from the very beginning of the relationship. This all comes along as the relationship progresses: the longer it lasts, the more mutual trust, the better that people understand each other. And what you should not do at all is handing over complete control and authority over your possessions to your girlfriend. You have to work on a relationship, and he who dives in like an adolescent will be served at his beck and call. And not only in Thailand.
Some things are yours, and if you explain that clearly, she doesn't have to ask about it. You don't have to declare it taboo either, but make it clear that making decisions about a number of things is up to you. She can ask about it, she has no say.
You can also be strategic in relationships: you can not (yet) bring up a number of things, keep them under wraps, dismiss them as less important, ensure that they do not surface in the Thai situation. These topics will come up later in the relationship.
You can also make it clear to your girlfriend that you find some things unpleasant. For example, by making it clear to your girlfriend that you like it when she calls you with all kinds of control questions. If you don't mean anything wrong, she doesn't need to make sure. That mutual trust is necessary. If you don't experience that trust, you should never have stepped into that relationship!
An open and honest attitude requires an assertive attitude and the ability to use social and communication skills. I think it could be bad in this area.
A statement in itself, but that was not the point.
In a number of previous responses it can be read that in Thailand people are not too strict about correctly handling the truth. In addition to the vulgar lying and cheating, and consciously brutal disadvantaging of farang by Thais, and by Thais themselves, there are all the more white lies, but the same goes for beating around the bush in order not to damage relationships, extolling inaccuracies in order to to present reality differently, often to one's own benefit and benefit, to trick the other person in order to remain calm and sane, even to the point of raving to avoid losing face.
All kinds of lying are ingrained in Thai society, whereby it can be said that the same society does not immediately impose a brake on itself, or corrects itself. In addition, society lacks self-criticism, because lying is a form of social contact and sometimes a form of survival.
It would be good if Thai society looked beyond its own shadows and boundaries to see how detrimental the impact is, both socially and individually, because lying never gets to the truth. On the contrary: you get further and further away from it. So don't lie to your girlfriend, be assertive and honest, honest and confidence building. Perhaps she and the Thai will learn a lot from it!
You must have a good memory to lie, otherwise you will quickly fall through the basket. So lying is a daunting task for a scatterbrain like me.
I hate lying, but he who is without sin cast the first stone, ie every now and then I catch myself in a little lie. Still, it's not good to talk.
It is better not to tell things to your girlfriend. But if she asks, you should try to give an honest answer.
My girlfriend doesn't lie often, but she tells half. She likes to buy clothes, shoes, etc. A real woman. Not expensive stuff, by the way, but she has more than enough. When she went shopping I also ask if she bought something. She then says yes and shows 1 item of clothing. I know from experience that she bought two or more. Then I start laughing and so does she, then the second piece of clothing is shown. I call that being creative with the truth. I see little harm in that.
By the way, Asians say that if the truth hurts more than a lie, it's better to tell a lie.
Everyone lies a little sometimes or doesn't tell the whole truth. I don't really lie/deceive, but I sometimes leave out details (not telling the whole truth). I do that as little as possible, so it is not a daily or weekly practice. For example, if we are walking somewhere and I hear “honey, those shoes there are really something for you/me”: if I think they are expensive, I sometimes say “a bit expensive, they are cheaper somewhere else”. But if I don't like them, I just say so, depending on how unbeautiful they are: “not beautiful” to “ugly”. I don't lie about my location, I'm not somewhere I'm not supposed to be and if I'm somewhere that could be the subject of gossip, I'll just say so. You can lie that you are not sitting on the terrace/bar/.. but what if someone has seen you and this comes up later? No, just tell me the truth subtly as much as possible. Fortunately, my girlfriend is not a control freak, and I don't have to lie about money. She is also frugal and fully aware that we need to have money in the account for planned and unplanned expenses.
And as far as I can tell I get the same treatment and respect in return. So bottom line we are happy, satisfied and sincere. That's what it's about, right?
