Statement of the Week: “If you have a greedy Thai (in-law) family, you are doing something wrong yourself!”
This week's thesis is that if you have a greedy Thai (in-law) family as a farang, you are guilty of it yourself. That requires an explanation.
We all know the clichés and prejudices when you have a relationship with a Thai: “You get the whole family, you are shot empty until the last baht. They are only looking for a sponsor, the family comes first. They are all money wolves. The Buffalo is sick and has to go to the hospital, can you transfer some money”.
Here on Thailand blog, certain people are constantly complaining about (in-law) family and their insatiable hunger for cracking.
Tiresome to read over and over again. Because:
- Unless they stole it from your wallet, you gave it yourself. So don't cry like that. If you go to the casino and you put a hundred euros on red, you will also lose everything if the ball lands on green. Are you going to complain to the management of the casino?
- If you yourself have no insight into whether the money given is being used properly, it is better not to give it.
- You notice soon enough when the family turns out to be a bottomless pit, don't you?
- Why didn't you make arrangements in advance?
- You can also say 'no' when they whine for money, right?
Make agreements about finances
Obviously you have to make agreements about financial matters. Even if it's just to adjust the expectations. I said to my girlfriend at the time: “I will help you financially, but what you do with the money I give you is up to you. If you want to give it to your family, fine. I don't give anything to your family. I have a relationship with you and not with your family” Obvious, right?
My girlfriend herself occasionally helps her family with some money, usually in the form of a gift and sometimes a loan. Fine, she must know herself, it is her money because given is given. Once when her brother borrowed 2.000 baht from her and did not pay it back, she broke off contact with him. That was already 2 years ago.
So I have never had to give 1 baht to my girlfriend's family and they don't ask me for it either. Of course I'm not 'Cheap Charly' so I occasionally pay for groceries when we're there. Or treat yourself to a day out and a meal, but that's it.
Practical example
And to illustrate once again that not all Thai are the same, let's take this example. I've written about it once before. It's about my friend's sister. She has a family with two children and a husband who works as a night watchman. Both are low-skilled, but certainly not lazy or easy-going. She herself helps with the harvesting of fruit and vegetables in the neighborhood and occasionally receives some extra money. Very sweet and caring people, but it is every day to make ends meet to make ends meet, with two school-going and growing children.
They live in the countryside on a piece of land belonging to his parents. The house looks reasonable at first glance, but looks can be deceiving. No money for a tan on the outside. No tiles on the floor but concrete. The bathroom (that's not really the right name for a room with a barrel of water and a hole in the ground) is a paradise for cockroaches that thrive there. Poverty and more poverty. They got the TV and the fridge from my girlfriend. They have no money for themselves.
Of course, my girlfriend also helps them with some monthly financial support. However, it is a drop in the ocean. Although they live frugally and certainly don't drink or gamble, they don't get ahead. Life is therefore more or less hopeless for them. There will probably never be more than what is now. There is hardly any savings, so in case of emergency such as illness, money has to be borrowed.
Buy some!
Some time ago we went out for a day with her sister's whole family (except Pa, he had to work). On the way back I stopped at a supermarket. Sister with her 16-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter taken into the supermarket. I told them through my girlfriend, grab a shopping cart and throw in whatever you want, doesn't matter what it is. I pay.
Then nothing happened. So I said to my girlfriend again or wanted to pass on what the intention was, because I thought they hadn't understood. After much hesitation, they set to work. And the result: the boy had chosen a bottle of deodorant, sister a bottle of washing-up liquid and daughter a water pistol. Why greedy? Of course we have replenished everything quite a bit, but that's how it can be!
Maybe your own behavior?
That is why I continue to be surprised about complaints from some expats about family with a hole in their hand. Have you perhaps provoked the greed yourself by throwing money around? Or did you want to play the benefactor? Didn't make good agreements? In my opinion you are partly to blame for the greed of your Thai family.
Hence the statement of the week: "If you have a greedy Thai (in-law) family, you are doing something wrong!"
Comment whether or not you agree with the statement and why.
About this blogger
-
Known as Khun Peter (62), lives alternately in Apeldoorn and Pattaya. In a relationship with Kanchana for 14 years. Not yet retired, have my own company, something with insurance. Crazy about animals, especially dogs and music.
