It really hurts me sometimes. How people talk about bargirls. I see it often on our Thailand blog too: harsh words, negative stories, prejudices. As if all women who work in a bar are bad and love between such a woman and a foreigner can never be real.
But I know better. I've been living with such a woman for ten years. And I'm still glad every day that I met her. I want to tell my story but I can't write as beautifully as the writers here on Thailandblog.
I was traveling in Thailand. Alone, looking for peace after a difficult time. It was very hot, my head was full and I was thirsty. I just walked into a bar. Just to sit down, rest and drink. There I saw her. She didn't stand out. No loud voice, no busyness. Not a lot of make-up or sexy clothes. She looked at me. But that look touched me. There was something in it that I couldn't explain.
We talked a little. Simple. English, a few words of Thai. Sometimes a smile without words. But I felt: this is real. She told me honestly that she was a bargirl and went out with men for money. Of course I had doubts. Everyone has opinions about such women. But I wanted to get to know her. Really get to know her and be open to it.
She always worked hard. She sent money to her mother and her little brother to take care of. She had little, but gave a lot. Not a sad story, but a strong woman. We saw each other more often. At first carefully. Then more and more. Eating together and talking together. I fell in love then. Not all at once, but slowly. Other people often didn't understand that. They said things that hurt. They only saw her work, not her heart. But I looked at her as a person. And I knew: she is honest. She is sweet. She is mine and she takes good care of me.
Now we are certainly ten years further. We live together. We have been through a lot. Good times, hard times. But always together, as buddies.
So yes, I fell in love with a bargirl. And no, I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud of her.
So when you shout about bargirls again, realize that you are hurting others. It is about people, not objects.
That was my story.
Submitted by Gerard
There are also good ones there but you have to find out for yourself which ones. And bar life is not that easy but some do great. Others with a lot of effort rent something costs food costs and then regularly clothes to work. Tomorrow must be black, next day red or something. And many have children and it is also assumed that they send some money to their family. + some own expenses makeup. There is no unemployment benefit there and they have to eat every day and sometimes rent something or sleep in a bar for free is also possible but at the cost of a few cents that are deducted. Here in Europe that does not exist. Now low season also and less tourists but if they find 1 good one some stay with it forever
Then is free housing and food and some entertainment and some money for clothes and maintenance and sending home is then OK. I know their pros and cons and speak fluent Thai. It is better if you know their language and way of thinking. Been with Thais for 45 years but coincidentally not a barlady.
Your response starts off very respectfully: “There are some good ones there, but you have to figure out which ones yourself.” As if you were picking apples at the market? One is rotten, the other is not?
You say you speak fluent Thai, but you can't write proper Dutch?
Stupidity is shown in words once again. Very sad reaction man, after 45 years have you ever considered that your lady may have pulled a trick on you regarding her previous activities or does she also come from that specialty store where some pathetic people bought their virgin? Think before you criticize others.
There is no unemployment benefit there. Work, however. Like millions of others, for example, work in the regular hospitality sector. Many hours for often a minimum wage, just like in BE and NL. As a sex worker, you have a great chance of quick profit through lies, grabbing and a lot of sanoek. It's all about what you choose.
I understand what you mean, but it goes too far to always have to consider who might get hurt next.
The digital world is not the real world with your friends and acquaintances. As soon as they hurt you, you can clean up the mess and get to know the real friends around you. You know better with your girlfriend and especially leave it like that instead of making a fuss.
Nice short/succinct story and I'm really happy for you.
Of course those bargirls are sweet girls and of course you have to respect them, especially if you don't want to know what they have to endure every day, you should just sit there... out of desperation.
I visit or rather I used to visit bars and I often heard “you'le good man” (the r, hey), and then I always thought to myself “why does he say that, I'm just being attentive - respectful and polite, nothing more”, so you shouldn't ask who these good girls are dealing with.
Well, the love or the “click” is there and then comes 1) the language 2) cultural difference 3) way of thinking 4) the uncertainty… difficult, very difficult, it is sometimes already difficult with your own partner from your own country, who speaks your language, who has the same culture, the same religion, … let alone with a Southeast Asian… but beautiful if it works out.
I wish you many more years of happiness.
There are good and bad people everywhere and there are plenty of good bargirls, but this life and the often previously failed relationships with customers can dull some people after a while.
If you are consciously looking for a Thai partner I would recommend someone to date a lady with a different profession, but once you are in love and it comes from both sides, the profession shouldn't matter that much.