Ps: never cheated (slipper etc.). That seems like a dilemma to me. You should actually confess that, but it can also permanently damage or destroy your relationship. I tend to confess… The question then is how to package it in such a way that you can look yourself in the mirror and maintain your relationship/relationship…
Why not just tell the truth!! Have always learned that the choices you make should also bear the burden of that. Find it weird behavior lying for the sake of it!! Actually you have to say I can't live with the choice I made and that's why I don't tell the truth. Little kids lie out of fear because they know they've done something wrong. When you grow up don't act like a little kid is my opinion. You'll have a nice relationship if you care about everything lie, be a man and tell the truth!! We are not little kids after all.
And a tip if your wife calls and asks where are you!! Then say where you are, if you don't lie you can be trusted!!
If you have a good relationship, so an equal relationship, everything is negotiable.
But the outcome is of course not predetermined. If the relationship
Ask yourself what a slipper adds to you and therefore your happiness.
The situation you describe is one of inequality and making fun of your wife.
Never lie to a Thai lady, because you always lose. Never forget that they are born liars sometimes there is no other way for them e.g.Fam.I myself sometimes have to lie about money that is bad enough if there are large expenses for some reason I always borrow it from my Fam. So it must be done sparingly because this must be paid back, I do not say it will never come back.
This is a lie to protect my money and not to cheat her she needs to learn that it's not all that easy …… I think.
Is it allowed to lie to your Thai partner? Why “Thai” partner? why not just partner? Does the nationality of the person you lie to change the value of the lie?
The answer is of course: everyone can decide for themselves whether lying is allowed or not, and as with everything in life, you must of course bear the consequences of your own actions.
Even a white lie (or as the Thai say: A white lie) is a lie, even if it is said to get a better result than if you tell the truth. If it is because it is better for yourself, it is selfish, if it is because it is better for “your relationship” it is less bad, if it is to “protect” someone else it is even more acceptable, but it remains a lie...
Hiding something is quite different from telling a lie in response to a direct question.
Whether you lie "for the sake of it" or "as if it were printed", there is always a great risk, because the liar's trustworthiness is at stake, not just for that one lie, but for everything you will say in the future , true or false. If the lie comes out (though the lie is not that fast, the truth will catch up with it…) you could lose a lot more than if you had told the truth in the first place. So if you want to lie (for good reasons) do it so that it doesn't come true. It is better not to lie, to anyone, for your own feeling that is so pleasant..
Lying….it's a nice subject.
You will have to remember everything you once lied, otherwise you will fall through the basket. It will tax the brain all your life. Since your memory also decreases with age, that problem will get bigger and bigger.
I just choose not to tell everything. Especially when it comes to money matters.
Watch out for lying and cheating. The answer to that is usually harsh and unreasonable.
Each his truth.
I have little understanding for slippers. Avoid the places and occasions. If you need this, something is missing in the relationship.
I don't have a relationship myself, so I may see it a little differently.
I don't like to talk about money and I lie by saying that I don't have much and that I came to Thailand for the cheaper life.
The core of my statement is: Some things you can't explain; the other will never, ever understand it. So it is better to lie about it or – if possible – to remain silent.
What does a Thai know about leasehold, water board tax and waste levy and the price of food in the Netherlands?
Will the woman in my example who calls all the time ever understand that her boyfriend isn't interested in bargirls at all, when she thinks all men are swindlers? Will the woman understand that the man can be friendly with a woman without immediately luring her into bed?
I agree with the statement that Peter quotes: Asians say that it is better to tell a lie if the truth hurts more than a lie.
If you explain it to a Thai woman, she will understand. In Europe, people pay a lot of taxes, for anything and everything, and life is expensive.
If a Thai woman does not want to understand that other women can also simply be dealt with, then you have an extra mission. If she also manifests a jealous attitude, then please scratch your head whether you are the right one have hit.
But to lie about it like the “Asians” themselves are used to doing? No, that twisting and turning and you see the most difficult consequences every day, of which you sometimes tell Dick that it could be enough!