Enough hobbies, but unfortunately little time: writing for Thailandblog, fitness, health and nutrition, shooting sports, chatting with friends and some other oddities.
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Partly agree. First of all: if your girlfriend's/wife's family sees you as a walking wallet in advance, then of course you haven't done anything wrong yourself. Give in to that and you can't actually have that financially, yes you can.
Other than that, I agree with the author. Good financial agreements in advance can prevent many misunderstandings and quarrels. We have done that and it works well. I take care of our house, invest some in the surrounding land, give her a small share of my pension and we live well off all this. She occasionally takes care of her family herself with some extra money from my contribution. Her children are self-sufficient and ask me almost nothing. Once, once for a small loan for an investment in a piece of farmland, but because of the low amount I made a gift of it. They were amazed, and very grateful to this day. Never had a question about money again.
On the one hand, I find that complaining about the Thai and their families on this forum quite exhausting - as if you are being forced to do something! On the other hand, it may also be very difficult if the woman you love sincerely turns out to have a family that only goes begging. I don't want to judge too harshly because I could have done much worse.
The truth must be somewhere in the middle.
That's exactly how it is
Agree
It seems to me a very healthy attitude, not only in Thailand but everywhere.
I enjoyed reading how you are doing and I think you must be very happy with your wife.
Thank you for your submission and good luck there.
Sincerely, Hans.
No, you are not doing anything wrong, but you have the wrong partner if he or she pressures you to take care of that family. The only thing you can do then is leave that partner. If you stay with that person, you are doing the wrong thing and giving in to the wishes of the family (to fit in). In that case you are also wrong, unless you have enough left over yourself and have no problems with it.
From the beginning I have agreed with my wife that she will receive a fixed monthly amount, with which she can do as she pleases. Everything related to her family is included in that amount.
She accepts that, and we have lived in peace in that area for ten years now.
Partly agree that you can control it yourself, but you don't have your in-laws to choose, you get them and it will be better with one and it can be disappointing with the other.
Let me put it this way.
i partially agree with the writer, the problem is actually that the language is a problem, if you don't really understand what is being discussed, because you don't master the language, you become a plaything, and i think that's the biggest problem is, the same when you discuss something, and months later it is contradicted
It is and remains difficult, I have always helped the family financially for the last 20 years, the time I could afford it, but now it is different, and they don't understand that, I will have to toughen up and say NO more that is maybe the only solution
yes nicely written but you don't tell how much you give her every month if you give her 30.000 bt she won't complain
We are talking here about a cultural difference between Thailand and the Netherlands/Belgium, and a not insignificant cultural difference.
Thailand has a collectivist culture and that means that people stand up for each other (family and friends, and family is everyone they call family) and support each other. The rich support the poor in family and friends. (Personally, I think that's commendable) That can be quite a few people and the group is also dynamic: some disappear from the network (intentionally or unintentionally), others join the network (such as the foreigner who marries into the family) .
If you marry a woman from a poor background, you will be exposed to this culture more financially than if you marry a woman from the middle or upper class. I don't think you can call marrying a poor woman "doing wrong".
Personally, I don't have such in-laws and that's because my in-laws are middle class and my wife has a very good income. SHE, not me, IS asked to help financially here and there and she does, under conditions. She really does NOT help ANYONE who spends or spent their money on booze, gambling or women.
Don't think I'm the only one. I worked in Bangkok at university and had many foreign colleagues who had a middle-class Thai partner. They also had no greedy in-laws.
Actually, the statement does not suit the contributor (whose name is not mentioned). He is doing fine himself. He has appointments with his partner and she in turn with his in-laws. There is nothing wrong with him as far as greed on the part of the cold side is concerned. All that is neatly arranged. He has hit clear stakes. And it's true: more should do that. But actually the contributor is concerned with the fact that he finds it “dead exhausting” “to read over and over again” that “certain people continuously complain about (in-law) family”. There's a cure for that: skip those kinds of items yourself! Also unfortunate is the negative tone he conveys through the use of words and formulations such as “whining, whining, an insatiable hunger for crunch, family a bottomless pit”. With a little more attention to the content and the use of a synonym list from Google, typing text is more pleasant. But in itself the statement is correct.