I lived in Pattaya for a while. I saw everything there: from ladies as mean and nasty as radioactive rat weed to 24 carat pure gold hearts and all gradations in between
First of all: I am not a man who likes to sit in a bar. But last year I went out for dinner with two friends and we occasionally sat in a bar afterwards. When the women there ran to me with open arms to greet me as an “old friend” – while I had never seen these ladies before – it quickly became too much for me. I simply do not feel comfortable.
I worked as a flight attendant for thirty years, so I am used to working with women. During flights and layovers I usually had a lot of fun with my colleagues. No, normal – no adventures, although it happened sometimes when I was still single.
But if I have a girl sitting next to me in such a bar who could be my granddaughter, who barely speaks English (my Thai is nice for fun, but not suitable for conversation), and we're done talking after ten seconds, then I don't care anymore.
The last two times I went (we are talking about a period of months – and it has been more than half a year now) we went to a bar twice. One of the girls who worked there – a puppet – not only spoke good English, but also had interests that went beyond the usual questions. She was really fun to talk to. That’s when I stopped going out. I liked her! A bit more than nice and that was dangerous.
I'm married and my wife trusts me. And I know myself. So yeah... you definitely have nice women working there, and I can imagine falling in love with a woman who you feel could be a good fit for you on many levels.
Bargirls are people, just like us. There are good ones and there are bad ones. The problem is that a bargirl usually operates from a completely different perspective than her customers. Expectations can clash considerably. Many customers want to buy something that money can't buy and the bargirl delivers something different than what the customer thinks she is buying. But where two people meet, something beautiful can always happen. Although, I don't think the chance of that is great. In any case, there is little reason to judge others. A long time ago it was written 'he without sin cast the first stone'.
I also think, like you, that it is wrong to look down on bargirls. Most of them enter this life with the hope of a better future, of financial security, of a man who will love them and take care of them. And even if some of them are only interested in financial gain or something, who are we to judge them?
Apart from this, dear Gerard, you should not worry about your writing style. You write beautiful, simple and clear Dutch. I prefer to read that than the writings of some gentlemen who often speak here and who do not rest until they can squeeze at least three far-fetched comparisons into one sentence. (OK, I am exaggerating a little bit myself.)
My old neighbor, same story, eventually came to the Netherlands, happy for many years
Have been with a barmaid for over 25 years and very happy.
We have a great relationship that you can only dream of in Belgium.
.
That's how it is.
I was in a relationship for 43 years and lived together with a XNUMX year younger Thai woman, met in a bar. The best time of my life.
Beautiful story,
I'm sure there are more like you, those who feel good in their relationship usually keep quiet...
Where things go wrong, complaints are made and this is how many negative stories arise.
Good and honest story Gerard, every “Thai veteran” here knows what you are talking about, you have the “real” bar girls, and the forced bar girls, there is a huge difference, in any case she has been lucky with you, that you may grow old together for many years.
It's very simple either working 12 hours in a factory or drinking 10 ladydrinks every night with the chance of a fat tip. I would know which option I would take. In addition, they still have a chance of some sponsorship contracts, it's win win win for the ladies. Whether the lady is bad or not depends on what you agree on. In my opinion, using a bit of common sense is required.
Gerard, Prma story and you are certainly not inferior to other authors. Moreover, your story is about Thailand. Read more and more fantasy stories on Thailandblog that have nothing to do with Thailand. Keep it up because you write excellently!
Beautiful, wonderful story Gerard.
I think that many women who work as bargirls are happy that they can support their families with the money they earn, but at the same time they would rather be with their, often young, children and see them grow up.
If they get the chance to give up this work and are open to falling in love with a Farang, it often gives them a completely different, often better life.
Great to read that you, a now ex-bargirl, can give another life with love. And if love comes from both sides in this way, then that is a great basis for a long happy life. I hope for you and your partner that you can be happy together for a long time.
I also met a bargirl who is now my wife. At first I thought I had to take care of three children, but in the end it turned out to be five. No problem, because I love her spontaneous laugh - always and everywhere.
After sixteen years together, we are now married. We make do with Thai-English and sometimes a little Google Translate. There is a 24 year age difference between us, but we love each other and take good care of each other.
The children have all finished their education and are now working. I love my bonus grandchildren – and they love me. I feel completely included in the family.
Money is never asked for. And if a pipe is broken or a plant needs to be planted, my sister-in-law is ready to take care of it right away.
I'm often away, but when I come home, everyone is genuinely happy to have me back.
So I have absolutely nothing against bar girls - not even gogo dancers. In fact, a friend of mine who used to be a gogo dancer is still a good friend after 22 years.
By the way, I still have good contact with my previous Dutch wives.
Love and respect know no boundaries. ❤️