@ Soi I'm not exactly sure what you mean by 'having a mission'. If by that you mean wanting to change the other person, I am free to disagree. You should never want to change the other person in a relationship. Accept it as he/she is, try to understand him/her. The only one you can change is yourself. I think it shows respect for the other person if you take someone's feelings into account. If they can't imagine being friends with someone of the opposite sex, it's best to accept that and avoid embarrassing situations. In those cases, I find a white lie acceptable.
People can change through experiences.
If they experience that women are and can be respected in friendships just as much as men, this will no longer be a threat to her but will give her so much self-respect that the fear of abandonment disappears.
Go for love in the broadest sense and not for fear.
That is of course the same for men.
By “an extra mission” I mean that you have to do even more to explain and demonstrate that your behavior and intentions are of the right kind. You should respect people, and you can also expect that the other way around. It is not wrong to take both cultural and value patterns into account.
@ Soi The question of lying, not lying or being silent can only be answered in a concrete situation and with the person in question. General statements are useless. When the woman of the example is convinced that all men are woman hunters, you can talk like Brugman, but no mother will help. Then it's better to reassure her and not tell her you're in a bar. You do that out of love and not because you want to lie so badly.
Unless that bar is called The Office, Sukhumvit soi 33. Then you can always say: darling, i am in the office. And you are not lying!!
My wife also reads thailandblog, enough said, I never lie….never
Many of the examples mentioned are about money matters. Whether or not to tell about things that sometimes cannot be explained. You prevent a lot (misery) by simply stating that you pay a reasonable x amount per month for living, housing, etc. You can also determine in consultation. Decide for yourself when to help with extreme things. And nothing else matters anymore and nobody (including your girlfriend) has anything to do with it. And she knows where she stands, and can accept it or not.
It's called not lying but evasive explanation / the
Thai will certainly not explain everything 100% to us,
really not'…khrab
Dear everyone,
To have a sustainable, long-term relationship, it is better to always tell the truth. I'm like that, my wife is like that, and we always tell each other things as they are. It's one of the many things that brings us together. If there is something to discuss, we will do so, with respect for each other's opinions, in complete openness and without presenting things differently as they are. Because if you do that, sooner or later you will present your relationship differently than it is.
We both left our previous partner because of – among other things – lies.
Lying, cheating, twisting the truth, and other such situations: we both thoroughly hate it. Always tell each other things as they are. A lasting relationship is based on trust. If that trust is no longer there, put an end to it.
The problem with lies is not that lies are being told. The problem is that when the lies come out, there is no more trust. And sooner or later the lies will come out. And sometimes sooner rather than later.
A marriage that never lied would soon end in murder and manslaughter.
You will certainly not be thanked if your wife asks if the food she prepared for you was tasty and you answer that you fed it to the dog because it was inedible.
And that even those who didn't want to touch it.
You never have to remember the truth, but you do.
lying or cheating is a big difference
we all do a white lie sometimes
but if you lie to your partner whether she is thai or european
then your relationship is no good in my eyes
Even though I'm a woman, never tell her you're slipping. Why burden her with it, when you're responsible, for what you do.
Even if she will understand, she must. don't accept for herself, and you then give her the responsibility, which she can't handle, A relationship is something else than a slippery slope, and women do it too, and they never tell, they often immediately fall head over heels in love,
and asian women are often much more insecure, if you are a foreigner. Almost all thai men do it, and that is acceptable in their culture, A bit of a double standard,
Their main fear is that that slip is better, and then they will lose you. Then they lose their security.
SO MY ADVICE, NEVER TELL SLIPPERS, DO IT OCCASIONALLY, THEN LIFE IS A LITTLE MORE EXCITING, Good luck gentlemen with your own responsibility, Only with a
small raincoat
thea de vegte
Well well what 19th century say double standards, that's how you think you have a nice life, but you don't get the most out of it. Deepen your relationship and take each other seriously. If it remains so superficial that it makes it easier for you to slip, ask yourself what you're afraid of. To really share feelings with each other? Being able to forgive and deepen your relationship is also an option.