I have often stated on Thailandblog that some farang are unable to say “no” to their partner or in-laws. Why not? Often to play the 'happy Frits', to be liked, sometimes just to show off or to feel better, but mostly because of a lack of ability to communicate well with partner and her family. And once conceded and an extra stroke over the head is the fence of the dam. I find the enumeration of a reader who bought his father-in-law a pick-up all in all, while the man did not have a driver's license, sent money to his partner's granddaughter because he was undergoing chemotherapy, who reported a few days later that it was not too bad; paid repair work of a “son-in-law” who played hand-to-hand with the contractor. Khun stands by and looks at it. He often reports that he prides himself on throwing money around and at the same time blames the in-laws for having holes in their hands.
Asking money from farang is a well-known phenomenon and at the same time a Thai social problem. Actually, it's all just wrong: Thai divorced mothers with children who find no other way out than to marry a farang; Thai young girls who are sent into prostitution by their parents to support their own tribal family; members of Thai in-laws who, because money is available via an 'alien', indulge in idleness and alcoholism; and the worst of all - because of the easy money, all own initiative is muted to look for solutions as Thais themselves within their own Thai context. And yes, it's true: Thailand has no social network, no social service and no social security legislation. Thailand does have increasing private debt mountains and ditto misery and poverty.
In short: indeed - you are doing a lot wrong if you teach your in-laws that you can get money from you, and you should realize that you are thereby perpetuating the poverty trap of many Thais.
No I'm not doing anything wrong. If you repeat a statement enough times, it will be labeled as truth!
You will only have a mother-in-law who comes to ask her daughter for money every day, while they themselves are not short of a penny. It even goes so far that mother-in-law's circle of friends turn their back on us because we are labeled as misers.
We have lived here for many years now and this power game, despite the fact that we do not pay a penny, still does not stop. My wife is despondent about it.
– And yes, we made good agreements from the start, my wife knew her mother very well and she herself was asking not to give money.
– And no, we never scattered money, a small gift or some pocket money with a birthday (Mother's or Father's Day), the ordinary things, nothing else at all.
Sister-in-law has a huge mountain of debt, too lazy to work. The in-laws should be proud that her other daughter (we) is doing well, but she doesn't want us to be. FYI: my wife worked in Belgium for many years (dirty and dirty work). She has always kept this secret because she preferred not to let her parents know that she was making money. She carefully saved her hard-earned money. Now we are indeed good, but we only have ourselves to thank for that.
The big problem is that many Thai consider a Farang as a living ATM. They don't seem to realize that we too have worked hard all our lives. If you are unlucky enough that your Thai lady plays the card of her family, then you are indeed very unlucky.
The only thing I agree with is the statement that you don't choose your in-laws, you get them (for free).
I think it's very punishment that it is stated at the beginning of this article that there are CONTINUOUS complaints here about the in-laws who keep demanding money. There are a lot of the same questions and comments here that pass in review (a bore) over and over again. I don't call this complaining, but it is typical of a blog or forum.
There you go, that was my honest opinion, based on our daily lives. And oh yes, we are happy, don't worry.
Have a nice day, from one of the many whiners... 😉
Dear Kris, but then I don't understand why you still live near the in-laws? Move! That really seems like the best solution to me. You talk about power games, agreements that are not kept, your wife is being put under pressure, she is fed up with it. Don't be so "squeaked". What good is it to keep the relationship with the in-laws/mother-in-law if they don't value it from their side? What they want is for you to fit into their pattern. Shouldn't you actually protect your wife from and keep her away from her family after she had to do dirty work in Belgium for many years to save some money for a good life? I don't believe in "bad luck", as you say. I do believe in fairness. And if you are seen as an ATM and a different attitude is not possible, then that reasonableness is hard to find on the cold side. After all, you married your wife and not her family. Certainly not with mother-in-law. The reasoning that you don't have your in-laws a choice is correct. But you do get to choose how an in-law treats you. And if that comes with contempt, I'll call it quits!
Dear Soi,
You also can't understand why we don't move. It's easy to talk on paper, but we don't have the more resources to move.
To explain our situation somewhat... Just when we got married, we were able to buy a nice piece of building land in the vicinity of the family at a very reasonable price. We started building a year before my retirement and then we moved here permanently.