I never lie to my wife, met her when I was 38 and she was 35.
Now 4 years later we share everything also financial matters.
She has a past and I too, we have drawn a line there and are concerned with the present and the future.
Hallo,
yes you are right, and of course you also know that for the sake of not being able to admit, the Thai lie more often than you would like. It's normal for them, although I've noticed that my parter, lately
confess something faster. Whether it is the whole or half the truth, you have to take for granted.
Confessing cheating on your part could have a bloody outcome.
Regards,
Simple and short answer.
Depends on your relationship situation.
My wife and I have a good relationship and we both don't like lies.
If you have a relationship based on quicksand , you would be better off lying .
But the truth is the best policy , is an old Dutch proverb and it did not arise for nothing .
Jan Beute.
Lying yes...a matter of definition right? Different per culture!
Studies have shown that on average people use a lie 16 times a day.
Usually 1 to keep things fun, but still.
If everyone is always honest and tells the truth everywhere, it will be a mess, right?
and people who are the first to say that they are always honest and never, if at all, lie… yes.
In short, first start applying the same measurements of your own behavior to others.
And saying that you go to bed early, are tired, sitting in the bar with a friend, having a beer, watching the Bargirls of 4 words, playing pool… is just smart
I often go on holiday alone and then my wife asks if I have been cheating. My answer is always that I don't say yes or no because then I don't have to lie and now she doesn't ask anymore.
Few Thai girlfriends tell the truth so why not the other way around.
No matter how fast the lie is, the truth will be overtaken by them.
If you don't do anything wrong, you don't have to lie.
Life lessons I got from my parents.
Didit.
Do for others what you would like them to do for you...
What I am about to say may seem very confrontational to some…
Would you like your wife to lie about... for example... cheating? What if she does indeed cheat on you, doesn't tell you anything and/or lies about it, then contracts some sexually transmitted disease and infects you with it? Would you still think the same about a lie?
The other way around is of course also possible... Suppose you cheat, say nothing about it or lie about it, contract “something” and infect her? Would you like to look at yourself in the mirror afterwards...?
Whether it's about whether the food is tasty or being faithful to each other, lying to me is lying. Christianity, Buddhism, Islam ... All major world religions say 90-95% the same thing and the statement with which I started this response is mentioned in these 3 world religions (I should know, because I was raised Christian myself, I am with a Thai Buddhist woman married, and work together every day at work with a Muslim, and I get along well with people who profess a different religion and regularly talk to them about such topics). I invite those who argue that lying should be allowed to think about that carefully... These are simply universal lessons that apply to all of us, regardless of what religion they belong to, and even regardless of whether they not being religious.
One lie leads to another. In many cases, serious crime also starts with smoking a joint. The people who think that all this is not so bad should think carefully about their “moral compass”.
Do for another what you would like them to do for you.
Best regards,
Bruno
I don't see a response from Samson and Rutte.
Would not read this Thailand blog .
Whoever says he has never lied is lying.
Lying is like stealing
Indians don't steal, because if you don't have possessions you can't steal anything,….
Thais don't lie, they don't say anything….
It is seen by some as very black and white. So if you lie a little, you immediately cheat and lie about it. People use common sense. There are always situations where you have to lie, whether you like it or not. Even if it is just to keep the peace at the moment or simply not to worry your partner unnecessarily.
I think this is in our Western culture: it's so extreme again. Everything or nothing. No in-between. We are not digital machines, but thinking and inventive beings, and if you don't know the difference between an acceptable lie and an inappropriate act, you are not very mature as a human being.
Of course you want to avoid lies. That is normal. It depends what you're lying about. It's the white lie. Why are you coming home so late? Yes, the other chatted too much, while it was you yourself ... such things ..
If I go into a go-go bar and withhold this, I think it's going too far. I don't need that anyway. Or if I deliberately go to such a bar and tell my girlfriend that I have to go into town for something else. If I have that urge to hang around there, I'm doing it wrong.
But knowing that my girlfriend's kids aren't exactly wealthy, but I think I need that third hard drive for my computer, I won't bother her with the cost of that. I wasn't even going to tell her big. Not that she would say anything about that, she knows it's my money I spend. But it's also not fair to her that this money I'm spending on myself could mean feeding her son for a month. Not that he has nothing now and is starving. It's just one example of the proportions here. The son also has a father and although I love my girlfriend, it is not my responsibility to pay big for the boy. His father has to do that.
This is what I'm talking about.
Fooling around with another person is the basis of your partnership. Unless you've said from the start that one woman isn't enough. Or that you are bi and also need your own gender, just to name an example.
If some of the writers here can't tell this apart, I'm sorry for them...
I am no more Catholic than the Pope
So sometimes I hate it. I rarely do it I'm bad at it
It is visible to me
But when do you lie? what is lying? If you are sitting in the Cafe and your wife calls you and asks you.
If you're in a cafe and you say no, you're lying. If your wife has been to the hairdresser
and asks you if you like it you say yes while you don't really like it.
Is that lying? If your child has made something that is not worth the juice, will you say so?
No, you say he did it beautifully. Is that lying? If so, I often lie
I could give hundreds of examples like this. So it is important that you know what lying is
Not telling the truth (lying) to someone you care about whether they are Thai or
is Dutch. Is a man (boyfriend) or woman. Someone you think is always honest
against you. That's not so easy that hurts.
Strange, I think you're already past lying.
Having to lie about being in the bar. Is that a reason to lie? At least not for me
I find it a bit slack.
So I think you shouldn't lie to your partner. After all, you want her to be honest with you too
I know for myself what lying is. And try to do it as little as possible
I'm no better than anyone. Age also plays a part I think
Let me start with a confession: I have lied many times, often very innocently and with the best intentions, and sometimes with evil intentions, that is, for my own benefit.
It is true that you can only judge a lie on its merits by looking at the persons and the situation, and especially by looking at the intent. The intention with which you do something determines its moral character. Giving twenty baht to a beggar is always good, even if you find out later that the beggar was a member of a gang. If a politician gives XNUMX baht to a temple to raise his fame and prestige, that is not a good deed.
Two things stand out to me in the comments. First, of course, that some commenters explicitly say that the Thais lie a lot. They are 'born liars', lying is 'very normal' for them. Others deliver that message in a more subtle way. Second, commenters say that if they lie, they do so with the best of intentions. Not to protect themselves, to take advantage or to glorify themselves, well no, they lie to keep the peace, to avoid pain and sorrow for the other or to make the other happy and happy; or because the other cannot understand the truth after all. We never lie for selfish reasons. We only care about the other. Lying as a good deed.
How different is it with the Thais. When the Thai lies, it is almost always for malicious, selfish intentions. They want to enrich themselves, cover up mistakes and avoid losing face. They only think about themselves. Our lying is always condoned, but their lying is usually condemned.
To me, love means genuinely trying to make someone else in this life (in my case a woman) happy. Hopefully that woman will do the same to me. So if you're doing things that don't make her happy, you're fostering a relationship problem. I never lie about things that wouldn't really make her happy (if she knew about them) and I don't have to. Because I don't. But sometimes I have to lie out of love for my wife. For example, not long ago I had taken an afternoon off to buy her a birthday present in town. My wife called and asked: where are you now and what time are you coming home? I lied about the first question, but not about the second. And when I gave her her present on her birthday, I did explain (at her request) when I had bought it. My white lie was forgiven me, it turned out that night in the bedroom (wink).
In my statement of the week I asked for examples of situations in which it is wiser to lie than to tell the truth. I've thought about it again and sketch the following situations:
1 Your wife (husband is also allowed) has cooked and you don't like the food, it may be downright rubbish. What do you say when your wife/husband asks: Does it taste sweet? Answer honestly!