Now we are many years further. We get by on my pension (my wife is still too young to enjoy her retirement) but we shouldn't be silly.
Financially we are no longer able to start everything over again. Building plots, raw materials and especially working hours have increased enormously. With the ongoing misery with mother-in-law, we have already made the exercise. It would cost us about twice as much to buy a similar house. We really can't afford that.
The only solution is to keep eating that sour apple. Unfortunately, there is little you can do about that.
Dear Kris, I wish you a lot of strength, and nevertheless a lot of living pleasure and lots of happiness together. All I wanted to say is that no one who marries a Thai woman does so to please the family, and those who retired to Thailand did so to enjoy the last years that have been/will be given. In short: your in-laws are quite preoccupied with your objectives - shut the door and stand your ground. you will see that after a few months both mother-in-law and other members of the in-laws' family knock on the door with their tails between their legs. But you'll have to show that you don't like claiming and coercive behavior, and you'll have to show that you want to be treated with respect. Can't they muster that: well, greetings! You were able to start building for a reasonable price at the time - great, right, you're not the only one with such a windfall. But don't let that be the reason to ruin your peace of mind. My wife has already decisively broken with her family in 2012 and has not regretted it for a minute until now. Wisdom - that's what it takes with all those Thai around us!
Completely agree with you.
I do think that those who don't have a greedy family are lucky and those who do have this and don't realize it or don't dare to come forward shouldn't sit in the sun for so long and cut back on beer drinking.
Yes it shows a stupid mentality to have fallen for it, and not have a good way back.
There's no point in whining and divorce is way too expensive.
So accept and deny.
You have lost your house and all your investments in Thailand.
When I ask what Thai women prefer, my wife always says:
We like good wimpy types, who can tell you anything.
We are still happy together after 40 years of marriage.
Yes, it cost a lot of money, but we had a wonderful time together for 40 years.
I partially agree, and I think the mistake already made by most farang, including myself, is that when working in Europe, the farang goes on holiday with his Thai partner to Thailand for 4 or 6 weeks, of course much more is possible, and is also spent, because enough is earned in Europe.
It will be different, the moment the farang emigrates with his Thai partner, to her motherland, and has to live on pension and some savings, partly because the Thai partner is often younger and cannot yet enjoy a pension, one has to income are lived. And if the Thai partner is going to receive a pension, it's not that much. My wife has lived in the Netherlands for 35 years, so 70% state pension is not too bad, but that will take another 4 years, haha.
And then the problems often start, because the family does not understand or does not want to understand, or does not believe, because they see that you can still live reasonably well.
So before emigration, make clear agreements that people have to live on less money, and the family has to make do with that, and if they can't accept that, they're out of luck.
You married the whole family, and that's a fact. I often wonder what it would have been like without my presence. In the Isaan they like to take advantage of foreigners, it is a matter of eat or be eaten. When I read this blog it is always about money and in-laws. I lived there for six years, there are very nice people at a distance. I often felt sorry for them, but in hindsight it was unnecessary. You can shower them with money, but the situation will not change. I wonder why that is. Consider yourself lucky if you live in the middle class, that seems like a breath of fresh air.
At least someone with a clear view on this problem, which is not inherent to the Isaan anyway.
If people here clearly ask the question if the Farang itself is not guilty of the proposed problem, then I answer it with a resounding NO.
Throwing money around is ingrained in Thai society. They have never heard of saving to arm themselves against possible setbacks. When a problem arises, you just ask someone else for money. And when there is a Farang in the family, they shouldn't even have a problem cheating him out of money. And pay back, well, maybe someday.
I have personally experienced this. My dear wife let her father drive her crazy at the time. A nicely made up story, I coughed up 250000 THB and to date they still have to pay us back 200k. I estimate that this has been dragging on for more than 5 years, so we will never see that money again.
Thai are true masters of lying and cheating. Many marriages fail because the lady is also guilty of this.
Somewhere further in this topic I read that the lack of knowledge of the Thai language is a major cause and I can confirm that. If I had been able to follow the discussion with my father-in-law at the time, I would never have lost a penny. Unfortunately, my wife is also partly guilty of this. Fortunately I am forgiving otherwise this could all have ended badly.
We cannot point out enough to each other that you should be extremely suspicious when the in-laws come to ask for money. If this is discussed here on the blog, well that's a good thing. People sometimes say 'an informed man…'!
I would say, let's keep on crying, if it doesn't help, it won't hurt!
No, the statement is incorrect. You choose your partner, not the cold side. You get the cold side for free. No one first checks whether the in-laws are nice.
But you shouldn't give in, or give out more than you've discussed with them. You also have to be able/dare to be hard on your partner because there are partners who want to put the family first, at all costs. A Thai woman once said: 'My family is gone forever, I will have another farang soon…' Look, you shouldn't marry that.
So do what commenters point out: set limits, and if they're zero then they're just zero. Then you are a 'ki niaw' but you keep the money for you and your family. If there was no farang in the family, they had to harvest it themselves!
A relationship. Is based on love and not on the financial picture, if I pay for sex I will go to a prostitute, why make payments to your in-laws, well the reason id pretty clear, that is to maintain your marriage, otherwise you will run the risk of losing your wife and investments, and that is precisely what the fralang does not want, in most cases there is no way back for these fralangs, love is … ..
Jack,
I think you're hitting the ball a bit wrong.
In many mixed marriages, the man is a lot older than his lady. The ladies do not marry for his beautiful eyes but for a better financial future.
Secondly, love emerges. Love, affection, respect you don't get from day one. If the woman feels good, can improve financially, she has no problem that the Farang is a bit older.
Feel free to flip the picture. If she has the impression that her husband doesn't have a penny, worse, that she has to beg all the time to get a little money, love won't last long.
A relationship is of course based on love, but what lady wants an old man when she knows that she has a bleak future.
Very nice story and inspiring.
I myself am married to a Thai.
Fortunately, no problems with sick cows that have to go to the vet.
She takes care of father and mother in her own way by transferring her own contribution.
Here too it is her money, she works hard for it and we have agreements
who pays for what in our household.
That is not completely black and white and sometimes the month is just a little longer than the salary.
Then we can be flexible about that.
We talk about how much she contributes to the family
In Thailand, but in the end she decides for herself.
Summarizes:
Once, if you yourself create the expectation that you are a credit bank, then you will have to adjust or accept this.
I am happy that I can give my mother-in-law something monthly, do it with love and pleasure.
My own parents didn't need that luckily, but if necessary I would also support them financially.
My last shirt has no pockets and a funeral car doesn't have a trailer either.
I agree. And I know that she gives it to children and grandchildren in dribs and drabs.
I only give healthy younger people something if they don't gamble/drown and if they provide a (small) return. Furthermore, setting a good example myself, at least good by our standards, no gold and expensive things on my body and a "normal" lifestyle. But the strange thing in our eyes is that for a Thai it is incomprehensible if you don't show your status by means of bling bling and a new car.
Personally, I am convinced that it is largely due to the Thai madame and the way the farang has acted from the start. Often the farang is late in the initial phase, partly because the sex is often overly important and correcting this behavior later is almost impossible.
Christian,
The slightly smarter Thai will not make any demands at all during the first year.
The following year perhaps a cautious attempt.
You assume that an agreement made with a Thai has a fixed value and will not be adjusted as the relationship progresses.
People are going to buy a house in Thailand, the parents have to be taken care of, a car for yourself that the family can fully use.
All these things because they have been maintained from the outset with agreements that change over the years.
So this topic is about the fact that there are a lot of complaints from the same people over and over again about the same subject: 'Money for the in-laws'.
Complain that people whine too much and then start a 'statement of the week' on the same subject... The only thing you achieve with this is that you highlight this subject extra thick and you are therefore partly responsible for the complaining and sawing.
I find that a bit hilarious, allow me to say this.
Isn't it normal if someone is frustrated about money problems with the in-laws to come here to express their concerns? I think so. Such a problem often undermines your marriage, especially if the wife takes the side of her family. You better not underestimate that.
Coming to the blog to find some support is for many a welcome comfort and connection with fellow sufferers. To give those same people the impression that they themselves are responsible for their misery is sad in itself. Even worse, they are common whiners.
A permanent move to Thailand is a leap in the dark for many of us. A decision with many pitfalls. A blog like this contains a wealth of information and good advice. It is normal that certain questions are regularly discussed again. To send those people away because they are complainers or whiners, sorry I can't agree with that.