2 Your son/daughter will proudly show you a drawing she has made. What do you say: Well, you can't do anything about it either. To transfer. Or do you say: What a beautiful drawing? Answer honestly.
3 I worked as a primary school teacher and learned that it is more motivating to praise students than to burn them down. You say: Well done your best, even if the result is insufficient.
4 Your wife (husband is also allowed) went to the hairdresser and got a makeover there, which you don't think looks good. What do you say? Answer honestly.
5 You had sex and it was disappointing. Your partner asks: How was it? [Aside: You should never ask] What do you say?
Who dares to say that he/she never lies?
and now my answers:
ad 1. I always say: you don't have to cook this for me anymore. I don't really like this dish. (I always leave her cooking out of it)
ad 2 and 3. the statement was not about Thai children.
ad 4. I say I don't like it. Never any problems. Sometimes go to the hairdresser to advise her
ad 5. It never disappoints me. I'll take care of that..... (wink)
Chris
Ad 1 . Here you are already lying because you like the dish just not when she makes it.
Ad2 – 3 – That was a lie.
Ad 4 – Advising women at the hairdresser is lying for the advanced.
Ad 5 – Maybe it never disappoints for you, but thinks that making love is something you do with at least two.
(wink x5)
1) “Thank you for being busy in the kitchen again, but I A) prefer to eat something else, I don't like… B) I don't think it tastes the same as with/from…. C)…..”
Show that you appreciate the effort, but also politely let us know if you didn't like something or didn't like it. Otherwise, I appreciate that too. Otherwise I'll cook something that I think will make her happy while she doesn't like it that much, then she'll just say so so we can retake next time or don't start again.
2-3) you are indeed lying to children, you may show them an alternative (better) solution/method if you think they might be able to pick something up from it. Unless your name has to be Hans Teeuwen… 555 (bit rude) http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UgC0rH9N3Vs
4) Then I say that I liked a previous haircut better or if it looks really strange then I say that too. See 1, you have to bring it in a way that shows respect. If necessary, say “nice, creative, but I don't like curls as much as…”.
5) You try to deal with that in bed: different approach, take a break, try again later (go do something else, sleep or something). You will both sense that it wasn't as much fun as usual. If necessary, you can also bring this forward neatly: “Honey, I like it better if/when you ….”
Just give each other respectful feedback. What is your message and how do you pass it on? Timing is also important (when do you bring it?). Otherwise, try to make something of it together next time: cooking together, going to the hairdresser together, working with your child... Sometimes you have to disguise the truth or wrap it up a bit better, but if possible let the truth/opinion shine through. in such a way that you leave someone in his / her worth. I'm glad my girlfriend is honest when she doesn't like something like a meal.
1- Darling, dear, you have been in the kitchen for a long time, I do not want to detract from your cooking, but a pity, this does not taste to me!
2- Hey, that's a nice drawing. Come here, let's see! (you don't have to take out your frustration on the child!)
3- Fine, well done, although next time it could be a lot different. Namely, … (after which an explanation follows!)
4- Well dear, really not as pretty as I hoped when you said you had a 3 o'clock appointment at the hairdresser. Too bad, but I still think… (and then just say what you think!)
5- Did you have a headache? No, why don't we just take a break, pop the champagne, and do it all over again? (women feel very fine and better than men how their and their spouse's sex life is going!)
In short: don't make it all that difficult!
It's quite simple, if you lie to your Thai partner you have a double agenda and you will undoubtedly use it for years to any partner or friend. in short it's just an extension of your personality hoping to get away with it.
you will undoubtedly succeed many times, but I think it is better not to enter into a long-term relationship with a Thai.
In my opinion openly discussing likes and dislikes is best for a good relationship.
make the cultural differences small but keep everything negotiable.
Mia noi is a well-known phenomenon in Thailand. Discuss this with your mia yai if you want to indulge your feelings of lust with others.
Another alternative, build a house in the isan and associate with the fellow villagers and keep your pendulum in your pants make it exclusive for your partner.