I hope that our editors will also accept my comment, for which I thank you.
I do agree with the statement. What's the point of complaining about your family here over and over again? Will it be different? Then be a man and take action. Seeking support is a sign of weakness anyway.
In addition; one pretends that all Thai and all family are like that. The story shows that this is not the case.
If everyone here starts discussing the problems with their family, then I'm out. Maybe the Dragonfly or the Margriet is something for you?
Everyone has their own opinion and we must respect it.
I respect Bertrand's opinion above and support him in this.
On the other hand, I can't taste your brutal reaction. Maybe we should dump all our friends if we can't look for support anywhere. And the nonsense that looking for support is a sign of weakness has been completely ripped off the pot.
Judging by the responses, the subject of this thread is a real and pressing problem. Since this has been discussed here many times, the best proof is that financial support (whether or not voluntary) to the Thai family is anything but obvious.
For my part, this topic should be discussed here regularly. If only to warn other bloggers about this phenomenon. No one forces us to participate in those discussions. If I don't like a certain subject, I ignore it, simple as that.
It's bad that a certain group is labeled as whiners. To then have to learn that we should move to the Libelle or the Margriet, I call that a lack of respect. And we prefer not to have the latter here!
Dear Farang Kee Nok,
So I really disagree with this.
I myself saw some pretty black snow in Thailand a decade ago, and without the help of Mrs. Oy or my family, it really wouldn't have turned out well.
When people are really in trouble, regardless of who is responsible, seeking support is not a sign of weakness but outright survival. Hopefully you will never experience something like this yourself, because then you will thank God and Buddha on your bare knees for the help offered, because I did that myself.
Saying it's a sign of weakness sounds like easy calling from the sidelines to me and adds nothing.
The latter is something you can't even say about magazines like Margriet and Libelle.
kee nok,
If you claim that seeking support is a sign of weakness, then you lack empathy. If you make such statements, it would be desirable to substantiate this.
By the way, I don't read anywhere that it is said that ALL Thai families are like this. Criticizing is all too easy.
A good friend of mine was so stubborn at the time that he felt he didn't need anyone's help or support. It nearly cost him his life. And coincidence or not, it also revolved around major problems about money with his Thai wife at the time. His group of friends put him back on the right track and he is very grateful to us for that to this day.
I think this is an interesting theme. Greedy in-laws are a real nuisance. Even for your own wife it is not easy to avert this. Thai tradition teaches us that children should have great respect for their parents. In many cases this is abused to extort money. In my marriage, it took me a lot of energy to make this clear to her.
The claim of this thread that the same people come over and over again complaining about the same problem is grossly exaggerated. Well, it does provoke a lot of reactions.
Bertrand,
fair point.
I also regularly post messages about my in-laws.
Now I do have one of the exceptions, I admit.
I'm trying to sort things out financially, although it's not working out well.
The Thai tricks are too sophisticated and too much even for my wife.
Not everything from me gets posted.
My comment that the Thai woman receives comments from the family: Had married a rich guy and not with this klutz who has no money was apparently too much of a good thing.
I would like the Farangs not to get into financial difficulties and would like to contribute to this with warnings.
Enjoy Thailand, but above all ensure a good financial future.
The problem, of course, is that the wife has obligations to both her husband and the family.
The care for family is ingrained in the culture, because there was a lot of poverty in the past.
If your harvest failed, you had to go hungry, and you received help from family to survive.
If the wife wants to help her family, I would suggest - except probably in an emergency - that she limit the help to help the children if any and let them go to school.
Two healthy adults should be able to at least take care of themselves.
And for a birthday, perhaps tiles could be laid as a birthday present.
All depending on the size and depth of your wallet, and how you feel about the family members.
Dear Ruud,
Can I respond to this please?
You say that the wife has obligations to her family because it is ingrained in their culture.
Many Farang come here once they retire. Most of them then have to make do with a lot less money. Once you have started supporting the in-laws monthly, you are required to continue this.
I was also in this case. My wife gave them a nice sum of her own salary every month. After we moved to Thailand we had to live on my pension. Unfortunately, we were forced to stop providing financial support to her parents. They had absolutely no understanding for that and therefore broke with us permanently.
We somehow don't understand this. Do these people have no sense or is this a lack of respect? My wife has tried several times to explain this to no avail.
The time she supported them financially she had a perfect relationship with her parents. She has an immense sadness that she is now completely ignored for financial reasons. I am therefore lucky that she understands my side of the story and supports me in it.
This again shows that this topic is not a black and white story. In most cases you can safely look for the cause of the problems on the Thai side. A farang is in many cases still seen as wealthy people. The reality is sometimes different.
Dear Geert, it is true that farang are seen as rich people. But they are, aren't they? The fact that an income is lost upon retirement does not make them poor. A little less monthly deposited into their bank account, but is that a different reality? You know that from the moment you decide to leave for Thailand. In Thailand, older people don't get anything at all. A little state pension less than 1000 baht per month. So I think the problem does start with the farang. Instead of a large part of her salary every month for a number of years, she would have been better off spreading that sum of money over much less per month, but longer. Was the relationship good? You say that her mother was not understanding when the contribution stopped, but do you understand her situation? As it turns out, you actually know your in-laws poorly and are you disappointed with her reaction? But why is it always about money at farang?
As I see, you are responsible for opening your wallet and using your ATM card. If you want to spare the cabbage and the goat, go ahead. Don't whine about the outcome. That says it all I think..
My wife works in the Netherlands, she gives part of what she earns to the family, with which I fully agree.
Sometimes I help the family with a loan that is always paid back on time, never have to complain about it.
And if there are problems, we talk about it and then the loan is repaid a little later.
sometimes i give the family 1000bath sometimes 2.and i leave it at that.
The rest my wife is free to do as she pleases.
grt serve
Dear Servas,
Well arranged man, but there is a difference if you both still work in the Netherlands, or if you live together in Thailand, and have to do it from one income.
Dear all ,
I am with the mother (not married) and she has 4 adult children and 1 sister..
Children also tried to get money from their mother that was for the household,
Turned on the tap and move with her, I gave her the choice for that
Go back to live with the children in their joint house or live 100 km away with me .
She chose the second one and now 1 grandchildren walk around here once a month with their parents.
Of course I take them to the mc do.en play park and a rug or some toys for the guests..
In the beginning there have been irritations between my wife and her family about asking for money. Rigorously she cut off this begging of her own accord and put them outside the door. Never heard or seen again.
That saved us and especially her a lot of trouble.
She has her own income and pension and I have mine. Special expenses are funded 50/50. Agreements were never made. It's been going well for 45 years.
We have seen farangs with a thick neck that show off and get the in-laws involved. Indeed, they themselves have asked for trouble.
In such a situation, the statement is correct.
I also experienced something similar in a small Thai village in the Isaan. My girlfriend at the time turned out to be quite greedy, and saw me more as an ATM than a life partner. But surprisingly, her family and friends weren't like that. I once remember an occasion when we all went to a large supermarket to buy groceries for several weeks. I also gave a cart to a cousin of my friend, who had two children who were not hers, and said buy what you need. It was a large cart comparable to the carts of eg AH in NL. All she had put in it was a few frozen fish for the evening for her family. So that's how it can be. You say she could buy anything she thought she needed and she only buys something for the same evening and nothing more. Out of respect for me, while she knew very well that I could easily afford it. I then offered her a job to do all kinds of jobs at our house and I gave her a fee for that, which she was very happy with. After that I was looked at differently by the entire community of the village and slowly but surely I was considered one of them. In other words, I was accepted into their community. This much to the disappointment of my friend, who saw her influence on me diminish in this way.
Fr., Gr.,
SiamTon
Let's face it, maybe the Thai have a name in it, but it happens everywhere.
And it does not matter friend, clean family, relatives, acquaintances. You are there yourself and YOU make it happen or not, that is up to YOU.
Indonesian father-in-law had problems with this. A Filipino woman who wanted to help her fellow residents through small loans, ditto. I said crazy, helped someone in the Netherlands with money, but made a contract and that was a good thing otherwise I wouldn't have seen any money back.
Money, women, who can you trust?
I read between the lines above Esan people greedy and unreliable. One should not generalize.
That's how they are known here in Bangkok. I hear that from my wife, her family and the people around us. Her family that she brushed off weren't Esans, by the way. Thai.
They can do that too.
Stay vigilant, certainly also applies to the editor, she will wait for her chance!